Peter Bogdanovich
“Really, uuuh.. a feat in Godly creation, truly stunning craftmanship.. siiiiiighhhhh.. Would you like to hear some of my Orson Welles stories? How about some John Ford, I've got those too.. anybody?”
“There are, ah, films in this world, that will inspire you. They'll, um, inspire many people, everywhere, to do great things. These films.. they'll be made by me. Most likely.”
Peter "Peter Bogdanovich" Bogdanovich is, by all accounts, the greatest director ever to grace planet Earth with his presence. He knows every filmmaker in Hollywood (personally), and has seen every classic film ever made. He was Orson Welles' best friend, and shared a brand of plutonic love with Orson that could never be recreated on screen or in life. Peter's opinion is much more important than yours, and as such, you should really make the effort to sit through his consistent sighs, pauses and stutters in order to hear his awe-inspiring point.
In addition to his massive brilliance in the realm of directing, Peter is also an accomplished writer, editor, cinematographer, sculptor, critic, poet, wine connoisseur, swordsman, and sushi chef. These features, paired with his omni-present raw, unbridled masculinity, have gotten Peter into the pants of a number of women (who were actually pretty hot at the time). Though he is perhaps the greatest man to ever pick up a camera, Peter has gone through a number of financial and critical peaks and valleys, involving multiple bankruptcies and several violent automobile repossessions.
Bog, Le Infant[edit | edit source]
According to first-hand accounts[1] , Peter Bogdanovich was not born par se, but rather, uhhhh.. ascended from the heights of Mount Olympus with the simple mission of um, sighh.., changing the face of filmmaking.
Bogdanovich made his first film at age 4. His breakout performance as "Baby" Truloux in his film Bog, Le Infant, garnered him successful reviews. Unfortunately for Peter, these positive reviews came mainly from French film critics, and thus lacked the credibility needed to be taken seriously in talented countries. Determined to succeed, the Bog traveled to America where his career changed forever[2]
Proof of Idiocy[edit | edit source]
- Incessant stammering
- Misquoted facts
- Inability to follow basic real-life dialogs
- CONSTANT FUCKING SIGHS -- Yo Peter, quit the fucking sighing you fuck! If you don't want to do the Citizen Kane audio commentary, DON'T FUCKING DO IT YOU SACK OF DOGSHIT
- Dumb questions
- Dumb movies
- Improper clipboard usage.
- Considered Cybill Shepherd to be talented.
- Claims to have invented soft drinks, energy drinks, life potions, 30%off coupons, diet energy drinks, stain resistant earmuffs, 40% off coupons, stunna shades, and sighs.
- Always mistook Monday to be the first day of the week, claiming this improved all aspects of American, North American, and European ecomomies.
- Claims that Bill Gates invented both the 5 and 10% off coupons, and diet Coca Cola Zero.
Orson and Peter[edit | edit source]
“siigh.. uh yes, I a- knew Mr. Welles very well. Almost eh, like, you could say...uhhhh...brothers? Yes, almost like brothers. Film making genius brothers”
“Peter Bogdanovich...Bog, dan-- OH! Wasn't he that nice lawnmower salesman we talked to when we went to Home Depot last week?”
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Bog, le Combatant[edit | edit source]
2-Seater Peter vs. UQG[edit | edit source]
Pete the Seat has had a long-standing rivalry with enigmatic performance artist, political activist, filmmaker, and guitar maestro The Unrelated Quote Guy.
Their fight began in the spring of 1976, when Pete reviewed Guy's 6th film, Leaves, People, and Leaf People (during which time, The Unrelated Quote Guy went by alias Marvin Pancake). Leaf People, a stylized biopic detailing the life of a tree living in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. The film, broken into 7 hour-long intertwining vignettes, appalled and confused The Bog greatly. After viewing all 6 months of Guy's artistic expression, Peter launched a national smear campaign, aiming to besmirch the good name of Guy's Touching or Not? Productions. After several print ads and a strong support from Internet sources, the Stop UQG Movement began snowballing into power. However, what neither Peter nor the thousands of Anti-Guys knew was that the Unrelated Quote Guy had been mounting an attack against Bogdanovich for years (dating as far back as 1975).
Guy's Cut Off That Peter! campaign pitted experimental film-loving neighbor against experimental film-loving neighbor. Soon, full-fledged riots were breaking out on college campuses across the nation and abroad. Disgruntled, artsy students everywhere were forced to choose between the two most talented idiots in the industry. The intensity of this rivalry would last nearly 20 years. Official statistics placed "Deaths Related to Bogdanovich/Guy Gang Violence" as the 89th leading cause of death in males 18-26 from 1979-1989 (placing it just behind "Deaths Related to Shark Rodeo").
Semi-Peaceful Resolution[edit | edit source]
In 1990, a chance meeting (and subsequent fist-fight) occurred between The Bog and The Guy in a small family-owned deli in Northern Connectthedots. After several minutes of brawling and several hundreds of dollars worth of damage to assorted bagels and pastries, the two were removed from the store and placed in the country jail. It was in jail that Peter and the Unrelated Quote Guy bonded for the very first time one-on-one. This experience led the pair to make a televised announcement, publicly ending their long-time feud:
Bogdanovich: I would just like to...say...um, well, something happened, sigh, in a deli...between Guy and m-meh-- myself uhhh...This led to us being put in jail. We talked for, ffff...for about an hour or so. Unfortunately, the brilliant John Ford, siiiigh...was elsewhere at the time..
Guy: Darlene loved to pick flowers and she did this on and off throughout her early childhood. ~Marlon Brando
Bogdanovich: Yes. Thank you.
Fresh out of county lock down, the pair began planning a collaboration[3]. This effort produced the co-directed, co-written and partially produced film Sex Seafood. Though the project was a challenge for the two master filmsmen, it eventually reached completed and was released to the public. The two immediately began collaborating on a sequel, but their plans were cut short when the Unrelated Quote Guy succumbed to mental insanity, completely abandoning his friend and vanishing to South America. Bogdanovich, feeling betrayed and distressed, moved to a ranch in Great Falls, Montana.
Quoted from the Bogdanosphere[edit | edit source]
Interviewing David Chase on The Sopranos Season 1 DVD box set:
Meaty Petey: ..theres an ele- element of ele-elegy to the series uhh.. Is that conscious?
Chase: No.
Petey: (cont'd) There's an elegiac feeling to it.
Chase: No, it's not conscious.
Pete: But do you feev-- notice it?
Chase: ...
Other Fine Bogdanoquotes[edit | edit source]
“A er, marvellous sort of, story I guess you could call it in one respect.. Some people may argue towards satire? Yes.. yes and no, uhhh.. Oh, and of course, if violence offends you, try looking deeper.”
Citations[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Bogdanovich, Peter
- ↑ Jonstrom, William. Los Angeles Sun Times, Peter Bogdanovich begins job at McDonalds, Meets and Fellates Martin Scorsese, March 12, 1948
- ↑ legend has it they had their first brainstorming session while waiting on their vehicles at the police impound
See also[edit | edit source]
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THE BOG SAYS *s..i..i..g..g..h..h..h..* I'm sure there was a brilliant point in here somewhere, uhhhh... where was that exactly? |