Stormtrooper 147-B
| Stormtrooper 147-B | |
|---|---|
|
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| Personal info | |
| Nationality | Human |
| Date of birth | Episode III-IV |
| Place of birth | Death Star, Outer Rim |
| Date of death | Episode IV:A New Hope |
| Place of death | Death Star |
| First Lady | None |
| Political career | |
| Order | 42th President |
| Vice President | Himself |
| Prime Minister | n/a |
| Term of office | Unknown–Unknown |
| Preceded by | Stormtrooper 147-A |
| Succeeded by | Stormtrooper 147-C |
| Political party | Imperial Republican |
| Penis nickname | n/a |
Stormtrooper 147-B, or just called Sparks by his friends, was probably one of the most important but unnoticed characters of the Star Wars franchise. He was a stormtrooper who longed to do something important in his life, and became a well known actor, author, and brief president of Vice President of Tatooine. Although featured for five seconds and then killed by Luke Skywalker in Episode IV:A New Hope, his legacy lives on as a life full of mistaken identity, social class, and temptations.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Stormtrooper 147-B was born in the time period of when Luke Skywalker was growing up, specifically what would be between Episodes III and IV. At that time, he was born as all other stormtroopers do: in clone tanks, which were full of vitamin-enriched liquid and located in Outer Rim. From the second he was born, he was injected with a special serum that caused him to fully grow within just 5 years, as do all newborn troops. Even though Sparks was just little, he knew that among him were thousands of brothers just like him. He was just a baby then, so he didn't know or care much, but he would soon realize in a few years the exact identity he was playing, and how different his soul was compared to the others.
Boyhood[edit | edit source]
Sparks was then raised by Mandalorian Nurses until age 2 (what would have been 9 years by growth), when he could then start fighting practice for the roads ahead. Sparks was taught many things, such as advanced attack combos and proper handling of firearms. Sparks was very skilled compared to other clones, and even Emperor Palpatine took notice. He said, quote:
| “ | Some would consider this boy to be....unnatural. This trooper should be exactly like the others. I must remember to keep this boy under control and does not become a rebellious Democrat of the Rebellion. Also, some would consider this spilled coffee on my crotch to be...unnatural. | ” |
Sparks would be violently trained beyond control. He did countless hours doing push-ups in the Tatooine desert, battling armed droids with just a wooden stick and witty comments, and even was forced to withstand elevator music. This may have built the strength of Stormtrooper 147-B, but alas, he was uncomfortable with his life. In a few years, he would rebel against his brethren and get his 15 minutes of fame...literally.
In-joke zone: The following section contains in-jokes known only to nerds, fanboys, etc. Proceed with caution.
Teenage Years[edit | edit source]
By age 3, Sparks became a teenager. He became much taller, smarter, and more muscular. However, there was something missing from his life and finally, he figured it out. He needed to be different. There were at least 13,000,000,000 other stormtrooper clones just like him, and he needed to change that. But before he could do anything, a great construction was in progress.
At this time, the first Death Star was in rapid construction. The Sith were determined to take over the universe with the superweapon. With no droids left, all Stormtroopers had to build on it. Of course, Stormtrooper 147-B was called for duty. At 4:00 in the morning, undresssed, unfed, and just plain tired, Stormtrooper 147-B had to construct 500-foot steel pylons onto a planet-sized superweapon. He worke relentlessly for at least 5 months, until he decided to rebel. In an anonymous audio tape, sparks was heard saying his last words before going independent:
| “ | *Sigh*....You know, I just can't take it. These retarded Imperials have me working my ass off. I don't care if a whole army of droids hunts me down for eternity, I'd rather hang out with the ghost of Adolf Hitler than work here anymore. I'm leaving to go on my own. I'll make it, I swear. Well, good-fucking-bye, Sith. | ” |
Stormtrooper 147-B was than not seen until a young boy named "Luke" spotted a "strange Stormtrooper figure" basking in the suns of Tatooine, busy on a typewriter. What he saw was Sparks, fresh in his teens, starting a long road into writing that would eventually lead him into politics.