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the content-free encyclopedia that only Some crazy guy should edit.

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Today's featured article

I am a free man. I understand that the first person singular is un-encyclopedic in tone but this language is absolutely necessary to establish my status as a sovereign citizen, beholden to no laws or government whatsoever. You might say, "You're above the law? What are you, some kind of Jew?" Well, I'm here to tell you (and by my willful volition establish joinder with you) that no one is under any "law".

You see, there is no government – only a giant maritime corporation with contracts called "laws" that the goddamn Feds have led you to believe control you. But they don't. The only real law that controls you is the natural laws of the universe and the Common law of the ancient English. All you have to do to reclaim your natural-born status as a freeman on the land is to say a few keywords to the police and the courts; they'll have no choice but to relinquish their kike-like grasp over you and cede to your superior logic and legal skills. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

that Some crazy guy is still trying to figure this out?
that Bacon Bacon Bacon?
that I love you?
- that I actually hate you?
that Uncyclopedia is not funny, but is really Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon?
that too many unfunny Bacon gags can ~~Bacon Bacon Bacon~~ cause SEHS?

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In the news
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured) NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 19 Give Some crazy guy awards Day/Shameless Vanity Day: Goggles will be useless at the malls, for they do nothing. 1799 - Woody Guthrie was seen at the mall with his guitar. 1812 - Famed time traveller Woody Harrelson goes back in time to bring the idea of the mall to the past. 1940 - Joseph Stalin is caught with a woody at the mall. Later that evening, twelve million peasants are killed. 1955 - Carmen Miranda dies; shares of United Fruit decline 20% in heavy trading. 1965 - JFK gets assaninated again, grassy knoll charged. 1979 - First recorded instance of mass-woodying by all the men attending the opening of Britain's first shopping mall. 1980 - Woody Allen appears mysteriously at Detroit strip mall, is disappointed to find that the Big Boy doesn't offer kosher meals; he then proceeds to the Asian section of the food court. 1998 - Woody from Toy Story is said to be at the mall. 2000 - woody woodpecker seen at mall 2000 - Academy Award winning actor Sir Alec Guiness dies at the age of 86. Or at least, it is assumed he died, since all that is found is an empty robe and a lightsaber. 2006 - Cape Breton invades Uncyclopedia. More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

El cazador que hace trofeos de los hombres—The demon who makes trophies of men.

Image credit: Mhaille
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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