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It's been 25 years since your grandmother died and I remembered how you cried like a little pussy as she wasted away into an emaciated pile of death. She'd bring us lemonade with a smile hiding her loneliness (being a widow and all from your grandfather's freak unexpected death). I think I deserved her love more than you but, you know, she was your grandma. I think she loved me more than she loved you, but I never said that because that would be an asshole move, and I love you brah, would never be a dick to you.
We were young and awesome (especially me) with no idea about the hardships that would come with adult life. That is why I found it kind of hilarious to see her helpless in her hospital bed gagging on a tube. The irony is that she lived a selfless life and yet the universe didn't care. She spent her last days are with a tube down her throat unable to breathe. Of course I didn't laugh out loud (even though it was super funny), because that would have been terribly insensitive and I am a deeply caring awesome guy, especially when you are concerned. So I waited 10 years until I thought you'd be receptive to the hysterical comedic nature of that scene watching Grandma rot away in pain. Wasn't it a classic hoot? (Full article...)
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Selected anniversaries
January 6: Recover from Holiday Hangover Day
- 1839 - The Night of the Big Wind hits Ireland with gusts of flatulence, after the communal stew is laced with baked beans.
- 1929 - Mother Teresa arrives in India, ready to give starving peasants the food of life, Christ Jesus, which is more nourishing than any lentil.
- 1941 - Franklin D. Roosevelt gives his famous Four Freedoms Speech: freedom to yell at town halls, freedom to worship Jesus, freedom to eat lots of turkey, and freedom to fucking die.
- 1950 - The United Kingdom officially apologize for the heinous crime of stealing tea from China, but it's still too little too late.
- 2001 - Congress decides that George W. Bush is the rightful winner after a coin toss.
- 2010 - Uranus officially undergoes name change to avoid ridicule, henceforth called Urectum. (Pictured)
- 2011 - Urectum undergoes yet another name change to avoid new ridicule, will now be called Urmom.
- 2021 - Jesus worshippers living in America's ass invade the U.S. Capitol.
Archived Anniversaries
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Today's word of the day is
procrastination
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
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