User:SPIKE/Sappy

Sappy News

The section for readers who don't want to know what happened, only how they should feel about it. From the Chief• Audio• Podcast• Goldstein Award• Foolitzer Prize• Ask Cthulhu• Ask Hal 9000• Tech Support Beer-warehouse shooter complained of racism ( listen) NEW HAVEN, Connecticut -- Outwardly caring and mild-mannered Omar Thornton seethed with a sense of racial injustice that culminated in a shooting rampage. He said as much when he dialed 911 to report the murders of eight white coworkers at a beer warehouse here. "This place is a racist place. They're treating me bad over here....So I took it to my own hands and handled the problem," Mr. Thornton told the 911 dispatcher. "I wish I could have got more of the people," by which he meant more people with white skin. » Full story Latest sappy news: 29 August Uzbek silk spun with child labor 16 August Extra! Elvis still dead 8 August Beer-warehouse shooter complained of racism 26 June Michael Jackson: one year later 21 June 77 million 'poisoned' in Bangladesh 7 June Ohio tornado wreaks havoc, ruins day

Write a new UnNews story: Type your desired headline and then click on the button. Read Me First| Style Guide| Newsroom Michael Jackson: one year later LOS ANGELES, California -- Michael Jackson's death instantly changed his life as well as the lives of his family and friends. The weeks immediately after the pop icon died were chaotic, and many questions are still unanswered, such as “where is Michael?” » Full story 77 million 'poisoned' in Bangladesh DHAKA, Bangladesh -- It is without a doubt the worst mass poisoning in history. And the terrible irony is that it may all be due to an idealistic push to clean up drinking water for some of the world's poorest people by using arsenic to kill the bacteria. » Full story Ohio tornado wreaks havoc, ruins day TOLEDO, Ohio -- A tornado unleashed a "war zone" in northern Ohio on what should have been the happiest day of the year. A seven-mile-long strip southeast of Toledo is now littered with wrecked vehicles, splintered wood and disfigured teddy bears. » Full story Sappy News on UnNews Audio 29 Aug: Uzbek silk spun with child labor 3:14, 2.22 Mb 16 Aug: Extra! Elvis still dead 2:44, 1.88 Mb 8 Aug: Beer-warehouse shooter complained of racism 3:06, 2.13 Mb 21 Jun: 77 million 'poisoned' in Bangladesh 2:56, 2.02 Mb 7 Jun: Ohio tornado wreaks havoc, ruins day 3:18, 2.27 Mb

Reader poll

Do you think President Obama is an American citizen?

Please vote below. Results will be shown when you have voted.
You are not entitled to view results of this poll before you have voted.

Of course! he's President, for Chrissakes

Hell no! I read Uncyclopedia, you know

¿Why choo oskin' me?

There were 0 votes since the poll was created on 20:30, 7 January 2013.

poll-id CCC3A62D1F5F6F91F5A9159EB515EB0C

Results of last poll

Are you happy with the direction in which the country is moving?
61%	Delighted. I voted for change. Now, where do I go to get my free, new GM car?
13%	No. I am a progressive. We should be progressively moving into the future, only faster.
11%	No. In the Good Old Days, we'd put punks like Obama over our knee and give them a good spanking. Well, maybe not Negroes.
10%	No. I was for McCain, bless him. We were both in the Service. 'Nuff said. Except, wish Sarah Palin had kept her trap shut. And gotten the boob job sooner.
Totals do not add up to 100% due to rounding error, undecided/uncommitted/inarticulate, and poll-taker sloth.