User:Jcameronfan123/Christopher Nolan
Influences[edit | edit source]
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Christopher Nolan was born in London, England, the same place as many of his idols, James Bond, Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, and the films watched by Tim Burton. He and his brother watched many bank roberies occured, occasionally helping the robbers as they stole from London banks. Nolan became dilusional after he accidentally overdosed on mrijana and died. He quickly was resurected as his future wife came and raped his dead body. Since then his mind has been fucked up and caused his films to take place in a nonlinear format, and yet are filmed in order of placement.
| Christopher Nolan | |
 Christopher as he's about to rob a bank | |
| Date of birth: | July 30, 1970 |
| Birth location: | London, England |
|---|---|
| Death location: | Will Never die |
| Academy Awards: | (2001) Nominated for Best Original Screenplay for Memento |
| Spouse: | The Wife (1997-) Christian Bale (lover) |
Films[edit | edit source]
Insomnia[edit | edit source]
It's 2002 and Christopher had just gotten an Oscar nomination for writing Memento. He releases a very forgetful film known to the world as Al Pacino and Robin Williams' last halfway decent film which also features the village whore known as Hillary Swank, or Insomnia for short. Nobody remembers this film and nobody saw it. Christopher doesn't even recall making it.
Following[edit | edit source]
This is a film that nobody saw except Christopher Nolan and the nerds that suck his dick. It is a really stupid film which tells the story of Blue Velvet minus all the sex and Dennis Hopper doing drugs. Essentially Twilight (2008 film) in black and white.
Batman 3[edit | edit source]
This is the highly anticipated follow up to Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight. Nothing is known about this film except for the fact that Christian Bale will kill someone on set, but really what else is new?
Requiem for a Dream[edit | edit source]
Oh Shit! Wrong Director!
The Prestige[edit | edit source]
The Prestige is a biopic on the life and times of Christian Bale and his twin brothers Bruce Campbell and Hugh Jackman. Although both seeked the position of being some guy's bounty hunter, only one could get it. In a magical world in which you could come back from the dead after having your head cut off, three men must fight to cut the other two's head off. Jackman went down first as he is the weakest of the three. As punishment he was forced to make X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Then it came down to Campbell in Bale. Bale went on a rant so loud and violent, it blew Campbell's head off. Campbell then went on a murdering spree, killing the likes of Erin Esurance, Julia Roberts, and Your mom. Bale won the position and magically became Boba Fett. This one much critical acclaim for its' raw documentary like footage of Bale's life at home. Bale went on a murdering spree with the help of Nolan after he realized that he wasn't even nominated for an Oscar for his role as himself.
Batman Begins[edit | edit source]
This film directed by Nolan, while epic, started a whole new genre that pisses me off, reboots! It's just a pussy way of saying remake. For this, fuck you Christopher Nolan! Fuck You!
Inception[edit | edit source]
Nolan's way of ripping off Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch both at the same time!
The Dark Knight[edit | edit source]
The Dark Knight is a documentary that chronicles the last days of serial killer, Heath Ledger and how Christopher Nolan and his gay lover, Christian Bale, tried to foil the crazy Australian as he fucked shit up in Chicago. Wait, shouldn't it be Sydney? Whatever. So Bale being a psychopath himself dresses up like a bat, fucks shit up and allows Ledger to kill himself. Wow.
otnemeM[edit | edit source]
The backwards story that rips on David Lynch, however is considered more fucked up than some of Lynch's work as it is obviously told backwards unlike Lynch who just does whatever. The fact that you know which way and that it's different is fucked up. It is considered to be his best film, it was followed by Memento.
Memento[edit | edit source]
What the fuck is this shit?
Relationship to Bale[edit | edit source]
Christopher Nolan pounds the wall every night as he has sex with Christian Bale, occasionally both of their wives will join into the strange sexual situations
Film trademark[edit | edit source]
Nolan's style is a distinctive ripoff of Stanley Kubrick, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, and Christopher Nolan. Why he does such a thing, I'll never know.