W∑Łcøm∑ tø ∩c¥cŁøp∑∂ia,

the cø∩t∑∩t-fr∑∑ ∑∩c¥cŁøp∑∂ia that ∩ ca∩ ∑∂it.

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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑

Jesus' foreskin, also called the Holy Prepuce (Latin: præputium or prepucium) is the center of many archaeological digs and much Judeo-Christian folklore. Historical accounts of Jesus' circumcision and the location of his holy foreskin are scarce and varied, but Da Vinci's clay mold of Jesus' circumcised phallus is considered the most concise and famous account about the physical details of Jesus' penis and circumcision.

Born into a Jewish family, Jesus was most probably circumcised at his bris milah. There are rivaling accounts of Jesus' circumcision and the fate of his foreskin. Luke 2:21 reads: "And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called Jesus." The apocryphal Arabic Infancy Gospel claims the foreskin (others claim it was the umbilical cord) was preserved it in an alabaster-box of old oil of spikenard. (Full article...)

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Archi√∑ – √øt∑ før f∑atur∑d articŁ∑∫

Did ¥øu k∩øw...

*... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?

... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?

Archi√∑ – ∫ugg∑∫t ∩∑w ∑∩tri∑∫

I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws

Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured)
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)

U∩N∑w∫ – Radiø Fr∑∑ Łu∩ch

Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...

April 11: "Fuck You John Milton" Day (U.K.)

1492 - First slice of buttered toast thrown into someone's face.
1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton (Pictured) sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a Milkshake.
1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed, he hears the robber shouting victoriously "I Drink Your Milkshake" while running away.
1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next.
1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister
1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates the Thomas the Tank Engine.
1999 - Rain of Tears memorial, mass suicides after first showing of Gigli
2009 - Somebody puts his helmet on backwards, his bike is immediately stolen because he can't see.

√iew tømørrøw – Mør∑ a∩∩i√∑rsari∑∫...

Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d pictur∑

Uncyclopedia's patron, Oscar Wilde, dropping the truth on you bitches.

Exodus 32:

15 And Wilde turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.

16 And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables.

Image credit: Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron.
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R∑c∑∩t ArticŁ∑∫

Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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