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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news  Birthday Bash Takes a Dive: Helicopter Meets Hudson River Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione" Jury convicts Minnesota lawmaker Nicole Mitchell of burglary after lawyer is una... They're going to be all democrats, aren't they? South Park Creators nominated for Nobel Peace Prize Keir Starmer places national ban on porn Obama to Democrats: "Toughen up, you fucking pussies!" Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever Superhero Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile Musk launches 2028 presidential bid under newly formed "Porky Pig Party" SOMEBODY'S POISONED THE WATERHOLE!!!! Qatar fireworks delivery accident WW3 officially begins, UN activates doomsday protocols White House struck again by depraved "Homeless Money Stealer", War Money safe th... Israel and Iran are, indeed, edging First Arab Gay Pride Festival held Elon Musk files for divorce with Donald Trump Final Final Revelation added to the Qu'ran Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± What's This? Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 1 August 2024: Trump: How could an Indian be Black? 1 August 2012: Olympian volleyball players also "play" off court 1 August 2011: Congressional leaders agree to enter the matrix 1 August 2010: Congressman: Too much dispersant used in oil spill 1 August 2009: "Plagiarists make my life living hell" says Mozart girl 1 August 2008: Barack Obama becomes a Political Claude Rains 1 August 2007: Wal-Mart plans to sell Jesus relics 1 August 2006: Al-Gayda casts die in Israeli conflict	UnFunnies for August 1
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