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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news  US Government shits itself Trump gets COVID booster shot despite supporters making their entire personaliti... Keir Starmer announces plans for new data harvesting scheme Trump declares war on escalators Nigel Farage asked nicely to stop lifting children UnNews state-sponsoredly remembers Charlie Kirk Man eats salmon sliders, doesn't know they're basically salmon burgers Sheeranism becomes legally recognized in the United States Angela Rayner defects to Reform NFL teams replace their female cheerleaders with gay dudes Donald Trump presents new science project to Cabinet You're too young to read this article Trump announces plan to "retake DC... Comics" Local Florist Gets Arrested After DUI Crash Leaves Victim in Critical Condition Keir Starmer to place national ban on VPNs Trump fires Zakk Wylde from Black Label Society Birthday Bash Takes a Dive: Helicopter Meets Hudson River Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione" Jury convicts Minnesota lawmaker Nicole Mitchell of burglary after lawyer is una... They're going to be all democrats, aren't they? » Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
Write an article! Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! Guide to UnNews	Headlines (Add) Click a headline to make a story! Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump work together to resurrect Jeffrey Epstein Elon Musk doesn't care whether Max wakes up Angry Australians write to U.S. ABC about cancelling Anh's Brush with Fame UK charities cut ties with wrong Fergie Thrash metal band Slayer blamed for government shutdown	Stories with Audio UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg President Partons turkey UnNews remembers Phil Spector Strait Country is Rolling Stone's Gayest Album of All Time Tips to avoid the coronavirus North Korea to separate onto their own island (More • Podcast)
About UnNews UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 13 October 2014: Revealed: why Hitler started breaking bad 13 October 2009: Carter Ruck prepares to sue whole of Twitter 13 October 2008: Presidential candidates devote all remaining funds to one voter 13 October 2007: Dick Cheney wins Nobel Peace Prize for "A Convenient Lie" 13 October 2006: Mel Gibson extends tape measure 60 ft without it bending	UnFunnies for October 13 Sales of organic E.coli (pronounced EK-oh-lee) brand spinach have taken a nosedive.
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