Greedo
| Greedo, son of Greedo | |
|---|---|
| Star Wars character | |
 After the incident with Solo, Greedo started pointing his gun at everyone. Here he is enrolling his son in kindergerten. | |
| Homeworld | Tatooine |
| Species | Rodian |
| Gender | Eunuch |
| Affiliation | Greedo |
| Portrayed by | Greedo |
| Voiced by | Greedo |
Greedo was a weird alien who worked for Jabba the Hutt as one of his bounty hunters. He is most notable for attempting to kill Han Solo for bounty. During the attempt, Han shot first, leaving Greedo dead. During his life, he succeeded in mocking Anakin, being green, and dying. Unsuccessful ventures included doing something with his life, and collecting the bounty for Han's life.
Early Years[edit | edit source]
Greedo grew up with his full Rodian family on Tatooine. He is the son of Greedo, a bounty hunter, and Greedo, a dancer. While growing up, he went to the Rodian Refugee School on Tatooine, where he met Greedo and Greedo in Greedo's art class. Greedo, Greedo, and Greedo would be friends for years to come. At the age of 37, he met Anakin Skywalker. Right away, Greedo hated Anakin and vowed to make fun of him forever. When Anakin was preparing for a pod race, Greedo made sure to get extra dirty in his insults. Upon failing at even that, he went home and cried to Greedo. He knew, even then, that he was a waste of the green rubber used to make his face.
After Anakin left Tatooine, Greedo had no direction in his life. He tried various odd jobs, such as working in a Pizzaria, and as a womp rat exterminator. He wound up following in his father's footsteps to become a bounty hunter. He sent his resume in to Jabba. Right away, Jabba knew he was a failure at anything that would be useful to him. Instead, Jabba hired Greedo to portray a bounty hunter who killed smugglers in the movie that Jabba had hired George Lucas to create about his life.
The Incident[edit | edit source]
Greedo's first job came up thirty years later, when Greedo became notorious for appearing in the third rerun of the first draft of Star Wars, of which Jabba was executive producer. In the scene that made him infamous, he was accidentally sodomized by Han Solo. Because of his inability to mate, thus destroying the noble line of Greedo, he exiled himself to the planetary system of Brazil. It was here that he would later became a male stripper at a Brazilian bikini wax salon.
The initial version of the scene was released onto the VHS version of Star Wars, however director George Lucas, also know as Darth Hitler, was unhappy with it. Electing to modify the films at a later date to "match his vision, he had Greedo return to the studios to refilm the scene. This time, Greedo was shot instead. At an even later date, Lucas decided that the alien shooting first, then getting shot by Solo more closely matched his vision. But, by then, the movie was already out, for like 25 years. The movie was out, you moron! How can you change a movie that was already out?!
The incident generated bad publicity for Greedo, who was portrayed as an actor with no morals who would do anything to further his career.
The later years[edit | edit source]
After some unsuccessful ventures in the sitcom format, such as the shows Was that my wife on TV? and Hey, That's NOT my Penis!, Greedo finally regained face when he grew a beard and became Alf. The show ran for many seasons and was much beloved by American viewers who were dead inside. Most eventually committed suicide or died of natural causes.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Booth Shot First
- Han Solo
- Anakin Skywalker - Surprisingly one of Greedo's childhood friends
