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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news  New Pope Alert! New figure pmurT offers to replace Trump Trump to the Constitution: "You're not the boss of me now!" We asked our readers if they think Trump is breaking the law Phil Collins unretires after Earth-shattering orgasm PBS and NPR too woke to deserve funding US Navy Follows in the Footsteps of the Marines Is Ed Sheeran the next Drake? Attempted invasion by fictional geopolitical group thwarted Spain and Portugal go dark Reporter "Leon Sandcastle" gives his two cents on Shedeur Sanders' massive draft... Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Guy who gets Absolutely Zero Pussy Affirms Logic and Reason Local Hyena Appointed Town Crier After Years of 'Crying' Out Man goes to zoo, delivers speech about elephants Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian, guy! Gawr Gura's execution date revealed to be May 1, 2025 Chris Rock to star in Vatican comedy Head of Church Pope Francis is dead Democratic Party abolishes itself » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± What's This? Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 9 May 2023: House Considers Cop Smelling Weed Law 9 May 2018: Senate to vote on whether to restore net neutrality 9 May 2017: Hasta la Vista, baby! Windows 7 predecessor terminated 9 May 2013: Let us rethink this butt poop hysteria 9 May 2012: Sex pervert Maurice Sendak dies 9 May 2011: Banks give up defense of burgling customer's houses 9 May 2010: Health Canada issues a warning regarding hot women after new study released 9 May 2008: Big juggly boobs cope well with global warming 9 May 2007: Fate thrust upon man 9 May 2006: Uncyclopedia Admin Votes Against Yet Another Quality Article in VFH	UnFunnies for May 9
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