Pedro Almodóvar
PEDRO ALMODÓVAR
un artículo de
Almodóvar
[a cyan screen]
ANTONIO BANDERAS: You know, I never really liked hot openings in movies.
[the still-very-cyan screen reveals Penélope Cruz and Antonio Banderas, fucking in a diner]
PENÉLOPE CRUZ: The fuck’s a hot opening?
ANTONIO BANDERAS: That thing which has my cock in it right now.
Selected films
Big
Big is a film directed by Penny Marshall. It's about a child who is granted a wish to become a grownup overnight. It is like Titanic, only with much better acting, and muchos less dineros.
Look Who's Talking
A film directed by Amy Heckerling. It's about a baby who is granted a wish to get a father overnight. It is like The Godfather, only with a much better sense of humor, and muchos less dineros.
Lost in Translation
A film directed by Sofia Coppola. It's about a person who is granted a wish to get a friend overnight. It is like The Shawshank Redemption, only with much more soul, and muchos less dineros.
Cinematic language
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| Penélope Cruz & woodie. |
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| Penélope Cruz & woodie. |
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| Penélope Cruz & woodie. |
Almodóvar is widely credited with/accused of (delete as applicable) bringing a quintessentially gay, soulful, feminine form of quality to the big screen. His most typical gimmick, obsessing about Penélope Cruz and cocks has been imitated by no other male directors, which are all actually much gayer than him.
On the sidewalk in Madrid, fucking Penélope Cruz.
Cinematic style
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Almodóvar’s films are known for many things.
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Sex
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Swoosh; nothing nothing Swoosh; nothing nothing Swoosh; nothing nothing Swoosh; nothing …
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Awesomeness of women
Cinematic motifs
The primary motif in Almodóvar's films is his relationship with his mother, which is mostly expressed by Penélope Cruz's relationships with cocks.
…
SILENCE, ANTONIO!
I didn’t say anything!
I said silence!
Castrating Antonio Banderas
He fucked Penélope too hard.
ANTONIO
*Ouch*
PENÉLOPE
Thanks, Pedro.
FADE OUT
 | This page was originally sporked from Wes Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, Sergio Leone, Woody Allen, Andrei Tarkovsky, Ingmar Bergman & Alfred Hitchcock |
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