Portal:People

Uncyclopedia Portals: Art · Business · Culinary · Games · History · Music · People · Politics · Religion · Science · Society · Technology · All...

edit 

The People Portal

People are evil but some people are questionable, and other people are good. Fear people. They are known to eat oranges. People are everywhere these days, as they constitute the final phase of the STD "baby." Their prevalence in history is rarely notated, so we're going to drop some knowledge, old school style, The fear of people intensifies from the score of the hatred of people.

edit 

Selected Biography

Brilliance! It is too bright. Look away.

You are happy to meet me. This disappoints me. My presence should take you beyond mere happiness. Let me tell you the truth; you are ecstatic! How could you not be? I'm Karl Lagerfeld!

Listen to me when I speak. Listen baby. Do you mind that I call you "baby"? It does not matter! It is not your place to choose such things! I'm Karl Lagerfeld! Other babies would be delighted if I were to take time out from my day and call them "baby". Do you think that you are special? No! Only I am special!

Follow Karl Lagerfeld and let me show you my power. Pause and look...

To makeup artist

Hello baby. You should do more work like that. Her eyes are two oysters, surrounded by sunshine. Fabulous! If your work was that good all the time, you would be another Karl Lagerfeld. Then I would have to hunt you, hit you with a vase and wear your skin as a bathrobe.

Later, I would have cocoa.

You, I like. I will buy you and put you in my pocket.…

Archive

Article credit: Modusoperandi

(more )

edit 

More Remarkable People

Below is a list of popular people:

• Akira Kurosawa
• Alec Baldwin
• Alfred Hitchcock
• Anderson Cooper
• Anne Hathaway
• Buster Keaton
• Captain Beefheart
• Charles Dickens
• Charles Lindbergh
• David Bowie
• David Lynch
• Enid Blyton
• Humphrey Bogart
• Issac Newton
• Leonard Cohen
• Leonardo DiCaprio
• Marie Curie
• Michael Bay
• Otto
• Pat Garrett
• Quentin Tarantino
• Rafael Nadal
• Robert De Niro
• Roger Moore
• Thomas Aquinas

edit 

Quote of the Day

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!”

~ John Mayer

edit 

Did You Know...

...that Sweden is the largest spender on ketchup.

edit 

People in the News

• Proof the CIA is using leprechauns to keep the black man down (pictured)
• Airport staff want to see your junk.
• Organized crime, America's farmers, no match for millions of bored Facebook users.
• America's politicians decide to become disc jockeys.
• Satan lets loose evil opossums, demon-possessed proctologists.
• Kanye wins against Lil Wayne in a Twinkie eating Contest
• Charlie Sheen arrested for assaulting the fat kid from Two and a Half Men
• Even Dick Cheney may become a Wolf when the Wolfbane blooms
• Boxer Mike Tyson new spokesperson for General Mills cereals.
• Aliens shut down high-value UFO sighting reporting unit, now prepared for all-out invasion of UK.
• Gary Kirsten presents his revolutionary methods of training for Indian cricketers.
• Tigger Woods Loses His Bounce in the Pooh Sticks Gate Scandal.
• Europe has a new Emperor with a funny name.
• British actor dies . Americans may know who he was.
• Grim Reaper commits suicide after massive week of celebrity deaths
• Some old guy died, or something (ask your parents)

edit 

Selected Picture

After the scientist invented the time-travel machine, Vin Diesel went back in time to pose for Leonardo da Vinci. Nominate stuff Image credit: Reff Image archive

edit 

Things You Can Do

• Find a remarkable article about someone and suggest it for promotion.
• Help rewrite articles about people. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic.
• Be as social as you possibly can.

edit 

More Portals

Portals complement main topics in Uncyclopedia that nobody cares about, and expand upon topics that nobody cares even less about.

• 
  Art
  Peak pretentiousness
• 
  Business
  Money, money, money!
• 
  Comedy
  The science of funny
• 
  Culinary
  Food for the soul
• 
  Film
  Enter the Matrix
• 
  Games
  Recess time
• 
  Gay
  A gay ol' time
• 
  Geography
  Get lost
• 
  History
  Factually wrong
• 
  Literature
  For the illiterate masses
• 
  Internet
  A series of tubes
• 
  Music
  Rock on!
• 
  Politics
  Politically incorrect
• 
  People
  The People's Portal
• 
  Religion
  Speak of the devil
• 
  Science
  Playing to be God
• 
  Society
  We live in one
• 
  Technology
  Breaking stuff easier
• 
  Television
  Turn your brain off
• 
  Theatre
  To be or not to be
• 
  Video Games
  Better than sex
• 
  Zoology
  Beware of furries
• 
  Portals
  Meta-Portal
• 
  Community
  The Community
• 
  Main Page
  The Uncyclopedia