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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news Trump awarded another Peace Prize for starting war which will theoretically end AYATOLLAH DEAD SpaceX’s Banana Rocket Launches on Record First Flight "AI is Here to Stay," Says Guy Wasting his Life Savings on it Uzbekistan eases disco dancing restrictions Australia eases disco dancing restrictions USA Health Secretary Fozzy Bear Announced New Dietary Guidelines STOP THE PRESSES! GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD WINS THE SUPER BOWL! Chris-chan's near birthday twin revealed Uncyclopedia Server narrowly escapes deportation in miraculous jailbreak Tomodachi Life sequel to be released on April 16, 2026 SEGA to create M-Rated Sonic Game for 35th Anniversary Trump still wants Greenland; Wall Street shits itself Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Denver Broncos reap monkey paw's full effects; Patriots guaranteed Super Bowl ap... Buffalo Bills impulsively fire the wrong guy RFK Jr. fat-shames Annoying Orange Tony Dokoupil drank too much whiskey, show went on anyways Recent UnNews Articles Using Unrelated Sources Starmer to ban X » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 4 March 2020: U.S. warns Gerard Depardieu: Stay out of our elections 4 March 2014: Ukraine conflict cynical attempt by Russia to boost Paralympic squad 4 March 2013: Uncyclopedia sues Amazon for $1500 4 March 2012: Locals Relieved Doom Finally at Hand 4 March 2011: Pope lauds Rabbi's insistence Catholics did not kill reason 4 March 2010: NATO forces seize 38 tons of BB gun ammo 4 March 2009: Japanese girls heat up the Winter 4 March 2008: Pope gets new hat 4 March 2007: Survey shows children don’t know where meat comes from. We show them.	UnFunnies for March 4