Portal:Games
The Games and Sports Portal
Going back thousands of years through the anals of time, man's penchant for sport (pronounced spurt) is limitless and bounding. Competition has both raised the blood to passionate fervency and reconfirmed the eternal greatness of mankind throughout the centuries. Among the first sports was rungold, which consisted of one man standing at the top of a hill next to a huge boulder, and another man one hundred paces down. The first man would push the massive rock down the hill, and the object was that the second man had to "return it."
Another early sport was Sokur, an archaic game in which players would kick a round object with their feet with the object being to get the ball into either of two makeshift structures called "nets" (usually made out of tungsten weed, or spiderwebs). This game quickly fell out of favor when it was discovered that the object could be picked up with the hands, eventually leading to modern-day Rugby.
Modern sports include Real Football, Baseball, Kitten Huffing, Curling, Snooking, Sockey, Kitten Hurling, Chucking loads of Elephant Poo at each other, Sailing and Monkey Waxing. Every 5 years the Olympiad is played in these and three other grand sports. It is an international competition open to all nations, which originated with the Geeks, an ancient civilization of people with thick glasses and a penchant for VRML tags. People have been throwin' the pigskin, hurlin stones, and waxing monkeys for decades with no stop in sight. This event is ultra-telecast on multilive video feeds on a number of stations worldwide. The soft drink revenues from the event are in the billions, but hey you don't need to know that, you're too busy watchin koko get a clean wax job. (Full article...)
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Ironing, the respected worldwide sport we know today. Ironing, derived as are modern business suits and certain poodle haircuts from the Victorian era, is an extreme sport which may yet burst with internal pressure onto the Olympic stage.
“ | A long time ago, people needed their laundry to be crisp and wrinkle-free. Now, nobody cares. Appearance has been shouldered rudely aside by the sudden importance of image. I, for one, decry the rise of this ridiculous pastime and its corresponding conspiracy to ignore personal pride and common sense. | ” |
Simply, ironing is the unusual mechanical process of applying heat and pressure to an article of clothing or linen, with the purpose of making the said article smooth and therefore attractive... (Full article...)
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The revised logo for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa.
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Did You Know...
- ...Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest games to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks.
- ...Playwright, novelist, musician, poet, philanthropist, historian, short story writer - these are just a few of the professions of individuals that Oscar Wilde has corrupted with his rampant sexuality and Rabelaisian appetites.
- ...Have you ever realized that someday you could be trapped eternally inside a Role-Playing Game? This usually happens by playing Chrono Trigger during a thunderstorm or just by going into a Ghost Train ride at a suspicious amusement park with your friends. This is when a portal opens to the place where Dungeons and Dragons happens for real. You see a big light, then poof, you faint. When you wake up, you see some dancing mushrooms passing by and a group of weird guys following the thing holding spears, bows and wearing robes (or you may be high on LSD). You finally realize that now you are living inside a real-life RPG. Grab those potions my friend and let's move through that field, shall we?
- ...Look, what I'm trying to say is, I've seen shit. I've seen some nasty shit. Shit that would make you want to pry out your eyes with a crowbar. But all that stuff is nothing compared to the life I've lived. You see, I've been pushed into bananas while playing Mario Kart. After you've experienced that, "two girls one cup" seems like a Disney movie.
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