Portal:People
The following text is from a pamphlet which was seen drifting down from a clear sky one Sunday afternoon. It's not known what sort of creature might have dropped it, but it was apparently something which lives in the sky.
People make the very best pets! They're more affectionate than pythons, they're easier to litter train than guinea pigs, they take up less space than elephants, and they don't need a fancy salt water filtration system in their tank the way dolphins do. Furthermore, unlike trees, they're mobile, so you can easily take them with you when you move. If you don't want your pet to die, get a human! They can live over 100 years! There are a few things you should know in order to get the most out of your human, and that's what this page is for. It contains everything you need to know to get off to a good start! (See more...)
Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder (February 7, 1867 – February 10, 1957) was an American author. She wrote a series of books for children: Little House in the Big Woods, Little House on the Prairie, Little House on Plum Creek, Little House in the Long Winter, Little House on Silver Lake, Little House in Misery, Little House in a Parkdale Rest Home, Little House in the Housing Project and Little House on Pluto.
While these books are loosely based on her experiences, Wilder's private journals—revealed for the first time here on Uncyclopedia—show that her life was not always as described in the books. Laura was born in midwinter in a log cabin in the Wisconsin wilderness. This was, of course, back when Wisconsin had wilderness and not just cheese. The Civil War was recently over, Andrew "Yowza!" Johnson was in the White House, and the territory of Alaska had just been purchased from Emperor Meiji of Japan for fifteen tons of American squid.
- A man with no head has just swam across the English channel, "He's accomplished his dream!" onlookers presume
- Perfidious EU members kidnap Donald Trump, turn him into a walrus, Trump surprisingly okay with it (Pictured)
- Michigan man has just earned his 29th degree, is still jobless
- Local Twister game fails to turn sexual, to the chagrin of Wisconsin man.
- U.K's first hand transplant patient masturbates for the first time, has crisis of sexuality after technically being wanked by another man
- Oregon man is first to forget 9/11, "It's a lot to remember!" he says suspiciously...
- ... that José Mourinho would prefer really not to speak, if he speaks he is in big trouble. If he speaks he's in big trouble and he doesn't want to be in big trouble.
- ... that Humphrey Bogart was known for playing "hard-boiled" detectives, known for their milky white skin and round, corpulent figures?
- ... that Laura Ingalls Wilder, author of the Little House on the Prarie books, attempted to assassinate Franklin D. Roosevelt via a poisoned turnip?
- ... that José Mourinho would prefer really not to speak, if he speaks he is in big trouble. If he speaks he's in big trouble and he doesn't want to be in big trouble.
- ... that Queen Victoria and Prince Albert made love inside every room at Buckingham Palace? It is said one can still hear their romps echoing through the royal halls.
| “ | I survived because the fire inside burned brighter than the fire around me. I fell down into that dark chasm, but the flame burned on and on. | ” |
— Joshua Graham, former Legate
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