Microsoft Paint

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MS paint can create an exact copy of a person
MS Paint in action
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Microsoft Paint.
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Innovations[edit | edit source]

The December 1968 issue of National Geographic.

MS Paint is the most advanced image-editing application ever written.

MS Paint has brought innovations such as copy, paste, the pencil tool, select, and zoom. Some of its features, such as the rectangle and eraser tools, are not even found in the paid program Adobe Photoshop. MS Paint supports many of today's image formats, including 13-Color bitmap, and the more compressed 1.5-color bitmap.

MS Paint's development team has been working hard to develop the next generation of imaging which will allow users to create high quality 50 colored images. The downside is that each of these images will occupy over 100TBs of Hard Disk space to store all the color information. A quick pornography tool is also to be included to help hentai artists.

In 1964, Bob Barker invented the text tool. MS Paint quickly became the most popular software for the book industry, eventually replacing the typewriter. It is a well-known fact that during the 1960s, National Geographic used the rectangle tool to design its famous yellow cover. Also, the triangle-tool was used by a lot of Satanists to make their hexagon logos. Triangles kick ass.

Idi Amin further boosted his infamous ego when he hired the greatest digital artist in the world to paint this portrait.
A typical MS Paint movie.
Too lame for Ms Paint.

The well known MS Paint has been the best editing software in the history of computer-kind. It was rated by the PCWorld Magazines and the ComputerGeek Incorporated the most useful tool for editing graphics. Throughout the history and versions of Paint (1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.1, 6.0, 6.1) it has been a success, knocking off Adobe Photoshop and CorelDraw off the market and into the stinking crappy sewage of Hong Kong, China. It is also worth buying because it doesn't cost anything and comes in a 3.5-inch Floppy Disc and in Windows. A lot of success stories have been heard from people, so-called noobs using MS Paint. Why is it such a success? Before they sell Paint out to the market Microsoft made a meeting with the "you-know-who" CEO, the project of the meeting is to decide the name for the successful graphics editing software currently called "Paint". They started off with, Color, Beautiful, Van Gogh and ended up with, Alps, Photostation, ArtWorkshop, and Paint. But guess what, they chose "Paint"!... Then how is it such a success? MS Paint had been used in underground advertising, graphics in Windows Vista, 99% of the images in Google, blockbuster movies such as "The Matrix", drawing mustaches on J.K. Rowling and etc. So you are better off with Paint than any other graphics software such as the fanciness of Adobe Photoshop.

In more recent years, some of the greatest artists started on this software, including Barack Obama, Leonardo da Vinci, and Guy Fieri.

Applications[edit | edit source]

Contrary to popular belief, the leading choice by designers for quality images at Uncyclopedia is MS Paint.
MS Paint Command Prompt, an alternative to the original Command Prompt
MS Paint running on Vista.

MS Paint continues to be one of the most used software programs in web design, digital photography, video editing, and the culinary arts. In fact, all of the Pulitzer-Prize-winning digital effects in the movie The Matrix were created in MS Paint (Except for the character of Trinity, who was drawn with a pointy stick on wet sand, then scanned in with a HP BeachJet scanner, but there's always an exception to the rule, especially regarding women. Plus, MSPaint is a bit too masculine fo'rat's use.). Nowadays, most sports broadcasts are animated using MS Paint rather than filming actual sporting events to cut costs.


Confusion with Ms Paint[edit | edit source]

The confusion, resulting law suit, resulting mini-series, resulting book-based-on-the-mini-series, resulting trading card game, resulting video game, between Ms Paint (nee Lewinski) and the application has resulted in very little. In fact, the complete lack of confusion can be attributed to the fact that there is really no such confusion. This has led to confusion for confused Uncyclopedia editors and trained chimps, because there is in fact no basis for a confusion to be made. The whole thing is really rather confusing.

The Spraypaint Story[edit | edit source]

MSPaint: Online. Microsoft's 1st attempt at a MMORPG.

The '80's in America werused Photoshop. God changed the name of the spray-can to graffiti-can just to additionally piss off graffiti "artists", and nobody cared. The world moved on.

Paradoxes... Or paradoxettes? A multiple of paradox[edit | edit source]

A rare glimpse of a calligraphy gnome using a hack that allows the user to zoom in whilst typing text in MS Paint, zoomed in 200%.

MS Paint contains many... paradoxies. If any of these paradoxen are broken, your computer will crash and you will turn into a wad of spaghetti. No one wants to be a wad of spaghetti. People will eat you alive, so god help you if I get to you first, because I love spaghetti...

  • One can zoom in, but not out. This is said to be because beyond the window, one can see all the secrets of life and the Universe.
  • You cannot make text when zoomed in. Because if you do, you might get a glimpse of the tiny calligraphy gnomes that write the text on MS Paint.
  • The palette has nine different shades of blue, but only one shade of orange. This is because blue and orange are mortal enemies, but blue is the color of God.
  • You cannot make circles that lean to one side. If you do, grues will surely eat you.
  • Sometimes a mysterious image of a purple gorilla appears on the lower-left corner of the screen if you use the spraypaint feature on top of the Paintbrush tool. No one knows why....
  • You will rip up the entire space-time continuum if you attempt edit a gif image in MS Paint, so don't do that, or the blue screen of death will surely reap your soul.
  • If you do not save your work, it may leak out into your hard drive, and poison the virtual hamsters powering your hard drive, mutating them and make them run 7200x as fast, thus causing your hard disk to spin so fast, it creates a black hole inside your computer, and sucks everything in within 5 mile radius. And yes, this does include your thoughts.
  • Even though many have tried, it is impossible to huff the fumes from the MS Paint patented paint bucket. Although the neon colored pixel-paint may look appealing, the high induced by its godly fumes is only enough to give you tiger blood for about 12.456 seconds. This time period only allows the user to hover for a couple seconds, although the desired effect may be to become a rock star from Mars.

The Ultimate ToolBox[edit | edit source]

Toolbox - paint.JPG
Beware the tools of mass construction!
The life is so easy thanks to Paint!

How to:

  • Take a screenshot MS Paint interface.
  • Copy it in MS Paint.
  • Print it.
  • Select the desired tool with the selection tool. (follow the same procedure to get the selection tool)
  • Eat the selection. (loading in ram)
  • Edit the world!


There are some important facts to know before proceeding:

  • Paint bucket.JPG It is very easy to get dirty with the bucket.
  • Paint eraser.JPG The eraser is somewhat dangerous if in bad hands. (Darth Vader)
  • Spraycan - paint.JPG The spray can is highly unstable, it could blow at any moment from a terminal shock since it is used to Windows climate.


Finally, if ever you forget to put back the tool in paint before you go to sleep, (The moment when your ram is reinitialized) you are doomed and the tool is lost for ever. Whenever the time or the computer you use, that particular tool will never be available for you again in MS Paint nor in PhotoShop nor in ANY drawing tools. This is because every program is a descendant of MS Paint in one way or another.

Paint Chat[edit | edit source]

This ingenious concept was brought to life by Dan Koabel. His innovations in web paint development are unrivaled. Now on version 3.0, paint chat will be released soon to eagerly awaiting millions.

The brilliant creation of Sir Daniel Koabel

Safety Considerations[edit | edit source]

  • Versions loaded on operating systems prior to Windows 98 contain leaded paint. Do not ingest your computer or attempt to eat the screen when MS paint is open. If you accidentally spill paint when using the bucket tool, clean it up promptly and do not allow children near it. Wear a respirator when deleting old files to prevent inhalation of leaded paint dust.
  • Despite being the graphics tool of choice for a generation, a fatal bug has never been weeded out of this fine application. It has been known that due to a fiscal-overflow error that if ever a Thai character is entered into a text box whilst having either a British Pound, US Dollar, Aussie Scrote [or any other predominantly english speaking currency] balanced on the users forehead on the turn of the fiscal year, Mr Clippy will burst out of every terminal connected to the internets to rape and pillage the land.
A Masterpiece from MS Paint

Criticism[edit | edit source]

The real problem with ms paint is that you can only use it on a screen. Have you ever seen a famous artist go “Here is my masterpiece. Oh, sorry, my computer went to sleep.”? I want a paint app that can paint on paper. Even better I want a paint app that can paint money on paper. I’d make thousands of three-dollar bills. And buy thousands of three dollar houses. As this article has gotten off the subject I think it’s a success.

See Also[edit | edit source]

Some groups of Traffic cone are scattered on the street by cross-pollination.


Windows logo In Soviet Russia, Windows installs you!


• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation


Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easier easy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




v • d • e


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