User:Ben DeRoy/Scooter
- For other illegal uses, see Scooter (disambiguation).
“The profoundness of their lyrics continues to astound me. I mean seriously, how I am supposed to ever write something that could beat "It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it must be Dave who's on the train"? Simply genius.”
“I may be imagining things, but isn't their writings just a little bit... preposterous?”
“It's nice to be important, but it is more important for you to just shut the fuck up and stop polluting our air with your inane ramblings!”
Scooter is a group of German poets known for their extremely profound texts, often so deep and abstract that few people even have a clue about what they're yelling talking about. Often misunderstood and sometimes even despised, those hardworking poets earn their living by touring around the world and Europe in particular, reading their very profound lyrics poems to intellectuals and artists, bringing joy and inspiration to all who have the fortune of meeting them in person.
The members[edit | edit source]
Scooter has currently three members, all of which are highly regarded members of Mensa International. Their front figure, H.P. Baxxter (true name Hans-Peter Geerdes), is reported to be the most brilliant person alive, having an IQ of 350 or above. He is often refered to as Lovecraft by his friends due to the initials of his first names[citation needed]. However, the other two members, Rick Jordan (formerly known as Hendrik Stedler) and Michael Simon, are reported to "only" have an IQ of 250. Co-founder of the group was Sören Bühler, while two other ex-members who were involved in the group for a time was Axel Broszeit and Jürgen Frosch. Michael Simon is the most recent member of the poetry group, having joined up as lately as in 2006.
The three geniuses who would go on to found the internationally renowned poetry group known as Scooter, Hans-Peter Geerdes, Hendrik Stedler and Sören Bühler, met up while working as doctorate scientists at the Max Planck Institute for Quantum electromagnetohydrodynamics in Mülheim. Unbeknownst to the others, all three wrote poetry individually on their free time on the evening after their brilliant academic work was finished. Soon they became aware that they shared a common passion and soon formed the poetry group Scooter, which was intended to be a forum for aspiring poets throughout Europe, although this ambition did not come to fruitation because most newcommers were afraid that they could never live up to the extreme standards that set by three intellectual colossuses such as Hans-Peter Geerdes, Hendrik Stedler and Sören Bühler.
H.P. Baxxter also has a patent for the Chillybow, a weapon of terrible power that he invented at the Institute for Quantum Electromagnetohydrodynamics. While arguably having a pretty silly name, it is in truth the most powerful bow ever created, a dreaded device shooting special arrows resembling ice cream cones very much, but are actually made entirely of dark matter, instantly vaporizing small moons and asteroids in one single shot.
Famous poems[edit | edit source]
Scooter has created many critically acclaimed poems, some of the most notable ones being "Hyper Hyper", "Weekend", "Fire", "Move your ass'"
and "How much is the fish?". All of Scooter's poems have a deep, underlying meaning, perhaps a commentary on the Riemann Hypothesis or
the existencial void which we all live in these days. "Hyper Hyper" is a song poem about the possibilities of hidden pocket dimensions
in hyperspace, touching the work of such brillant string theorists as Michael Green and Edward Witten, describing the
elusive journeys of an Alice in Wonderland-like character, Alice in Hyperland, to a perplexing eleven-dimensional hyperspace landscape.
While Scooter's poems are difficult to comprahend due to their very abstract and profound nature, we shall try as best as we can to understand what goes on in the brilliant mind H.P. Baxxter, the most ingenious person currently alive.
So, just who IS the man in the ice cream van, really?[edit | edit source]
The man in the icecream van is rumoured to be either Anonymous, Spartacus, Jesus or Galactus, although this remains nothing more than speculation. Rumours downtown (the downtown of Tampa Bay, that is) has it that the name of the man in the ice cream van definitely ends with the suffix "-us", although most points to Anonymous, due to the very anonymous nature of the man in the ice cream van. The only thing about him that remains certain is that Scooter definitely respects him greatly, and that he may have some unknown ties to the Chillybow due to being mentioned in the same context as it.
Notable excerpts from famous Scooter poems[edit | edit source]
"Please refrain from not smoking!" — from poem "The Question Is What Is The Question?"
"It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it must be Dave who's on the train" — from poem "Nessaja"
"Respect to the man in ice cream van" — from poem "Weekend"
"I'm the candyman, also known as Dave, Dave from Sheffield" — from poem "Fuck the Millennium"
"The sky has changed. Can you smell the sun?" — from poem "Endless Summer"
"Okay, if I had to choose, I'd be by myself. I wanna be in love, but with nobody else, haha!" — from poem "Ratty's Revenge"
"I want you back so clean up the dish. By the way, how much is the fish?!!" — from poem "How Much is the Fish?"
"3 AM! The painted cow! Hiaaaaa!! You ain't stoppin` us now!" — from poem "Nessaja"
"It's nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice" — from poem "Move your ass"
"Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody." — from poem "Fire"
"The bird, the tree, the cloud, the sea ...the Rick, The Ferris, and MC H.P!!" — from poem "Back in the UK"
"Push the feet for this jam...Harder!! man-ana!!"—From Manana!
“Wow, those poems sound really lame to me. I wish they could just stop it.”
Scooter's affinity for quantum mechanics[edit | edit source]
Many mystics, visionary philosophers, quantum physicians, doctors and poets around the world have tried to decipher the underlying meaning of Scooter
most brilliant poems, for instance "Weekend!". While arguably less metaphysical in nature than the quasi-psychedelic hyperspace trips
of "Hyper Hyper", "Weekend" nonetheless serves an important role, being a social commentary on the need for rest and search for ones
true self and that the weekend (that is too say, Saturday and Sunday) serves or at least should serve as a resort for ones spiritual wellbeing.
Being one of the most critically acclaimed poems ever, it stills manage to puzzle intellectuals worldwide as to what the hell Terminators, monkeys, Drum'n'bass, ice cream vans, Zulu and voodoo has to do with each other, although this is likely because H.P. Baxxter is so intellectually superior to the rest of humanity that no one may ever come to fully know and comprehend the sheer brilliance of the poem and its ingenious creators.
Some have argued that Scooter has been drawing inspiration from the unpredictable nature of quantum mechanics, which may be the explanation for how Terminators, monkeys, drum'n'bass, icecream vans, Zulu's and voodoo can co-exist within one single text and still make sense (or not).
Many have searched for a lowest common denominator that may help in understanding the subtleties of the poem as well as other poetry by Scooter,
a futile quest as the brilliant minds of H.P. Baxxter et alii all too often turns out to be beyond mortal comprehension.
A video showing a poetry session by Scooter[edit | edit source]
The Candyman?[edit | edit source]
Still, in 2007, there are generations of teenage goths who still believe the candyman is real... maybe they were right. If you examine all of Scooter's famous poems, I can assure you that nothing makes sense apart from HPs declaration that he is the candyman, known as Dave from Sheffield. Two famous poems, "Posse (I need you on the floor)" and "Fuck the Millennium" both contain this evidence. Ever since these were published there has been much controversy as to whether or not we can trust these words. The two leading arguments are: YES, it is the only thing that makes clear sense to ordinary human beings, therefore why should it remain a riddle? NO, Hans Baxxter, being the most ingenious man in the whole world is far too smart to let something like that slip out - it must either be a distraction or have a hidden meaning.
There is plenty of "proof" that HP is indeed the fabled candyman, but none of it is widely accepted. Naturally, people don't give a shit.
“Am I the only one who don't understand a single thing about anything Scooter says?”
See also[edit | edit source]
External links[edit | edit source]
- Respect to the man in the icecream van!
- Index of Scooter's finest poems to date
- Moped - The worlds best Scooter tribute band