Pokémon (video game series)
“It’s goodra!”
Pokémon (Japanese: “巨大な便器” or “チンポコモン“, sometimes even 陰茎の穴; pronounced "pokeyman") is a multi-billion dollar franchise created by Nintendo and Game Freak. It consists of a highly questionable, repetitive, recycled RPG video game series, aimed at certain targets such as little boys, the crippled, and weeaboos across the entire planet.
The concept revolves around cartoonized, edgy Japanese kids trapping imaginary fairy creatures into fishing bobbles, and forcing them to brutally fight each other for self-gain and bragging rights. Nintendo keeps the game alive as a tool of promoting subliminal Japanese ultranationalism into millions of people's minds, all sugarcoated by fairy creatures known as Pocket Monsters (Pokémon for short) with countless merchandise, toys, and Deviantart artists promoting Pokémon to replace all decent non-Pokémon art.
Pokémon provided many unwitting 90s and early 2000s children with hours of "unique" gameplay and addiction, while subliminally brainwashed them into hating America. It is likely that it lead to the rapid increase in animal abuse, Star Spangled flag burnings, and shouts of "Owatta Beikoku!!" by kids. This has only been made worse by 4Kids appropriating Japanese culture, via means of sub sandwiches and jelly doughnuts which sparked outrage among many weeaboos.
If kids can slaughter Combuskens (ワカシャモ) and Inkays (陰茎) in Pokémon, then what the hell is stopping them from slaughtering chickens and squids in real life? Nothing! There were three generations of Pokémon games, released from 1998 to 2003. Absolutely no more games have been released since then. None! I can't imagine there being nine or something flippin' stupid like that...
Gameplay
Players of Pokémon control a young orphaned boy who sets out to become a Pokémon Master ("巨大便器マスター" in Japanese) after choosing one of three starter Pokémon from a professor named after a type of wood from a tree. The player spends most of the game travelling through a unrealistically utopian, cartoonized version of Japan that appeals to weeaboos and neck beards, trapping innocent wild animals and robots in fishing bobble capsules and forcing them to fight each other for his amusement and ego.
He also encounters "strange" buildings called Gyms, establishments that players are certainly unfamiliar with due to being idiots. At each Gym, the player must defeat the Gym Leader and earn a badge to advance the plot. After defeating all eight Gym Leaders, the player battles four "exceptionally skilled" Pokémon trainers known as the Elite Four (or "エリート弱虫" in Japanese) followed by an even more exceptionally skilled Pokémon trainer known as the Champion (or "首ひげ" in Japanese).
List of games
| Pokémon Red/FireRed | |
|---|---|
 Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Ringo Starr play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Red/FireRed
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Green/LeafGreen | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Hugo Chávez play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Green/LeafGreen
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Blue | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Jacques Derrida play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Blue
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Yellow | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Johann Sebastian Bach play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Yellow
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Gold/HeartGold | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would This Guy play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Gold/HeartGold
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Silver/SoulSilver | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Shabidoo play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Silver/SoulSilver
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Crystal | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Bob Barker play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Crystal
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Ruby/OmegaRuby | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Barack Obama play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Ruby/OmegaRuby
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Sapphire/AlphaSapphire | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Angelina Jolie play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Sapphire/AlphaSapphire
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Emerald | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Amy Rose play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Emerald
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Diamond/BrilliantDiamond | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Dr. Phil play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Diamond/BrilliantDiamond
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Pearl/ShiningPearl | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Nelson Mandela play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Pearl/ShiningPearl
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Platinum | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Barack Obama play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Platinum
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Black | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Benedict Arnold play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Black
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon White | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Gordon Brown play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon White
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Black2 | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Frosty play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Black2
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon White2 | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Kevin Federline play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon White2
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon X | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Jon Stewart play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon X
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Y | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Jennifer Lopez play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Y
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Sun/UltraSun | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Harry Potter play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Sun/UltraSun
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Moon/UltraMoon | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Dr. Phil play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Moon/UltraMoon
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Let's Go! Pikachu | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Fatty Arbuckle play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Let's Go! Pikachu
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Let's Go! Eevee | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Crazy Frog play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Let's Go! Eevee
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Sword | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Kevin Federline play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Sword
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Shield | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Strong Bad play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Shield
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Sword and Shield: The Isle of Armor | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Jesus Christ play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Sword and Shield: The Isle of Armor
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Sword and Shield: The Crown Tundra | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Gottfried Leibniz play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Sword and Shield: The Crown Tundra
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Legends: Arceus | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Aunt Jemima play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Legends: Arceus
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Scarlet | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Roger Clemens play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon Scarlet
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon Violet | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would David Beckham play it? | Who wouldn't? |
Pokémon Violet
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon The Hidden Treasure of Area Zero: The Teal Mask | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would This Guy play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon The Hidden Treasure of Area Zero: The Teal Mask
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
| Pokémon The Hidden Treasure of Area Zero: The Indigo Disc | |
|---|---|
Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children. The occupying factor was the child's futile attempt at removing the little nuisance. | |
| Developer(s) | The Japanese |
| Publisher(s) | Nintendo |
| Genre | Slavery sim |
| Platform(s) | Game Boy |
| Rating | 1/10 |
| Would Hillary Clinton play it? | Not likely |
Pokémon The Hidden Treasure of Area Zero: The Indigo Disc
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Sentret after seeing the awesome Wargreymon on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Sonic starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crcandy addicted gamer on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. This is actually a really good videogame. You should play it sometime.
Cash-ins
Due to the popularity that this videogame franchise got, Game Freak decided to milk the hell out of it, producing several animes, toys, and whatnot.
Anime
There was also a Pokémon anime on Kids' WB. It ran from 1998 to 2003, with five seasons, 273 episodes, two specials, and five feature-length films that had Misty in them, and only Misty (and Brock). No more!
In the series, ten-year-old Ash Ketchum is kicked out of the house by his parents for slacking off and not getting a job. Yes, in this universe, ten-year-olds are basically adults. So Ash, being the vagabond that he is, breaks into the local zoo and steal a Pokémon named Pikachu, a creature known for its electro-shock attack and extensive vocabulary. He will use it to win cock-fighting tournaments in the hopes of making enough money to buy his own brothel.
As time goes on, fame goes to Ash's head, and he soon wants much more than a brothel. In fact, he breaks into song:
- I wanna be the very best [Pokémon trainer], that no one ever was.
To catch them is my real test – to train them is my cause.
I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.
Teach Pokémon to understand the power that's inside. - Pokémon (gotta catch 'em all).
It's me and you.
I know it's my destiny.
Pokémon, oh, you're my best friend.
In a world we must defend. - Pokémon (gotta catch 'em all), a heart so true.
Their courage will pull them through.
I'll push my Krokorok off a waterfall.
You teach me and I'll teach you.
(Po-ke-mon) GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!!!
To achieve fame and fortune, Ash enlists the help of his two friends: jailbait red-head Misty and extroverted token Chinegro Brock. Together, they must search their world for all Mew (only 150!) Pokémon, while avoiding the likes of the wacky & sexually-confused Team Rocket.
A brief rundown of everything else in the anime: Giratina is Satan but good, Arceus Is God but in this universe God's an asshole, Mewtwo is a half man half Pokemon that's pink, Celebi is a flying green Half Grasshopper Half Groot who can time travel, and Pikachu is a mouse nowhere near as important as the Anime wants you to believe it is.
Trading card game
The company behind Pokémon also decided to plagirize Magic: The Gardering by distributing their own trading cards with their own brand of Pokémons stamped on them. This seemingly inoffensive cards caused chaos and confusion as several parents were worried that their kids could get addicted to trading cards or something.
Toys and other cash-ins
Fandom
Pokémon fans are on the same neckbeard coin as cancerous Naruturd fans, Nintendo fans, and other cancerous franchises. Many Pokémon fans continue playing crappy Pokémon games into their adulthood ... especially in the United States, as they enter college solely for art school, and end up in crippling student debt, playing Japanese games like Pokémon as a giant "fuck you" to the USA.
They glamorize this ultranationalist propaganda franchise via all forms of social media, whether it be Tumblr, Deviantart, Twitch, YouTube, Nico Nico Douga and many more platforms. They are slaves to Pokémon and are cheerfully, unknowingly promoting Japanese revisionist ultranationalism aimed at children and adult dependents, drawing fanart of these butt ugly battle goblins everywhere they go.
Fun facts
- Logan Paul and his foot-soldiers dressed up as Pokémon goblins in Tokyo, Japan during Logan Paul's cringiest movie ever "GOT KICKED OUT OF JAPAN! (I'm Sorry)". They cheerfully shouted the only Japanese words they knew out loud in front of everyone, like "ARIGATOU!"
- Pochama Pan (ポチャマーパン – Piplup Bread) is made of American weeaboo cum instead of milk, kinako (toasted soybean flour) instead of wheat, and the Emperor's tears (with him crying "What has Nintendo done to my country?"
- 4Kids accelerated the Pokémon epidemic, by dubbing the show into English and airing it all across the U.S. on live TV to brainwash children and adults far and wide. Although 4Kids was very jingoistic (with their own terrible version of the national anthem), they culturally appropriated Japanese culture into American, to give kids even more ignorance and warped ideas about countries beyond their own.
- Eventually, some hardcore Pokémon egg-suckers found "duh precious original Japanese episodes" and discovered onigiri, a simple ball of rice with seaweed, like it was manna from heaven. Other fans got angry about a Pokémon episode involving totally cool Guns being banned from the U.S., therefore worsening anti-American goals in the Pokémon fandom.
- Pokémon are ugly and annoying little shits that don't vaguely resemble even cute real animals.
- Celebi sent a bunch of scientists far into the past and altered the course of history and created a butterfly effect that turns Pokéballs into ultra mega super instant catch balls which is why goh catches so many Pokémon.
- Some idiots are sexually attracted to Gardevoir, which I assume is a Pokémon or something? I mean, the ability (nigh, requirement) to have 4327 kids, that shows something of how obsessed these people are.
- You can tell whether a person is a vergin by looking at their Pokémon. If there is a shiny Gardevoir, and its owner is male, they are not. Not by a long shot.
- Shiny hunters have no life, wasting their time doing the same thing over and over for three days for one single oddly coloured Pokémon.
See also
| Pokémon |
Charizard ⊙ Charmander ⊙ Gardevoir ⊙ Grue ⊙ Hyundai ⊙ Ling-Ling ⊙ Meowth ⊙ Mew ⊙ Mewtwo ⊙ Mudkip ⊙ Muk ⊙ Pichu ⊙ Pikachu ⊙ Raichu ⊙ Snorlax ⊙ Teh Cheat ⊙ Typhlosion ⊙ Towelie ⊙ Umbreon ⊙ Wobbuffet ⊙ Yoshi |
| Poképeople |
Brock ⊙ Herman Cain ⊙ Max ⊙ Pokemon Kid ⊙ Team Rocket |
| Poképlaces | |
| Pokéstuff |
Video game series ⊙ Anime series ⊙ Trading cards ⊙ 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins ⊙ Christian Symbology ⊙ Gotta Catch 'Em All |
