User:Sawblade5/Main Page For The Hard to See

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,

the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

37,645 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

[The Teletubbies are eating their custard breakfast]

LAA-LAA: How many pounds of custard are we talkin' here?

DIPSY: We're talking, like... at least 500 pounds of custard in that vault.

TINKY WINKY: No shit? That's a whole lot of fuckin' custard. That would do wonders for our business, man.

PO: You guys remember that motherfucker, Noo-Noo? Little vacuum thing? Baby Sun told me he's already got information regarding the joint.

TINKY WINKY: Noo-Noo? We worked with him once and I nearly fuckin' died cause of it, remember? His goddamn battery started overheating and he almost exploded! How can we be sure he's reliable for a job as big as this?

(Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

Did you know...

*... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?

... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured) NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 24: Regretting Eating Those Novelty Chocolate Easter Bunnies Day (U.S.) ∞ BC - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions. 1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe. 1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America: The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars. 1856 - The word chairman is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as "A person with a proclivity to stand sitting." 1862 - The American Civil War on spelling begins, the letter 'u' in 'color' being the first victim. 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born, sadly, he was born in Croatia. 2005 - George W. Bush declares, "America is officially full," all immigrants rerouted to Nunavut. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Mr. T is a beacon of hope in our cold and dark world.

Image credit: RadicalX
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

edit
Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.