User talk:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/archive4

Bum Rape

Because the Irish need to go the fuck home and make bombs--Sycamore (Talk) 19:12, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

That was quick. Also, I injured myself quite badly making a bomb once. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 19:13, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

We thought that was because you don't have enough tatties, and were malnourished. Damm Limey bastards, they'll have a lot to answer for when God bothers to get off his fat holy ass;)--Sycamore (Talk) 19:24, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZER

Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!

EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!

For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:35, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Nice one.

"iPhone for giants" BAH! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Smuggler (talk • contribs)

I thought you might get a kick out of this.

Found this on the Islam talkpage. [1] Apparently they've added the Mohammed sausage picture as well. I'm so happy in my pants right now. -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:53, 4 Feb

NO ME. --EMC ^[TALK] 00:56 Feb 4 2010

Oops, e|m|c added it. Still funny though. -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:57, 4 Feb

Deadly.-- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 18:08, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM

The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:11, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnMagazine

Hey Thursday primate. Hope you don't mind me being italic with the UnMag covers, adding my own to the mix. I was just wondering, do you think the cover on the UnNews main page should be larger, so there is less of a need to click through it to read it clearly? Or do you think that would uglify the page too much? Should we just try it? Do you even care? What do you think? -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 20:09, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

It would be nice if people could read it, but it would probably fuck up the formatting. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 14:02, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:36, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  16:38, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

I'm beginning to feel like a right slut, whore, or pimp

Hi, if you haven't come across this yet - I'm in search of contributors. SoS is a media office, with clients as diverse as you can come up with. Invent a client based on some need, design an outline for a campaign, do research, and/or write articles. Basically anybody or anything goes for a client, and the mechanism is there just to give a backbone to the campaign. Read the rest on SoS pages, please. The Bunny campaign and Leonardo campaign are both on their way, please read the articles to see some possible aims of the mechanism. Meet me in chat if you have questions. -- Style  Guide 10:12, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Vote now for Colonisation

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum

---

Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

No, this is probably the most retarded header on the site

I win. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:46, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

This is

way more

retarded.

Fucker. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:03, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Um, sorry I accused you of plagiarism

Yeah, so this is probably going to come off as trite because what do you say to someone after you accuse them of plagiarism? Nevertheless, I'm really, really, really sorry I accused you of it. If I were you, I would be pissed at me right now, and rightly so. In fact, there was a little voice in my head saying, "mrthejazz, the only good you're going to do with this is piss off a lot of people. It's not going to right some injustice." But I was so caught up in things, and I got my ego so damn involved (I try not to, but I'm dumb) that it turned into the big sour mess that you see on the forums.

The worst part of it all is that I really respect you as a humor writer. I think you're damn funny. I look up to you. I feel just awful about the whole thing, and I didn't intend to tear you down like that. Sorry. User:Mrthejazz/sig 04:57, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

Meh, don't worry about it. Someone was always going to make the accusation. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 12:18, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

Well, this is akward

Just wondering if you wouldn't mind reviewing or cancelling your booking on this. If you've been tied up, maybe lost a kidney or something, its cool. Just wanted to get it off the Pee Que. Thanks --—John Lydon 14:38, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

shit, sorry man. Totally forgot about it. You'd better give it to someone else to do... -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 15:01, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

No worries. All taken care of. --—John Lydon 21:14, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Getting oiled-up fails to make seabird more attractive to females

I was planning on reviewing this but I had a few questions first. I noticed you put not to bother mentioning it was short, which is fine. Did you want some suggestions on how to lengthen it or did you just want to be reviewed strictly on what you have written? I'll hang up and listen to your response now --—John Lydon 13:39, June 16, 2010 (UTC)

Essentially, I wanted to avoid a review that just kept saying "needs to be longer". I personally think its quite good as just a short piece, but if you have suggestions for funny things I could do but haven't they would be more than welcome. Cheers. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 14:01, June 16, 2010 (UTC)

Got it. Give me 24 hours and I shall have it completed. --—John Lydon 14:35, June 16, 2010 (UTC)

Now what?

I've taken off my blouse. Now what? Aleister 14:08 16 6 MMX

Would you like a glass of wine? -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 14:31, June 16, 2010 (UTC)

Only if it comes out of a box or a MD 20-20 bottle. Oh, but look at the time! I must go. (runs off while putting blouse back on) Aleister 14:41 16 6 MMX

Nice post-natal

Satire. I would nominate it but I already know what happens: "Short". Also it's on front page already, kind of redundant to also feature it too, as well. -- Style  Guide 08:26, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

UnMagazine idea

A great idea, and I wish you luck with it. I'd love to see the best pages here in a magazine/newspaper/book form. Had that conversation with Mordillo awhile back, and to paraphrase, the hang-ups are "us" as a website not making money from our work, copyright photos, etc. I guess if it were done privately in would work until it was stopped by Wikia, and then it could be sold under-the-table (like all my favorite books). As for your thinking and intention about further promoting the site and sharing its work, six thumbs up!! (and I loved your trimester UnNews page, it was tri-mendous) Aleister 1:11 18 6 MMX

i'm a staunch anti-capitalist

--nldr 17:57, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!!! <3

Thanks you!

Awwwww, thank you for votin' for me!

Look! Now I can look at pictures of small animals and feel serious, because you voted for me. So thanks! <3

Love,  

HAHA

I ACCUALLY AM A BIG ROM FAN. but this is too fun. Lordarcadian 17:33, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

Who's Rom? -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 17:43, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

Romartus, sorry Lordarcadian 17:47, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

And here I was thinking

That you said that you're not going to post things deliberately to annoy me. I removed that post because the discussion was getting out of hand and it needed to stop there. You post that link again=? Do we really need to get back into the whole you annoy me I ban you routine? It's getting old. ~ 16:45, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Wasn't trying to annoy you. I wasn't aware you had removed any posts. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 18:41, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Going Too Far

Why did you post that link on Hyperbole's talk page? What was the purpose of doing that?? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:29, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

For the lulz. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 18:42, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

I lol'd. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:45 Jul 27 2010

It's crude, abusive and should be removed. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 23:33, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Go whine to an admin. I don't care. You have no sense of humour, I don't understand why you're even on this site. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 23:43, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Welcome to the internet. --EMC ^[TALK] 23:43 Jul 27 2010

My sense of humour is broad but abuse is a different matter and that blog link is not funny at all. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 00:02, July 28, 2010 (UTC)

See when you say that, all I see is "the faggot who votes against everything on VFH doesn't find this funny" and I'm like "lol, who cares?" -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 00:20, July 28, 2010 (UTC)

Time out, Rule 2, go to your corners, and then come out for Rule 3. As I see it the blog is off site, has nothing to do with Uncy. The link invites us to look at it, and when I did I felt it was way over the top and very mean. But it's off site, so on that level it's none of our business. Now shake hands and glands. Aleister 00:27 28 7

Whoooaa, an idea

For the next or a future contest (Happymonkey keeps challenging me to a writing contest, and we set one up, had the rules down--we'd give each other an exact title at one minute to start, then write for an hour and fifteen minutes--but he backed out at the last minute to talk with a girl. Gay) how about a tag-team. It would be an hour and a half or so, one person writes for exactly half an hour (or 20 minutes or whatever), hands it over to his tagteam guy for the next 1/2 hour, then they go 15 minutes apiece on another round, and then it's done. Aleister 19:04 27 7

That's not a bad idea. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 19:42, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Ape

I would suggest taking a short time out, unless you really feel that your comments can influence the current situation for the better. Of course, as always, its entirely up to you... :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Any Relation?

I heard this alarming news. A gorilla from Dublin coming to London to try breeding in London Zoo. I thought it might be you, taking time off this wiki! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-10861323. Welcome back Ape. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:25, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Reminds me of the time years ago when Dublin Zoo only had one gorilla, a female. Now, you may not know this but during mating season female gorillas become aggressive and very hard to manage if they're not either mated or given hormone treatments. Chief Zookeeper Seamus Docherty phoned round all the vets in Dublin but none of them could administer the hormone treatment for less than IR£250 which, as the zoo had fallen on hard times, was just too much. Hiring the services of a male gorilla and having one flown in would cost at least IR£200, so that was out of the question too. Eventually, Seamus hit upon a good idea - he approached Paddy O'Reilly, the zoo's odd jobs man.

"Paddy," he says, "you know that we've always looked after you, even though nobody else will give ye a job?"

"Ye have, ye have," replies Paddy.

"Well, I've got a great favour to ask o' ye," says Seamus. "We need someone to impregnate the female gorilla before she hurts someone. Will ye do it for £20, Paddy?"

Paddy thinks for a while.

"Aye, to be sure I'll do it, Seamus," he says, "but I'll need until the weekend to get the money together." Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:36, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks guys for the... uh... completely normal welcome. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 18:46, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Fluffy Bunny World

Just looked up the history of one of my favorite pages here and saw that you wrote it. A masterpiece, why it failed at feature is one of the mysteries of the site. If you put it up again I'll fight on the front lines to get it the votes. Signing off now though, just wanted to get this in before doing my things. Aleister 13:32 8 8

p.s. I'll nom it, should have done so long ago. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Aleister in Chains (talk • contribs)

Cheers mate. Its always nice to hear people enjoyed my work. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 13:41, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

VFH

Whats VFH? User:Amillicream

It's where we vote for what articles to feature. It's located at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Make sure you read the rules carefully before nominating anything. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 21:15, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

One Question

Hey man. I want to join the adopt a noob program, and for some reason, its very difficult. Can you show me how'd you got in the adopt a noob program? --AchmedTheDeadTerrorist 19:32, August 18, 2010 (UTC)User:AchmedTheDeadTerrorist

As in you want to be adopted? You just look at the list of available mentors (of which I am one) and leave a comment on their talk page asking to be adopted. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 10:04, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Can you adopt me too? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Hey, sir

I was wondering on how to become part of the Adopt a Noob Program. Please reply.

--AchmedTheDeadTerrorist 13:41, August 20, 2010 (UTC)User:AchmedTheDeadTerrorist

See section above. Where Ape replied to you. ^^ --UU - natter 13:44, Aug 20

Or alternatively keep creating new sections asking the same question. Whatever is easiest. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Yeah, I replied above. As a rule, if you comment on someone's talkpage they will reply there. Also, you should probably just have read the instructions on the Adopt a Noob page rather than waiting for me to explain them to you. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 17:07, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Excuse me, Ape

But I was just wondering about how I could become part of the Adopt a Noob Program. pillow talk 17:09, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Sit up here on my knee laddy and I'll teach you how to be funny. -- slimy Ape (taste) (Riot Porn) 17:19, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, but

Apparently there's this program for the adoption of noobs. You wouldn't happen to know how I could get involved, would you? —TUBA WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [17:23 20 August 2010]