Recto-Lube: The Brand You Love™

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Recto-Lube: Industrial Strength™, complete with wipe-clean reusable applicator.

“I fully endorse Recto-Lube”

~ Noel Coward on Fully endorsing Recto-Lube

Founded on May 11th, 479 BC, Recto-Lube: The Brand You Love™ is the world's foremost brand of anal lubrication products and maritime protection. With its origins in the foothills of Mount Olympia in Ancient Greece, it has grown from humble beginnings providing Greek athletes reason to live, to the world's best firm for working mothers.

Exponential growth[edit | edit source]

The growth of this company can be modelled using

Once a small, family-owned business operating out of a small shack serving only passing athletes, the firm has slowly grown to the epitome of corporate America. The following reasons, in no particular order, are to blame.

  • The Great Depression turned many people to the orientation requiring Recto-Lube's main product.
  • The advent of Feudalism in post-Roman Britain left a gap in the market for maritime protection, which Recto-Lube could easily fill with its subsidiary, the US Coastguard.
  • From 1991–2010, George Omalley, Co. Dublin in Ireland served as CEO. He has been quoted as saying "Recto-Lube changed my life with its medium-to-low viscosity and high profit margins. Also the benefits package."
  • Gaining a permanent seat on the United Nations Security Council (UNSC) through its gory but fundamentally justified occupation of France.

Recto-Lube as a conglomorate[edit | edit source]

Now at the forefront of the world's largest consumer goods corporation, with brands including:

  • Recto-Lube
  • Cucumbers
  • Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition
  • The US Coastguard
  • Captain Pissgums "Dry Dock Lube"

As an uncontrollable monopolistic tyrant[edit | edit source]

With annual revenue vastly in excess of the gross income of a single mother on welfare, this monolithic corporation threatens to ruin the very fabric of our society, and as such its destruction is the second most important objective of the A-Team (their first objective is pitying fools).

With reference to Recto-Lube's position in world politics, Oscar Wilde was, regrettably, unavailable for comment.

See also[edit | edit source]