Mac OS 10.6
This article is too close to the TRUTH!
Citizens should begin to feel uneasy or bemused now. Fnord.
“And the leper in whom the plague is, his clothes shall be rent, and his head bare, and he shall put a covering upon his upper lip, and shall cry, Unclean, unclean”
“Introducing MAC OS X Leopard! Now shipping with shiny new macs... yes they're shiny.”
Mac OS 10.6 (or Snew Leopard as it has been named) is Apple's latest installment of the Mac OS X (X stands of Xylophone lovers!) operating system made for its brand of Macintosh computers. It was released nearly 6 years after the release of the 10.4 version of Mac OS X due to delays caused by the development of the iPhone.
Mac OS 10.6 features as many as 300 new "improvements" such as:
- Not being able to change the color of the Apple logo in the upper left hand corner
- Frequent freezing even on a 2.4 GHz new iMac with 200MB of RAM
- Takes up 8 times as much disk space than OS 10.4
- A start-up screen showing Steve Jobs with Michael Jackson (Bill Gates pops up if you incorrectly log in 1 time every hour of a day)
- Reflective dock that must take up a Hell of a lot of processing power and RAM
- A transparent Menu Bar. Woot! Pretty colors!
- System Requirements that leave up to 40 older macs (that ran OS 10.4 and a few 10.5) behind in the dust
- Very small icons on the left side bar in the finder window making it harder to select directories
- The elimination of the search tool Sherlock
- Other new features that require some one with an enormous disposable income to afford and take advantage of.
- A poor spinoff of Recycle Bin called Time Machine
- iWhore , order your self a whore!
Spaces, Apples answer to clutter! A nice, but not so innovative or useful addition to Mac OS 10.5, made even worse by 10.6. One can create up to 16 small little boxes to take up the screen of your computer and each box can hold anything you want like, that movie you're making in iLife (Or trying to make), the games your playing (On a Mac? Dream on Buddy), the porn your looking at(Err.. Um, eh, WELL WHO DOSN'T LOOK AT PORN!?!or Photoshop (Well who doesn't edit porn!?!) With Spaces you can do anything (If you replace the word anything with nothing) and it's an innovation that has never been thought of before (If you replace never with probably) its almost the same thing as pressing F9 on OS 10.4, but its better, because its Apple. Here are some things you can do with spaces!
- Put your Safari window in the upper left hand box
- Put your Safari window in the upper right hand box
- Put your Safari window in the lower left hand box
- Put your Safari window in the lower right hand box
-And Much Much more...
Side note: You can't put your Safari window in the middle.
“A Giant Leap Backward!”
“I love Time Machine! I was killed fighting the Roman Empire!”
The Past with Time Machine
The original Time Machine is Mac OS X's Automatic software which enables a person to go back in time. Before Mac OS 10.5, if a person needed to go back in time, it would take a few decades of their time huddled in a box crying about the fact that they did not have the newest toy from apple, but now Time Machine automatically goes back in time. The User Interface of Time Machine is unamazing, the unnecessary graphics take up enormous amounts of CPU capacity and RAM, all the while only making the user feel small and insignificant as compared to the of the swirling galaxies in our universe represented in the background. Time Machine requires an 8 trillon GHz processor to go back a year. If a user wants to take advantage of Time Machine, they must believe in Steve Jobs.
The Future with Time Machine (to be discontinued)
Apple bundled a new feature Mac OS 10.6 for the original Time Machine function. With the latest updates, you can not only go back in time, but forwards. Best of all, it is still automatic. Thus, if you're bored, Time Machine will automatically bring you in the future until you find something to do. Because you yourself are like how you are, this will create a paradox, thus killing you. There were many charges pressed on this, but with Apple getting top dollar for every sale already achieved, they can do whatever they damn well please. This feature has been announced to be removed in the Mac OS Y software update, but in Mac OS 10.7 or "Lion", will be boosted to increase more casualties: Apple has the money, they pay off press charges, press charges advertise apple. PROFIT.
Side note: Downgrade!
Recently, Apple released the Time Capsule to the public. There is a dial along the side to set the release time, from After, you fit yourself and family along with your most important belongings into this diamond-titanium mineral combination of a capsule and close the lid. This locks the lid shut from the inside and the outside, until the dial-set time limit is reached, then it may be opened from the outside. When you manage the leave, you will find your belongings and family members gone as payment to Apple, considering the product is very well cheap(Apple still needs something, you know).
Other Info on Time Machine
Time Machine also has a dark sinister function; the efficiently of which the pyramids were built and how the early United States was the most productive cotton picking country ever had a part in this features inception.
Steve jobs ordered his evil henchmen to devise a way of creating a time portal mechanism to abduct watermelon suckers (niggers) from pre-civil war amerika and import them into each mac device to 'get shit done cheaply', the hunchbacked retarded henchmen were successful in creating this system, the result of this advance was the addition of 1000 niggers per each dollar that an apple device costs, these niggers can perform basic math and so accounts for the Macs blistering speed.
The New Finder and Cover Flow
The new Finder features a completely unrevised look, much like that of the new iLife. Apple developers have replaced the old brushed metal look with a much simpler gradient background that looks as if it took 90 seconds to make in Photoshop and made 100 developers use iQuit. The new finder features yet another new feature, Cover Flow, another interesting, but not so necessary feature in the new OS. Cover Flow allows users to look through files virtually like in iTunes, and is yet another new feature designed to make it easier for your grandmother to use the computer but in actuality will just make her even more confused than she already is. In addition to making your grandmother confused with cover flow, the icons on the sidebar in the new finder window are so small they are just barely visible, such that your grandmother wont be-able to see them now even with her glasses on, causing her to call you every 5 seconds so that you will click on it for her causing you much pain and frustration.
The New iChat and Mail
The new iChat is and Mail have been greatly improved for OS 10.6. The New mail has included a new feature called smart folders that automatically sorts email based on certain parameters, such as dates received or sent, from certain people and other things as well; a feature that web based email has had for years that is now available to you with Leopard.
iChat, the application that allows you to communicate the same information to someone as you probably could with a phone or email but with almost infinite times the bandwidth usage and the need to actually wear cloths when you communicate with them has been improved by Apple to now take up 500 kb/s of bandwidth (or more) of your internet connection. The new iChat greatly improves upon the old iChat, now not only can you talk to other people through a video screen, you can now control their computer with it too (Big brother is watching you). In addition, you no longer have to look like your normal self since Apple has introduced video effects that can contort your image, or add a video effect or even a false background. The false background is very important for those types that want to go to the beach, pretend they're at work in the office but have to video conference with other mac owners in the business world. However the video effects will most likely be used for male mac users to impress mac owning females (or other men) on the other end by letting them know how cool the video effect i that they're using, and by extension how cool they are for owning a mac, when instead they should just go next door and talk to them personally.
- Mac OS X Lion
- Mac OS Y
- Mac OS XXX
- Mac OS X Window Manager
- Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress
- Windows Vista
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