Undictionary:p

	Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid.
	A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

P

The art of unzipping one's trousers and leaking the contents.

Pac (short for Tupac, 2Pac etc)

• 1. West coast rapper who shoots cops, drives in drop tops 'n' probably doesn't wear flip flops. Got killed because of his love of Cheetos.
• 2. When Pacman eats one of 2Pac's pacs, and 2Pac is left with only one Pac.

Pacifist

• 1.See: Coward
• 2. Someone who likes living by the Pacific Ocean.
• 3. A boxing term for a fighter who talks peace but imposes order with his or her fists.

Pac-Man

A very odd little yellow ball that can't ever seem to get enough pills. See also: (<). There, you saw it!

“He's my cheapest supplier.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pac-Man

Paddington Bear

1. A marmalade-loving grizzly that nearly destroyed middle-class London in the 1970s. See also: Paddington Blair and Waterloo Wallaby.
2. Patron bear of Ireland. Hence the use of 'The Paddies' to describe the Irish. Encyclopedia Guinness also suggests Chinese-Peruvian origin for this word. Thank you, I don't mind if you do buy me a drink.

Paedomorphosis

1. Sounds fucking clever doesn't it?
2. The pupal stage of the paedophile

Paedelo

A sick machine for sick people to 'cycle' out to sea in.

Paedophile

Rough metal rasp used by perverts to combine sadism with their passion for underage sex

Pain in the Arse

Pronunciation

• Proper medical term for prison buggery. Any other type of buggery is just buggery.

Palestine

Pronounced North-East Israel-to-be. The quickest shrinking country with the fastest growing religion. Named Pal-e-Stein (original spelling) as inhabitants so friendly with the Stein family and relations ; recent unsettlers from Russia by way of Israel.

Palin

Palin (v) and paling (adj) - to avoid a question by reciting an idea unrelated to the question Comes from the former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. In debates and interviews she would avoid questions. Example:-

• Random Person: Did you catch the debate last night?
• Another Random Person: No, why?
• Random Person: Well, they were palining the questions anyways.

Palin Boner

That odd sensation when a political extremist can be a sexual turn on. Named after former Alaska governor Sarah Boner.

Palintize

To reduce everything to your own level of profound ignorance

Panache

Pain when seated on the toilet

Panamax

• 1The largest size of ship that can make it through the Panama Canal
• 2 Abbreviation of Panamxipad - a custom developed in mid twentieth century Britain of using several slices of pre sliced bread or even a whole loaf on days of heavy flow as a substitute sanitary napkin during the NSPS (national Sanitary Pad Shortage) under the regime of Reaganian dictator M.Thatcher. "We're going to feed the ducks dear" became a well known euphemism for the disposal of the used Panamax and a protein rich snack for the ducks.

Panarchist

A person who believe that kitchen cooking utensils are the anti-christ

Panda

Pandas are native to British police cars. They like to drive and wear uniforms. Don't approach them unless you have a Taser.

Pandemic

1.Irish panda (origin obscure). 2.Academics who are fonder of pandas than students.

Pandemonium

Musical instrument similar to an harmonium but constructed entirely from pandas

Panderer

A bear that offers to fix you up with that cute raccoon in the enclosure next door.

Panic

Illness which results in the vomiting at the sight of a pan

Panini

• 1.Panini is an Egyptian dish that first appeared on Earth shortly after the birth of Christ. It is a delectable blend of goat intestines and urine, hailed as a supreme dish fit for kings. Most commoners do not enjoy this wealth.
• 2.Guiseppe Panini. Inventor of the Italian toasted sandwich. Claimed he had no relation to meaning (1).

Pansexual

One who is sexually attracted to pans. See also 'Teflon Turn Offs'.

Pan's People

Women dressed up as goats and throwing their bodies around on an ancient BBC music programme.

Pants

• 1 Pants are an article of clothing first invented in Europe in the late 20th century. Typically worn on the wrists, pants are considered haute-couture in most civilized nations of the world, and are absolutely mandatory for men attending diplomatic functions.
• 2. Pants was Superman's nickname at Krypton High School Musical - Series 3.
• 3. Pants - what dogs do when you can run faster than they can.
• 4. Something so crap that it doesn't deserve a decent pair of trousers.

Paper

Paper is a MS Word-based substance that people make marks on. The ancient Mexicans invented this in the year 3.14 B.C. For some reason, they thought that pounding trees for days on end so that other people could make black lines on it was a pretty neat idea. (Although honestly, the colour of the lines don't matter all that much). Today, paper companies are more advanced than ever, making upwards of two sheets of paper per forest.

However, many are abandoning paper for the far more popular McDonalds food containers, because they are so much easier to get your hands on.

Paprika

Polynesian for sex with condiments - not condoms. Make sure you get that right.

Papyrus

A traditional form of bread that originated in Botswana. Great with soup made from the kisses of angry darlings. It has a coarse consistency, like the tongues of adolescent Scallys, but it is very nutritious, stays fresh for months when wrapped in leaves, and is used for sustenance on long journeys.

A theory amongst religious fanatics exist stating that papyrus was used in ancient egypt for paper. This theory is, of course completely ridiculous. Why would ancient people write on bread?

Paradise

Two polyhedra (traditionally cubic), marked with numbers on edges or faces. When thrown, the upwards faces determine the outcome of battles between nerds. Also used in games of chance such as presidential elections, selecting airline passengers for strip searching and by God when determining the outcome of quantum measurements.

Paradocs

Any document which appears to be excessively long for its purported use. Examples include Form 1040, safety warnings for wall clocks, health insurance policies, Congressional legislation, and EULA.

Paradox

1. A cheap branded pharmacutical product more inclined to give you a headache than cure one.
2. What happens when you try to be productive and enjoy your job at the same time.
3. Two doctors mucking about with time.
4. A term meaning two wharves.
5. Flying doctors
6. A pair of Doc Martens

Paradoxical

Diary beloning to a flying doctors practice

Paradoxie

A loose living paradox.

Paragliding

Hanggliding for disabled people.

Parallax Error

Looking at an object of desire through a pint of beer/glass of wine and exclaiming 'wow she/he is hot' only to discover your vision has been distorted when you moved position. On the internet this achieved by looking at fake photo id on a dating website and wondering why Megan Fox is so lonely for company these days. See also Beer Goggles.

Paramountaneously

To be of paramount. Now you may not think this too funny, but apparently my word wasnt GOOD enough for the dictionary.

Paranoid

• 1. Paranoid people are the most laid-back on the planet. They often cite Murphy's Law, saying that nothing bad can happen whilst Murphey is preventing crime.
• 2.Alternative meaning: Disabled Noids
• 3.(Historical) Originally known as the Polaroid Paranoid and a way of upsetting people by showing them how they looked in a photo within three minutes. Replaced since by digital photography that can create the same effect in three nano seconds.

Paris

• 1.Paris is the main actress of the oscar-nominated movie "One night in beirut". The movie shows the story of a young girl who wants to learn how to make homemade bombs but she's cheated by her boyfriend. He publishes her evil plans on the internet and now every man in the world knows "her" little secrets.
• 2.Alternate Meaning: Country which makes stinky cheese. Paris is a city often mistaken for the capital of France. It actually isn't, the capital of France is the letter F.

Park

1. A place where Soviet Super Secret Spies do business.
2. Alternate Meaning: A Korean person

Parliament

An English parlor game, similar to Fizbin but without the cards.

Parody

Not Scary Movies 1-4, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, or Disaster Movie.

Parthenon

A phenomenon in which a discerable line appears in hair combed in two different directions. Normally this line appears on the top of the head; however, in some fat, middle-aged bald men (and occasionally women), the lines can be found near the ear or just above the nape of the neck.

Parthenogenesis

The act of creating a Parthenon. This is generally accomplished with a comb and a gob of hair gel, or spit.

Partay

the event that comes before part-B.

Party Pooper

An uninvited friend who turns up to your party and shits in the punch bowl.

Pass The Mustard

British brush off line indicating that you are not interested in sex this year.

Passe Temps Ancien

French for nostalgic gropings of times past.

Past tense

The physical state of having been stiff, overwrought and unable to relax at a time prior to the present.

Patience

Axl Rose said all we need is just a little of it, but he was not referring to Chinese Democracy. That's never going to happen.

A person who is able to live with other human beings and not go completely insane is said to have great patience. Also used ironically of doctors - not because of the pun on the word "patients," but because Western doctors are notoriously ill-tempered and are known to fly into a rage, quite literally, at the drop of a hat.

"Patience is... are you getting this down? It doesn't look like you're writing. I didn't hire you to dawdle, I hired you to take dictation. Patience... you're not writing! I'm looking right at you, and you're not writing this down!" - Oscar Wilde

Patience is the formal medical term given to the condition afflicting parents whose child (aged 47) has not left the home yet . . . although there are treatments available such as "Arrest" (see "Framing") and "Supplied Girlfriend" (see "Prostitute", 4th meaning), there is usually no cure after the victims reach 80 years of age . . . they are simply too weak to smother him/her!

Patina

1. Girls name
2. A variety of long-grain rice

Patination

Little known tribe of long-grain rice eaters

Patradementright

Onerous legal trifecta first used in Ancient Rome by Emperor Hadrian to keep those damn kids off his lawn, knowledge of this ancient rite was lost for centuries before being redeveloped and refined for use by Gracenote who then applied it immediately to breathing.

A patradementright consists of three parts: a patent, a copyright, and a trademark, all of which are applied to the item(s) in question in the most cynical (but profitable) lawyer game ever.

Patronize

Make sure of the fact that some one is aware that you are his bitch

Pawaar

1. A being of supreme power and intelligence, set on par at 'Jesus' level. Also known to be a ninja, and can speak rough Spanish.

2. An expression of 'Having The Power', just spelt like it should be.

Paypal

It is typically used by gangsters and thieves who want your money. It is believed once that it used to be called 'PayupPal' but they quickly realized that Paypal is less threatening once they have unsuspecting users by the scruff of the neck and forced to use the service.

Ebay recently purchased the "PayPal" company in a desperate attempt to recoup money from the criminals who list items & collect the money via "PayPal" without sending the product in return. The way this works is Ebay can now also collect fee's from the money being sent to the criminals which calculates up to over $10 Million a year. This gives the criminals a way of collecting the money without having to risk getting caught: as long as Ebay makes money from fee's, the criminal is safe from investigation.

P.D.A.

An artist depiction of a Perfect Day Award (P.D.A)

P.D.A. or Perfect Day Award. Its awarded by the H.C.S.A. (High court of supreme awesomeness) who judge whether or not you have had a perfect day or just an excellent day. There is only one other known person who has a perfect day: sadly no one knows who it is or where they are. People speculate that this person is so perfect that upon basking in their perfection we will all break down where we are curl up into a fetal position and start sucking our thumbs.

P.D.A (aka PENIS distortion action) is what happens when a man with a realativly large COCK runs into a wall.. and as it explain distorts his DICK into funny painful and sometimes sympethetic shapes

Peace of Cake

Cake was a pacifist who offered up his body as a sacrifice to stop Gordon Ramsay from sacking a vegan restaurant in London. Hence 'Peace of Cake' - to calm a bad situation.

Peacock

It is for "piece of cock". When your boyfriend is shy and doesn't want to show you all.

Peach

A suede apple.

Peal

“mmmmm....soft and tender”

~ Oscar Wilde on Peal

Peal is also more commonly known as people veal, it was discovered one day when a hungry adventurer remembered he had a small orphaned child in a cage, and thought hmmm this tastes kinda like veal, and thus peal was born

Pear

1. Not this Pear.
2. Slang for BREASTS... as in .. "nice pair on her!"
3. The shape stuff goes when things are not going right

Pelvic thrust

Pelvic Thrust (n); a skill needed in order for many small woodland mammals, and some species of slug, to reproduce. The pelvic thrust only works if you have the tackle, but it can be performed in many positions.

Alternate meanings:

• A type of dance; people perform the dance by thrusting their pelvis, and middle school children think it is funny when one of them pelvic thrusts someone. The pelvic thrust has been used, most notably, by Tom Jones, Duff Man, Duckman, and Black Adder rival Lord Flashheart.

• The Pelvic Thrust is also an essential part of bending space time and warping to Transexual in the Transylvanian Star System. According to the Transylvanians, "It's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane."

Pedantry

I think I recall someone possibly saying this was a corruption of 'Pesantry' being those that frittered their time away discussing things instead of working. (No connection has been established to frittery.)

Pedestrain

Speedbump that moves.

Pedometer

A small device used by Pedophiles to calculate how many unsuspecting victims are in the vicinity while jogging near schools & day care centre's. The pedometer works much like a digital multimeter, although it is calibrated in the rare unit of "Jack-o's".

Peepee

Something you do when you sit on the shitter. Also when a little fat kid screams "I HAVE TO GO POTTY!!!" is what they have to do. Peepee.

Penalise

The stare Hannibal Lechter fixes you with.

Pencil

A pencil is a long wooden stick with a sharp point and a soft end used for sexual pleasures by your mom and others who cannot get laid. Also see: Cucumber, Sharp-pokey-thing-that-you-write-with.

Pendant

A person who hangs around other people criticizing their grammar.

Penguin

Being the only fish that can fly, Penguins all look exactly the same because they are produced at a clone factory in North Korea.

Penguins were created by Peter André, with the sole purpose of amusing the human race. There is an ongoing feud between Penguins and snow kittens as to who is the legal owner of Finland. This feud has resulted in many violent, bloody clashes, such as world war one.

Penguin - also used for the most intelligent beings in the universe, cleverly disguised as residents of Antarctica, known to have a penchant for fish.

See also: Batman

Penguiti

Tropical Paradise notable for its famed nightlife. The superclub Last Tango is visited by heavysetjetters from around the world. Also notable for a visit by the mutineers of the HMS Stooge, when all 6 of the 3 stooges left with Penguitian brides on their way to Nukayukavuk.

Penile Dementia

Following your cock into one scrape after another. Usually terminal unless treated.

Penile Ponderosa

A favoured retreat for retired male 'adult entertainment' actors near Disneyland. They can stay here and experience plenty of 'wood' without resorting to the little blue pills.

Penis

1. The most commonly used weapon by Batman during his war against Dr. Benton Quest. Few know much about it.
2. The other root of all evil.
3. A weapon used by the government that shoots stuff in their eyes...
4. Smallest amount of UK currency.
5. Incorrect spelling of 'Pens'
6. The "Pen 15 club" is often mistaken for this.
7. Often used by make-up artists to make people all white in the face.
8. The penis mightier than the sword . (also pork sword)
9. Dont try looking in your pants it's not there either
10. I knew it would be in here somewhere

Penis pants

It is a pants that looks like a penis.

Penis Principle

Male desires have to be attended too first otherwise they'll complain all night.

Pennyless

The word given to the pricing fad where everything must cost something and 99p. Instead of charging a nice round £5 they made it a "Pennyless" and charge £4.99 thus ensuring you always have 47p in pennies at anyone time.

Pens

Incorrect spelling of 'Penis'

Pensive

Thinking about pens a lot.

Pentagon

A polygon with five sides. Or occasinally six, depending on three things, the alcohol level in the viewers blood, the colour of the pentagon and nothing else.

Pentagon, The: The headquarters for the Department of War in the United States located in Washington DC. Originally it was going to be the Rhombicuboctahedron that Pharoah Alex Trebek built, but that structure was razed by the agents of Oprah, namely Hugo Weaving and Junichiro Koizumi. Thus, the War Headquarters was just a giant pentagon.

Pentium

Stupid made up word that some geek thinks sounds impressive. See also shallow.

People of Earth

A species of semi-evolved monkeys who are so amazingly dumb that they still think Entertainment News is actually entertaining.

Oh, and wars. They're totally cool with wars... and fighting over who's Invisible-Man-in-the-Sky is better.

Pepperoni

Pepperoni is meat made from the Pepperon, a rare animal (and getting rarer) found in the North of Italy. It gets sliced into thin pieces, cooked by crazed Italians and exported all over the world to pizza restaurants, where they put it on pizzas if people ask for it, and feed it to the anchovies if nobody wants pepperoni. It is often used for love making and boardgames.

Pepsi

It will bring your ancestors back from the grave.

Pepto-Bismol

A decongestant made from the blood of Jesus Christ, commonly used in place of barbecue sauce. When consumed as a suppository, it will give super human strength to anything not human.

Used as a biological weapon by the CIA against stupid people. Symptoms before death include black tongue and rock hard stools.

Perfect

If you are perfect, you are stupid, ignorant, and annoying. Also See Perfect Kirby

Perpetual motion machine

A Perpetual motion machine is a machine that's always moving. Invented by some scientist or other who forgot to nail it to the floor and lost it as soon as he put it down. It is currently believed to be stalking picnickers in the Canadian Rockies, and authorities believe that it has "crazy legs."

Peril

What Scotsmen find inside oysters

Period

An interval of time characterized by the occurrence of a certain condition, event, or phenomenon, such as an intense craving for chocolate, pickles and sanitary pads.

Permission

Archaic social system being replaced by the more popular excuse.

Peroxide

A neuron-synapse astringent applied to the hair.

Person

person (purr-sin)

n.

1. MacGyver
2. A human. Duh.
3. A way of talking about someone without knowing their name. ("Did you see that person over there?")
4. NOT Tom Cruise. He is, in fact, an alien. (Model 7272)
5. NOT Elvis Presley. He is also an alien. HE IS NOT DEAD contrary to common belief.
6. DEFINITELY not you.

(plural: persons, people; see also: Guy, Dude, Girl, Them)

Peruvian Penguin

A Skeleton of a Peruvian Penguin, housed in the Manchester Museum of Ornithology.

The Peruvian Penguin (Aptenodytes Peruvisi) is an extinct member of the Penguin family. The last known member of this species was hunted down in the Peruvian jungles by the Portuguese military in the 17th century, mostly due to the partially wrong reputation that the birds had gained from observations by earlier Dutch visitors.

The Peruvian was unusual in that it could fly, the only penguin capable of doing so. Not only could it fly, but it was remarkably fast. Although contemporary accounts are sketchy and there is indeed some doubt as to the Truth behind them, it is generally now believed that the Peruvian Penguin was capable of speeds in excess of 100 mph. The beast showed no mercy to sailors who came into their nesting grounds in the deeper reaches of the jungle. It was because of this natural, but aggressive behaviour, that the subsequent Portuguese annexing of Peru brought with it a decree from the Portuguese High Court that the penguins be hunted down and slaughtered.

Pervert

1)One who has sex. More precisely, one who has more sex than you do, has more fun at it than you do or does it in ways that you do not consider erotic, or even possible. Just get over it, perverts have more fun than you do. Unless you're a pervert yourself, in which case I would like to kick you in your balls (unless you're a woman or a masochist that is).

2)One whom looks for the word "pervert" on undictionary

Peson

–noun Physics. a sub-atomic individual. a peson is a particular hadron, or strongly interacting particle, other than a baryon. Pesons are bosons, having spins of 0, 1, 2, …, and, unlike baryons, do not obey a conservation law. Pesons can be divided into a number of sub-classes, including Freemesons, and Jaymesons

PETA

• A popular North American terrorist organization. Feel free to kill anyone associated with this group as all known members have no soul, it's guaranteed!
• People Eating Tasty Animals

Peter-pun

Any joke or comment said that is intended to be funny but turns out as just corny or otherwise not-witty. Peter-puns often times are attempts at playing off of homonyms and pronunciation of words. Ex. "Orange you glad to see me?"

Petulent

Small borrowed animal kept for companionship or for sexual purposes.

Pez

n. A chalk-flavored fruit grown mostly for its slightly better-tasting "dispenser" casing. "pee" in Norwegian.

Phattiey

1. n Anyone who overuses pop-culture words
2. n A Hamburger pattie, but hip

PhD

Permanent head Damage

Phenomenoff

• 1Events which should occur following another particular event, but for whatever reason, don't.
• 2 Phenomenonally repulsive female pheronome.

Philosopher

Philosopher - the name given to under-achieving, spoilt, post-graduate arts students that have all the questions but non of the answers, the most famous of all being Plato who spent the majority of his life out of his head on opium and wine. Most Modernday philosiphers main aim in life is to follow Plato's example and die at the age of 25 in a pool of their own vomit. However this is not usually the case and they spend the rest of their lives working in Waterstones surrounded by the very books that caused them to have the mundane lives they regret.

Philosophy

1. The attempt to answer the ancient question: if a tree falls in the forest with nobody around, does anyone give a crap?
2. Once the domain of intellectual inquiry, now the hapless realm of the self-evident.

Etymologically, "philosophy" means "love of wisdom"; but this is one of those cases where etymology contributes nothing to the contemporary understanding of a word. In the medieval period, philosophy was hailed as "the handmaiden of theology"; not content with that appellation, she has consented to become, in the modern period, the whore of science.

Philanthropy

The study of people named Phil.

Philanthropist

A misanthrope with disposable income.

Phone Book

The Phone Book by Cosmo Kramer. It's a complete book about telephones, featuring the history of the phone, celebrity phones, and it even carries a cellular phone built-in.

Phone Giant

Really really really big telephone handsets. These are especially useful for persons suffering from Phat Phinger Disphoriah.

The use and production of the Phone Giant has seen a rollercoaster ride of patent lawsuits, mainly from Fatso's Dialing Wand Co. Who claim the Phone Giant is a direct attempt to monopolize the fat fingered phone market, and to render their product superfluous.

Backlash has caused the original providers of Phone Giant to re-re-re-re-release their product under different monikers, including; Giant Phone, Big Phone, and Phone-duty Administering Telecommunications Assessment Specialized Service, aptly shortened to PHATASS.

Phonetic

1. Isn't it hilarious that the word "phonetic" isn't phonetic?
2. Frantic use of a telephone

Phonetically

Fonetiklee.

Or, in the vastly superior pronunciation rules of Loglan, Fyunetekli.

Phonk Beta

The act of taking a shit.

Phonk Lamodeeay

The act of taking a shit behind a Sunoco gas station then wiping your ass with a old ass sweater.

Phwoarrrr!

What golfers shout when they want to warn others that they have just seen a couple copulating on the fourteenth green.

Physician

A cross between a physicist and a musician.

Pi

1. One of several mathematical constants that are utilized by confused trigonometry students when calculated answers just don't seem quite right.
2. A Greek letter that may signify a variety of sugar-containing materials, including cherries, apples, chocolate, bananas, etc.
3. A private investigator, i.e. one aspiring to be Sherlock Holmes but who is still only apt to be Watson.
4. Exactly 2/3 of a pie.
5. pee

Picklitis

A disease in which one feels like a pickle. Peak incidence occurs between the ages of 20-30, and may be accompanied by bouts of frustration, and a craving for water and simple carbohydrates. Discovered by renowned scientist, Mayrav 'Pickle' while trying to research methods for reducing mumbling in patients with mumbling disorder.

Pie

A delicios nom that can be filled with a variety of foods including pumpkins, apples, balckberries, blueberries, redberries, humans, and lamps

Piece of Crap

Slang term to discribe human waste, inappropriote or useless objects, or the Microsoft Windows operating system, and Norton Antivirus.

Pièce de la Résistance

• 1.A French expression meaning 'the day we French were the best'. Used extensively from 1648 to 1870.
• 2.The originally - longer title for the famous French Resistance - or Fifi Says 'Non' to the Boche Bullies and throws the German bratwursts out of the window.
• 3.Food related of course.

Piece of String

As in how long is a piece of string. A piece of string is 27.35cm long. Shorter than that and it is officially a bit of string, and longer than 27.35cm it is a length of string.

Pielon

Someone who speaks pie (language). There are only 37 in existance.

Piegon

1. Any shape whose sides are composed entirely of pies.
2. A type of stool whose top and legs are pie shaped.

Pigeonhole Principle

A concept developed by Nazi computer scientists who, as computers had yet to be invented, spent most of their time shooting carrier pigeons. The principle states that if you have M number of pigeons and fired M+1 number of shots, then at least one pigeon must have two or more holes.

Piggybacking

The illegal act of holding the door for the person behind you at the most efficient and polite high school in the tri-town region. Punishable by flogging, branding, draw-and-quatering, and, in extreme cases, Saturday detention.

Pilates

• Flat receptacles for temporary food placement while eating.
• Scientific terminology for a mound or heap of Pirates
• Spanish drug store chain.
• An excuse to try to get a date or just to see people in abnormal positions and/or bending over
• The name of the villa where Pontius Pilate retired to in France in 36 AD before becoming a Christian saint.

Pillaging

The process of killing and maiming people you don't know in order to steal the contents of their house in such a way that insurance won't cover it. Indeed it is the work of a truly evil genius.

Pimp

“Where's my money b!&*# ?! Oh hi mum..”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pimp

1. Pimp is a short name for Political Imps. In order to get more votes they send in ringers or "Hookers" which entice a patron to vote for a particular candidate. The hookers employ various tactics to ensure that the patron not only votes a certain way but pays for the honour of doing so. The practice, while widely used, is considered illegal.
2. A cultural group including approximately 42% of caucasian males between the ages of 10 and 14.
3. P I M P also stands for Party In My Pants, meaning, you feel good and/or are having a party.

Pimple

A small or undersized pimp. This may be due to young age or dwarfism.

Pink Floyd

An alternative to hell in wich you hear nothing but Floyd Reta's greatests non stop for eternity

Pinnacle

1. Extreme Drama within a normal office setting. 2. Noisy people with no common courtesy. 3. Expected to go above and beyond for Slave wage.

Pious

Somewhat like a pie.

Pipette

1. A small, brown, streaky bird
2. A very small pip - not to be confused with Seedling

Piracy

• The act of distributing software, music, or movies created by Pirates.
• A disease in which the infected person believes they are being consumed by fire.

Pirate Radio

A short lived period in the eighteenth century when some pirates gave up raiding to instead play 24 Hours of Dirty Sea Shanties to passing vessels. Best known one was Radio Blackbeard.

Pish

See fish, piss or pies. It could be any one of these things. What the hell do you think we are, mind-readers?

Pished

Too drunk to even say the word correctly

Piss

• Domestic beer, but especially American beer. If you can call it beer.
• A possible final product of sexual intercourse. More watery than semen.
• Sound made with the female lips. Uttered by a woman when you try to discuss kitten huffing or Darth Vader.
• Universal sweat bee attractor.
• AKA taking the piss.
• Making someone real mad or irritated for the enjoyment of yourself to laugh at them (Piss off)

Piss Artist

A painter who creates artwork best viewed in a toilet.

Pissy Hole Therapist

Mrs. Spooners Gynecologist.

Piss Noir

Subtitled films that are crap in any language

Piss-poor

1) Something with properties akin to that of piss (see Budweiser)

2) Something so cataclysmically terrible that experiencing it for more than 5 minutes will cause one’s own internal organs to shut down. (See The Archers)

Pissed off

(Adj.) Refers to an individual that presents a behavioural disorder known as Asperger's Syndrome characterised by peeing outside the urinal or toilet -; also, emotional state after said event occurs.

Occurrence: Genetical in nature, nine out of ten women are known to suffer this disorder; its occurrence among men is very rare with just a few historical cases documented.

Pissoir

A French communal urinal where men can talk politics and penises without the women knowing.

Pistol-Whip

Where one eats ice-cream using a hand gun, like a revolver.

The friendly alternative to Cool-Whip

Pizza Fungi

“My ass-twin is Mark Twain. Give him a read, and a slap for me!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pizza Fungi

Pizza fungus is not a fungus at all but actually a rare form of political party that's main strategy for election/world domination is laying about and not getting eaten by passing Republicans or New Christian Democrats.

Placebo

Where ancient archers hung their bow strings, they are often given by Brian Molko for medical treatment.

See also: Placebo Domingo

Plagiarist

1. Someone who copies other people's work
2. Someone who copies other people's work
3. Someone who copies other people's work

1. Someone who copies other people's work

2. Someone who copies other people's work

3. Someone who copies other people's work :D

Plagiarism

Getting caught for doing something you never did.

Planeadoras

A small, fibre boat used to transport the fardos of cocaine from a big ship in the sea to Villagarcia de Arosa, Vigo and other important south galician harbours. These boats are wicked fast. Their main, off-board engine, is limited to around 15 HP by strict laws, but as no laws regulate the supplementary engines, two 250HP supplementary engines are found off-board to the left and right of the main one, shall it ever stops working.

Planker

Pirate who has walked the plank.

Planker Spanker

Guitarist slang for relaxing in a toilet cubicle with your treasured instrument.

Plankie

A fan of planking (sexual relations with a tree, shrub, flower or lower plant species). See also Roasting and Lumberjack Offing.

Plaster

1a. Noun. A small, but durable and hypoallergenically fexible single use piece of fabric or plastic, used for protecting the walls of buildings from damp and dry rot. If the rot does not appear to heal or the damp continues, seek medical advice.

1b. Noun. A thick, white coloured, paste-like substance originating from Paris, used for applying liberally onto various flesh wounds, or occasionally onto uninjured bodily parts. Should be left for up to 48 hours to solidify completely, whereupon injury should be no longer felt, and the affected limb will be no longer present.

2. Verb. As in to plaster, to be plastering or to become plastered, with the application of plasters. For example, "Simon was completely plastered last night after he had finished plastering his left leg."

Plaster of Paris

Collectible impressions of Paris Hilton's body pressed against a wall

Plasterbate

To masturbate whilst under the affluence of incohol

Plate

A plate is an object commonly used as a trigger for floor panels in a dungeon. Plates are used to spring traps from the ceiling, floors, and shoulder pads. Unwittingly, this is the major cause of death for most adventurers under the age of eighteen. Interestingly enough, if you swap the weight on a plate very quickly, it will not set off.

Plates of Feet

Cannibal cockney cusine

Platform

Platform is a pejorative term referring to people who live in perpendicular buildings with flat surfaces, derived from "perpendicular" + "flat" + "lifeform." The term extends all the way back to the 18th Century; the first person to be called a "platform" was George III of the United Kingdom. On the back of the Declaration of Independence released on July 4, 1776, Thomas Jefferson secretly scribbled a note in glow-in-the-dark ink declaring that "King George is a platform," referring to the fact that the monarch famously lived in a perpendicular castle that was mostly flat. With the advent of apartments in later centuries, it would be expanded upon in British English to refer to people living in perpendicular flats.

Play

1. Noun

A Play is an event where audience members strip down to their underwear or, at the really swinging plays, all the way down to the buff, while trained gerbils and penguins perform aerobatics and attempt to light each another on fire. It is quite common for things to get out of hand, especially when the non-heterosexual crowd starts grabbing for the gerbil performers.

2. Verb

To vigorously stroke ones equipment while participating in computerised simulations. No, we are not talking about stereo equipment. No, not medical equipment. Ok, fine, be daft, we mean your meat and two bits, your wedding tackle, your own personal joystick. Do we really need to spell it out?

Pleb

Someone's foot in a sandal.

Plonter (פךםמאקר)

A tangle of anything long and thin. Should not be confused with planter, which is a horticulturally related maching that hasn't been invented yet and will be of great use to gardeners. Note: to pronounce this word, yell at someone for ten hours on end and then try to purr.

Plonker

1. British slang for anyone who sits down on his/her arse and lets rip a field of raspberries.
2. One who partakes of wine in copious amounts.

Plurii

Multiple plural.

PMS

A PMS, or Particulate Matter Spreader,or mad cow disease is a long handled raking device used to spread fear and discontent among the indigenous tribes of third world countries. First discovered in a sleazy disco in Dublin by prominent physicist Albert "Spunky" Woodchucker, the use of PMS has become fairly widespread as the weapon of choice for most warmongering nations. This, in turn, really pisses women off, bringing about stints of hormone induced rage (often referred to as PMS Syndrome).

PMT

Post Masochistic Trauma. Discovering that the computer cam you had set up for everyone to see your nipples being twisted for six hours wasn't properly switched on.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconeosis

1. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconeosis is like exploding violently, but with more purple. It is often confused with Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but that's dumb and is a symptom of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconeitis, ironically enough.

2. Fuck knows.

3. A pointless use of too many letters for an illness cause by breathing in quartz dust --217.44.141.55 19:06, 17 June 2007 (UTC)

4. Longest word in the english language (45 freakin' letters!) although it doesn't count as it's a medical word (whatever) --217.44.141.55 19:06, 17 June 2007 (UTC)

Poctar

Noun: 1) A little know form of untergalacitc space currencly. Example: I bet you eleventy poctars you can't kill the Grue. 2) A betterknown untergalactic word for butthole, asshole, sphincter, brown eye. Example: My poctar is killing me!

Adjective: 1) Attributing the properties of a butthole to a person. Example: That girl is a poctar. I feel like Poctar tonight!

Verb: No known definition. It's just fun to conjugate.

• Pocto
• Pactas
• Pacta
• Pactamos
• Pactis
• Pactan

Poetry

A try to write like Edgar Allan Poe, for instance: "The Shining contained Stephen King's best poetry".

Poetry in Motion

A poet who leaves a restaurant without paying and hopes shooting off a few blank verses will save his neck.

Pogo Stick

A device consisting of a pole with a handle at one end and a spring at the other which allows the user to push his po under the bed.

Pointillism

The art of creating "join the dots" puzzles.

Actually joining the dots is called circumlocution - especially if adding little flourishes and curlicues.

Pointless

Without a direction, or compass. Utterly useless, so no . in reading this.

Can also refer to a circumcised male.

2: Wikipedia.

Pokémon

1. Fictional creatures that are captured and put into slavery by Pokémon Trainers.
2. A language spoken by fictional creatures called Pokémon in which their own species' name is growled, screeched, roared, yelled, sqeaked, shouted, or belowed. ie. "Pikachu!" translates to yes. "Pikachu!" translates to no. "Pikachu?" translates to "what the fuck are you talking about?"
3. A Jamaican proctologist.
4. A combo of 3 words: poke, 'em, on. What it means is that Pikachu likes when you continue poking him...

Pokémon Trainers

Mass enslavers of small, harmless creatures, Pokémon Trainers manipulate these creatures to enter violent situations that will eventually send them into short comas. Then they make the creatures evolve, which forces them to change forms and become outsiders, freaks, and goths, (not the cool kind of goths), who no longer speak their native language. The human shape pokemon are even made to be sex slaves. However, there are a few pokemon that are known to have escaped from their trainers. the most famous of these is Queefatung (the trainer, ash's, nickname for his lickitung), who used its tongue to rape its trainer into submission, and then fled in officer jenny's car. Queefatung was able to escape quickly because no one is ever on the road in Pokemon land, and Ash was too busy forcing pikachu to battle even though he sucks and never trains or formulates any type of strategy whatsoever. he also causes mental retardation to anyone he comes in contact with.

Pol Pot Noodle

The head of the former Cambodian leader. Now preserved in a plastic cup.

Polar Coordinates

Small creatures, not unlike the common flea, which graze upon icy regions, usualy inside the arctic or anarctic circles. Polar Coordinates are quite hard to trace, as they are so small some scientists describe them as a singualarity. Polar Coordinates differ from Rectangualar Coordinates found on other non-spherical planets.

Pole

The masculine term for a Polish man. The feminine form is thus split-Pole.

Polite Bureau

A brief part of Stalin's Russia. It was part of the 5 Year Plan to make Russia fuzzier, warmer, and an altogether super place to live. The entire bureau was exiled to Nazi Germany and died in Dachau in 1943.

Politics

From the Greek "poly", meaning "many", and from the English "ticks, meaning "blood-sucking creatures".

Politically correct

1. An insult, implying a person's inability to accept humour, popularly used amongst niggers.
2. The hilariously incorrect names the government makes up for Stubs, Spics, Wasps, Injuns, Gringos, Japs, and a bunch of other fucktards.
3. A preferred term for a people or occupation, until you decide it's stupid.
4. A shared language between people from drastically different backgrounds, which allows them to communicate in a harmonious way, bringing a zen-like quality to their interpersonal interactions.
5. Ah, who am I kidding? Fuck Political Correctness, it's a bunch of liberal bullshit anyway.

(What ever happened to simple tact? Be nice, I like being progressive.)

Political will

See "Won't"

Political Willy

The habit for male politicians to believe that once in power - their penis has grown six inches and they can get anyone to hop into bed with them. Former British premier Margaret Thatcher once said 'Every Prime Minister Needs a Willy' because she thought it was an essential tool of office.

Politician

While having many alternative definitions, it is commonly accepted that the word "politician" derives from Greek roots: "Poli", meaning many; "tic", meaning tick, and "ician" meaning "man of ice". Thus, "politician" originally meant an "Ice man of many ticks".

1. It is also a general term used to describe those slimey piles of turd people stand in from time to time, particularly those which are sticky, hard to get rid of, and leave an unpleasant taste in your mouth. The word "politician" can be used in any context in which you would normally use the word shit. For example, if you defecated on the carpet like an Pr.Bush, you might say, "Oops, I've done a politician," or if your animal was to defecate all over someone else's carpet you might apologise by saying, "Sorry about the pile of steaming politicians my dog just dumped on your carpet." If you're served terrible food in a restaurant you might say, "This yogurt tastes like a trough full of congealed politicians."
2. A politician is a dickhead that lives in mansions and shags muels/a species of slippery scumsucking eel notorious for accosting babies.
3. A politician is a receptacle for human souls devised by Satan.
4. Politician is an ice cream flavour famed for its bitterness and containing high levels of sleaze. People eating politician ice cream often experience the uncontrollable urge to rush out and shag a donkey in a crack den.
5. Politician is the act of pissing on someone's grave whilst laughing at their orphaned children.
6. "Politician" is an archaic word meaning "he who dedicates his life to masturbation."
7. "Politician" is the title of the first chapter of the book, 101 Ways to Rape a Pig.
8. Politicians are also the small, irritating, inflamed lumps often found on one's face, more commonly referred to as acne.
9. Politicians are not very popular.
10. "Politician" is another word for the viscous white substance that gathers at the sides of one's mouth during prolonged speeches about poo.
11. Politicians are immortal as The Afterlife requires a personality to get in.
12. Politician: The ability to say one thing and mean another as in "You expect me to believe that? What do you think you are....a politician?"

13 Politician: Simian treetop dweller with a persistent piercing cry.Feeds on votes.mandates,backhanders and malaysian prostitutes of either sex.

Pollute

To cause Pollution.

Polluting

To Pollute.

Pollution

The affects of Polluting.

Polly

Polly is a substance created from a parrot (also known as pollium, but for reasons unknown it has never been added to the Idiotic Table of the Elements), originally used to destroy large amounts of China, or would have been if it really existed. recently it was used to create small trouser-pockets named Polly Pockets. It has also lead to new verbs in the english dictionary such as: pollily (adv.), meaning doing somthing like a Polly. For example: he walked down the road pollily. It has also been discovered that many Pollies have spontaneously grown enormous Breasts, which many scientists find very interesting and like to play with.

Polyamorous

A parrot that can shag more than one parrot at a time

Polyandry

A parrot dying for a drink

Pollyanna

Lady parrot

Pollyball

A version of volleyball but using a parrot shaped ball. Not to be confused with shuttlecock.

Polycarbonate

Blacked up parrot

Polycell

Lockup for recidivist parrots

Polyclinic

A hospital for sick parrots

Polydactyl

A parrot from the Cretaceous period

Polydiaphanous

A parrot in a see through nightdress.

Polyfilla

Brand name for parrot stuffing - not to be confused with Paxo.

Polygamy

1. Keeping more than one parrot in a cage and playing on-line poker with them.
2. A very sick parrot

Polygraph

1. Lie detector used when interrogating parrots
2. A parrot who can fly a mean parabola

Polyhedron

A parrot of many sides

Polyfilla

Brand name for parrot stuffing - not to be confused with Paxo.

Polyglot

Right clever multilingual parrot.

Polygon

Poor Polly - RIP

Polymath

A multi talented parrot that can do your homework and whistle a tune at the same time.

Polymer

A parrot by the sea

Polymorphic

A slightly less intelligent parrot

Polymorphism

A disease which enables affected parrots to take on many shapes and forms.. for example, like a fish

Polynesia

The act of forgetting where you left your parrot

Polyphiladelphia

The love that dare not squawk its name in Pennsylvania.

Polyphobic

Fear of exposure to lame Polly Parrot jokes

Polyphonic

Multiple parrots talking on the telephone

Polypoly

Parrots that regress into infinity..and beyond.

Polyspheric

A very fat parrot

Polytechnic

A parrot who is an all-round whizz kid

Polytheism

A belief in many parrots

Polythene

An anorexic parrot

Polyurethane

1. Polyurethane is a space-age material which combines the properties of polystyrene and urine.
2. Plastic coated parrot.

Polyvinyl

Record making parrot

Polywood

Glamorous film making centre for parrots

Polyester

A man made parrot

Poodle

1. A small aggregation of watery-faeces, commonly found after some particularly shitty weather.
2. Something you step into when it's raining cats and dogs.

Poodleicious

When you wear clothing with poodles on it and you look fabulous, kinda like Fran Drescher looked on the Nanny, you are said to be "Poodleicious"!

Poofter

Australian English abuse for any other man who comes from outside their country and is able to talk to women without belching or showing off his bum.

Pool table

A pool table is a table filled with water, and is large enough for you and your sasquatch to swim in.

Poon

An ideal way to eat Poonani (see Poonani).

Poon Tang

A dessert served by women from the South. Tang made by a foxy young lady. See Tang

Poon train

The Poon Train is a very cool way to travel. Many passengers enjoy coupling the cars, boarding the caboose, and releasing the steam valve when it is time to disembark.

Noted Poon Train riders: Avagadro (noted chemist), Colonel Sanders (noted chicken), President WIlliam Henry Harrison (pneumonia afficionado), That guy who hosts masterpiece theater, Thomas Malthus (noted economist), Bruce Campbell (noted actor and all-around badass).

One common point of confusion is the confusion of the Poon Train with the Poon Battleship and the Poon Geo Metro, which represent different levels and quality of poon.

Alphabetical

An order of... wait a second... The set sequence of letters in which order of placement one must adhere to. Also a type of soup used mainly in below-poverty-line countries such as America.

Poop

1. The last thing you will ever do.
2. Ca-ca or Ka-Ka.
3. The Ontological argument for proof of the existence of God. See St. Thomas Anselm
4. Acronym for People Order Our Patties: A common phrase seen on the Krusty Krab training video. See Spongebob Squarepants.

Pop Culture Reference

The earliest known pop culture reference is to be found in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Koine Greek sections mention notorious ladies-Pharaoh Tutankhamen, said to be “digging tunnels like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape”. The refrain’s repetition seven times over five parchments (also the worlds earliest in-joke) is a classic of the "funny once..boring now..then funny(ish) again" humour of the time. Also popular at the time was the punch-line that nobody would get for two thousand years, but with dawning realisation that you better laugh anyway or you’ll look stupid in front of the Hebrew slaves.

Only in the last ten years has there been criticism of Quentin Tarantino for his use of the line in Reservoir Dogs. Some commentators charging that he doesn’t have an original idea in his head, instead stealing all his stories and dialogue from his time working as a clerk in a papyrus-rental store.

Pop Music

From 'popular music'. An important musical genre, encompassing music that people actually like to listen to, rather than feel they must listen to in order to appear cultured (see Classical music, Jazz). The term is also used in a derogatory manner by those who feel that pop has no artistic merit in its overuse of tired clichés, such as insistence of playing in key, to a recognizable rhythm (see Stockhausen)

e.g: Eminem

• The legendary musical talents of a former cereal celbrity. See also Snap and Crackle music

Pop-up windows

Pop-up windows are openings in an otherwise solid, opaque surface through which light can pass. The name "Pop-up" derives from the way they open - after a button is pressed, the window moves upwards with a "popping" sound.

Pope Buddha I

Pope Buddha I - who's actual name was in fact John Paul Second - lived and died in the first part of the XX century, but nobody seem to remember the poor bastard. As a matter of fact that's quite a pity as he was the one and only bastard who discovered the secret to turn Monkees into Beatles though nobody at the time could get what he meant.

Porgy and Bess

First known as Porky and Bess, or, in the original German, Der Ring des Nibelungen, is a series of four epic operas. Both the libretto and the music were written by Tiny Tim over the course of twenty-six years, from 1848 to 1874. A cover version by U-Boat appears on the B-side of "Sunday groggy sunday".

PornStar

This is a Chess Peice shaped like a Star

Pornograph

A Pornograph is a device used to measure and create pornography. As any attempt to measure the amount of pornography in the world is9. futile, it was thought to be purely theoretical until the late 1990's when Nerds invented the Internet.

(.\Y/.) i love the fact i can make alot of things outta random symbols and etc examples are: |\| () |) | ( |{ ;) ][_, {[]} ][_, and (|====================================================================================================================================#3 ( . )( . ) ( . Y . )

Portmanteau

Portmanteau: the creation of a whitish black substance using only baked bread and half-striped blankets.

Postal

"Going postal" means to go on a crazy hulk rage. All postal workers are prone to go on a killing spree (instead of delivering mail to everyone, which is done by routers, they deliver a cap in yo' ass) at any second.

This is because their lives and their jobs are almost as bad as that of dentists.

Posthumous

Earth/compost which can no longer support viable plant growth

Postmarital wanking

It’s what married men are tempted to do when teh wives have teh prolonged headaches. It’s also what married women are tempted to do when their husbands haven’t given them enough sexual foreplay and they aren’t fully satisfied. Even devotedly religious people of both sexes can be tempted.

See also Premarital wanking

Pot

A Pot is a container and NOTHING more. Winston Churchill once said: "Pot enthusiasts make a big deal about pots being legal in Amsterdam, but I don't see why. As far as I know, pots are legal everywhere."

Some say, you are high.

Confucius say: "Man who stand on toilet, is high on pot."

Pot Noodle

• 1.Clever marketing ploy to boost the sales of noodle based crap food - See also Snot Pot
• 2.No relation to former Cambodian genocidist Pol Pot

Potato

A genre of poetry consisting of one line with forty-nine syllables, one line of eighty seven syllables, and five lines of eight syllables each.

Potfui

1. A pot of Fui.
2. The inane nonsense that comes from becoming high on pots
3. The inane nonsense that comes from being high on "illegal drugs" such as pots
4. The insane nonsense of weed addicts
5. A cheese grater

Pothead

Potheads

A pothead is a person wearing a pot on his or her head. Was it that hard to figure out? Not related to Harry Pothead.

Pound

Pound may be:

"a pound" - noun

What the British call their dollars

Where the British send their misbehaving corgis

what you have to weigh yourself in you fat fuck

"To pound" - verb

To thoroughly beat the crap out of

To hit something that will make a loud noise (likely something hollow)

What I do to your mom regularly

"Pound" - adjective

Description of something circular applied by people who buy typefaces with cheap upper-case letters that bits fall off of.

Pounds per square inch

A measure of how fat someone is. It is totally awesome for figuring out fat-asses like...oh...say, Hippos.

"Pous"

N. A grey or green viscus liquid shot out of a pous cannon; Soup Adj. corrosive, acidic, stinging

The mighty Pous cannon is like Hormell chili and a super model. So many bugs and so little mouth wash.

Power chord

It is the first (and last) thing needed to perform almost any rock cover. It has indeed played a big role in the democratisation of Rock: If the Sex Pistols can do "that" everybody can become the King of Rock and Roll. Power chords are available at all good hardware stores, it also makes a very good belt for chumps.

Powermarch

A powermarch is a stylised walk created by inner-city marching bands in the early 1930's. Although it appears complicated, it is actually quite simple; so simple that it's really identical to regular marching. The only difference is that you must pretend it's special.

PowerPenis Presentation

One up from a PowerPoint presentation whose purpose is to demonstrate the superiority of the instructor. PowerVagina is the female version. Open source and Macintosh versions of these tools are expected some time in the next century.

Powertool

A widely accepted substitute for the rechargable battery, the powertool has its origins in southern India and Disneyland. Though little is known about its chemical properties, ex-microsoft programmers and TV hosts suggest a relation to monkeypox bacteria. Modern applications of the powertool include palm reading, piano tuning, and playing rap music to get that annoyingly flabby bass sound. It has also been proven that girls between the ages of 12-17 use the powertool for extended use of the hair dryer and for mercilessly beating the living crap out of boyfriends and siblings.

Prax

Etymology

From Latin praximus, from Old English praex; related to Old English aervor, “penis”.

Noun

1. A flying serial killer who terrorizes acid junkies.
2. One who farts on retards.
3. Colloquial: A form of Reaganomics
4. Finance: An investor who sells (commodities or securities) in anticipation of a fall in prices.
5. Colloquial: A felch mongerer
6. Slang: A large hairy man, especially one who is gay.
7. Religion: A Disciple of Prax

Antonyms

• Bunny
• Nema Toad
• Derf
• Pubic Hair
• AIDS

Verb

1. To spluge, eg. Lars just praxxed all over my face!
2. Slang: To stick a straw into one's rectum and suck, eg. I'll prax you dry!
3. Law: A misinterpretation of a piece of evidence by the prosecution, eg. Is it just me, or did you prax the witness?

Prefix

A prefix is a fragment of a word that appears at the start of that word. For example, pre is a prefix of the word prefix. Similarly, bat is a prefix of Batman, and ass is a prefix of asspirate.

Precific

To be easily amused. eg: You are very precific. Also an art - The Art of Precificism. Not to be confused with a word meaning both precise and specific.

Predictive Text

A book that you already know the ending of because a close friend has told you it. Not to be confused with utter gibberish, a setting on your phone to complicate text messages.

Prepostmoderndeconstructivism

A popular artistic movement led jointly by the American Whigs and the twentieth-century surrealists. It is said that the War of 1812 occurred as a result of the problems created by prepostmoderndeconstructivist artwork.

Pregnancy

A method of making beach balls. Each beach ball is born an individual perfect sphere, and has the same rights as a human being. A mistake made most often when the male spouse dosn't wear the glove.

• An unfortunate side effect of many alcoholic drinks, often resulting in the formation of a human parasite.

Premature Congregation

People at church who arrive before it opens.

Premature Conjugation

Losing the battle to work out your verbs past, present and future tense as emission control reaches zero hour.

Premature Elation

A belief that you have just given your partner the best sex in their lives only to be told 'is that it ?'

Premature Erudition

Men believe that saying the right words is more important than understanding what they actually mean . Keep a dictionary by the bedside next time.

Premature Premature

Egg and sperm level.

Prenutual Agreement

A mutual decision between sexual partners to lay off the oral until later.

Presage

Book-keeping method before the advent of Sage Accounts

Pression

A happy state of mind, the opposite of depression q.v.

Presumptious

The prelude to a fine meal.

Prevert

In an inexperienced pervert who cannot spell. Pre-Vert means 'When I was green'.

Priceless

About Tree Fiddy.

Priest

• (1)A person who usaully hangs round in a church
• (2)a tank of water (comes free with water)
• (3)your dads blue overalls also see briefs

Primary School

Twee little-kids establishment covered in flowers.

Primary School Assembly

Pointless daily exercise when the teachers blather on to hypnotise the little kids and bore the older ones into submission.

Primary School Songs

Normally sung at Assemblies. Extremely twee, geared towards little kids, and an absolute pain in the butt to sing if you're older than 1 millisecond.

Prime Minister

Leader of small island nation, any citizen can be a candidate by collecting the relevant tokens on the back of crisp packets.

Principal

A tug of war taking place between members of the royal family.

Principal Agent theory

Principal Agent theory is an economic theory stating that millions of identical agents spy on a few principals. Game theory has shown that players get bored quickly and acquire haphazard morals.

Prinnies

A small talking penguin that contains the soul of your mom. They are also known as "your poweranimal" and are often found in caves. They enjoy sliding, saying "d00d" a lot, and being very lazy. They are also known to be worshipers of mountain dew and end every sentence by saying "dew" as a tribute to their holy drink. Their main diet consists of demons from the universe of disgaea.

Prinny

See Prinnies...

Procrastibation

Procrastibation is when you are so lazy that you put off masturbation.

Pr0n

1. A spin-off of the T.V. program "Teletubbies" which features three extra characters (Lolita, her sista, and me). It is targeted at kids between the ages of 13 and 60.
2. Any pornography which involves shrimp.

Prograsm

The physical or emotional gratification (most often felt as sexual gratification) experienced by otherwise impotent computer programmers upon the creation of a new computer virus.origin: The word is thought to have first been used by a staff H.R. psychologist for a large national supermarket chain to define a symptom being described by an employee who ejaculated each time he created a SKU number that charged customers more than the shelf display price for products.

Programmer

1. A human being who lacks a permanent IP address and/or computer.
2. A more advanced of normal grammer

Prolog

Programming language commonly known as the worst invention EVER. Prolog is used to create Artificial Unintelligence, creating most of the stupidity in the world (the rest comes from humans).

Prometheus

After years of giving it away, Metheus started to charge for his services.

Prostate

Superior and professionally run state of any country with the exception of California, United Spades of Amerika that is currently suffering from libido prostitution with increased muscles and bones. See also Seantitus.

Pronumeral

1. Just like a amnumeral only with a higher rank and better pay.

2. A person who thinks numbers are the best thing ever. Usually employed as mathematicians, maths teachers or on Countdown. see Vorderman, Carol

Protein

A youth service worker, or an older advocate for someone aged over 12 years but under 20 years.

Prothegated

The word prothegated stems from the old confusion saying, "You're so prothegated." Other uses of the word are, "I prothegated all over the floor last night." And of course, the famous British version, "Pip Pip. Where's my prothegated tea!?"

The word has been called an adverbanoun because of it's many uses, but the true meaning of this word cannot truly be expressed through sheer words on a page.

Also see Super Rocket Go Machine

Provocative

Bullshit, as in "The newspaper headline was deliberately provocative".

Prudish

A liberal term for "anyone who doesn't have sex with virtually anyone they meet, animals, donkeys, and homosexuals"

Prunish

A liberal term for someone who is prudish but with prunes instead.

PS3

The shortened name of the Sony Playstation 3. The PS3, while it will be sold as a gaming console, is actually a mind control device that turns anyone who touches it into a zombie that eats all electronics not made by Sony. It also makes nachos.

Pseudo

Pseudo is a word invented by Dr Hans Zarkov. According to The Best Dictionary in the World - Ever! (Junior Edition), it means "Kind of, but not really at all." The word is used in modern language by scientists as a key method of explaining any phenomena not already explained by science fiction. It is also used frequently by communists.

The term originates from a contraction of the german Pseeven, to pee, and Udo, a japanese dog.

Psychiatrist

A gullible -iatrist who has just been fooled.

Perhaps. But in most civilized countries and also in the U. K., they are medical doctors who have gone through a rigorous selection procedure to get into a highly selective medical school, spent at least four years studying all sorts of esoteric medical topics, and then find they faint at the mere sight of blood, let alone a severed arm or penis. They then choose a residency in Psychiatry, which used to involve a form of witchcraft called Psychoanalysis, but now involves giving their patients whatever drugs the pharmaceutical salesmen are flogging.

Psychiatrist's Couch

A much sort after piece of furniture believed to have the power to make people tell everything once they lie down on them. Only work if it has been actually used for this purpose. Often found in a matching pair with a Casting Couch.

Psychiatrist's Conch

Often found in the bottom draw of a doctor's surgery. Has many uses but doctors are sworn to secrecy about what they are really for.

Psychopath

Crazy paving. Also, a path designated for the use of mad pedestrians only. The initial plan, psycho-lanes on motorways, was ruled out after extensive testing.

Pubescent

People who have coated their pubic hair with luminous paint.

Puberty

Onset of old age. Something you'll never ever achieve

Pubertized

The process of going through puberty; hair growing everywhere; clothes ripping as you gain unbelievable height; and howling at the moon. You know, the usual after a pint of Guinesss. Jesus would say the same if he hadn't died in that terrible motorbike accident.

Pubic

(adj) The spelling of the word "public" used during the Christmas period. The revised spelling dates back to the sixteenth century anglo/french Christmas carol and in particular the line where the angel sings "Noël, Noël, Noël, Noël" or in English " No L, No L, No L, No L".

Pubic Wars

(Hist) A war betwen Brazil and Argentina about the cut and shape of pubic hair and if this had anything to do with Catholicism. The Argentinian 'Forest Gump' style foliage lost out to the now famous Brazilian strip.

Pubic Zirconia

A sexually transmitted disease, spread primarily among pretentious douche bags and their ilk. Symptoms include crystalline growths on genitalia and pubic area, irritability, job envy, etc.

Puddle

A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Puffin

Gay people who stop at home

Pug-Fugly

used to describe an extremely ugly, fat person. eg. "your looking mighty pug-fugly today, Bob!"

Pug-Fugle

A person who is Pug-Fugly (see above)

Pukka pies

Pukka Pies are a foodstuff based on the corpses of half-man half-goat children, cased in a light puff pastry. Popularised in The Haskodrome as a way of removing the plague of goatmen which was engulfing the cities of Weston Super-Mice and Kiptown Upon Windsearching. The pies were backed with a popular advertising campaign featuring the memorable strapline: Necrotize With Pukka Pies!

Pronounced Puke-ah Pies & should really be considered to be a warning.

Pukofec

Pronunciation Key : Peyou-koe-feck (pyk fk)

adjective

a. of or relating to that which induces vomit.

b. exclamation of frustration or stress.

c. Irrationally demanding.

Pulitzer Prize

The Pulitzer Prize is an award given annually to authors who have done the most pulitzing. It is completely different from the "Pullet Surprise" which is given to those who tell the "take my cock and pullet" joke after being repeatedly asked to cease.

Puke

1. To lose your lunch, dinner, breakfast, or even desert, or maybe even Taco Bell's Fourthmeal, because you ate poison or did something stupid.

2. Gross un-digested food that came out your mouth. It usually hurts to puke.

Pull A Bush

1. Getting what one wants by using unsubstantiated lies and deception as the truth. (see "nucular")

2. FOX reality TV show on which the contestants compete for the right to have sexual intercourse with a member of their choice of America's first family.

Punch in the nuts

An expression used to denote a mishap or some thing gone awry at a party.

Example: The party was in full swing, until some fool got punch in the nuts.

Something that every man fashioning a Hairy Scrotal Sack never wants happeing to them

Puppet

1. A life form comprised of Jenova cells, usually implanted with false memories. See also George W. Bush and socks (possibly with ladders in them).

2. A mutated spaceworm discovered in the far-reaches of the fashionable left wing of the Safe Zone. Commonly associated with Swiss Cheese.

Puppeteer

Widely known for their irrational temper and aggressive behavior, puppeteers belong to the small yet sophisticated group of animal species that assume completely different forms during their life cycle. Following the opposite development path of that of the butterflies, puppeteers are commonly very sweet and attractive at young age, assuming a progressively uglier and more repulsive "appearance" and behavior after their first mutation – which usually occurs about a year after they encounter a mate. To compensate for their lack of natural resources to keep their male companion interested after their degradatious mutations, puppeteers begin to pull strings to tie their male companion into a life of boredom and despair to which there is no chance of an honorable escape other than death. Also known as your wife, those merciless creatures will safely guide you straight to hell.

Puritanism

Puritanism /n./: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy and that God really likes to party.

Pushing the Cardboard Box

Moving the homeless out of the way as you head to your yuppie apartment to snort coke.

Pussy

Pussy (n.): You and/or anyone related to you. Delicasi of white Americans, must be eaten raw, the wetter the better and can be covered by any number of dessert toppings. also a breed of giant bears that live in northern Canada. They typically act innocent until penetrated then enslave the penetrator for all eternity. Foreber.

Pwn

Pronunciation: Pone

v. To gut. Also, to to completely and utterly defeat someone in some form of competiton . See Pwned

Pwn4g3

n. I love pwn4g3. <!-- Put your content here. Make sure to sign your edits with four tildes. --> Ok.

Pyrotechnic

• 1.Any member of a number of primitive, technology-loving cultures inhabiting the area near Mount Pinatubo. Ironically seismographs still have not been introduced to the people of these cultures.

• 2.A recently-developed methods of producing computer software through the use of molten iron or other fire-producing substances.

• 3. A higher place of learning where you are taught how to start fires.