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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news SEGA to create M-Rated Sonic Game for 35th Anniversary Trump still wants Greenland; Wall Street shits itself Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Denver Broncos reap monkey paw's full effects; Patriots guaranteed Super Bowl ap... Buffalo Bills impulsively fire the wrong guy RFK Jr. fat-shames Annoying Orange Recent UnNews Articles Using Unrelated Sources Starmer to ban X Trump trumps on Venezuela Trump awarded another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war in Venezuela he started t... Kansas City Chiefs lose the "city" part of name, moving to Kansas Internet Explorer celebrates Uncyclopedia's 20th birthday ICE agents sighted confiscating ice cream from American citizens North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk doesn't care whether Max wakes up 6-7 buildings in Hong Kong burn down due to being built 67% cheaper Starmer's approval rating sinks down by about six or seven points Russian ship shines laser pointer at British planes DeSantis signs Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and ... Russian economy on life support » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
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Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Minitrue ± What's This? Seventh Day Adventists arrive one day early Tony Curtis family put Snail and Oyster farm up for sale Madonna bequeaths her veins to lute stringing company Christians murder 50 in USA multi city spree today-Muslim world appalled Iranian railways running on Axles of Evil says Palin	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 11 Sep: Korans may have been burned today (2:53, 1.99 Mb, info) • story 8 Sep: Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (2:29, 1.71 Mb, info) • story 7 Sep: US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (3:03, 2.09 Mb, info) • story 5 Sep: Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (3:15, 2.24 Mb, info) • story {{{18}}} ({{{19}}}, info) • [[{{{20}}}|story]] [[Media:{{{21}}}|{{{22}}}]] ({{{23}}}, [[:Image:{{{21}}}|info]]) • [[{{{24}}}|story]]
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 28 January 2020: Camile Sesto 28 January 2017: Trump opens hardware chain along Mexican border 28 January 2015: Saudi King Abdullah honored as human rights champion 28 January 2013: Iran makes monkey jump from space 28 January 2012: RCMP recruit students to help fight bullying 28 January 2011: Peter Weir to remake Picnic at Hanging Rock with teddy bears instead 28 January 2010: Thin people may actually be fat, study shows 28 January 2009: New Information on Hudson Plane Crash hints towards terrorist and leaves investigators thinking, “I need a new career.” 28 January 2008: Murder suspects released after informing police they have wrong men 28 January 2007: Psychologist: Moses had Alzheimer's 28 January 2006: IRC Users Detained for Questioning	UnFunnies for January 28