UnNews:Trump to sign every dollar bill

Saturday, March 28, 2026

A dollar bill signed by Trump in under a second.

WASHINGTON—Trump has just announced that he will be personally signing every dollar bill as a way to celebrate the nation’s 250th birthday, because we all know everyone celebrates their nation’s birthday by destroying the value of money.

Unfortunately for Trump, due to budget disputes, the Department of the Treasury lacks the available funds to print money with Trump’s signature, delaying the bills from entering circulation until January. When asked about the delay, Trump said he was outraged and needed a solution immediately.

His cabinet proposed he could use industrial-grade Sharpies to personally sign all the bills, making every bill an “authentic handcrafted masterpiece.” Having no other solutions, Trump has decided to proceed with this plan, ordering 401 boxes of Sharpies—400 for the first billion bills and one for practicing signing a bill in under a second, Trump said.

According to internal estimates, Trump will be required to sign one billion and 37 bills every day in order to meet his ambitious goal. The White House has said this is doable if Trump skips golf on weekdays.

Reception

Experts have been saying that the value of the dollar will decrease by 23% because of the unappealing scent of the toxic fumes produced by the Sharpies. Meanwhile, the euro is rising in value and is projected to become the most valuable currency if Trump keeps this up, leading European leaders to say, “thank you.”

Health concerns

The sheer amount of dollar bills Trump has to sign is causing people to speculate about the incredible wrist strain he will endure. Doctors are informing Trump that signing one billion bills every day isn’t healthy. However, Trump has responded by saying his wrists are stronger than average and that he “should be fine.”

Sources

• George Petras and Janet Loehrke "Trump's signature will be on US currency soon. Here’s how it may look." USA TODAY, March 27, 2026