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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news  Kenyan village overrun by Grues overnight 'Cavemans could have never known to use stone' Psuedoarchaeologist says University of Moccasinia is lonely We have road copters CDC announces wonderful plan to prove vaccines cause autism Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama Doof finally takes over Tri-State Area; World in shock UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg Democrats fight Republican agenda with disapproving tsk tsks Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening The American Civil War Is Imminent – All Because of Swifties DOGE implements micromanaging Microsoft develops new state of matter Huw Edwards Found Guilty of All Sexual Crimes in History, Ordered to Pay Unprece... The Secret Magical History You Didn’t Know: The 101st Airborne Division Insign... Kamala Harris announced as new Bond girl after signing with CAA Donald Trump announces military project to build Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte tanks February 2025 UnSports Update with Joe Buck Help Uncyclopedia Buy Weird Al Donald Trump announces grand opening of the Sierra Gaza » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± What's This? Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 17 March 2019: Titanic operators still squabbling about which way to turn the wheel 17 March 2018: News roundup: Week ending March 17, 2018 17 March 2016: Still impossible to know if computer is on 17 March 2014: Saint Patrick's Day Panic as Solanine Discovered in Beer 17 March 2013: Concerns as Pacino opts to keep Spector haircut 17 March 2012: Man arrested for writing SICK and VILE messages 17 March 2011: UK Government update economic status 17 March 2010: Chicago River turns green from pollution 17 March 2009: Satanic front group convenes in Vienna 17 March 2008: 3/16 truth movement sprouts up on internet 17 March 2007: Oprah, Bono feud over who's gooder 17 March 2006: Car flips over during A-team shootout	UnFunnies for March 17
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