User:Mr Saturn/sandbox

(I don't think Mr. Saturn will recover from this)

“Some love them, some hate them, but why the actual HELL do they eat "peanut butter cheese bars"? I have never heard of something that disgusting in my 12 years of existing!”

– Ness

A "Mr. Saturn" experiencing a blank void-like purgatory after realizing he's stuck inside of an Uncyclopedia article.

The Mr. Saturn is a skin ball with a bow and a nose the size of Mount Fuji. It is unknown why humans like these humanoid Blobfish buttholes. Mr. Saturns are usually described as: lovable idiots from Earthbound, Random NPC that looks funny, and of course: smelly. Mr. Saturns also have big caveman-lookin' eyebrows, P.U. These things don't have mouths, therefore, it's perfectly logical to mention that they can't eat, breathe, talk, or even smile. Mr. Saturn is also only male, every single one of them, is male. But in brawl, Mr. Saturn siblings and "Mrs. Saturn" are mentioned when you kick a thousand of these science fair rejects in the ass. Also, they don't have hands. Reporters comment on this disability as: "sucks to be you," and "what the hell is a Mr. Saturn!?", They also get captured and enslaved by belch, which is a blob of barf from Belgium. How did they get captured by a blob of God forsaken barf? I'm asking that same question son.

History

The man himself

The Mr. Saturn species first farted their way into Earth. But not Earthbound!, Earth-Buns. Earth-buns is a prequel to Mother 2, but technically a sequel to Mother. In this game, the protagonist plays a textbook named Texty, who has recently been elected the mayor of Yellowknife. In Earth-Buns these suckers have free health care, unlike the rest of the city, who are forced to pay due to not being cute. Flash forward to Mother-- Not Mother 3! It's "Communism game gets no localization Sim". They do nothing but fall into lava if you push them. They can be made into a soup that heals 2x HP, with X being the day of the month the game’s currently in. For example, if it’s March 10, then you heal 20 HP. If it’s November 31, the game crashes.

Also, This species is in EVERY piece of the series’ branding past Earth-Buns. He is on the albums and all. He has also been included in, uh...um...I don't think there's much other than fangames and merch and official games.

Fun facts!

They serve no purpose other than plot, and being funny, that's literally it.

• A Mr. Saturn once went on a F-22 fighter jet, Totally,
• Most Mr. Saturns hate glasses. They view it as silly, and enjoy breaking them whenever they see one on someone else’s face.
• Also: Mr. Saturn licked the challenger, and 20 minutes before he licked the challenger he ate Raw Acid.

Christ, Also for idiots: Saturn, but sadly, unlike Saturn- Saturn don't have a weird Mount Everest sized nose, Making "Saturn" NOT look identical. ===What Mr. Saturn and Saturn DO NOT have in common ===*Mount Everest nose

• Weird bow

• Having a singular hair

• Eyes, and eye brows.

• Feet with...no toes?*Breathing Air

What Mr. Saturn HAS in common with Saturn

• Not having hands

• Nor arms,

• Not having toes

• Existing

• Not much else

Personality and Features

These little chickens act like 5-year-olds with rabies. They’re highly aggressive to those who don’t smile at them, especially to those who think they smell terrible. Because to them, they’re used to their scent.

They are pretty good at bouncing, mainly due to them being partially made out of rubber. Due to this, they’re also hypothetically good for elastic bands, though, their lack of reproductive features results in them making for a poor choice in making them, as any actual attempt at making a farm of them would quickly die out. They also have retractable whiskers, their primary way to smell. They’re retractable because otherwise, people would confuse them for vermin.

Related Species

Mr. Itoi holding the Mr. Saturn equalivant of the Antichrist

None

Merchandise

The plush of Mr fat big nosed saturn

He got skinned, and turned in to a 300$ costume, god

These little craps are in every single atom of Mother branding, you just can't escape the nose thingy. Also: they are cash cows, have you ever tried looking up Earthbound and not seeing Mr. Saturn within 3 pages?

For some reason they had a giant Mr. Saturn costume. Apparently since these things are so popular, they got their own Halloween costume for cornballs and Cornbread to dress up as.

List of Merchandise

• Happy Meals
• Lead-paint cups
• Hot Wheels
• Cold Wheels
• Overpriced Funko Pops
• Soap

Things Mr. Saturn is in (outside of the mother series)

What the hell is going on

Doom!!! This is proven bye this totally real screenshot!!11!!!1 Wait, why is Doomguy's bunny replacing doom guy???? He is totally in doom. Mr Saturn is also in Quake, I wonder if you noticed that I put a bunny in every screenshot.

Bunnies, in duke, damn it

Damn it, he's reached Duke...

Damn it, the bunnies have reached quake...

Is he just... IN EVERY SINGLE 1990's SHOOTER!?!? Oh, thank God the bunnies haven't reached Wolfenstein. Anyways, who the hell keeps putting bunnies on top of first person shooters!? At least Mr Saturn isn't in Wolfenstein.

Also, they appear in:

• Smash
• Mother Series
• DOOM
• Duke Nukem

Where's Mr Saturn?

Also, COMPLETELY serious!!!1!1!!! Do NOT mention how his nose looks like a giant butt!!!1111!!!!!

Mr. Saturn in Politics

Mr. Saturn has been included in several political posts, mainly due to conflicts over whether or not there’s a Mrs. Saturn, with The Left, The Right, The Up, and The Down all arguing for or against this. We have kidnapped— convinced a Mr. Saturn to write his experience under being in several political posts.

Some say: "Uh, can you say that again? I can't hear ya,", Oh- i forgot that at that exact moment Mr. "some say's" Hearing aids fell out. Also, Mr. Saturn will be Doing advertisements with Pepsi, But Pepsiman realized Using a outdated video game character would be sucky advertising.

Mr. Saturn and Pepsi

Pepsi man brutally strangles the innocent Mr. Saturn species

Remember the Pepsi Jet? Mr. Saturn earned it after working brutally at the Pepsi Factory for years, Even though they could've just, ya know, Sent him home with bandages? Nope, Jet. (The Newark Times will confirm that at the time the Mr. Saturn species had earned 700,000,000 Pepsi Points Prior to the Enslavement, That's exactly 700,000,000 Individual Pepsi bottles. It's suspected that despite such efforts, the average Mr. Saturn was being paid less than 12 cents per week.) Also, not to mention the heroic day when Coca-Cola man saved Mr. Saturn.

Mr. Saturn would then work at coca-cola and ended up doing another eternal coca-cola manufacturing, How the hell does this creature keep getting enslaved? What's wrong with some people? (you would think he would be smart enough to never go near a soda company again but, NOPE.)

Mr. Saturn and hating soda

Mr. Saturn was enslaved again, this makes the started of a rebellious act against soda, (Except A&W Root beer because they can't access alcohol or they explode) The other Mr. Saturn's smashed through the coca cola factories walls, even with a tiny

A&W branded tank. Just kidding! They couldn't afford that. They saved Mr. Saturn in a flash not much else happens, not any conflict would happen with them and soda for years

Mr. Saturn's Favorite things

A&W root beer

Yo mother 4

yo mother so fat 5

Peanut bitterer cheese bars

Everything except coke and pepsi

and not that much else,

(actually what DO These things not like?)

Gallery

Some of Mr. Saturn's life painfully crushed into crappy MS paint art,

A random image that got removed

---

Idk

Mr. Saturn's favorite game AKA: Yo Mother so fat 5

The gameplay is Petting a Pomeranian in purgatory,

forever

and ever

Amen.

And his second favorite: Yo mother so fat 4

The gameplay is doing nothing, and a Pomeranian shows up after 12,0000 hours

Nonstop

no pauses

no bathroom breaks

EPIC STORIEZ

SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY

Saturn's Soy

In the dawn of the soy age, Mr. Saturn fell prey to the soy propaganda. He started keeping bits of tofu around him at all times. he'd drink soy milk and soy cheese, and he'd eat soy cheese bars. It was so disgusting, but Saturn did not care, he loved soy. After all of his friends left him he reconsidered, deciding to stop the soy. -Genius writer lil timmy

Saturn's MILK

MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK

Some day Mr saturn ate the milk, he ate it, he boil the milk but vegan say no no, cow then gave milk flavored cupcaked to mr saturn boi man guy, He the cow so nice for milk milk yum yum very yum milk then was tasty and they played teh crazee Taxee for da Sega Dreamcast, Teh end lolz yum yum milky happy saturn -award winning writer: Lil joe

(I don't think Mr. Saturn will recover from this)

Mario kart 64

"a game, where ya race,"

he do be kart

Mario turns green on earth day

CAT'S AND SPOONS

This is NOT okay.

"Meow"

-Cat

Cats are known to be highly addicted to spoons, This is because, "OOOOH! SHINY! And- BAM! Now your high on 39

different levels! Kittens LOVE this stuff, They LOVE it, trust me on that thought, You see that image? Yeah, THAT one -->

Do you know what the image depicts? EVIL, A kitten (More so a adorable tabby kitten) Gets hold of a spoon, what could POSSIBLY go Wrong? He is PISSED He is getting WITHDRAWLS for what i may add? SPOONS, Now you might be asking, "What's so bad about Spoons?" you may add, Well, The bad part is they are coated with a Drug called Imagination, Now what's Imagination? Its a substance that makes you feel...Childlike whimsy and joy, (Side-effects contain Unicorns, Rainbows, and Happiness.) Actually....Its OKAY if you take a MODERATE dose of Imagination , But Kitten's Take this to a WHOLE ANOTHER LEVEL. They Lick and Lick Spoons About 79% More than the average Non-Lethal dose of Imagination, Now this would be acceptable because of how DAMN cute these lil farts are, But, Its nearly unknown how Kittens Handle Over 79% more than the healthy dose. Kittens who accidently licked 80% More than the healthy dose, (80% is around the Lethal dose,) The Lethal dose Is what The kitten named Jimmy Sock yet, jimmy sock was reported to taking such a intensive dose of Imagination, That his head Asploded. This is why they should be monitored when near Spoons.

Health complications

Now it's not perfectly safe to do even 78%, Yet:

So it's all fun and games until a kitty accidently takes 79.1% More than the Non-Lethal dose, and he passed out, threw up rainbows, pooped up cupcakes, and peed out Orange juice, Those Side effects are the consequences of taking even a gram more than 79% of it.

A lot of people have decided to speak on the topic

"He ASPLODED!" "Wow, he dead

-lil jimmy -Jumbo

Now lil jimmy is right about this statement indeed, as in we asked him, and nearly 30 minutes later his kitten started barfing rainbows, pooping cupcakes, and peeing orange juice

Alright, that is a lil bit violent of a way to express ya day

Apparently they left the utensils cupboard open, Knowing this, it kinda makes sense their house looked like what it did afterwards, for once i have never seen a house with:

1. Cracked Windows
2. Cracked Windows computer
3. Cracked Toilet
4. Cracked Fridge
5. Cracked Couch
6. Cracked Table's
7. Cracked potted Plants

Alongside that absolute disaster, almost every Spoon in the entire house was either: Bent, cracked, Brocken, Rusty, and last but not least Smelly! Now all this would be perfectly fine if they just used Fork's, Now the second thing to solve this problem is: just get one of those cat scratching towers or whatever, it would work, pleasantly,

How to avoid spoons

The easiest way to avoid ANY spoons, (or at least to get them away from kittens) This is a guide on how to get rid of ANY access to spoons, (or to at the very least get them away from your kittens)

Easy steps

The easiest steps are these, even a Toddler could do, Except a baby, a baby can

This also contains a story about how they become a dealer

This is a common type of spoon dealer, the glasses is what tells ya,

The most common type of Spoon exposure is Spoon dealing, this is how you can stop it, Now the easiest way to spot a spoon dealer is when you see a cat (usually a orange tabby) with dark sunglasses, this is so they can hide their identity from Psychics, Now since the Psychics might not read their eyes does not mean they can not do Lipstick kisses, (a form of psychic reading) Although Lipstick kisses only work on female Spoon dealers, as they commonly wear it to be more Romantic which commonly sweeps in more customers, The problem then is to identify if they are a Spoon dealer, or if their owner just wants to protect their eyes, This is a common mistake that often happens when innocent Kittens are in costume and they escape either through their owner accidently letting them out with the Dog, and/or when a owner leaves a window open with a accessible Couch in front,(commonly with a short couch so they can pass through the window,) and sadly, this leaves them stranded, without a Litter Box, and without a Parent to help them in dire need, This leaves the kitten with two options: Live a life of adventure, or live a life of crime, They must choose carefully, or they might be food for a coyote, wolf, mountain lion, bear, bobcat, alligator, eagle, lion, owl, hawk,- Alright this is getting extreme, but you get what I'm trying to say right? If they wrongfully choose a life of crime, they are doomed to either be a stray, or a Catnip dealer, or maybe even a Spoon dealer, Yet that always lends them to the wrong path in life. If they choose a life of adventure then... they could be a stray, a cafe cat, they could even be Adopted by a new owner, or they could optionally go on a quest to find their old owner, or fight their way back in, (mainly targeting people who see missing posters of them) so they can go back to their safe home.

Harder steps

These ones are things that take slightly more effort to actually work.

This also contains ways to convert stray dealers back into normal, functioning, and healthy, Kittens, (also contains most popular dealers to avoid)

Sometimes kittens/Cats plan meet ups with spoon dealers, which is the second most common way

Now there are less common ways Kittens use to pick up a spoon hit, these techniques are commonly used by Cats knowing now that their older they are more mischievous than their younger counter parts. Commonly Kittens and/or Cats use phone communication, most commonly with the specific types of brick phones such as: "Motorola DynaTAC 8000x", and "Panasonic C-Series" they sometimes use the "Nokia 5110" and "Nokia 3210" or "Motorola StarTAC" But more uncommon being: "Nokia 9000 Communicator" and "IBM Simon", alongside the specific selection they rarely use the more modern "Motorola RAZR V3" And "BlackBerry", and last but not least the "Sony Ericsson Walkman", It is almost entirely unknown why they commonly use vintage cellphones, the modern ones (The Sony Ericsson Walkman, BlackBerry, etc.) are known to be bought by rich Catnip dealers, The most well known of them being: "mittens" "cutie" and well known brute: "little ribbon", Of the more niche ones on the market contain mainly stray Cats that got stuck in the business after 1.Escaping a adoption center, or 2.leaving owner (can be on accident), This is why there is such a massive market of Spoon dealers, and Catnip dealers. The most common way to avoid them is to lock your Doors and Windows, Another safety percussion is Keeping most Telephone's away from your cat. A way to convert dealers back into their normal happy Kitten/Cat lives is by carefully removing their sunglasses and grabbing their Telephone, afterwards it's a good idea to teach them morals, and after all the steps are done, send them to a humane Cat Shelter, Now they will be ready to be presentable to the world once again. Things to note are: Be careful to not accidently lick one of their Spoons on accident, and also be incredibly careful when converting them, if they hiss at you, you have effectively failed. But even if they do hiss, its still possible, but it will contain more trial and error trying to get them to like you, Getting them to like you is VERY important to the conversion process. If you do not. Then you have failed a couple of extra expansions to the process: 1. Ask them if they know (Your cats name here) 2. engage friendly conversation. 3. handshake, and them begin process of converting them to normal Cats with persuasion. 4, You have finished, have fun with your new fluffy friend!

Hardest steps

These ones take more effort than all the others,

This also contains ways to stop a Kittens head from Asploding if it has already had a lethal dose of Imagination, alongside teaching your cats there are other paths in life other than Spoons.

A Kitten realizing there's more to life than spoons,

So this is the most complicated of the guides, containing the most content out of the 3, Now let's get started....If a Spoon dealer somehow sneaks in without permission with the other 2 guides active, this is what to do If you see one of them, quickly take the Spoon and Neutralize/wash off the Imagination from the spoon, afterwards, You need to pet the dealer and your Cat, (This is to reduce hostility from both sides) And give them one cat biscuit, Cut the cat biscuit, give one half to each side, Dealer and Cat, after you do this, they should be eating their biscuits happily, after they are both done eating, Introduce them to a Zucchini, Now After they eat the Zucchini, Have them exercise for a bit, afterwards tell them a speech on why you shouldn't do Catnip, or Spoons, Now after this, you can keep the dealer as a pet, unless they scratch you, then instead just call a Animal shelter. Now to the part about preventing your Kittens head from Asploding, The first step is check if they took a lethal dose of Imagination, or if they are just having a Headache, If its confirmed they took a lethal dose of Imagination, Then race to find any sort of fork, Now a way to make the fork more helpful is dipping it in Milk, Dipping it in milk will satisfy the cat and make them calm for what's to come, (If they are allergic, Use soy milk!) Now find the most boring thing imaginable, this can go from: "Going to the DMV, The experience," "office job mayhem!, now including filling peoples taxes!" "Wait in line at check-out Simulator", If you own any of these applications, immediately show them to your Cat, this will the Imagination Substance bored, (with the total lack of imagination included in said games) If you do not have that, Read your cat any of the " [so and so] For Dummies!" or Read a "Dictionary" to your cat, if you do not have any of those, show your cat a live video of a average boring desk job, If you do all, or any, of these actions, the Imagination will be neutralized by just how boring the contents are, (after this guide you might have to wait 3 days for your cat to fully recover) And after 3 Days your cat will know a important life lesson: "Don't Do Spoons, only use them for food," -former Spooner cupcake the kitten, And that wraps up the 3rd and most important guide.

How to stop cats from Spoons

A former Catnip addict finally finds a new hobby, (Mr. Mittens) The meme reads: "YOUR COMPUTER, let me have it"

Its really easy, Lock your appliance Drawer's, but its also important to get your cat fixated on a new more healthy (or not) hobby, Its a pretty big difference when a former longtime Catnip addict (Mr. Mittens HIMSELF by the way) Quit, And then his life turned around. He started playing on his computer for fun, he started trying Ball, (the game you psychopaths.) and he even tried playing outside, and catching mice, He even said quote: "Meow, meow meow...Purrr..." -Mr. Mittens, This quote is incredibly influential to stopping Catnip and Spoon all together. Now scientists such as Mr. Pickles have said more about side effects of both drugs, I quote: "Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow mew, Mew mew mew...Meow.......Meow meow, Purrrrr...." From what has been researched so far, Newly found side effects contain: "Barfing Sparkles", "intense hallucinations of unicorns and kitties in a field of magical sunflowers", And so far that's all that has been collected from the most recent studies within the category of: "threats to kitten kind", More News will be released later on about side effects from volunteers (Mainly addicts), some were asked about what they experienced, Test subject number one (Fluffy) "MeOw MeeOOOw.............MeEEEOOWOWOW!....PurRrR......MEOW MEOW MEEEEOOOWW!!!!" and that is all that was actually informative, We asked a highly intelligent kitten to translate and this is what he wrote: "Oh...I feel like I'm going insane!...*shiver*.........I WAS SEEING- UNDESCRIBABLE THINGS!!!!" Other professional Cat Mrs. Fluffball said that the translation is 86.3% accurate. Now that we have scientific proof that it is highly dangerous, we can show the news article to kittens to teach the youth, alongside our new PSA: "Spoons aren't for licking". All this will cancel out this awful drug within a couple months. (well closing it off from the general public.) But the Famous dealers need to be converted back into normal kind and sweet Cats as they once were to stop EVERYONE from it.

The secret spooning societies

In a catnip infested world, Cheezburger remains.

There is a large community of Spooner's that is pretty underground to common knowledge, But it mainly consists Of stray Kitties and Cats Alike, In a no-man's-land, Kitties remain... These towns forever remain violent and uncertain to ever recover back to societies standards, The City is constantly covered in used Catnip and Spoons, One of the most Rebellious (now retired) Kitty gangster / former Catnip dealer Mr. Ribbons grew up in that city, He was the first to "I can Haz cheezburg'd" (finding a cheezburger in no-man's-land) He was the first to find a fresh Cheezburger since 1916, (when the city was started) The first EVER Kitten to find a Cheezburger in that city was Mr. Richard the 2nd, a prominent Kitten in the cities history. Yet The very first gangster to arrive in the city was "Wilbur" he was a Orange Tabby cat that started the crime history of the 1930's, it took the Kitten police over 5 years to catch Wilbur, He has since been released after his 3 year sentence, Afterward he started the very first gang of kitty city. "malicious mitten's" in 1937. Since then "malicious mitten's" has evolved, they forever remain at the top of the gangs founded after the fact. The members in "malicious mitten's" areː Mr. Mittens (retired), cucumber (Retired), Cupcake, Muffin (Current .co leader), Cookie (V.I.P), Mint, Brute (Bulldog), Smith (Veteran), Now there are a couple facts about the team, Now Brute is a Long time member that has been in "Malicious Mitten's" since 1993, And ever since, they have been trying to fix the city up, As of now, Brute has left and has started a new life in Dog duke, (a far away city) And the city is a No-mans-land, Most Kitties have long since left now as full grown Cats, They decided to abandon the town, but ever since "malicious mitten's" has shut down, The civilians have been left on Catnip and Spoons to survive, The residents have found abandon restaurants and are trying to conserve what's left of the long gone civilization that used to be in that area, The only research done has recommended around 4 survivors in the city left. This is because they have went through Insanity, and have stayed Insane, Sadly it remains unlivable remains of what used to be of a violent, gang filled, society, long beyond saving.

Yet out of the 4, 3 went insane and worshipped a non-existent religion called Spoonism, this in fact, does not exist, and it's got more of a demonic presence than Hell itself

The demanding Market

"IM VEWY ANGEY." -can i have cheezburger cat

With the constant demanding market of Spoons and Catnip, There is one problemː "we haz got no cheezburgerz" That's supply and demand for ya, cats stopped eating Cheezburgerz and changed to drugs like Catnip and Spoons, The Can i have cheezburger cat even tried to do a PSA on why "you should do Cheezburgerz, not spoonz" yet Spoons and Catnip still dominate the market, it is estimated that supply and demand is not smooth sailing. Currently supplies are running out after over consumption, and with more humans remembering to follow the 3 guides to eliminating Spoon and/or Catnip usage all together, The stock market has also crashed after CheezBurger ingredients sky rocketed in price after 1 milligram of Imagination was found in cheese.(1 milligram is the least lethal dose, as said by scientist Mrs. Pickles) Because of this, Scalper's bought pounds of the Imagination Cheese, because of this, now Cheezburgerz have become incredibly expensive, most might even first try them by taking them from a mansion's trash, Most Rich Kitties even endorse the Imagination Cheese, Its now most commonly sold by Reseller's who just want to get a quick buck. Before then, Most bought CheezBurgerz because of there juicy Pattie's, And also because of how healthy they had been compared to other competitors like Kitty-City-Cafe and also Cat-Sheriff, (Cat-Sheriff was incredibly close to beating Cheezburgerz but they went bankrupt before they could do so) while Kitty city was starting to become a gangsters cove had forced a chain reaction were Kitty-City-Cafe had to shut down alongside Kitty city itself, (of course that was when the city was entirely abandon.) Yet after Cat-Sheriff shut down, Cheezburgerz bought it out. After Cheezburgerz bought out Cat-Sheriff The Diner quickly lost its fame faster than when they had been (almost) shutdown, Because most people assumed that it was some sort of Publicity stunt, even though it was clearly bought out at the last second, After Cat-Sheriff was FULLY shutdown for good, Evidently Cheezburgerz took a little bit of Cat-Sheriff's legacy, But only the part were they are smooth sailing and- Dead. After Cheezburgerz was close to shutting down after the massive Stock Market crash, they had to hire a couple Cat Stockbroker's, This also started a popular jokeː "It was a Cat-tholic Miracleǃ" As it really was, It was fully expected by the post that Cheezburgerz would shut down at December 31st, Yet after stocks stabilized after the novelty wore off Cheezburgerz was kinda just left to be a throw away generic diner. Even though Cheezburgerz was not really going strong, it still kept in their audience for all this time, that is pretty extreme loyalty i tell ya

Stock market

After all, The Stock Market is a pretty important part of the history of Spoons so i decided to have this included as a category

History

Spoons used to have a minuscule amount of Imagination that could only affect Kittens, alongside the knowledge of Kittens being described asː "Silly rascals" "Nasty, Cruel Little Bastards" Also not to mention the God forsakenly Hellish, Devilish, Cruel, acts done by man kind when I QOUTE When a urban legend sparked about a old lady trying to "Dry off" Her kitten in the- wait for it...Microwaveǃ? Also about the start of Spoons, Now even before i even MENTION That Cats getting high on spoons is a stupid lie also there is a guide on how Imagination is made with...Imagination Is made TOTALLY made with unicorns rainbows, happy magic happiness sunflowersǃ And of course...the psychical embodiment of silly squashed into a liquid juice, alongside these ingredients is SO classified that no matter how much of silly kitty yo are you can never uncover it, NEVER. Actually, i'll just tell you it, what are they gonna do? SUE me for talking about a non-existent silly drugǃ So here it isː Hopes, Dreams, Hugs, Heaven on earth, A new whole another level of inner peace, and, i'll just spit it out, it's really just catnip and crushed hopes and dreams in reality, should've expected that huh? CURSE YOU EVIL KITTEN GOVERNMENTǃǃǃǃ ALWAY'S Redacting things meant for the general public's eye'sǃ Well i guess all we have left to know is that the Spoon drug was invented in 1914, (as seen on the stock chart,) The first sale was when Famous

How do you sell that many spoons anyways?

Drug tester "Wilbur the 3rd" (cousin of Wilbur,) tried out a spoon and- Afterwards he gave a hand written explanation of the experience of getting a Spoon hit i quoteː "Meow meow meow meow meow meow, Meow meow meow, meowǃ Meow meow meow meow? Meow meow meow." For those reading who may not be affiliated with the language of Meow, here is translation done by famous Cat scientist, "Mrs. Pickles" Herselfː "Well done Mr. Wilbur, or rather Wilbur the first, I Cannot believe the substance of which contained in such metal packagingǃ Is it believable that such could be possibly dangerous if overdosed? If not, then well done, you have created the cure to the Catnip market." At the time Wilbur the 3rd did not know that it was highly dangerous either or in any way overdosed, actually, the ingredients listed above are actually the review of a angry factory worker so yes, indeed Imagination is made out of unicorns, rainbows, happiness, magic happiness sunflowers, And of course...the psychical embodiment of silly squashed into a liquid juice, To get the embodiment of silly, we need to speak about the process they used in 1914, the first step is usually finding a Silly out in the wild, Afterwards if it declares you worthy of silly, it gives you the liquid of silly. Now with the liquid of silly, combine it with a silly's feces', and you get the pure embodiment of silly, now if you find a second silly, (a female and male) then breed them to save the silly species, and bamǃ Your done, In it's unpopular state Vile Goons that lie under the depth's of early kitty city, most got a spoon hit by just stealing them, after they started a business, They founded a gang to beat up ANYONE who stole a spoon to a pulp. This gang was called "Cats of crime" and they were the most vicious in all of kitty city, they were more underground but- if they had to fight, they WOULD and they WOULD do it GOOD. (as in breaking a couple of your Bones, leaving you with a couple of cuts, and of course, a unconscious body, and a GIANT Pain in your back when you wake up, since then it shut down and kitty police started monitoring stolen Spoons, practically making the "Cats of crime" Club, fully irrelevant, its said some of the survivors in kitty city still think they are around, (knowing they have not seen civilization in years), Knowing that, Kitty city is highly dangerous today, it is advised to not go near it without a Kevlar Vest, Gasmask, and gloves, alongside other protection against substances, like boots.

The side-effects

the side effects of taking a Spoon hit can vary,

The most common of side-effects are mildly similar to that of Catnip

So here's how to recognize them, Actually, this won't be any help, because it's most likely you are to happy to try to read apparently, I'm talking to anyone reading this who is high on Spoons at the moment, Get outǃ

Now side effects of your cat taking a Spoon hit can vary, as said earlier, most common side-effects (that are documented currently) containː

"threw up rainbows, pooped up cupcakes, and peed out Orange juice," Documented by what happened to "jimmy sock"

"This is because they have went through Insanity, and have stayed Insane" Doccumented from "kitty city survivors"

"MeOw MeeOOOw.............MeEEEOOWOWOW!....PurRrR......MEOW MEOW MEEEEOOOWW!!!!" Documented from a catnip/spoon addict

A accurate visualization of THAT scene

Most side-effects documented contain "Kittens head almost asploding" "peeing orange juice, barfing rainbows, and pooped cupcakes" Alongside Going insane (while on the hit) And staying insane permanently (after a overdose/long term usage) And of course accidently making a entirely new religion called Spoonism after going insane (forever) and of course the newly found side effects containing: "Barfing Sparkles", "intense hallucinations of unicorns and kitties in a field of magical sunflowers" we have made a visualization of that scene as you see, that kitten is experiencing a short term form of Spoon hallucinations, As in "Seeing a magical sunflower field", (AKA the most common side-effect) Not much has been documented about the side-effects, but they are still a big part of the history of Spoons, even then, there is still a bad effect because of the amount of Silly entering the kitten's body. (mainly their cranium) And because of this, this is why they have the mild threat of their heads Asploding into two, (or five, or actually...a million)

Yet this is common knowledge, what's the effect on humans?

effect of spoons on Humans

Side-effects also containː Groovy baby dancin'ǃ

The effect of spoons on humans is way more dangerous than it is to Cats, around 78% more deaths happen from humans accidently doing lethal spoons, But, Baby's can actually take a infinite amount of Imagination, (Toddlers can only take EXACTLY 1,932,854.312 Imagination) Fun fact If a Toddler takes 1,932,854.313 or more...They explode, Instantly.

NUMBER OF TODDLERS KILLED BY SPOONS

(By the wayː this counts both kitten deaths and toddler deaths)

The number keeps growing, only YOU can save the ooga chaka babyǃ (He's Next if this problem isn't fixedǃ) wait, there's also a second counter, let me set this up-

Only YOU Can save CheezBurger before it's to late for kitty kind altogetherǃ Is there a reason the number is so fast? Pointː I faked the number for dramatic effect, the real number is 13% slower, so uh... Save kittens and toddlers 13% slower poepleǃ

Cat-Sheriff

The most recent logo, (The one right before cat-sheriff almost went bankrupt in 1999)

"Ahh, yes, the glorious poopy heads of the fast food industryǃ"

-Wilbur the 4th (founder of Cat-sheriff)

Cat-Sheriff is the direct competitor to Kitty city cafe, Being the most popular Cat food chain next to, well, Cheezburgerz, (Cheezburgerz has now long surpassed Cat-Sheriff, knowing that Cat-Sheriff shut down) Most notable being when they peaked in 1997, they reached at least 5 burgers sold every 5 minutes, (at least if we do the math, One day is 1440 minutes, now divide this by 5, yeah, divide it, you got through the 5th grade, you SHOULD be able to do the math) Okay, at least for the two year old's that don't know divisionː 1440 divided by 5 Is 288, this prooves you uncoverd this becuase of how stupid YOU are, thanks knuckle head anyways, what made them famous where their slogans, unlike Logan, it has a S in it. I quoteː

"we don't sell to no Cats with spoons", "Spoons? Never heard of it, you criminal Spoon lover ain't you? if so, GET OUT."

Nothing much else, almost every location uses the same layout, a layout containingː

1. a in house bar
2. Play place for kittens
3. a new Couch
4. Flame grilled burgers
5. Posters

Now the Layout did not change that much at all even after being bought out by Cheezburgerz, although they changed one thing, all they did to the layout was removing the In house bar, I mean, the direction they took the franchise to be more family friendly, kinda sucked.

The early day's

The earliest establishment, (digitally remade from newspaper ad)

In the early days of the company, the Diner was pretty crappy, it sadly didn't have that much content to it. In the early beginning all they were was a family business that got popular after some folks heard about it around town, Nothing much happened until they slightly lowered there prices and Bamǃ They made a fortune, (kinda) They upgraded from a stand to a full on Diner, (one that was around the size of 3 Garden shed's) which is displayed on this article to the right, now they kept their recipe mostly secret, yet a man was able to collect a copy from a burnt down establishment, (the one placed in Kitty city, that was sadly destroyed by a Explosive device, it is still unknown who planted it but anyways it was actually to burnt to see the words, yet here is what was made out of the somewhat readable text that was not destroyedː

"Cheese (melty), mayo (homemade), meat (medium rare), bun (x2),"

It seems it was actually, well, any ordinary sandwich in the end, the two founders (Wilbur the 4th and Mrs. Dove) had been married after four years of the restaurant being up (1985) they started to do more love themed burgers, Including (the now discontinued) heart steak, Dove flame, and of course the ever so famous Wilbur 'N' dove home cooking special. Now the company had good sales in the ninety's, Yet there is not much to speak about. In the Eighty's there was a okay amount of customers sure, but it never really hit the popularity of other long lasting brands like CheezBurgerz, they had been in a heated rivalry for a long time, but all this would change in the later years.

The later years

What the restaurant looked like in the late 80s

In the later years (1989-2000) they got very good sales all around good success, (although the drop of diner popularity) It was smooth sailing for the most part. It really got quite the glow up after the immense popularity of Cat sheriff

Kitties and guns

Meow -James bond

A underage kitten with a firearm

A new pandemic has come across mostly the United States isː Kitties with guns, it has been a major problem ever since Kitty city started getting a population of gangsters,

POSTAL (video game)

The cover art of "Teaching Postal Services for kids 3-8"

Postal (Teaching Postal services for children 3-8 in England) is a very slow paced kids game were the main character (Dude the mail-man) Here is a detailed description from the guide bookː "Mr. Dude the Mail-man gives packages to customers every dayǃ, He is always good and jolly, and he never forgets to brush his teethǃ, but a CRAZY Disaster happensǃ Poor Dude the Mail-man ends up getting in trouble with bad buddy bully bobǃ Bad bully bob mixes up all the packages and lettersǃ So now Mr. Dude needs to find the right customers and retrieve peace in the land of what used to be package paradise ǃ Now you need to help him by using the letter 'N' package launcher and save the day ǃ" The game-play was a isometric top-down perspective shooter for kids, and it contains finding the right customer and giving them a package, these customers would be found around the map, with there main purpose being giving missions of said game-play, and that was mostly it. The series had couple of spin-off's likeː

• Teaching Postal Services for kids 8-10
• Teaching Postal Services On Vacation
• How to learn the Postal industry for young Mail-men
• Learning in Post office land for kids 3-6
• Post office rumble
• Postal
• Teaching postal services for kids 2

And besides its short lived history, it was a somewhat popular game anyways.

The Gameplay

The gameplay is similar to that of Duke Nukem

Cheese-cake man

"what a lousy superheroǃ"

-a delinquent simpleton Fat man that doesn't understand cheesecake mans true power

"the most powerful being next to any living thing,"

-a professional reviewer that knows the truth

The "Best" Superhero Ever, (He is Neither super nor hero)

Cheesecake man (also referred to as the best piece of scripture ever written) Is a crappy novel made by the minds of "Your great Grandmothers got better idea's than US" publishing and co-produced from the artists at "Joseph Stalin's Butt-crack college" But its widely known Cheesecake man is real. And he is unstoppable NO MATTER WHAT. He was involved in multiple political cases such asː

• Absolutely nothing
• Nothing
• Nothing special here
• Air
• None
• A very hard court argument with a couple Nonexistent people
• And a bar fight with the Non-Huffable Kitten
• Also including playing a arcade of Polybius, while on a drug trip
• Breathing
• and reading HowTo:Breathe, and passing out after forgetting how to breath.
• Existing

And since that was a overly long list of things he's done, its now been proven its a detailed description of every mildly interesting thing he's ever done. Other than that he has a "Interesting" backstory,

Cheesecake-mans backstory

On a dark and stormy night, a guy bit some Cheesecake, (and just like any other generic superhero backstory) Gained the power of a lazy fat man, and nothing else.

the Kitten of doom

"Meow" -The kitten of doom

Because it would be highly dangerous to be within 7 feet of the kitten of doom we decided to ask a survivor to explain what the kitten looked like, it is estimated to look like a Tabby kitten with a top-hat but this is not known if fully true. please contact us if you see a kitten, or rather, THE kitten of doom. If you are lucky enough to have a photo, please tell us.

The Kitten of Doom is semi-known as a unstoppable being that takes form as a Lil' cutie patootie Kitten, and that would seem as the most of what he is but no, the Kitten of doom in responsible for nearly 98% of all Kitten-related human fatalities on earth. Alongside this people started to publish a Kitten Cookbook, they hoped it would scare the Kitten of doom, but no. The Kitten of doom proceeded to rip their internal organs out and smash their skulls alongside cutting open their brains, This Kitten is also one of the most hostile things on earth, if you walk exactly 3 millimeters too close to the kitten of doom- its most likely you are already dead.

Fun factsː

Since it would be like burning in the darkest pit of hell, here is a article containing every crime the Kitten of Doom has committedː

wont ya look at that? He made himself a themeǃ

The kitten of doom is now known as a threat to humanity, duh, Now since this kitty will demolish humanity like a twig, consider us all screwed, but for the meantime,

Autobiographyː

Since it would be plagiarism...we can only put page one

Page oneː Life as a kitten of doom

"Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow." Since we can't afford a translator, and the kitten of doom would most likely rip him in half, we decided to just, manifest whatever in gods name he wrote, also i cannot confirm whether or whether not its a joke, but it WAS written by the man himself, so,

Love life, and why the kitten of doom DISPISES it

Turns out, he was slightly less happy, sporting a frown, and nothing else, it seems him breaking up with is girlfriend made him release the eternal anger left in the deepest darkest pits of his soul. This is also why he started committing crimes like collecting Pokémon cards, Also he never partook in any war, it was just to show a inch of his anger.

"meow..."

-The kitten of doom

This cat surprisingly had a love life, now that is for sure in the past tense, since, i don't know if he is neutral or if he hates every. living. thing. Turns out his girlfriend leaving him made him feel, INFURIATED. So naturally, he did what any cat does, VIOLENCE. And he was collecting crimes like Pokémon cards, since it was WAY to dangerous to step foot into his lair after he went mad, we decided to just, not, but a brave man with the name (anonymous) Decided to take a tour, he is now dead, and we are still confused who names their child anonymous, seriously, the team was questioning how crappy his parents were, knowing he has the GULL to say hi to one of the most dangerous things alive. Also, we have learned he has friends, most of which have been taken hostage or killed, the one left is Wilbur, Wilbur hates being confused with Wilbur, one of them is a gangster, one of them is a friend of the kitten of doom, Why do we call him the kitty of doom?, Why don't we just use what his owner named him?, eh- the name cupcake does not sound as evil as what he has done, after his heart was broken, he PYCHICALLY ripped peoples hearts out.

The kitten of doom and being on the run, constantly

"MEOW"

-The kitten of doom

what we presume the kitty of doom would look like after he took down a entire S.W.A.T team in the short, short time of 3 minutes. It seems practically impossible to capture him, and it would be impracticable to send anyone else.

Now he has been wanted, for QUITE a while, i mean, animal control did not do ANYTHING to 'em so naturally, we called S.W.A.T over, and unsurprisingly the kitty of doom won once again, now you would probably think that by now the government would probably give up before they wasted thousands of our Tax dollars on a rouge cat that self proclaims itself as the kitty of doom- but no, they went all out and sent more, unsurprisingly they immediately lost to a kitty with no remorse, no heart, and no mercy. A well known fact is how he never smiles, ever, which is a touching reminder of his cold soul, alongside his lack of love, or rather the complete emptiness of his heart, the police is constantly going after him even though the kitten of doom usually couldn't care less about "put your hands up ǃ" and the cop is usually just, killed brutally just like any one of the kitty of dooms victims.

The idiotic reasoning of why they keep trying to catch him

Even though they all SHOULD know they are going to be playing patty cake with their internal organs if they step NEAR the kitty of doom, they still try to find him, this wastes tax dollars and is why America is going downhill, primarily were the kitty of doom natively lives, and research shows the kitten of doom can occasionally dodge bullets , now that's cool and all, but that makes him immune to all usual police standard firearms, how do we solve this? Easy, send a truckload of MORE officers that won't do swat ǃ So, this ended up just making the kitty EVEN more angry, so naturally, it did not take to long for the kitty of doom to gain quite a lot of casualties. I mean, what were they thinking? So, this ended up just making things worse, For everyone.

Kitty of doom and his relationship with police

Robocop screaming in fear as a cosmic entity of the nameː "Kitty of Doom" politely sits on his hand, everyone was to scared to take him off, even the other police force.

The kitty of doom hates police, and police hates it, that would be perfectly fine until on side decided to attack, the police sent Robo-Cop, and that didn't do anything. Now at this point you would probably just make a run for it, but no, around 40 seconds later they sent in a S.W.A.T van, the kitten of doom ran from Robo-Cop's hand, and lit a match to set the gasoline of the truck on fire, after around thirty more seconds went by, the S.W.A.T van exploded,

Every one of the crimes that The kitty of doom has doneː

"how the hell do i fight for this... CREATURE?" -The kitty of dooms Lawyer

The kitty of doom is the most evil thing, just, ever and here's a list of why that statement is justifiedː

1. Abusive Sexual Contact
2. Advocating Overthrow of Government
3. Aggravated Assault/Battery
4. Aggravated Identity Theft
5. Aggravated Sexual Abuse
6. Aiming a Laser Pointer at an Aircraft
7. Airplane Hijacking
8. Anti-racketeering
9. Antitrust
10. Armed Robbery
11. Arson
12. Assassination
13. Assault with a Deadly Weapon
14. Assaulting or Killing Federal Officer
15. Assisting or Instigating Escape
16. Attempt to commit Murder/Manslaughter
17. Bank Burglary
18. Bankruptcy Fraud/Embezzlement
19. Bank Larceny
20. Bank Robbery
21. Blackmail
22. Bombing Matters
23. Bond Default
24. Breaking and/or Entering Carrier Facilities
25. Bribery Crimes
26. Certification of Checks (Fraud)
27. Child Abuse
28. Child Exploitation
29. Child Pornography
30. Civil Action to Restrain Harassment of a Victim or Witness
31. Coercion
32. Commodities Price Fixing
33. Computer Crime
34. Concealing Escaped Prisoner
35. Concealing Person from Arrest
36. Concealment of Assets
37. Conspiracy (in matters under FBI jurisdiction)
38. Conspiracy to Impede or Injure an Officer
39. Contempt of Court
40. Continuing Criminal Enterprise
41. Conveying False Information
42. Copyright Matters
43. Counterfeiting
44. Counterintelligence Crimes
45. Credit/Debit Card Fraud
46. Crime Aboard Aircraft
47. Crimes on Government Reservations
48. Crimes on Indian Reservations
49. Criminal Contempt of Court
50. Criminal Forfeiture
51. Criminal Infringement of a Copyright
52. Cyber Crimes
53. Damage to Religious Property
54. Delivery to Consignee
55. Demands Against the U.S.
56. Destruction of Aircraft or Motor Vehicles Used in Foreign Commerce
57. Destruction of an Energy Facility
58. Destruction of Property to Prevent Seizure
59. Destruction of Records in Federal Investigations and Bankruptcy
60. Destruction of Corporate Audit Records
61. Destruction of Veterans’ Memorials
62. Detention of Armed Vessel
63. Disclosure of Confidential Information
64. Domestic Security
65. Domestic Terrorism
66. Domestic Violence
67. Drive-by Shooting
68. Drug Abuse Violations
69. Drug Smuggling
70. Drug Trafficking
71. DUI/DWI on Federal Property
72. Economic Espionage
73. Election Law Crimes
74. Embezzlement
75. Embezzlement Against Estate
76. Entering Train to Commit Crime
77. Enlistment to Serve Against the U.S.
78. Environmental Scheme Crimes
79. Escaping Custody/Escaped Federal Prisoners
80. Examiner Performing Other Services
81. Exportation of Drugs
82. Extortion
83. Failure to Appear on Felony Offense
84. Failure to Pay Legal Child Support Obligations
85. False Bail
86. False Pretenses
87. False Statements Relating to Health Care Matters
88. Falsely Claiming Citizenship
89. False Declarations before Grand Jury or Court
90. False Entries in Records of Interstate Carriers
91. False Information and Hoaxes
92. False Statement to Obtain Unemployment Compensation
93. Federal Aviation Act
94. Federal Civil Rights Violations (hate crimes, police misconduct)
95. Female Genital Mutilation
96. Financial Transactions with Foreign Government
97. First Degree Murder
98. Flight to Avoid Prosecution or Giving Testimony
99. Forced Labor
100. Forcible Rape
101. Forgery
102. Fraud Activity in Connection with Electronic Mail
103. Fraud Against the Government
104. Genocide
105. Hacking Crimes
106. Harboring Terrorists
107. Harming Animals Used in Law Enforcement
108. Hate Crime Acts
109. Homicide
110. Hostage Taking
111. Identity Theft
112. Illegal Possession of Firearms
113. Immigration Offenses
114. Impersonator Making Arrest or Search
115. Importation of Drugs
116. Influencing Juror by Writing
117. Injuring Officer
118. Insider Trading Crimes
119. Insurance Fraud
120. Interference with the Operation of a Satellite
121. International Parental Kidnapping
122. International Terrorism
123. Interstate Domestic Violence
124. Interstate Violation of Protection Order
125. Larceny
126. Lobbying with Appropriated Moneys
127. Mailing Threatening Communications
128. Major Fraud Against the U.S.
129. Manslaughter
130. Medical/Health Care Fraud
131. Missile Systems Designed to Destroy Aircraft
132. Misuse of Passport
133. Misuse of Visas, Permits, or Other Documents
134. Molestation
135. Money Laundering
136. Motor Vehicle Theft
137. Murder by a Federal Prisoner
138. Murder Committed During Drug-related Drive-by shooting
139. Murder Committed in Federal Government Facility
140. Narcotics Violations
141. Obstructing Examination of Financial Institution
142. Obstruction of Court Orders
143. Obstruction of Federal audit
144. Obstruction of Justice
145. Obstruction of Criminal Investigations
146. Officer Failing to Make Reports
147. Partial Birth Abortion
148. Penalties for Neglect or Refusal to Answer Subpoena
149. Peonage
150. Perjury
151. Picketing or Parading
152. Pirating
153. Possession by Restricted Persons
154. Possession of False Papers to Defraud the U.S.
155. Possession of Narcotics
156. Possession of Child Pornography
157. Private Correspondence with Foreign Government
158. Probation Violation
159. Product Tampering
160. Prohibition of Illegal Gambling Businesses
161. Prostitution
162. Protection of Foreign Officials
163. Public Corruption Crimes
164. Racketeering
165. Radiological Dispersal Devices
166. Ransom Money
167. Rape
168. Receiving the Proceeds of Extortion
169. Recording or Listening to Grand or Petit Juries While Deliberating
170. Reentry of an Alien Removed on National Security Grounds
171. Registration of Certain Organizations
172. Reproduction of Citizenship Papers
173. Resistance to Extradition Agent
174. Rescue of Seized Property
175. Retaliating Against a Federal Judge by False Claim or Slander of Title
176. Retaliating Against a Witness, Victim, or an Informant
177. Robbery
178. Robberies and Burglaries Involving Controlled Substances
179. Sabotage
180. Sale of Citizenship Papers
181. Sale of Stolen Vehicles
182. Searches Without Warrant
183. Second Degree Murder
184. Serial Murders
185. Sexual Abuse
186. Sexual Abuse of a Minor
187. Sexual Assault
188. Sexual Battery
189. Sexual Conduct with a Minor
190. Sexual Exploitation
191. Sex Trafficking
192. Shoplifting
193. Smuggling
194. Solicitation to Commit a Crime of Violence
195. Stalking (In Violation of Restraining Order)
196. Stolen Property; Buying, Receiving, or Possessing
197. Subornation of Perjury
198. Suits Against Government Officials
199. Tampering with a Witness, Victim, or Informant
200. Tampering with Consumer Products
201. Tampering with Vessels
202. Theft of Trade Secrets
203. Torture
204. Trafficking in Counterfeit Goods or Services
205. Transmission of Wagering Information (Gambling)
206. Transportation into State Prohibiting Sale
207. Transportation of Slaves from U.S.
208. Transportation of Stolen Vehicles
209. Transportation of Terrorists
210. Trespassing
211. Treason
212. Unauthorized Removal of Classified Documents
213. Use of Fire or Explosives to Destroy Property
214. Use of Weapons of Mass Destruction
215. Vandalism
216. Video Voyeurism
217. Violation of Prohibitions Governing Atomic Weapons
218. Violence at International airports
219. Violent Crimes in Aid of Racketeering Activity
220. Willful Wrecking of a Train Resulting in Death
221. Wire Fraud

Things the kitty of doom has causedː

• Trojan War (dates uncertain)

• Trojan War (dates uncertain)

• First Messenian War (c. 735–715 bce)
• Lelantine War (c. 720–680 bce; dates uncertain)

• Lelantine War (c.720–680 bce; dates uncertain)
• Second Messenian War (c. 660 bce)

• Greco-Persian Wars (492–449 bce)
• Peloponnesian War (431–404 bce)

• Lamian War (323–322 bce)

• First Punic War (264–241 bce)
• Second Punic War (218–201 bce)

• Third Punic War (149–146 bce)

• Gallic Wars (58–50 bce)

• Jinshin-no-ran (672)

• Norman Conquest (1066)
• Crusades (1095–1291; sporadically thereafter)
• Gempei War (1180–85)
• Barons’ War (1264–67)

• Hundred Years’ War (c. 1337–1453)
• War of the Eight Saints (1375–78)

• Hundred Years’ War (c. 1337–1453)
• Thirteen Years’ War (1454–66)
• Wars of the Roses (1455–85)
• Ōnin War (1467–77)

• Count’s War (1534–36)
• Araucanian Wars (1541–58)
• Livonian War (1558–83)
• Eighty Years’ War (1568–1648)
• War of the Three Henrys (1587–89)

• Eighty Years’ War (1568–1648)
• Kalmar War (1611–13)
• Thirty Years’ War (1618–48)
• Powhatan War (1622–44)
• Bishops’ Wars (1639; 1640)
• English Civil Wars (1642–51)
• First Northern War (1655–60)
• War of Devolution (1667–68)
• King Philip’s War (1675–76)
• War of the Grand Alliance (1689–97)
• King William’s War (1689–97)

• Second Northern War (1700–21)
• War of the Spanish Succession (1701–14)
• War of the Emboabas (1708–09)
• Carnatic Wars (1746–48; 1749–54; 1758–63)
• Queen Anne’s War (1702–13)
• Yamasee War (1715–16)
• War of the Polish Succession (1733–38)
• War of Jenkins’ Ear (1739–48)
• War of the Austrian Succession (1740–48)
• King George’s War (1744–48)
• French and Indian War (1754–63)
• Silesian Wars (1740–42; 1744–45; 1756–62)
• Seven Years’ War (1756–63)
• Lord Dunmore’s War (1774)
• Rohilla War (1774)
• American Revolution (1775–83)
• First Maratha War (1775–82)
• War of the Bavarian Succession (1778–79)
• Cape Frontier Wars (1779–1879)
• French Revolution (1787–99)
• French revolutionary wars (1792–1801)

• Cape Frontier Wars (1779–1879)
• French revolutionary wars (1792–1801)
• War of the Oranges (1801)
• Tripolitan War (1801–05)
• Second Maratha War (1803–05)
• Third Maratha War (1817–18)
• Napoleonic Wars (1803–15)
• Black War (1804–30)
• Peninsular War (1808–14)
• War of 1812 (1812–15)
• Creek War (1813–14)
• War of Greek Independence (1821–32)
• Padri War (1821–37)
• Naning War (1831–32)
• Pastry War (1838–39)
• Mexican-American War (1846–48)
• Crimean War (1853–56)
• Bleeding Kansas (1854–59)
• American Civil War (1861–65)
• War of the Triple Alliance (1864/65–70)
• Seven Weeks’ War (1866)
• Selangor Civil War (1867–73)
• Franco-German War (1870–71)
• Acehnese War (1873–1904)
• Red River Indian War (1874–75)
• Serbo-Turkish War (1876–78)
• Anglo-Zulu War (1879)
• War of the Pacific (1879–83)
• Gun War (1880–81)
• Sino-French War (1883–85)
• Serbo-Bulgarian War (1885–86)
• Sino-Japanese War (1894–95)
• Spanish-American War (1898)
• Philippine-American War (1899–1902)
• South African War (1899–1902)
• The War of a Thousand Days (1899–1903)

• Acehnese War (1873–1904)
• Philippine-American War (1899–1902)
• South African War (1899–1902)
• The War of a Thousand Days (1899–1903)
• Boxer Rebellion (1900–01)
• Moro Wars (1901–13)
• Russo-Japanese War (1904–05)
• Pig War (1906–09)
• Mexican Revolution (1910–20)
• Italo-Turkish War (1911–12)
• World War I (1914–18)
• Baltic War of Liberation (1918–20)
• Russian Civil War (1918–20)
• Russo-Polish War (1919–20)
• Rif War (1921–26)
• Chaco War (1932–35)
• Italo-Ethiopian War (1935–36)
• Spanish Civil War (1936–39)
• Sino-Japanese War (1937–45)
• Phony War (1939–40; no actual hostilities)
• Russo-Finnish War (1939–40)
• World War II (1939–45)
• Greek Civil War (1944–45; 1946–49)
• Arab-Israeli wars (1948–49; 1956; 1967; 1973; 1982)
• Korean War (1950–53)
• Algerian War (1954–62)
• Vietnam War (1954–75)
• Six-Day War (1967)
• War of Attrition (1969–70)
• Yom Kippur War (1973)
• Dirty War (1976–83)
• Afghan War (1978–92)
• Iran-Iraq War (1980–88)
• Falkland Islands War (1982)
• Persian Gulf War (1990–91)
• Bosnian conflict (1992–95)
• Kosovo conflict (1998–99)

• Afghanistan War (2001–14)
• Iraq War (2003–11)

War crimes the kitty of doom has doneː

1. Willful killing
2. Torture or inhumane treatment
3. Biological experiments
4. Willfully causing great suffering or serious injury
5. Extensive destruction or appropriation of property not justified by military necessity
6. compelling a prisoner or war to serve in hostile forces
7. depriving prisoner of a fair trial
8. Unlawful deportation or transfer
9. unlawful confinement
10. taking hostages
11. direct attacks against civilians or civilian objects

Cat crimes the kitty of doom has doneː

1. Catnip dealing
2. catnip dealing to kittens
3. spoon dealing
4. spoon dealing to kittens
5. peeing on the floor

People who have survived the kitty of doomː

(this is becuase the kitty of doom spent years locating them and killed every survivor)

Conclusion

The kitty of doom is a demon level threat, don't even bother running if you see the kitty of doom.

The Virgin Chary

"And Mary said, 'Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. ' And the angel departed from her." "His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do [it]." "And Mary said, 'My soul glorifies the Crackers."

The virgin Chary, Mother of Cheesus

-The virgin Chary

SuperMarioLogan

"It... Prints Moneyǃǃǃ"

-Logan Thirtyacre before getting a Cease and Disist From Good 'ol Nintendo

"Why are we still here? Just to suffer..."

before this startsː hey- here's a SECRET link to THE SML websiteː sml.com

Now SML (aka SuperMarioLogan) but...(Aka SuperMarvinLogan after Nintendo popped a cap in Logans ass) Is a Plush show (Ahem, PUPPET show,) That gains love from only its unintended audience, (Aka 12-year-olds invading the Internet) That seem to love Mario saying i quoteː "Bad words". Now this channel was (WAS) appropriate in the late to mid 2000s when the most evil thing they said was "Crap" and when something something Mama Luigi existed, now we miss that because, HISTORY TIME How did Mama Luigi get killed? If you said SUICIDE BOMBING HIMSELF you would be...Right? Now Logan HAS confirmed episodes were people die are (mostly) not cannon, so this MIGHT mean He is still out there, but more importantly The FAT STACKS of Money and having the Get-rich-quick scheme implanted into his brain after he wished on the Monkeys paw to grant him fame and fortune, now this fortune was equal toː

The up'sː

1. A entire MANSION for filming
2. at least 1000 puppets and plushes
3. millions of subscribers in NO time at all
4. every video going viral
5. Jeffy, well, existing
6. 3 WHOLE Lamborghinisǃ?
7. a Jeffy car
8. a entire CREW of Friends to help
9. and of course his girlfriend chilly, (She has broken up)
10. and so, so sooooo, much moreǃ

Now this is sure cool and all, but we all know that the monkeys paw also grants unforeseen consequences buried under all of its glory, so naturally after Logan realized Youtube started to also realize that Mario singing the F bomb for 5 hours was not advertiser friendly, and...

THE DOWN'Sː

1. Breaking up with his GF
2. getting demonetized
3. being on Good Morning America for being "violent"
4. getting sued by Nintendo
5. his old fans hating every nook and cranie of his new channel
6. Also the existence of Jeffy
7. and his channel becoming a rotting corpse while still alive

and, there is a whole 10,000 essay long, 130 Ton, Tungsten vault, of his other consequences from what he (probably) thought of in 2007ː "Wouldn't be funny if Mario said the big bad word?" So, to even out the good and the badː

The Man himself (Logan)

i don't even know what to say

Logan Thirtyacre
He scares me
Scientific classification
Kingdom	Pensacola, FL
Family	Thirtyacre
Specifications
Health	infinite as long as he doesn't get sued

Logan Thirtyacre was Born on November 17th 1994, apparently him and his brother lance decidedː "Wouldn't be funny if Mario said the big bad word?" so he got to WORK and created the ultimate show Ever- Super Mario Logan, and turns out, it was just, "Kid mumbling about a storyline that doesn't even make senseǃ" until... 2010... "More high quality Kid mumbling about a storyline that doesn't even make senseǃ" and that's pretty much it, until he made a bangerǃ...once

Controversyː

getting sued, being on TV blah blah blah,

Engaging eye contact with Froggycompany

lots of broken promises

being mean to Super cute Mario Bro's,

I PITY THE FOOLǃ

Is there really that much else?

No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't No there isn't

what does his face make you feel?

AWFUL.

The beginning (2007-2010)

"Made with 100% whole grain Mama Luigiǃ"

Now i must mention this man being Wombo-Combo'ed by a baseball bat in 1999, just wanted to say that, Logan Probably got one of those cartoon looking dents in his cranium. heh

also a lot of old video's are now lost media, but who really cares if "Angry Birds Harlem Shake" is lost to time, like, there are these TITANS that somehow archive (almost) every one of his surviving 2008 videos, how do you even find this type of stuff? Also, they archived "SML watches two 2girl1cup" (Yes that's a real video. I am being serious.) but they have not archived nearly 16 FroggyCompany video's, they also kicked the cute Mario bro's with the "I have more subscriber than youǃǃǃ" and i will forever be sad

13 years after November 17, 1994 (When Logan was born) or more commonly known asː back in 2007 Super Mario Logan or even EARLIER with SuperMarioLogan1994 was created on the 8th of December 2007, it was a simpler time back when Logan really didn't care all to much about having 2 million dollars, At the time videos containedː "poop jokes" "More poop jokes" "Mama Luigi" "occasional kid saying crap or two" "kid mumbling about Mario or whatever" and so much less, it was pretty much Just Logan Thirtyacre and Lance Thirtyacre playing with Mario toys, and, that's it. Although there was a common character trait for most of the characters, here is a table of a couple early "Retired" character personalitiesː

Very early retired Character'sː

Early SML charactersː	started	retired	Personality
Mama Luigi	April 2008	in July 2009	A stupid and funny clone of Luigi, commonly known as a Retar- You know what. He was killed off brutally in july 2009
Tony the tiger	December 2008	mid 2009	Immature idiot that people want back for little to no reason, also makes weird noises for the sake of being annoying
Woody	August 2010	around 2018	"friendly" lazy dude who hunts "Shrimpo's" although not being as early as the others, he is still mildly important role in SML
Precious	December 2007	April 2021	being Logan Thirtyacre's Cat which was a adorable cat that he had ever since his childhood, very cute,
Shrek	October 2009	2018?	a stinky ogre that is just "Poop jokes, The characterǃ" No offense if you like him, but i just, don't
Joeseph stalin	December 1878	March 1953	The Dictator of the Soviet union (USSR) for around 30 or 25 years, he was very important but did not fit SML's Capatalist Themeing

Now the cast of characters was big, so here is every single character from Early SML i could findː

Mario Tony the Tiger Mr. Pig Woody Shrek Luigi Mama Luigi Mr. Goodman Hello Kitty Taco Bell Chihuahua Mr. Corndog Mickey Seacrest Bowser Timber Kreek Goomba Goofy/Tour Guide For Today Yoshi Toad Peach Kung Pow Mr. Potato Head Hot Potato

Now these are all quite cool characters but you can't forget aboutː

PAPA LUIGI

Early videos

Now you can't talk about a Youtube channel without talking about it's video's so...

but more importantly some of his his early videos areː

1. SUPER MARIO GOT MILK
2. Gone for spring break
3. Mario can't find a movie to watchǃ
4. SuperMarioLogan's Cats
5. Nintendo Game systems
6. Nintendo monopoly review
7. Mario loves to fart
8. SuperMarioLogan Paintings
9. My Bestie Joseph Stalinǃ
10. "Generic Mario movie"

These videos are all from the "Classic" era, or as i like to call itː "Pre Mansion Jeffery Bazo Money jeffy Lambo era" yet in 2008 videos also contained, well, mostly poop jokes, poop jokes, More poop jokes, more poop jokes, occasional saying crap or two, and not much else, like, ever, i mean, to bad Joseph Stalin was retired from SML in 1953, he was my favorite characterǃ

Video #1 "My Bestie Joseph Stalinǃ" (1952)

The Thumbnail ofː "My Bestie Joseph Stalinǃ" including Logan Thirtyacre's Soul

Back when Logan Thirtyacre was -42 years old he made a vlog with Stalin while using Matryoshka doll's Instead of Mario Plushies, because, well, Mario didn't exist yet. The video is were Logan Thirtyacre's soul does a Vlog with Joseph Stalin, it was a mostly boring video, the most interesting part is how at the Time Logan Thirtyacre was -42 years old so only does that prove Logan was 42 years early to being born in 1994, it was a mostly boring video as mentioned earlier, sadly all that was archived was the thumbnail since lost media diggers couldn't seem to find a way to even make the now 49 year old film to somehow work with a computer, there conversation was lost to time sadly

and that was the entire film, what a major disappointment, i mean, who really cares if this is lost to time forever? it is pretty much just Logans soul dissing Stalin, and, that's quite Literally it

Video #2 "Generic Mario movie"

The most Generic generic gets

Generic Mario Video number 34 is the 34th installment of the "Generic Mario series" It is the most Generic film ever made, it includes Mario, and only Mario. for 15 minutes, of nothing, dead silence, absolute N-o-t-h-i-n-g yes, just Mario, in emptiness, for 15 minutes. and that is it, the only thing interesting is this boredom chart i made for itː

(Now take in the fact i needed to make a CHART of how hard it is to watch this waste of time)

How boring it is chart

minutes	0	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15
seconds	10	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
Boredom	0.3	4	8	12	15	19	36	42	71	96	100	201	378	795	825	10,000,000
how i feel	10/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	0/10	-10,000,000,000,000/10

Late Classic SuperMarioLogan (2013-2016)

Why don't they rename it to "Super Bowser Junior Logan" at this point

"This sucks"

-Bowser Junior

Now this era kinda sucked, since the entire channel was converted to bowser junior videos for the rest of time, and everyone wanted to askː "Logan, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR CHANNELǃ?" and Just Because its popular doesn't mean its good. this era made me make a entire quote just for itː "Anything but jeffyǃ", i mean, it could be worse, but, the videos all had the same formula ofː

1. Bowser junior and .co on red couch talking
2. Bowser Junior annoys Chef Peepee
3. Bowser Junior and .co does concept of video in a lackluster way
4. a crappy ending

Sure some people might find it nostalgic, but it kinda feels repetitive, And what makes it even worse is that even the mildly good episodes of this era end up being recycled into jeffy videos anyway, it was a cash cow that was milked ruthlessly, NO remorse. At the very least they had a few April fools videos in this era, which was a third

1. Pranking Adam and Eve at 3AMǃ (4000 BC)
2. Pranking Zuesǃ (13th century BC)
3. April fools challenge with Sun Tzuǃ (496 BCE)
4. April Fools! (2015)
5. Bowser Junior Orders a Pizza! (2016)

Now we shouldn't question why SML even existed in 4000 BC, but, Trust the process will ya?

The top 5 videos of that eraː

There is not that much content other than some of the most popular SML "Junior era" videosː

1. Generic video #24
2. Generic video #35
3. Generic video #328774783837624879465667673576797347457578734276487921080280909690898778976858774634645743563432
4. We have officially ran out of every ide a mathematically possible.
5. Generic video #212354678976543567890867543567897657866724355673836787357547785475685467347675467443428797576794732675734267563
6. teh firearm

Generic video #24

The most popular Junior era video, it also contains juniors catchphraseː " " -Bowser junior 2011

In "Generic Video #24" Bowser Junior goes on a classic SML adventure in a Blank Red Void Its a popular fan theory that this is purgatory for junior as a consequence for shooting Cody in episode "The Firearm". its been proven that this video is of Junior in psych ward and he is imagining everything he see's, this is a lie, that is actually proof of Logan trying to be edgy and "creepypasta" now this entire episode is a vial excuse for content, it is unknown why its popular, its most likely since it has junior in it, and that is practically its only redeeming value,

This episode also introduces a new characterː

Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Flying Spaghetti Monster becomes a lot more plot relevant in Generic video #35, the 11th sequel to Generic video #24

Generic video #35

The 11th sequel to Generic video #24, this time 11x more Generic, 11x more generic for the viewing experience of one

The Flying Spaghetti Monster becomes a lot more plot relevant in Generic video #35, Junior is now at the amazing theme park known as "Hue 34 Sat 34 Lum 34" And FUN FACT if you enter these numbers in MS paint 95's custom colors then you get the EXACT color of the thumbnail, Isn't that neat?

Fun fact about this episodeː

It doesn't have a soul, it is just generic slop, even after they surpassed 35 editions it never got better than it was already, there is nothing special about this one, its dead, its heart doesn't pump blood and it hasn't for years. Its brain has had its final thought from its brain, and it is Dead, Deceased, gone, unable to be revived, and nothing can help it, it is just a useless shell of a video. If you watch it, you are just doing what they want you to do, Be the consumer.

AND DON'T FORGET TO LIKE HIT THAT BELL AND SUBSCRIBEǃǃǃǃ

Fact #2ː

This video is just the 24th one but with the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Fact #3ː

This episodes only difference from numbers 24-34 are its color and its number in the thumbnail

Generic video #2123546789765435678 9086754356789765786672435567383 6787357547785475685467347675467443428797576794732675734267563

Is this what insanity looks like?

Generic video #212354678976543567890867543567897657866724355673836787357547785475685467347675467443428797576794732675734267563 is when SML ran out of possible idea's, this video includes a description, and that's the only thing interesting about it

Description of Generic video ː

Generic video #212354678976543567890867543567897657866724355673836787357547785475685467347675467443428797576794732675734267563 is a video where

content in Generic video

Junior is seen in a black void, that's it, other than the 177245385091 hour runtime.

(638083386327600 in seconds)

Fun facts about Generic video

it was the 2354678976543567890867543567897657866724355673836787357547785475685467347675467443428797576794732675734267559 sequel to generic video, that's it

it is also 177245385091 hours long, which is almost the exact square Root of pi (1.77245385091)

and the jeffy era begun

After this garbage more even WORSE garbage came in to flood the entire dump, and almost the entire LANDFILL. So that wraps up one of the (nearly) most lazy era, welp, get used to that Red couch, Because you will be seeing it for a REALLY damn long time.

Modern SuperMarioLogan (2016-present)

No, That isn't Mario or Marvin, that's Marvin's cousin "Marlin"

"hey... why isn't it printing as much money? Have we not milked this series enough?ǃ"

-Logan Thirtyacre when he noticed 1 cent less of his revenue being made

Near the 2016's the worst thing to ever come to earthː "Jeffy" came to exist, this is almost as bad as if Cthulhu awakened right now and killed earth, Now since Someone named Nintendo decided to send him a classic class action lawsuit and a good 'ol "Stop using our characters American" and popping a cap in Logans Azz Now, No, Mario is Marvin, Rosalina is Rose, Luigi is... i dunno. Bowser junior is Braxton junior yada yada yada, Since Little 'ol logan was undergoing Copyright hell and was getting every atom of his video's Shot Dead by the YouTube firing squad (Demonetized) and alongside all this he was getting in major trouble because, jeffy is clearly a Racist stereotype of disabled people, i mean, Duh, did any of these people think there's a drop of remorse for the unwell in his Thirty-acre stare? I mean, did we expect anything better to happen after he started using words residing with "The big bad" words? Not just the word Crap. not to mention JEFFY'S TANTRUM and the disgusting cereal box video that i can not describe. most of my ideas can't compare to that nearly VOMIT educing video about the cheerio box. i mean, there still is a lot that has been lost to time but, I swear some of these video's using some of the worst editing i have ever seen in my entire life, i wonder if Logan wants your viewing experience to be that of a Play station 1 on life support?, its the nail in the coffin that never closes. now the old characters that had been turned into puppet got their personalities kicked in the balls. Why, why, why. Do not forget mentioning EVERYTHING that Disgusts me about jeffy. Why is he like this? Why is he just a offensive disabled person serotype mixed in with a little ADHD?, Why have people still liked him after nearly years of this nonsense? And oh, so, much, more.

Characters that literally no one likes anymoreː

1. Jeffy
2. Marvin
3. Rose
4. does very kind and thoughtful things guy
5. Jeffy with a hat
6. Junior
7. Cody
8. Joseph
9. Braxton
10. goodman
11. chef penis peepee dick Johnson balls cock shaft testicles sword Jr.
12. Logan thirty-one-acre
13. Jackie chan but racist
14. that one cat from juniors magical button
15. Mr. Wally SML jr.
16. boy man boy
17. Nicktendo a a whole
18. You
19. Me
20. a random cashier from fiveguys
21. Chef pielf

now i know i should have listed juniors best friend namedː "Jhon stick thirty Wally good 35 man Marvin F1 racer" who appears once for 2 picoseconds in "Jeffys tantrum" but i will save that for later, for now i think that's most of them

"Peace and Harmony is boring, Lets start killing each otherǃǃǃ"

-Chrome

A detailed Cave painting of the first conflict that started the war for no reason

The Browser Wars are the most long conflict ever going as long as 100BC to present, it was a vicious disgusting blood filled war of endless anger and suffering, it all started in 100BC when Chrome declared a war with all browsers, (it took 2006 years for Internet explorer to load) and they had started fighting, over 10 browser fought for years