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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk doesn't care whether Max wakes up 6-7 buildings in Hong Kong burn down due to being built 67% cheaper Starmer's approval rating sinks down by about six or seven points Russian ship shines laser pointer at British planes DeSantis signs Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and ... Russian economy on life support Starmer to ban reselling tickets Pennsylvania legalises flying cars Union City celebrated 250th anniversary of Marines Trump kills the penny Russia’s new humanoid robot faceplants on stage Thieves steal six seven Roman statues from Syrian National Museum Ayy mon, they be da Hurricane in Jamaica! UK sends so-called “military experts” to Belgium to deal with drone attacks A new candidate enters 2028 Presidential race A dingo ate my baby Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky Star Over 1000 flights cancelled due to US government shutdown GD creator postpones 2.3 again. » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± What's This? Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 8 December 2024: Five Kids found missing in a Chuck E. Cheese Location 8 December 2022: Ireland Eases Disco Dancing Restrictions 8 December 2021: Wikipedia bought by Uncyclopedia 8 December 2015: Man good at punching not liberal 8 December 2012: Shock as Kate hoax DJ's commit suicide 8 December 2011: Earth porn about to exit the Solar System 8 December 2010: US "folding money" is crap 8 December 2009: London opens new spiral line 8 December 2008: Wikipedia now hosting child pornography 8 December 2007: Former Science Director burnt at stake for believing in Evolution 8 December 2006: Condoms 'too big' for African men	UnFunnies for December 8
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