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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news  Donald Trump announces grand opening of the Sierra Gaza Biden announced as new Bond after signing with CAA Trump's Taken audition leaked Elon Musk does Nazi salute, to surprise to absolutely nobody NASA bamboozled as North Star disappears America stuck in a time loop CEO OF THE OHIO STATE WIN SKIBIDI SPORTSBALL CHAMPIONSHIP RIZZ Notre Dame wins college football championship, saves world from brainrot in anot... Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch Rams rest starters in first half of playoff game Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes Who's performing at Trump's inauguration? (2025) Smokey Bear revealed to be the leading cause of fires Donald Trump accidentally sets California ablaze after consuming a gas station b... Drunk pink elephant sees man at New Years' party Where did coal for naughty kids come from? Santa explains how he once used slave... Panama Canal threatened by rising sea levels Santa Shot Down Testing Sleigh Config; Christmas Cancelled We asked our readers what they do with horrid itchy Christmas sweaters Kevin McCallister, now NFL player Joe Burrow, finally robbed » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± What's This? Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 7 February 2018: A completely apolitical news story about space 7 February 2016: Link found between watching Super Bowl and concussion 7 February 2014: Winter Olympics all set to be heterosexual 7 February 2013: Obama forced to weigh in on Christie-Connie spat 7 February 2012: Mitt Romney tired of flip-flopping accusations; decides to undergo brain surgery to forget last 15 years 7 February 2011: The Wiggles reveal why Greg left 7 February 2010: Intense racial tensions escalate into warfare 7 February 2009: Putin Sets Disco Floor, Georgia Alight 7 February 2008: Clinton quits race for Whitehouse 7 February 2007: Scooter Libby, accused of another crime 7 February 2006: Exclusive Interview With God	UnFunnies for February 7
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