User:Simsilikesims/Colors/Black
:For other uses, see Black (disambiguation).
Black is the colour of burnt bread, coal, burnt wood, a negro and the night sky. Other meanings can include "You're stepping on my life support tube" and "Your dog is on fire" The color black was quite rare until the Rolling Stones went on a painting spree and painted many things black, such as red doors and young women.
Black as a word[edit | edit source]
Black is a very strange word in modern language, experts think the word was invented in the Outblack, a rainforest in Australia. There are two meanings of the word black: The first meaning of black is "belonging to black people", as black people belong to themselves, or a plantation owner, from the moment one black man started to call himself black every black man was black. Some people disagree and say those people already were black, but as Oscar Wilde explained at a garderobe; "YOU LOST MY WALKING STICK?? WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE THINK PIMPING IS ABOUT?!?!". Anyway, this is a very stupid use of the word, since black people are actually brown. The second meaning of black is "Illegal", as in Blackmail, which is mail without stamps. You can put almost any noun behind black to express the illegal form of the subject, like; the black sheep of the family. A black sheep is not the normal housesheep, but an illegal one with Mouth and Claw, to infect normal sheep and in this way illegally gain a reimbursement from the government. Everybody knows of course the famous example of the word black in the movie Black Hawk Down, a movie about the hunt on birdsmugglers in the Andes. The only exceptions to this rule are black people (see rule 1) and Black market, which is a market that belongs to black people.
"In Soviet Russia, You Jack Black!"[edit | edit source]
The meaning of black is "jump in time", as in 'black out' when you drink large amounts of alcohol and the next thing you know is to open your eyes in bed with 2 Filipino women and a man. No wait, make that 2 Filipino men and a woman. Also, what AC/DC was back in in 1980. Shortly after, they hit the sack. Boom. Badada. Badada. Beduh beduh beduuuhhh, Boom.
Did you know, the word black is illegal in many parts of Antarctica, instead they use the term extremely dark grey.
Jack Black is the best person currently using the name Black internationally. On September 23rd 2004 he fought with Jack White, of the Raconteurs and another band that everyone has now forgoten, for 13 hours atop a Nandos in Beckenham to prove once and for all that black is better than white. The result was a draw with two passes, they both retired to the restaurant below afterwards and enjoyed a chicken dinner. There is no record of who picked up the bill.
Jack Black fought Jack White again on Celebrity Deathmatch, which nobody has watched since 1997.
Black Versus The Other Colors[edit | edit source]
In 1996, the CWF (Color Wrestling Federation) organised a world championship bout in which Black, the holder of the title, took on all other colors. The other colors took turns to try to defeat Black, having been placed into a random order by a Computer. First up was Green. Green was never thought to be a serious contender due to its hippie tendencies, however it put up a good show and lasted for three rounds before Black eventually managed a KO. orange fared worse, submitting after just two minutes - color wrestling experts claimed orange was 'cowardly'. Blue went up next, but soon left the ring due to a surprise depression attack. Stepping up to the ring next came Red, considered the most serious contender by many. Red was known to be faster, but in the end Black proved the better color; but not without a long and hard fight. However, Red's good show of strength must surely be the reason that Pink, up next, lasted a full ten minutes, despite being gay. Purple did exceptionally well but was disqualified for using Hammond organ to attempt to tear out Black's ears. Beige did a lot worse, and was disqualified by the ref for not being a real color and actually being a sort of insipid brown. Other colours came to the ring and left with various injuries, but Black was obviously destined to keep hold of the title; although Aquamarine had him up against the ropes suffering a nasty volley of punches to the face in the second hour of the fight. This may have left black to feel like he was "A.R.D" but the madness continued. More colors kept getting into the ring, only to be thrown out, beaten, or even KILLED. Yes, for those of you who have never heard of the color "mot", you now know why. Finally white entered the ring. The struggle was hard and good until white had a problem. White had accidentally shit its pants during the cage match. This made white become tainted, "unpure" if you will. It just so happened that at the same time black saw a chance to get away from the action for a minute, and used this time to blow a couple of lines off of pink's back. The pure white cocaine remained on black's face. This angered him and he went into a violent rage attempting to get the white off, but the more he fought, the more it spread. Finally shit-stained white joined in on this mass-color rumble. Years later a new color came out of this mess. This colour is... Boobs. Hell yeah!! |}
