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Pencil Logo.png Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

F[edit | edit source]

Fabric of space and time[edit | edit source]

  1. A Fabric used in almost every piece of clothing that one buys.
  2. Eli Whitney invented the fabric of space and time gin.
  3. If you wash the fabric of space and time, it shrinks.
  4. Made in China (but only sold in Russia, WTO rules)

Fabulous[edit | edit source]

Obsolete spelling of the alias of rapper FabolousFabolous. The alternative spelling arose after a discussion with God; in which God threatened to smitesmite Fabolous if he did not remove the offending letter 'u', as he was inadvertantly using and spreading the most heinous Hebrew swearword meaning he who sleeps with the goats.

Facts[edit | edit source]

Term used to describe definitions before the advent of the Uncyclopedia revolutions. Before the revolution, objects in the world were considered to be either fact or fiction. Confusion arose worldwide, mostly amongst 1 to 5 year olds, and people began to wonder if the distinction was useful. Truth and facts now are terms of the past, an unholy time in which people were right or wrong, knowledgeable or stupid.

A fact is any statement you can make people believe based on how loudly you shout and how many times you repeat yourself.

Faecal Conservative[edit | edit source]

Conservative financial writer who believes his own shit - and wants to share it with others. He/she will in the meantime put their money somewhere else.

Fag[edit | edit source]

A fag is a small reptilian creature very similar to the gecko with the main difference being that the entire species is made up of males, and as such they must reproduce through A-Sexual means.

British people set fire to fags, and smoke them.

Upper class English school boys used them as servants to make their toast and to relieve their sexual boredom

The world's biggest one is called Edward Cullen... also know as the biggest fuck faced faggot that completely ruined vampires...

Faggotry[edit | edit source]

The art of dancing around like an eager bumble bee. This is not to be mistaken for ballroom dancing or Thomas Jefferson. A famous person who has been doing faggotry for a long time is Richard Simmons.

Fagwalker[edit | edit source]

Fagwalker is the word used to describe one who is half emo. Fagwalkers are very emotional people, but don't commit suicide just yet. People become fagwalkers if:

  1. They are involved in a really tragic accident.
  2. Only one of their parents are emo.
  3. They're starting their emo training.

Failure[edit | edit source]

“To fail is to not succeed but to succeed is to wipe away a dream, where is that coconut?"”

~ Oscar Wilde on Failure
  1. To lose at something.
  2. To suck at life.
  3. Charlie Brown.
  4. Zoidberg.
  5. Tony Romo

See also: Women's Suffrage and Miserable failure

Faith[edit | edit source]

The stuff that the guys with Religions are always on about.

The Religion Mark II lets you:
  • Look good with your friends.
  • Know everything by only reading one book!
  • Play God's Chosen Ones in real-time over the net, 50% faster than with Religion Mark I.
  • Ignore global calamity. You will get the most points when the game's over.
  • Hate anybody that's not you.

You know it makes sense, put a Religion Mark II on your head today.

Faith-based Politics[edit | edit source]

See Right-Wing Idiocy.

Fall of man[edit | edit source]

When every man in the world falls at the same time. This will cause a rip in the space-time continuum, effectively sending every man to the 12978th dimension. Women will then rule the world and get rights. Some historians say that this has already happened in the past. There is a conspiracy theory that says that the greatest physicists of our time, cats, are wholly responsible for these rips.

Fallacio[edit | edit source]

Any of a number of common, mistaken beliefs regarding oral sex with men.

False[edit | edit source]

The following sentence is false. The previous sentence is true.

Falsetto[edit | edit source]

Dentures worn by opera singers.

Fame[edit | edit source]

  1. The herald of mediocrity that follows on the heels of success.
  2. A passport to the Land of Seem.

Famous[edit | edit source]

Immortal, in the present tense. idiots in all tence

Fanboy[edit | edit source]

Fanboy is one of the most recent byproducts of evolutionary decline. Fanboys are known to dwell in very limited habitats, such as zines, speciality shoppes and on carefully moderated Internet forums, chats, usenets and messengers.

Fanboys are legendary for generating little or no income of their own which allows them the free time to contemplate their varied religious leanings. A fanboy can be distinguished from normal people by the following traits:

  1. Exclusive vernacular
  2. No sense of humour or irony
  3. No other interests in life outside of their singular obsession
  4. Stalking
  5. Collecting props as a display of devotion
  6. Fetishism
  7. Evangelising their religion to others without warrant
  8. Lifelong virginity

Fan death[edit | edit source]

Originated in South Korea, but has since spread to other countries in the Far East with the sale of Korean fans abroad. The Korean electric fan, if left running overnight in a closed room, will result in the death of those inside. This also extends to Korean air conditioners and the fans in Korean cars. Many Koreans have been known to leave their car windows sealed to perform their cultural suicide ritual, the only honorable and socially acceptable form of Korean suicide.

Fans manufactured and sold in Korea are often equipped with a kill switch that speeds up the process of ritual suicide these can be set to kill, after a set number of minutes. Koreans planning on this form of suicide are often referred to as 'walking towards the wind'.

Those 'walking towards the wind' are frequently urged to purchase kill switch fan models and are reminded to set a favorable number of minutes before falling sleep forever under the 'eternal kiss of the electric wind' (literal translation)

Fanfare[edit | edit source]

A piece of 16th-Century rock or punk pie, often apple, baked by morons in leather jackets with big bits of brass hanging out of their mouths.The ingredients of a fanfare vary from region to region, but at 3 litres of dirt and a circular meat patty at least 1m in diameter is necessary for the food to qualify.

Fangorious[edit | edit source]

An adjective used to describe something of gargantuan size, hunger, and teeth. It has perhaps been best described by Batman following his near-death experience with Curious George after which he later commented, "That monkey was more fangorious than a Polish sausage."

Fartwiping[edit | edit source]

The action of which two peoples rub their butts together while farting, this action results in both pleasure and discomfort at the same time.

Ex."Oooh, aah" *rub* *sigh* "something smells bad"

Aka: Trying to put the wind up each other.

Fashion[edit | edit source]

Common mental affliction that stunts intellectual growth and leads to ever more crippling narcissism. Untreated severe cases can develop into the more serious 'fascism'. (also see style)

Fast Food[edit | edit source]

The ultimate evil which makes you pay $12 for getting nuclear gas the next morning. The best tasting crap you will shove down your throat.

Fattractive[edit | edit source]

“35 is a very fattractive age: London society is full of women who have, of their own free choice, remained 35 for years.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Fattractive
  • Fattractive * Antonym of 'Fugly' (i.e. 'Fucking Ugly' or 'Fat and Ugly'), referring predominantly to women who, while notably overweight, are still attractive. Some cultural variations exist, epecially in the African-American community (where the term "Thick" is preferred). 'Fattractiveness' has been known to increase with sexual abstinence and/or alcoholic consumption, but many notable "pleasantly plump" examples have be found in nature (Caroline Rhea, Kirstie Allie, Mo'Nique, Kathy Najimy, Sally Struthers). This status tends to be delicate and time sensitive, with many formerly "fattractive" women devolving to "Fugly" status in relatively short-order.
  • Anne Pat is the Queen Dyke of fattractiveness.

Faux pas[edit | edit source]

A Faux Pas is a negatory unit of etiquette measurement consisting of 12 units of Je Pense Qu'Il Serait Probablement Meilleur Si Vous Ne Faisiez Pas Cela.

Faux lesbian[edit | edit source]

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Fo' lesbians?
  1. A faux (French: false) lesbian is a woman who performs suggestive or overtly sexual acts with other faux lesbians for the entertainment and titillation of men.
    Example - The RNC (Republican National Committee} has close, clandestine ties with the faux lesbian voting block.
  2. A woman who is sexually attracted to only other women, and is constructed of man-made materials.
    Example - The Chinese make a pretty decent faux lesbian, which is fine if you don't mind pleather.

Faxtupid[edit | edit source]

Faxtupid is an adjective used to describe fax machines. Rather than being just plain stupid and outdated they have reached a new unprecedented level called Faxtupid.

FBI[edit | edit source]

False Butt Investigation squad. A secret Government organization always ready to be sent out to deal with suspected false butts. So far 38 men have given their lives to protect the world from false butts.

FBA[edit | edit source]

FBA is an acronym for the Federal Bureau of Advestigation. The organization was founded in the 1990's, to cater for people who couldn't get into the FBI for 1 simple reason: They couldn't spell. The organization was founded by a dyslexic named Jak, who was outraged by the 'discriminatory' requirements needed to join the FBI. The organization has gained a lot of popularity in the recent months, after foiling a planned bombing by ossama been larden.

Fear[edit | edit source]

  1. I am going to knock on your door right now and kill you - yes, you, the person on the computer.
  2. Chiefly Scottish - a Scotsman's (or Scotswoman's) way of pronouncing 'fire'.
  3. What most humans would suffer from when your grandmother's forced you to watch an omnibus of Quincy M.E. on a Friday night (again).

FedEx[edit | edit source]

Stands for Federal Environmental Deficiency Excuses, Xeroxed. Their primary goal is to create xeroxed excuses for our environmental problems. The company was started in May of 2009. The company was formerly known as FedE, the X was added when FedEx bought Kinko's in June of 2009er. Kinko's is well known for their homosexual tendencies, which is why they decided on FedEx instead of FedEk (Xerox, not Kinko's)

Fertile Crescent[edit | edit source]

The Fertile Crescent is just south of the Mons Veneris. On the other side of the Crescent lies Thighland (not to be confused with Thailand). The Fertile Crescent is mostly bush. It's a frequent goal of young men wishing to explore virgin territory, though these turgid explorers are sometimes thwarted by dykes.

Ffalabalam[edit | edit source]

A rare, small, ferocious and over-sexed mammal only found living on a small hill south of Pant-y-Pant, Wales. It only has one leg, a brain the size of a daffodil, 2.36 eyes, a truly horrible singing voice and subsists entirely on a diet of warm larger and stray Englanders who wander over the border.

Considered sacred by the Welsh, and dangerous by anyone else.

FHB[edit | edit source]

FHB equates to a code usually whispered with a hiss as "Family Hold Back". My mother would hiss this message whenever us children found ourselves facing a table of gastronomic delights at a party/gathering. FHB meant that we should NOT rush off to grab heaps of food.

I thought that my mother had invented this code, until, about 16 years ago, whilst working in a shop, I muttered "FHB" under my breath whilst watching a crowd of customers play vulture with a newly displayed special. The shop-owner's wife (standing nearby) gasped and asked "WHAT did you just say?"

As it turned out, this middle-aged woman, of Jewish background, had also got given the FHB message in her childhood, half a world across from me.

Figgy Pudding[edit | edit source]

Figgy Pudding (alias Figgy Puddy) is mentioned in music sung at Christmas-time but isn't otherwise heard of, nor mentioned, nor eaten in the year. Nobody seems to know what it is, why we want some, and what is motivating us to not go until we have got some.

File sharing[edit | edit source]

Due to the expense of metal files and other tools, college students and others of limited means cannot afford to buy their own but must club together to buy them. They use "file sharing software" to arrange rotas for use of these valuable tools.

Filipino[edit | edit source]

  1. A technologically advanced yet primitive diminuitive race of sea creatures found mainly in the tiny islands of the Philippines.
  2. An antique pinot cuvée made especially for Philip II of Macedon

Finux[edit | edit source]

A shortened form of the word... well... we have no idea. We do know that Finux is clearly one of the most sophisticated operating systems in the market today, for reasons that won't be bothered to be put here.

Fire[edit | edit source]

A device in which to destroy incriminating evidence, such as employees.

(See also Fear)

Fire is the number one causes of fires.

Firing Blanks[edit | edit source]

An expression in business than means getting rid of someone who isn't a 'big swinging dick' in a boardroom.

Fish[edit | edit source]

A winged animal which is (mostly) capable of flight, and usually lives in a tree, where it makes a nest out of branches and other local materials. Some fish, however, may make their nest in a hole in the sand, or earth.

Fish Popsicle[edit | edit source]

A rare species of fish (see above) commonly found in the seas of Ice Land on floating tundra mellows. Despite common beleif a Fish Popsicle is not a yogurt. Until recently this rare species of fish has been considered useless until terrorists have been using them as projectiles in their fight against terror.

P.S this is all a lie, it's a government conspiracy! GET AWAY WHILE YOU CAN! OH GOD THEY ARE COMMING FOR ME!!! ARRRGGGGHHH!!!

Fisher-Price[edit | edit source]

  1. A company that makes toys that say "go eat shit fuckers", as referenced in the popular Uncyclopedia in-joke.
  2. A particularly small amount of money, only enough to buy carp.

Fishpudding[edit | edit source]

Fishpudding is an enormous pudding made out of fish. They are colossal, reaching hundreds of kilometres in diameter. It is said to be a gift from God. Whenever a fish pudding swallows you, the only way to survive is to eat it. It's a test from God. If you survive, you will be granted eternal life.

Fizz[edit | edit source]

Fizz is a stupid guy who "tries" (without success) to be a singer. His, so called "music" sounds like... can`t be reproduced. While doctors and researchers still debate how FIZZ can make such music that tends to make some people sick, others like it very much, from unknown reasons. (it is said that Fizz`s music has some subliminal message which make stupid people even stupider). A good example of a fizz is Eminem

Flabbergassed[edit | edit source]

Flabbergassed. Rooted in the "your mama so fat" jokes popularised in the early nineties during a commercial involving two skinny orphan children. This is a serious medical condition. Stemming from the root words "flabber" and "gas". Flabber, meaning a very fat person, though it does not necessarily have to be your mother. Not to be confused with a flapper, who is a specially-trained dolphin. Gas- Not to be confused with gasoline, which is specially-formulated tap water held in large station pumps typically sold at $3/gallon. Also known as flatulence in the human species, gas is a (typically) invisible fume-like substance supposedly created by consumption of large quantities of green eggs and ham. May also produce bouts of laughter when sniffed, or puffy white clouds when snorted too quickly. This common theory is sometimes used in medical circles during off-hours to explain why flatulence is sometimes funny, though public consensus says it should never be (while sober). Having gas while suffering from obesity is no laughing matter in these medical circles while on-duty. Besides being extremely uncomfortable, being flabbergassed can be fatal, in the famous last words of two skinny orphan children: "dat stank. Sho nuff. lolololol.".

Flagadameed[edit | edit source]

Flagadameed , a mythical drink from the medival ages. Goes well with spuds and honey.

Flamenco[edit | edit source]

Flamenco is a small meringue. Dancers dressed in pink chiffon jumpsuits stand in a circle around the "flamenco", then proceed to whirl like dervishes. First one to step on the "flamenco" takes out the trash. This dance is done every night in a million kitchens across America.

Flaming Lips[edit | edit source]

  1. A line of toxic cosmetics.
  2. A urinogenital disorder which occurs in women, particularly sex workers.

Flamingo[edit | edit source]

The flamingo is a one-legged bird that thrives in Blackpool. It is most commonly sighted in suburban front gardens. It dines on mince and slices of quince which it eats with a runsible spoon. Flamingos have traditionally been the Patron Saints of homosexuality and peep-toe mules. They live in pink flocks and the fathers raise the children, not unlike the Finns.

Flash-Mob Bukkake[edit | edit source]

A practice of covering a victim with cake icing, performed by a flash-mob.

Flat[edit | edit source]

Euphemism for cross-country runner. You know, flat. Like a pancake. Or your mother. Oh, snap! See also tideflats, Slapoo, Flat-chested.

Fleshlight[edit | edit source]

An erect penis that is so warm that it glows, due to extreme arousal. A party trick you can do when you have a fleshlight is to light up your lady friend's cigarette with your penis.

Floccinoccinihilipilification[edit | edit source]

A complex sexual position in which one of the partners inserts their foot into the privates of the other partner as well as their fist into the mouth of the other partner while hanging from a tree in the downtown area of a city. Example: Wow, That floccinoccinihilipilification was a real sight near the downtown church on Sunday morning. (See also: sex)

Floon[edit | edit source]

The traditional instrument of the obscure Peanut Cult of Yellow Island. Not only a piece of cutlery, but also a musical instrument! Makes purty noises, and can be used to eat pudding with. Amazingly little-known, despite its clearly incredibly useful nature. This could be because it generally emits only a low puddingy squelch as opposed to any tune.

Floridia[edit | edit source]

Not to be confused with Florida, Floridia occupies the same space as Florida, but in a different dimension. The current President is Pope John Paul George Ringo XIV. Floridia has a population of -45,896,698.5 and is the only place in the multiverse not to have wi-fi.

Flucé[edit | edit source]

(French) The act of a character in a movie to pronounce the title of the said movie at any given time.

Eg: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) flucéd when he said "What hope do we have? We are just simple pirates of the Caribbean; the curse of the Black Pearl will one day consume us all".

In some circumstances, flucéing results in a character uttering a phrase that would otherwise never be used. eg: Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang (Jackie Chan) flucés when he uses the phrase: "You want to have a mortal kombat with me, shao kahn?"

Also be used as flucé (noun) ie a film which contains a character that flucés is called a flucé.

Flurved[edit | edit source]

Post tense of the verb to flurve. A truly multi-purpose word, flurve exists in all grammatical forms, such as "Mom, the cat is flurving on the carpet again", or "The boy hoped his new girlfriend would let him flurve her in the back seat of his car." Most importantly, flurved is undoubtedly a perfectly legitimate Scrabble word. Some experts have, however, suggested that flurving one's opponent during a game of Extreme Scrabble may result in disqualification, or an even more Embarrassing Situation.

Fly on the Wall[edit | edit source]

The strange desire to turn yourself into an insect to sneak into a room to hear people talking about you. The disguise will last as long as you don't move. If you hear a swishing sound above your head..it's already too...SPLAT!

Fly Tipping[edit | edit source]

It's always a good idea to tip a fly not to land and your food to spit on it. Let the mean bastards on the other table have that pleasure instead.

Flying Fuck[edit | edit source]

A species of fuck that fly's. There very coveted species becuase no one ever wants to give one. Hence "who gives a flying fuck?"

Fnord[edit | edit source]

Fnord is.. fnord.

Fo' Lesbians[edit | edit source]

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Faux lesbian?

The way a black person pronounces, "four lesbians"

Example - Ain't nothing scarier than fo' lesbians wiff chainsaws.

Fontaine[edit | edit source]

  1. French word for "a building which can leap at least (roughly) 60 feet high without the aid of a marrow."
  2. Old Bretonic word for "Digitally-aided anal penetration simulation"

Also see:

Foon[edit | edit source]

The distant cousin of the spork. Can be found in kindergarten playgrounds and in the cushions of that guy's old duct tape upholstered couch.

Football[edit | edit source]

  1. Something working class people do when they're not stealing things.
  2. An alternative church, akin to Basketball, where feet are used to beat sense into the miscreants.

Footsie[edit | edit source]

Sex involving feet only whilst reading a financial report. The Footsie index is a measure of how well you have done. Also written as the FT Index.

Ford Focus[edit | edit source]

Large wheeled mammal, invented by the Ford Motor Company in 1997 as direction competition for the Camel GTI.

Foreign[edit | edit source]

foreign (forn, for-in)


  1. Of, or relating to, Robin Williams as an actor.
  2. One who is known to be involved with "terrorist activitites" or Al Qaeda.
  3. Someone who doesn't live in America. See also: foreigner
  4. To support rain
  5. Before ign


  1. The things on the ends of your shoelaces. (Plural: foreignities)

Former[edit | edit source]

  1. adj. - was, isn't, ain't, no more, dead, ceased to be, bleedin' demised, pushin' up daisies
  2. One who forms Ex. Optimus Prime
  3. A Farmer from Idaho

Fork Knight[edit | edit source]

A Middle Ages saying alleging that a soldier of fortune wasn't 'the full biscuit'. Derived from the idea that eating with a knife and fork was proof that you were a Friend of Sodom.

Fork Off[edit | edit source]

An expletive now heard only inside Buckingham Palace.

Fortnight[edit | edit source]

Fortnight - n. - The length of time it takes to construct a fort. This term was invented in 55 B.C. by the Romans as the Latin term fortis noctum, which means "a strong knight". The Romans, well-known for being one of the most unorganised cultures of history, set the fortnight to be three weeks or 21 days (the time to construct a semi-permanent encampment), which was later rounded down to 20 days.

Forum Message of Absolute Truth and Serenity[edit | edit source]

The FORUM MESSAGE OF ABSOLUTE TRUTH AND SERENITY is a legendary piece of data lost in the outernet since the Day of a Thousand Tears when the outernet was created by Al Gore. It originated moments before the creation of the outernet from an early creationism vs darwinism debate as an angry response to the statement "if we're all descendant from apes then why don't I like bananas?" No one knows exactly what the message says but legend has it it once read it has the power to grant infinite wisdom and eternal life.

FORY[edit | edit source]

FORY: A cake after having good sex. Note: good! so you probably never had fory. As in "Honey, would you like a fory?" "I would, but you cant make one"

F05hi2213[edit | edit source]

Th3 4w50mn355 0f :pwning

Fossil[edit | edit source]

  1. A beta version of life. No longer supported by developer.
  2. A piece of crap that's been in the ground for over 1000000 years. ewww.

Fountain[edit | edit source]

  1. French word which roughly means "a building which can leap at least 60 feet high without the aid of a marrow."
  2. Old Bretonic word for "digitally-aided anal penetration simulation"

Foundation hospitals[edit | edit source]

Foundation Hospitals are hospitals that are run by charitable trusts. Doctors in these hospitals enjoy excellent pay and working conditions, usually not having to work lengthy hours as much of their work is carried out by volunteers.
The hospitals treat not only human patients, but animals also, and the King Cardiff IV foundation hospital in Wales is known for pioneering work in allowing former Welsh miners to carry out brain surgery on horses.

Fractachment[edit | edit source]

An e-mail attachment that contains an e-mail attachment that contains an e-mail attachment that contains an e-mail attachment....

Fragmenting[edit | edit source]












Frogart[edit | edit source]

  1. Frozen yogurt.
  2. A little pixie which is obsessed with world domination, X-box, and Cadbury's chocolate.
    WARNING: Do not feed.

Frank Abagnale[edit | edit source]

Frank Abagnale is a con man primarily known for his repeated attempts to sell large aircraft to gas station patrons. In the mid 1960's, Abagnale would tow Boeing 727's (which he had "borrowed" from hangers) throughout the rural south. Although successful at the peddling of his wares in a number of cases, Abagnale's primary income derived from his prognostications concerning his future portrayal in motion pictures. Described by some as "riveting" in his predictions, Abagnale would pass the hat following his sessions. Captured by the FBI in 1970, Abagnale agreed to aid the agency in developing methods of apprehending others involved in illegal aircraft trafficking. It is thought that Abagnale's activities were a contributing factor in the demise of many of the major airlines, including PanAm, Braniff, and People's Express. Currently, Abagnale finds small roles in movies focusing on his life, such as "Catch Me If You Can".

Frankenstein[edit | edit source]

("fronk-en-shteen") A beer stein invented in 1647 by Laura Bush, named for her fifth husband Frank Sinatra. Frankensteins are frequently used by the Vatican during their annual beer guzzling festival.

Franking Machine[edit | edit source]

A machine that manufactures Franks. Also known as the French or Frenchies.

Frankfuhrer[edit | edit source]

A sausage that delivers a blood curdling speech before leading the onions into an invasion of Poland. If served with extra ketchup , will also march into Russia.

Frankinscent[edit | edit source]

A chain of drug stores offering lotions for Goths to smell like death.

Frantic[edit | edit source]

A relative called Fran who is a terrible blood sucker

Freak[edit | edit source]

A freak is someone is absolutely 100% normal, in all aspects. In Medieval times, a freak was a type of fibre used to make coarse clothes when times were rough. Freak also refers to a human baby 5 to 7 days old.

Used in a sentence:

"Oh my, what a cute little freak you have!"

Freak is also the name of 7.62SQ's leader.

FREE[edit | edit source]

adj. The term free means the opposite of itself(something that is actualy very costly), which makes it an oxymoron. We know this to be true because free actualy meas something that is not free in order to trick poeole. Because the word moron is in the word oxymoron, you can't say it on the radio and therefore you can's say free on the radio or else you will go to jail.

Usage note: FREE is always to be written in capital letters. Anyone who writes it as free is breaking the rules of the English language.

  • Right: Receive a FREE printer with your new computer.
  • Wrong: Help yourself to a free mint after eating dinner.
  • Left: Receive a FrEe printer mint with your new computer dinner.

Freedom[edit | edit source]

Discontinued, freedom has be replaced by work, the education system and consumer slavery.

Freemasonry[edit | edit source]

Freemasonry is a secret order with ancient rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids in addition to the Statue of Liberty -- always by a Freemason.

Anyone can become a Freemason providing they're not female, gay or a goat.

Freeware[edit | edit source]

Freeware is software you pay for. It is commonly known as "the best stuff around" and is often used by pro web designers. Examples include Adobe Photoshop.

French[edit | edit source]

  1. I only know one thing in French. "The 3 Cats Drowned." In French it is: "Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq"
  2. A mot-valise of foreign stench
  3. The byproduct of potato consumption

French Foreign Legion[edit | edit source]

Almost entirely made up of ex-British Servicemen proving once and for all the complete ineptitude of French people at winning any sort of war on their own. Still, it keeps them occupied.

French J[edit | edit source]

A mere half that of a regular J but thrice as pretentious. Usually only found in names such as Jacques, Jean, and Jimbo.

French Kiss[edit | edit source]

Tugging on each other's tongues until one is pulled out and held up as a love trophy.

French Letter[edit | edit source]

Now replaced by the email offering cheap condoms in box sets.

French Roulette[edit | edit source]

A game traditionally played by French soldiers on their way to war. Much like Russian Roulette, except that bullets are put in all of the sections.

Frenchies[edit | edit source]

Frenchies were the early French who did nothing but make crêpes and French Toast. Their first spoken language consisted of the word "Hurh-hah!" which is not really a word. They developed French Fries in a then peaceful treaty with the Great Scot McDonald, but McDonald turned on them and distributed French Fries to the majority of the world. One eager patriot wanted to change the name to Freedom Fries, but was overruled by the majority of THE ENTIRE WORLD.

Did you know: The Scots invented the world's first potato? Potato Art, however was invented by the French. The image in the corner above is the first potato sculpture-painting. It was found in a cave in France.

Freudian Slip[edit | edit source]

1. A Freudian slip is what comes out when you mean to say something Penis. It when you say one thing but mean your mother.
2. Negligee worn solely by psychiatrists

Friend[edit | edit source]

(1) Is someone that you can trust with your own sister's virginity.
(2) A type of parasite, expert at fridge emptying and drink disposal.

Friendship[edit | edit source]

An occurrence where two parties sense prominence in each other's stupidity.

Used with quotation marks because you only had a "Friendship" when you were drunk.

Friggin[edit | edit source]

Frig*gin(Phigg*ghen) n; A term used in the trade to show extreme displeasure with anything. Friggin is a more mild form of fricken, which is a mild form of f@#$, which many people substitute for the word "fudge". This term is often used by people looking at their Wristwatch which always runs out of batteries.

Frisbeetarianism[edit | edit source]

The religious belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Frittery[edit | edit source]

Waving arms with palms forward, fingers outstretched as if shooing geese. (Thumbs tucked onto the palm, presumably originally to avoid being a tasty morsel for a cross goose.)

Frooglepoopillion[edit | edit source]

A very large number.

Froot Loops[edit | edit source]

1. Multi colored breakfast cereal shaped like O's. Marketed to children. Often eaten by adults. Mascot is Toucan Sam. 2. Someone who is acting crazy. Example: What a Froot Loop. I started that saying. Yah.

See also: Toucan Sam

Frottage[edit | edit source]

A cheese made by rubbing two dirty sticks together.

Fruit Cake[edit | edit source]

A dessert prepared by gourmet chefs and given to family members for Christmas. Containing neither fruit nor cake, the fruit cake is thought to be composed entirely of wet clay, wax cherries, and several radioactive elements which have yet to be identified. Fruit cake may or may not grant super powers, no one knows for sure because to this day no one has ever actually eaten a fruit cake.

Fruitation[edit | edit source]

The process of sucking the milk out of something in an extremely satisfying way.
Origin: 5th July, 1125; ME < OF < L frūctus enjoyment, profit, fruit, equiv. to frūg-, var. s. of fruī to enjoy the produce of + < LL lactātiōn- (s. of lactātiō) a giving suck + L -iōn- (s. of -iō) suffix forming nouns, esp. on ptp. stems; r. ME -ioun < AF < L -iōn-

Frustration[edit | edit source]

Frustration is a pathological sensation of tightness in the testicles, often accompanied by cyanosis, edema, and orchimegaly. Frustration is caused by a violent allergic reaction toward recalcitrant teen girls and late-model Camaro back seats. If left untreated, it may metastasize to the brain and cause a delirious reaction, often known to derange search engine keywords toward the profane. This complication is called googlistic Tourette's and may lead to a cycle of reinvigorating frustration, and so must be treated immediately.

Proper treatment for frustration requires a goat.

Fuchsia[edit | edit source]

A beautiful flower so named because many printing companies realised kids would be disappointed when flicking through one of their censored dictionaries and not finding anything beginning with 'F-U-C'.

Fuck[edit | edit source]

  1. A word used in polite society to express amazement.
  2. What me and your Mom did last night.
  3. A word you say when you found out about me and your mum
  4. Brand name of a famous dyslexic high street clothing retailer
  5. means seal in french

Fucking[edit | edit source]

A town in Germany Fucking%20Sign.jpg

Fuckload[edit | edit source]

Okay, so, imagine the biggest number you can.

Got it?

Okay, now totally double it.

That's a fuckload.

It's a lot, right? Yeah, I totally thought so, too.

For more details, see the Imperial Load Scale.

Fuck Off And Die[edit | edit source]

Rare version of the 1978 aerobics LP "Funk Off and Diet" by fitness pro Fizz Greenwarmers. Sadly a typo in the album sleeve led to the entire run being pulped. The section of the M25 (London orbital motorway) that runs between Potters bar and Waltham cross (Junctions 24 to 25) is built entirely on a foundation of pulped "Funk off and Diet" sleeves.

Fugg[edit | edit source]

FUGG is an acronym for Fat Ugly Gay Guy. There are many FUGGs in existence, all across the world, but the two most well-known and currently living within twenty minutes of each other in Wisconsin's Fox Valley. Their names cannot be revealed for strategic sheep purposes.

Fulax[edit | edit source]

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a rather disgusting act as told by the oh-so-learned don of the internet, urbandictionary.com. It is in fact the Greek word for guard, used as follows:

"Oi, that fulax just stabbed me!"

"Fulax your face, I'm gonna punch you".

"Make sure that you wear a mouthfulax when playing rugby, otherwise you might get fulaxed".

Fully fitted kitten[edit | edit source]

A 'Fully fitted kitten' should, under no circumstances, be confused with a 'fully fitted kitchen'. There have been innumerable culinary fuck-ups as a result of this small oversight, particularly by marketing drones.

Full Throated Roar[edit | edit source]

The technique singers apparently use before going on stage involving A) Honey and B) the virile member belonging to a personal assistant.

Fun[edit | edit source]

Not, as it is sometimes thought to mean, having a good time but staying up till 3 am drinking suspicious alcoholic beverages. There is a difference.

Fungi[edit | edit source]

  1. All the ladies tell me that I'm a real fungi but they just want to be friends.
  2. A label given to Gustave Flaubert (a.k.a. Gus) when he is cracking jokes

FUPA[edit | edit source]

Fat Upper Pussy Area, according to Bam Margera, a real genius in the modern world.

Fupaw[edit | edit source]

Fupaw - (Foo-PAW) n. (1) Acronym for "Front Upper Pubic Waistline", which is the bloated under belly (second stomach) on morbidly corpulent Americans. FuPaw is usually kept in check through the wearing of polyester stretchpants or lycra. In cases of chronic FuPaw, genitals can not be accessed by their operators. (2)(Vulgarism)n. Acronym for "Front Upper Pussy Area" on big sexy girls favored by chubby chasers. Also see More Cushion for the Pushin.

Fur[edit | edit source]

  1. Fur is the perverse fandom centering around the sexual attraction to the number four said with a southern accent.
  2. Used by rich men to woo women into having relations with them. 60% of the time, it works every time.
  3. Animals also wear fur... but not by choice.
  4. ROT13-encoded "she".

Furry fandom[edit | edit source]

An uncommon condition whereby overly obsessive fanatics ("fans") of Anime begin a process of unintended and highly unsightly bodily hair growth. This process is only germinated by Anime, and is not to be confused with puberty (a process which is related to real girls).Any one with this condition should be praised and kept secure

Future jokes[edit | edit source]

Future jokes are jokes which have invented time machines to travel to the present, in an attempt to be funny in another time.

See also: Stop me if you've heard this one.

Futurrency[edit | edit source]

All anonymous sources confirm that this new medium for international exchange will be based on smell, hence compensating for the most disparaged flaw in the currency instantiation (namely, money); a lack that was quite an obstacle to international understanding, since smell is the universal language of business.