World Wide Web
- This article is about the World Wide Web. Did you mean porn? Or that thing spiders make when they're bored? You probably meant porn.
~ Spiderman on The Web
The World Wide Web is an international electronic computer network originally engineered in the 1960s by the U.S. Military for encrypting and transmitting pornography, though they only thought about adding encryption later on in the 1970s after it led to some Government officials' stashes getting leaked and/or tampered with. Al Gore set the basis for what would become Web -0.0 on the world's most widely-used non-personal personal computer at the time, the NeXtCuBe. It is named in honor of Doctor W.E.B. Du Bois.
The WWW is an internet technology, and because the other internet technologies have fewer pornography-related applications, is often confused with the internet itself. This article itself is an example of a web page, unless you found a paper copy at the bus station or tramp house (more likely the second).
How the Web works[edit | edit source]
The interweb uses the internet to transmit web pages - electronic text files containing embedded stuff and agrees that pie makes good images, sounds, banner ads, videos, Flash animations, pornography, blinking text, and exhortations to buy phony Rolexes. How the pages are transmitted is still a poorly understood phenomenon, but current research indicates that the process relies heavily on credit card fraud and the looking up of pornography at least once a day.
Go to Google.com and type Porno into Google Image search.
In order to locate information stored in web pages, each page has a unique address that can be easily remembered by users, which now is the home page of the U.S. Government. A user enters such an address into a computer program called a web browser, which sends a request to a web server for the page, then sends the user's personal information to an internet cafe in Lagos, Nigeria. The page is usually delivered back to the browser within 4-6 weeks, depending on the season.
The headquarters of the World Wide Web is located in Geneva, Switzerland, where it is powered by a Uranium-fired cyclotron. At maximum power, the cyclotron is able to generate enough porno for 1000 lifetimes in 1 nanosecond.
Warning:due to the incredible high speed WWW has become to be more commonly known as ,,World Wide Waiting.
History of the Web[edit | edit source]
At the end of World War II the research done on internet technology by Nazi scientists fell into the hands of the U.S. military. Although at first the prototype internet, built by Al Gore (who travelled back in time to 1947) - made from hickory wood weighing in at 1.5 tons - received little attention compared more glamorous work on missiles and the anthrax bacillus, by the late 1960s a wide network was operating inside the United States. At that time the Internet was primarily used for sending electronic carrier pigeons, which replaced the older system of exchanging military secrets by postcard through the U.S. Postal Service. It wasn't until the late 90s, however, when world demand for an easier way to purchase dog food and had reached fever pitch, that anyone thought of a way to publish information in this new medium. The Web was an instant success, and continues to gain millions of new users every year, mostly by attrition. By the year 2000, in addition to buying dog food and photographs of copulating human beings, the web offered pages on thousands of other topics, from kitty litter to sorority girls. Development continues at a rapid pace.
Implications[edit | edit source]
Although many felt that the round-the-clock availability of unlimited quantities of pornography would surely cause society to grind to a halt, the Web has proved beneficial in a variety of ways. As traditional industries such as coal mining, the manufacture of buttons and exploiting the riches of Africa become obsolete, the web makes possible new industries such as flame warfare and trading homewares on eBay. Corresponding increases in productivity have helped keep the world's economy buoyant, though the greenhouse gases emitted by millions of web browsers each day are contributing significantly to global warming.
Research continues on web technologies. Though many years away, the ultimate goal of the Web is to be able to beam advertisements directly to the visual cortex of the brain, at which point the human mission on Earth will be complete.
Little known Fact[edit | edit source]
Did you know that "www" is one of the few abreviations in English that take longer to shorten than not? "Double-u Double-u Double-u", "World Wide Web"!
What can you use the World Wide Web for?[edit | edit source]
- Research (See number 2)
Web Browsers: Choosing a Browser - Google Chrome - Internet Explorer - Maozilla - Mozilla Firefox