Yellowknife

Yellowknife is Das Kapital of Canada's Northwest Territories, with a population of 18,700. 10,000,000 bottles of whiskey, and 10 albinos. Many consider their snowmobiles part of the family too, although most of them are Yamaha and they are politically insignificant as there aren't any Japanese politicians to vote for (except during the annual mating season when hundreds of Japanese migrate and travel deep into the forest in hopes of catching some of that heavenly radiation (aka Northern Lights) so that their children will be hopelessly deformed...or rather more deformed).

Yellowknife during the Usual Snowfall.Wait a Minute where did it go?

Industry

Yellowknife has no local industry. People just huddle in their snow banks waiting for the two weeks of summer that Satan promised them. The whiskey keeps them warm and it provides good exercise when they stumble home for hours after a good bush party. Nobody owns any property. The snowbank that you pass out into is your new home, at least until next Saturday when the fun starts all over again.

The city is connected to civilization via a 2,000 nautical mile super luge-way which was built in 1912 by settlers who really wanted to get out of Yellowknife. No airplanes are allowed to visit Yellowknife, as the dog-sledding mafia has a monopoly on all transportation in the north. If you want to visit Yellowknife, make sure you dress for a 54 day sled rides.

Tourist Attractions

If you want something fun to do while in Yellowknife, go down to the Gold Range Bar and try to get yourself into a knife fight. Or you can go look for diamonds. They are literally all over the place and the natives have no problem with outsiders coming in to take their lovely products. The town is now (as of October 20, 1982) part of the Canadian Armed Forces tactical training area. At first, town citizens were afraid they might be maimed or killed by Canadian military technology, but nobody has ever been known to die from projectile toonies and Canadian Tire money paper-cuts.There’s also Mountains,but you’d have to get out of the city,which doesn’t count.You can Also head to a hotel,Which is closed half of the year because everyone who goes there during November gets drowned by snow.

History

Some say that Yellowknife was founded on gold mining, but the Indians claim they started the town in 500,000 BC when a Mormon prophet called John 'Smithy' Smith Junior the First came to dig up an ancient tablet on the shores of Great Slave Lake. Instead he found arsenic - very healthy deposits of arsenic - and Yellowknife was born. The Mormons mined the arsenic and sent it to Utah in the beaks of seaguls to wipe out the locusts and The Blob.

Nobody mines arsenic anymore and some say they never did and some will also say that the Mormons never existed (wishful thinking), but what is definitely known for sure is that nobody ever visits Yellowknife.

The Land where the Sun that never Came back

Yellowknife is Also dubbed as the land where the Sun never Came Back,due to a Event that happened in 2000 where after people for years complained about how hot the sun was,the sun refused to rise till this day.People wish the sun Came back,but the sun refused.As a Result,It’s Impossible for Crops to be grown and Everything in Yellowknife is Imported except for the Fish and Snow.

The Protests of 2002

It is the home of the Sledding Dog Mafia protests of 2002,where they wanted more control over the City council of Yellowknife.which Former Governor Yukon Cornelius Refused to give into,which is why Yukon is Former Governor.It is Belived that Yukon got thrown into the Leland Lakes and Drowned.

Radio Stations

Due to the Fact that Half of the Year,Everything in Yellowknife just vanishes Immediately,Most Radio Stations here are Defunct,and those that still exist are Low-Powered,As they mainly run on Potatoes.

List of Radio Stations in Yellowknife

Logo for CHUM-FM.When will it grow?!

CHVOA-AM [Defunct] 1150 AM

CHUM-FM [Low-Powered] 106.3 FM

CII-AM [Defunct] 1420 AM

CQQE-FM [Low-Powered] 87.9 FM

CUBE-FM [Defunct] 90.1 FM

CQM-AM [Defunct] 1000 AM

CWMA [Low-Powered] 1290 AM

CHUMP-FM [Defunct] 99.9 FM

Suburbs

Yellowknife only has 2 Suburbs.

School Draw

School Draw Contains the Only School in Yellowknife that isn’t Owned and Operated by Polar Bears,or the Sledding dog Mafia.We Gotta Admit that’s a Strange Name,That’s why We Officially Award this Place the Strangest Name in Canada Award!Something that was only made up now and Only now.It’s Common for People who commit crimes bad enough they have to die to be thrown into Rat Lake where the Giant Rats at the Bottom of the Lake Consume them as a Sacrifice,if not,The entirely of School Draw will be eaten faster than you could say: Uncyclopedia:The Content-Free Encyclopedia.

Detah

Detah is a Place that is only accessible via a Bridge made using Recycled Hockey Sticks.Although to this day the Bridge is still In Construction.Will it be Fully Built?We don’t know.The Place is only accessible via Google Earth and Maps,which just show one Continuous Road venturing into The Edges of the Known Universe.

Hay River

On the Other Side of the Lake is Hay River,Known for Being home to lots of Arctic Geese.People Joke around about the Backwardness of Yellowknife Monthly,which people at Yellowknife laugh at Hay River for being stuffed with Geese and not Having an Airport.Hay River Technically isn’t a Suburb,but it’s Part of the Yellowknife-Hay River Metropolitan Area,so no one cares about the fact that it isn’t a Suburb.

Other Places In the Metropolitan Area

Old Town,The Main Port for All the Whiskey that is Imported into the City from the Erie Canal,which is only allowed to be entered by people who own a permit to bring Whiskey.

Reliance,a Place That no longer Exists due to Global Warming Melting all the Igloos in the Town.

Fort Resolution, A Place with Resolution Worse than Low Data Mode YouTube.

Dawnson and Burnt Island,Both of which have been torched by the sun to the point that it’s Nicknamed S’mores City

There’s also the Wood Buffalo National Park,Shared with Bri’ish Columbia.

Economy

This Place’s Only Source of Economy is from Arctic Tourism,which due to The Pandemic,The Town’s Economy has been found in People’s Toilets.Also because No one wanted to visit it even before that other than Tripsters. Nowadays the Only source of Economy is Via Sledding which is the only thing preventing the city from Dissolving due to Debt.

The Economy of Yellowknife Pre and Post Pandemic.

Cuisine

Yellowknife’s Cuisine is Made up of 3 main Components.Fish,Snow,and Whiskey.

Food

In Yellowknife,The Only Source of Cuisine is Fish and Snow,and there isn’t even spices to go along with it,the only way to flavor Fish it is with snow.The Place is Hopelessly controlled by Big Seafood,with pretty much no way out… unless you move out,but you can’t because it wouldn’t count as cuisine from the city.

Drinks

Yellowknife is Known for it’s Massive Consumption of Whiskey,which is why it’s Very often you’d see Heated Rooms where people would sit down and Talk about their day while Drinking.Due to this, 60% of all people in the City,even higher in the suburbs are suffering from addiction.

Trivia

Some people Say Sans was born here,but others say he came from Lake Placid. You can’t escape the Sledding dog mafia,not even Us,The Content-Free Encyclopedia…

Music

Music in Yellowknife Consists of Smacking People with fish,,Throwing Snowballs into the Great Slave Lake,Smashing of Old Whiskey Bottles,and The Barking of Snow Dogs remixed into a song.Although sometimes,It also Includes Imported Drums from MusicLand.Yellowknife Proudly sports the Razzle Awards for Worst Music 25 years in a Row.

Climate

The Place is Mainly just Cold Year-Round with the Sun Showing up Never.This is because in the place,People Complain about the Sun back when it was around,so the sun refused to Rise for the rest of the Town’s History.This Spawned the #YellowknifeSun Movement which Uncyclopedia isn’t Affiliated with,so We Don’t care.

Legend

Legends Say this is where Snowdin Town Was Located, but sadly we don’t know for sure, because the Annoying Sled Dog is Blocking up evidence.Trust us.Look up in Google and Guess What? You would get Nothing Related. In Nearby Lessepest Lake is where the Former Governor’s Body is,Which is belived to be preserved for at least 5000 years.

Location of the Former Governor’s Body

Ranger Laker Historical Territory

In the Neighborhoods of North and South Range Lake,There’s the Ranger Laker Historical Territory,dedicated to Inuit History within the Town,but most locals know that it’s just stuff made up by the Cartel or else they’d turn their prime minister into a Former Prime minister.The Place is home to a 35 foot Wide 20 feet long and 15 feet high Statue of an Inuit Person which is often impossible to see because Snow Blocks the view half of the time,and the other time it’s night so there’s no light to see.The only way to find it is with Flashlights,and even then they have to be smuggled.