Bel-Air
| Bel-Air | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Motto: "Fuck off if you ain't a Jew" | |
| Civic anthem: "X-Files theme song" | |
| State | California |
| Official nickname | Fort of the New World Order |
| Official language(s) | Hebrew, Gangsta |
| Mayor | George Soros |
| Established | 1923 |
| Re-Established | 1968 |
| Re-Re-Established | 1996 |
| Currency | NWO credit cards |
| Opening hours | Every day excluding Sundays |
Fort Bel-Air, known as the Kingdom of Bel-Air, is an fort owned by the New World Order. It was created sometime in the 1920s as a Jewish tourist trap and has been featured in Hollywood for a long time. For a short while, the Nation of Islam occupied the neighborhood, electing Will Smith as their prince. He was actually a spy working for NBC, and earned a shit ton of money for those two jobs. However, as of 2024, all the Black people have mysteriously disappeared, as the KKK noticed that the Nation of Islam was basically their frenemy at this point and eliminated them all.
History[edit | edit source]
Background and early history[edit | edit source]
As with all areas in America, Bel-Air was initially colonized by Native Americans. These people, known as the Tongva worshipped an air god who looked suspiciously like Jesus. However, when Europeans entered the Americas, they infinity gauntleted all the natives into reservations to make them a profitable business as fried Native Americans were a trendy cuisine in Europe. This led to a massive amount of land which was neglected for over 300 years. However, sometime in 1899, some rabbi bought the land, which was still owned by a dead Spanish dude. He soon convinced the New World Order to set a base in his real estate so he could collect taxes and be rich from tourism. He called this area אוויר של פעמונים (meaning air of bells), but due to translation issues, it was called Bel-Air.
Regardless, in the late 1910s, the unnamed rabbi sold the land to Alfonzo the Evil, an oil baron, as there was nothing valuable to him. However, as soon as the oil baron entered a cave, he saw fountains of oil spewing out. He killed the rabbi so nothing could compete with him and founded the town in 1923, changing his last name to Bell to get clout. He collaborated with the NWO to build a ranch so he could be alone with his child servants. Additionally, the NWO officially made the town a fortress, seeking to protect themselves from regulation. Conspiracy theorists allege that the NWO would never collaborate with the murderer of a rabbi, but they would be wronger than wrong. Anyways, the fort was completely secret until the 1950s, when the federal government tried to send Eisenhower, a Jew, to travel across the nation for free PR, he accidentally leaked the location of the fort, making it a target for many people for years to come.
Bel-Air fires[edit | edit source]
Despite being relatively fireproof, from 1961 til 2018, fires were engulfing around half of the neighborhood. It began as a small fire started by a Nazi who knew the location even before Eisenhower leaked it. Despite attempts to put it out, the fire was laced with liquid ammonia, making the fumes hostile to most people. As a result, the town evacuated everyone in the path of the fire and just forgot about that part of the neighborhood until the fire finally dissipated in January 2018. The fire was so glorious that it was credited as the inspiration for the Great Firewall of China.
Black takeover (1968–95)[edit | edit source]
In early 1968, the Nation of Islam was seeking to expand their territory in California. Initially unsuccessful due to fellow blacks sabatoging them, in November 1968, they sent a force of 300 to invade Bel-Air from the side with the burning homes, controlling the town by the beginning of 1969. Soon after, they exported all the Jews into other neighborhoods, diluting their influence. As a reward for being born during the battle, a newly-born Will Smith became the Prince of Bel-Air, but was sent to live in Philadelphia, where he would learn to be a true prince.
Throughout the 1970s and 1980s, nothing much would occur in Bel-Air, as it was barely earning enough money to stay afloat. However, in 1990, Will Smith would be hired as a spy by NBC, who wanted Will to let them control Bel-Air so they could make a second park in California. They created a sitcom loosely based on Will's time as the Prince of Bel-Air, which enabled them to film in the town. However, in 1995, the Nation of Islam left Bel-Air as it just wasn't lucrative enough, stripping Will of his titles and ending the series abruptly.
Modern era (1995–present day)[edit | edit source]
Since Bel-Air was returned to the New World Order, not much interesting things have happened. There was a coup which occured in 2022, but that is expected to collapse by next year. Additionally, the KKK have announced their interest to acquire the town from the New World Order so they can use the town as a lynching theme park. However, this deal is in the pre-planning stage and it is unsure if it will occur.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
As of today, Jews make up the majority of the residents, beating out all ethnicities and deporting them if they get too annoying, but compared to the numbers before the Nation of Islam invaded, it seems way more diverse. Blacks, as expected, make up a powerful minority, but since all of them are servants to the Jews, no one cares about them. Some White people have tried to break into Bel-Air, but their population consistently rounds out to zero every year.
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