The Empire Strikes Back
The Empire Strikes Back (also known as Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back) is a 1980 American epic space opera film directed by Irvin Kershner. George Lucas wrote the script but refused to direct the film because it took too long when he did so for Star Wars. It is the fifth film in the franchise's internal chronology; but it was the second film released. What's up with that?
Set in 3 BBY, three years after A New Hope (although it could just as easily have been 3 days), we see the trio of Luke, Han, and Leia having a very bad day. Luke gets his arm cut off by Darth Vader, Han gets frozen in carbonite, and Leia loses her newfound boyfriend...who just so happens to be Han. It's Murphy's Law: The Movie: "what can go wrong, will go wrong."
Despite a new, less bitchy director taking over George Lucas's role, the film still went through a difficult production. Upon release, it gained negative reviews by critics and a meager box office performance. However, these critics didn't know the power of the dark side and were sentenced to death after publishing their reviews. Following their executions, the film has become known as one of the greatest films to ever exist throughout our galaxy and others far, far away.
Opening crawl[edit | edit source]
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
STAR WARS
EPISODE V
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the rebellion. Although they blew up the Death Star, the Imperial Forces are yet to give up. It is all work and no play for the Rebels. They have been chased out of their bases and are being pursued across the galaxy; not unlike my ex-wife's fight for custody of our children.
They have been chased by the Imperial Starfleet to the remote planet of Hoth, which is just so, so cold. God damn I would FREEZE my ASS off if I was on Hoth. It is just sooo cold. Damn.
Darth Vader has sent probes to find the young Luke Skywalker. And no, not THAT kind of probe you idiot...
Plot[edit | edit source]
Three years have passed since the Death Star was destroyed, and the Rebel alliance has been driven out of Yavin IV by the Empire. Princess Leia, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca, R2-D2, and C-3PO have not disbanded as a group yet. They lead a contingent on the icy planet of Hoth. Luke, who is sent to investigate a crash landing on the planet, is ambushed by a probe sent by Darth Vader. After the probe ambushes his ass, a furry wampa ambushes his ass as well. Luke frees himself from the wampa's cave with a fancy lightsaber but it doesn't matter as he succumbs to the below zero wind chills and faints in the snow. Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was killed in the previous film, appears before him and tells him to go train with Yoda in Dagobah. Luke replies, "the fuck is a Yoda and why would it be in a Dagobah? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" Han discovers Luke and brings him back base.
Luke and R2-D2 leave for Dagobah while Han Solo and Princess Leia escape into a meteor field upon the Millennium Falcon. Obi-Wan appears as a hallucinatory voice inside Luke's head, and instructs him to go to the Dagobah system for further training with Jedi Master Yoda, who was forced into hiding like Obi-Wan when the Republic collapsed. Because Yoda has more physical similarities with a retarded bull-frog than he does with a human being, Obi-Wan got to live in the sand igloo to watch over Luke, while Yoda had to settle for a swamp with other small, green, bas-awkward speaking creatures like him.
After Luke has been further trained in the teachings of the Jedi, Obi-Wan once again appears in the Dagobah swamp to try and dissuade him from going to Cloud City, where Vader holds Han and Leia hostage. After Luke insists on facing Vader, Obi-Wan warns him that he cannot be bothered regenerating to fight Vader just to get killed again as a distraction for Luke and his friends to escape. Luke would have to grow a pair and face him alone.
Cast and characters[edit | edit source]
Production[edit | edit source]
Reception[edit | edit source]
