User:Acrolo/injury
“OHFUCK! That fucking hurt! holyshit what happened! that shit hurt like a motherfucker!”
“I like it when the red water comes out.”
An injury occurs when the body or a part of the body, like the aorta, is damaged by something outside of the body for example: God, when he is angry and about to strike you with lightning. Injuries, are feared by many people because they are known to strike very suddenly and abruptly and can sometimes be reffered to as an event that can happen between now and then, then being the reaction caused by the now like when Jenny tried to get the toast out of the toaster with a fork causing her to buy thinner slices of bread now. Injuries are usually invisible in appearance before they strike making them very unexpected generally and only make themselves visible when its too late, but some people have figured out ways to predict when injuries are about to happen, by using sharp objects, or appearing on the Jackass movies. This study is usually conducted by emo's, masochists and Lindsay Lohan who find that injuries may also look cool on arms and wrists as apposed to tattoos and braceletts. Injuries come in all shapes and sizes, but some standard injuries include, thatshitlooksinfected (Square shaped), herpes (Triangular) and armless man (Circular).
Injury can be caused by[edit | edit source]
Environmental
- earthquakes,
- hell,
- swine flu,
- platypus,
- premenstrual stress,
- love,
- mosquitoes,
- Burger King,
- September (the month that hates you),
- thunder,
- breathing,
- the lottery,
- endometriosis,
- favouritism,
- heavy metal,
- soil.
People
- Eminem,
- parents,
- you,
- me,
- him,
- her,
- hello kitty,
- some guy,
- that guy,
- no, this guy, *Oprah,
- Microsoft,
- psychics,
- superman,
- batman,
- pikachu.
Animals
- Does,
- deers,
- female deers,
- poodles,
- cyclops kittens,
- parakeets,
- sunfish,
- leaping lesbian lizards,
- bunnies,
- 5 toed sloths,
- 2-eyed spiders,
- 4-antlered chicken sprockets,
- guppies.
Objects
- slippers,
- toad stools,
- the internet,
- urns,
- bongs,
- paper,
- the street,
- parachutes,
- airbags,
- tom and jerry weights,
- pianos,
- Westlife CD's,
- pillows.
Certain foods such as artichokes and asparagus have been known to cause injury too, but too many food related deaths have resulted in Injury being ruled out as a possibility because of the vast difference between injury and death.
Injury is not caused by[edit | edit source]
- Smoke,
- Aliens
- pollution,
- cloroflourocarbons,
- acid,
- deforestation,
- nobody,
- global warming,
- lawsuits,
- Africa,
- nuclear waste,
- society.
- Strawberry Shortcake,
- George W Bush,
- Bob Marley,
- Postman pat,
- 8-Eyed Spiders,
- 3-toed sloths,
- bears,
- Unicorns.
Methods for Healing injuries[edit | edit source]
Injuries are not permanent but criminal records, scars and your face which are the result of injuries are permanent, therefore people need to do what they can to speed up the process or else die even slower.
Some of these methods include:
- Getting Clint Eastwood to rip off a sleeve to tie around your gangrenous, wounded leg.
- Taking Loooooots of Drugs.
- Lie in hospital and wait.
- Take more pills
- Drink more alcohol, you got the injury while drunk anyway.
- Shoot your arm to forget about the pain in your leg.
- Cry.
- Laugh insanely and then cry.
- Get someone to suck the poison out.
- Apply sugar, soap, and vinegar to it.
- Tattoo over the scar.
- Get the tattoo removed by laser.
- Get a new tattoo saying thug life.
- Meditation.
- Therapy.
- Stick straws into the injured persons throat to create a passageway for water.
- Surgically remove the amygdalas in the brain which generate emotion.
- Take it like a man.
