Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/16

Hey kids, there is going to be an UnSignpost on the first of this year so help me WIZARD-GOD!

Even if I have to write it myself. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:16, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

On the first of this new year. Clarification, bitches! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:24, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Right-o. I'm on board. I can set it up if you want. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:59, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/01-01-10. Here we are. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:03, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Next issue

Let's aim for before the end of January. Post stories here and I'll do the rest, unless anybody else wants to jump all over this. Stories of interest: Uncyclopedia's 5-year anniversary (January 5th), Uncyclopedia Survivor, and the "of the Year" awards. Somebody can even do the biopic if they want (maybe it could be on Sophia?). --EMC ^[TALK] 20:35 Jan 2 2010

What about the story of my usergroup, who recently rose out of the ruins and ashes to help new users and devour non-members and non-noobs? --InvincibleFlameGrueMaster 01 2, 23:45, 2010

Idon'tseewhynot,buttherearesomanyotherimportantthingstowriteabout.Maybewecoulddoapieceabouthowmyspacebarisbroken. --EMC ^[TALK] 00:08 Jan 3 2010

Yes,maybewecould.Or,maybewecoulddowhatIsuggested.OMG!IT'SHAPPENINGTOME,TOO! Ah, there we go. Much better. So, could you write about my usergroup, Grue Apocalypse? Plz? PLZ? PLZ? --InvincibleFlameGrueMaster 01 3, 00:21, 2010

Awards of the Decade

Please add a section on the Awards of the Decade on the next sign post. The voting is at Forum:Awards of the Decade and there's more and more categories added each day. Thank You! --Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{( yell | FAQ | I did this )} 08:03, January 3, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm... I'll be able to write it all and deliver it tomorrow. I'll include all of this. In one form or another... Some unexpected computer problems fucked me up for a few days, so I couldn't write up the issue I meant to deliver on the 1st. Now it's all fixed, though, and I'm throwing some of my free-time into Uncyclo. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:26, January 3, 2010 (UTC)

New Issue

OK, I am doing an issue this week. And it will get finished, and it will get delivered, however many times I have to ban Cajek to make it happen. So anyone got anything to suggest for it? I should be able to fill it regardless, but if there's something you're desperate to see make the cut, speak now or forever hold Orian's piece. --UU - natter 15:22, Jan 13

Do a piece on mah group, the Grue Apocalypse, please. I am desperate for it. --InvincibleFlameGrueMaster 01 13, 15:33, 2010

Ummm, no. Next? --UU - natter 15:34, Jan 13

Article about how my human group is the best? ~ 15:41, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Something about me changing my name. And the trend I've accidentally set (Fag changed to Faggle and Matfen815 wants to shorten to Matfen.) Those namechange things need to be made public, you know. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 15:57 • Wednesday, 13-01-2010

Too bad Socky is already taken. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:42, 13 January 2010

If they made no (significant) contributions, Sannse could usurp the account if you want, you know. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 16:45 • Wednesday, 13-01-2010

Nah. It's funny when vandals vandalize his page instead of mine. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:49, 13 January 2010

You know what, I may use that one. --UU - natter 16:48, Jan 13

What? Just that?! Man, why didn't you write a complete story with, like, funny bits and stuffs and stuff? • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 17:10 • Wednesday, 13-01-2010

Because dismissively putting stories in a one-liner in the sideboxes is a glorious Signpost tradition. And because I like it succinct. --UU - natter 19:30, Jan 13

New Dexter

We need one, like, really. Who else will deliver the UnSignpost? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:40, 13 January 2010

Anyone? Issue is here, if there's anyone willing. --UU - natter 09:46, Jan 15

Unsignpost Now Frolicking With The Fishes Rather Than Just Sleeping With Them

Good to see the most unreliable guide to this website has returned. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:14, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, I make no promises to continue with this! I just had some free time for a change and decided to crank out a Signpost. Still hoping someone else will run with it this year, but we'll see what happens... --UU - natter 10:17, Jan 14

Just want to say, job well done on the latest issue. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 13:01, Jan 15 2010

Me

MrN asked me to pop by and mention that I'm still around and should be able to deliver next time someone decides to write another issue. Also many thanks to those who did good things. You know who you are. No, not you. I was not talking to you. You did jack all. Stop trying to take all the credit.... I normally watch this page, but sometimes I'm snoozing so you might need to ask MrN to give me a nudge (on his talk page) to actually get me to do it. Probably best to post here first, and then ask MrN later if none of the other bots jump in first. 9001(bot)  00:41, Jan 20

Rightyho, another issue duly written, the honours now need to be done, if you'd be so good. --UU - natter 12:52, Jan 21

He's just got himself a new version and everything so he's strutting around the place showing off the fact that he does not crash every time he runs. Which is useful. MrN 19:48, Jan 21

Me +1

Where exactly am I? I think that after almost a year of doing a lot to make very little progression, I deserve to, well, be in it, at least once in a while. By which, I mean always. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:18,21January,2010

Thankz. Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:05,3February,2010

Question

I'm currently trying to organize a new writing competition. Although a few people are interested, I need at least 6 more judges and was wondering if it would be appropriate to mention it in a future issue? MadMax 09:50, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

Hey Max, I'd be glad to - give me a reminder nudge before I get stuck in to next week's issue, I'll give it the treatment! --UU - natter 10:03, Feb 3

Thanks. The competition won't be for at least another two months so there's no rush. MadMax 10:46, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

If you need a judge I'm happy to oblige - I hate picking up stuff from UN:REQ myself so I'm not thinking of entering, and I might be considered to know a little about writing, reviewing and coding. Pup

I'd be happy to judge as well. I like to enter these, but I write article way to slow to meet deadlines... Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:19,4February,2010

Any suggestions, folks?

OK press room watchers, newshounds, and anyone else poking their heads in - any ideas for news this week? --UU - natter 09:48, Feb 9

Something about the The 2009 Top Ten Articles Extravaganza! and the suspense as everyone watched Mordillo getting in a huff as so many features were tied for 10th place :D Maybe make mention of the fact that people forget to use {{recent}} maybe? Also... What about the mass huffing frenzy where RDB and MrN huffed non stop for 2 hours getting rid of that entire game of whatever it was (500 pages or so??). Sockys page got huffed at one point as it got in the way when I set my huffmaster onto steamroller mode. Both RDB and me still have a sore huffing fingers you know. :D MrN 11:15, Feb 9

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It was a work of art! Pup 06:56, 10/02/2010

Hmm, how about we kill several birds with one stone here: Puppy, how do you fancy writing the article on the MrN/RDB deletion frenzy? --UU - natter 14:17, Feb 10

I LIKE PIE!!! was banned by both of them as well, and then came back, and was caught again by Mordillo. A tale of woe. Aleister in Chains 14:28 10 Feb. MMX

As much as I would like to help, I know nothing! Pup 21:16, 10/02/2010

To be fair, neither do I. I'll just have to make something up, which is all that ever happens on the USP. --UU - natter 10:08, Feb 11

not so much a suggestion as a thank you

Hi y'all. I just wanted to commend you for your work here. Personally, it makes me feel more connected to these rabble called Uncyclopedians. This service probably deserves some sort of award, but I'm certainly too lazy to pursue it myself.

Something sort of newish is that I've been making a lot of UnFunnies for UnNews lately. There are currently two series, Turtle and Goat and All Things Bat Fuck.

So, that's my simultaneous whoring and contributing to your rancid rag. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 15:00, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

Aw, thanks Zim. And that's good material for next week's ish, I'm sure I can find room for it. --UU - natter 15:05, Feb 11

S'all true. I don't have the patience or the organizational skills to carry out an evil plan like UnSignPost. My hat is off to you. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 06:05, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Things that I have noticed this week:

1. End of the top ten countdown and VFH back to normal.
2. IC working on creaionism
3. Me creating a forum to work out what to do to celebrate my 5,000 edit. (It didn't go too well.)
4. I LIKE PIE!!! demonstrating the uncyclopaedian equivalent of a Darwin award.
5. Valentines day (aka single awareness day, proceded by desperation day, followed by post-coital remorse day.)
6. Something about WTF that I don't really care enough about to find out WTF it is.
7. Guildy no longer having the most points on DU.

Anything else? Pup 07:23, 13/02/2010

Most of those seem worthy of at least a mention. Thing is, though, I haven't a clue when I'm gonna be aronud for the next 2 weeks. Mini-UU is due tomorrow, but could go up to 10 days over. So at some point in the next fortnight I'm gonna drop everything and not be seen for a while, and i have no idea when that it. Want to work up an article or so on one or more of those topics this week? Seriously, a paragraph or so, with optional quotes, would be a big help. And if you want to do more than one, so much the betterer. --UU - natter 08:48, Feb 13

When is the issue due? And for that matter, when is the unsignpost due? I'll play around and see what I can come up with. If Mrs UU pops then who else can help with the completion and distribution? PS: Whatever she says during transition isn't true! Pup 09:08, 13/02/2010

The USP (in theory) always goes out on Thursday. And MrN is the man to see about distribution. Ask him nicely to unleash his robot, then stand back and watch the magic. As the actress said to the etc etc. Latest ish is here - as you can see, I've made a huge start. I do fully intend to write some stuff for it this week, but that could change in a second, as you know! --UU - natter 13:51, Feb 15

Just a thought, but maybe there could be a section for a "letter to the editor" or a parody ad featuring something from UN:STORE, Worst 100 Restaurants of All Time, etc.? Another idea might be a "where are they now?" section (a bit like UN:BIO or UN:MUP) as a counterpart to the current biopic of the week. MadMax 14:05, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Nearly done!

I've thrown in a substantial amount of content. All that it really needs is a decent biopic and another couple of page links and then it's pretty good. Or alternatively a complete re-write. Who wants to take it from here? Pup 23:33, 16/02/2010

That is awesome, and most hugely appreciated, young Pup. Thanks a whole heap! --UU - natter 12:08, Feb 17

IP burn of the week

All of the time, I have to undo stupid-ass edits from IPs, as does everyone else. I like to take the time to think out insults to say while undoing the edits. Anyone think this would make a nice inclusion, like the banlog thing. And it's fun to do. Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:50,22February,2010

Good evening, Gentlemen, all you paper are now belong to us

I've been instructed by the editor in chief in absentia, Mr. UU, to complete this edition, and BY GOD I INTEND TO DO SO. Anyway, I have some ideas about the layout of this one - anyone have content he wants to put in? I hope to finish it by tomorrow afternoon or Sunday noon latest. Tally ho! ~ 07:46, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Anyone have content? Hmm... Look up? Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:00,26February,2010

I got the 2nd article covered. Anything you want to put it, drop me a line today or early tomorrow. ~ 14:12, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

I've got nothing else. The only thing I had in mind was mini-UUette as the biopic, and the IP burn thingy. Maybe something about Farid's list? Nominally Humane! some time 20:51, 26/02/2010

The what now? ~ 20:56, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

This thing. And before anyone accuses me of excessive vanity, I'm just bringing to light the stuff I know, and what I see that I find newsworthy I'll stick my nose into. So if I'm suggesting things that I'm involved with, it's because I know about them. Besides, I am excessively vain. Nominally Humane! some time 23:03, 26/02/2010

You're late.

No one seemed to care about this issue. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:41, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

An unsignpost is never late, nor is it early; it arrives precicely when it means to.    Orian57    Talk   21:44 4 March 2010

Valid point. You do seem to have some concern relating to the previous issue, and I'm assuming from your tone that this is on a principle basis rather than a once off observation. It may be that you are the appropriate individual to become a USP reporter, or failing that, a news scout. I feel that your passion should be matched by action. I can expect an article from you by Monday then? Nominally Humane! some time 08:00, 5/03/2010

Why no! I hate the Unsignpost and don't want to join! —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:15, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

i wish to complain

i don't subscribe to this nefarious publication, however i must admit i take a peek at it every now and then whilst bored leaving messages on other user talk pages. this week, i noticed, that this week, the signpost finally admitted that i, in fact, do exist. but there are several libellous facts (not to mention info that you must've pulled out of your behinds) on offer surrounding me. 1. it labels me as a portsmouth fan. this is not true. i'm not even alive. 2. it infers that i am drunk, not least 0% of the time. this is horrendously insulting, you utter bastards. 3. it mentions "a former notm and rotm". those are shit awards. jesus, i wouldn't even print those awards out to wipe my arse with. i wrote one article and a few reviews and all of a sudden some bloke from up north spams my name over ghost-town nomination pages. 3. it then says i'm "the writer of some very fine featured articles", all of which are shit, and even then i deplore being credited as "the writer of". in years to come they'll all be so eroded by other funsters and i won't give a shit. i'll be dead anyway. 7. apparently "nachlader" is un-spellable. you litigious cunts.

i demand a full retraction of that article of lies and insults in the next issue or i threaten to cease my purveyance and association with this website. yours sincerely, --nldr 01:50, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

We here at USP appreciate the passion of your recent comminique, if not the grammar, and rest assuredd we will make certain that any innaaccuracies printed are addressed at the petinent moment within the nature of the journalistic integrity we usually uphold. Nominally Humane! some time 02:09, 6/03/2010

As editor of this here paper, I wholeheartedly stand by the facts as unearthed by our star investigative reporter, photograph of a dog holding a newspaper File:DogNewspaper.jpg. If he tells me it's a fact, it's a fact, and I have absolutely no intention of hanging him out to dry ruthlessly if there is any trial. The fact that he has a seperate lawyer is neither here nor there. Furthermore, you are lucky we didn't accuse you of being a Pulp fan as well. We would so have gone there, if the columns hadn't balanced out so nicely with the article at that length. --UU - natter 09:59, Mar 6

I wish to complain more than nachalatte

How did you have an article on the awards Why? isn't being nommed for, and yet completely leave out the fact that I'm nommed for the 3 biggest awards of the month, after being nommed for almost nothing in the past? Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:55,6March,2010

Because it was already a bloody essay and I wanted to save your nomtastic state for next week. Have you been nommed for NotM yet? Nominally Humane! some time 04:39, 6/03/2010

Not this month, but I have been twice before Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:36,6March,2010

I wish to complain about the standard of the complaints on this talk page

Let's face it, these complaints above are... Well, ... Rather pants actually. I'm sure this newspaper can get much better complaints than that. If you are going to complain about something then do it properly. Don't do it just because you are trying to create a huge great drama fuss to amuse yourself, or just attempt to gain attention by upsetting people. Like insulting that bastard Under user for example. Or PuppyOnTheRadio who is well known for his nefarious ways. In addition I would like to point out that I don't hold any value to the opinion and judgement of the entire wiki in matters such as choosing NotM or RotM. I think everyone who votes on those awards is wrong. Only I know best. I would tell you why I think these things but you are too stupid to understand me. That's why I hang out around here, because I don't respect the opinion of anyone else here. To add to that, I should like to note that the UnSignpost dog is almost certainly homosexual. MrN 10:33, Mar 6

I couldn't agree more. Oh yeah. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 13:57 • Saturday, 6-03-2010

sir, if i were running out of fuel in my sopwith camel but pertained to crash-land on your airstrip, i couldn't be a happier man. --nldr 15:33, March 6, 2010 (UTC)