User:Procopius/Positivity

Welcome to Suncyclopedia, the positive, feel good encyclopedia that never offends! 37,603 terrific articles! Good work, everyone!

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Today's slice of a rainbow Red Bull is ENERGY DRINK. Drinking give you ENERGY. FUCK YEAH ENERGY! GRAAAGGHH! Ad slogan says give wings, but it don't give wings. IT GIVE ENERGY!! Red Bull also sell lots of cans. Lots of cans in lots of places. Lots and lots of CANS OF ENERGY! FUCK YEAH ENERGY! FUCK YEAH! Red Bull was a drink from Thailand called Krating Daeng. Then a man from Austria visit Thailand and drank some. Better than anti-freeze he said! He got ENERGY! He say FUCK YEAH ENERGY FUCK YEAH KRATING DAENG, but also say FUCK YEAH AMERICANIZING THE ORIGINAL THAI NAME, and energy drink was renamed RED BULL for world market. FUCK YEAH GLOBAL ECONOMICS! Now whole world drinking Red Bull for ENERGY! FUCK YEAH! Made Austrian man VERY RICH and now runs faster than FORMULA ONE cars! Some say Red Bull bad. What's wrong, PUSSY MEN-WOMEN NO LIKE ENERGY? I say FUCK YEAH ENERGY! Others say Taurine bad. Taurine not bad! Independent scientific studies show it. FUCK YEAH INDEPENDENT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES! Pussy men-women also no like caffeine. They say it cause insomnia, dehydration, and heart problems, especially in youth. I say it cause ENERGY! FUCK YEAH ENERGY! What more healthy than energy? NOTHING! (Full article...) Recently featured: Pikmin AIDS Popsicles UnNews:Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Waiter, there's a 20 Gallon Bag Full of Dildos in my Soup Archive · Vote for featured articles · I didn't know that! Thanks for the contribution! *... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?	Things are marvelous! Thank you! You're great! No, you are! Asperger Syndrome inspires everyone on the planet Children remind us what's important Elderly impart valuable wisdom Candy falls out of sky Leprechauns surrender all their gold US Border Patrol says, "Everyone in! It's lovely over here!" Even Iraq getting cheerful Man arrested for using wrong tomato sauce . . . but it's OK! Mathematicians prove P ≠ NPR Isn't history amazing? April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand) 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now." 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father. 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!" 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later. 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work. 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion. 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence.
Howdy, neighbor! 9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun. Image credit: FreeMorpheme View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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So many happy souls -- how do I pick? OK, here's two! Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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