Talk:Gay Jesus

Jesus as He is commonly depicted: being pestered by Chicken Flies, black lightning bolts, and a deadly blue aura.

This page is about the original Jesus. For other meanings of Jesus, see Jesus (disambiguation).

“I'm bigger than The Beatles now.”

~ Jesus' notorious slur on Beatlemania

Wouldst that thou striketh thee and sitteth downeth with lepers that thee might see the glory of the Father, or some such shit.

~ From Story Time with Original Jesus, NBC 1964

Jesus Hernandez Christ (first name pronounced HEY-Zeus/Ιησους; plural Jay-Z, diminutive Jessie) was a pretty cool dude from back in the day, and he is one of the greatest men ever to live. Some even think he was The Man. Hell, 2.1 billion people think he was THE Man! He created all fifty American States, except for Indiana, which was created by Satan. He lived a long time ago and nobody knows what color he was, so most people pretend he was white, since most important races are. A lot of people make Jesus seem like he was an uptight dude, but really he just liked to laugh with his buddies, chill out with the disciples, and enjoy a good orgy on Friday nights. He also briefly frontlined the highly successful band The Havah Nagillahs, which failed after the background musicians walked out to form the chart-topping rap group The Twelve Disciples (a.k.a. D12). Controversially, Jesus had a false arm, which he often kept in a shed for safe keeping. Further still, he was noted for many famous sayings (see: Famous sayings of Jesus) many of which were cribbed from The Bible. He was the vocalist for The Jesus and Mary Chain, and Jesus Jones.

Mr. Havitch and Jesus hunting for Jews, blacks, homosexuals, ethnic Poles, etc.

If Jesus was alive today (which if you take a very casual look in any South American phone book seems to be very much the case) he might control the world. But he doesn't because he's cool like that. Jesus might also be a Jedi and would probably party with those heavy metalists Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi and the many house flies that followed him around. For a while it was assumed that these flies followed him around because of the fact that Jesus never took a bath because of his hydrophobia. But in reality, they just liked him a lot since he saved their mum. When the retired Greek goddess Athena heard this rumor she gave him the power to walk just above the water, so that he would never actually have to touch it. Even though he already had that power. Duh. Anyway, she soon afterward found out that she wasn't real and went through an emotional breakdown, disappearing from her own non-existence.

His Birth from the Prostitute Mary

The Adoration of Starch, oil on canvas, 1432.

Jesus came into being under the oddest of circumstances. After several thousand years of hard work, Jesus' father God decided that massive floods and torturous plagues weren't the best ways to go about winning the hearts of his people.

God later claimed that He, "Always wanted a son" that he could teach pro football. He soon realized that, although He could kick your ass, football is not among his many talents. He then fell back on his Plan B: teaching his son to become the figurehead of the world.

God decided that he needed a poster boy to win over the population of the world. As God later stated in his '93 Connie Chung interview, "I needed someone who was tall, handsome, witty, and with a winning personality." God later revoked his last comment on the grounds that God is way too cool to say "winning personality."

Now came the Virgin Mary and Joseph, two strikingly thin and attractive teens who wanted nothing more than to get married and make babies(Joseph did, anyway). "She was a cool girl," quoteth God. "You have no idea how surprised I was that she was a virgin. Seriously. I didn't know that you could show that much cleavage while wearing a robe." In any case, she was the perfect mother for Christ. She was getting ready to marry Joseph, but he was very understanding. Also, she was foxy, had a nice rack o' lamb, and was loving, caring, respectful, tasteful, and brunette; in a word, all the requirements that God wanted for the mother of his only begotten son: to be hot and humble about it(and to be righteously awesome; Come to think of it, you can't fit all of God's requirements in a word). So when Mary was approached by an angel, Gabriel, she was still technically a virgin. At least that was Mary's story.

It is well-known that, late one night, God supposedly came to Mary in the form of Holyness and impregnated her. Joseph was too busy clubbing with some rowdy Arimathean hooligans to notice that the Holy Creator of Everything was screwing his wife. In fact, after that fateful night, Joseph would be inexplicably struck with a bad case of the Impotence for the rest of his day. Which really must have sucked for him. I mean, the guy is pretty much the stepfather of Salvation, and he gets pretty much screwed over. Seriously! Jesus was supposed to the one who can't know a woman, but dear ol' Joe can't even get it up. Oh well. As God would state in a later interview, "his shit got RUINED."

When Joseph first heard Mary's story about God sleeping with her, he didn't believe her and wanted to divorce Mary. But, then, Gabriel, the Angel of the Lord, flew down and scared the beejees out of him, saying, "If you don't stay with that chick Mary, God will strike you down where you stand! Understood?" Joseph understood, and promptly wet himself.

For the next nine months, Joseph and Mary wandered the Middle East, doing nothing in particular (see Holy Bible for details).

When it came time to deliver Jesus, Mary and Joseph found themselves passing through the funky convention town of Bethlehem. Currently hosting a major governmental convention, all the inns and taverns were full. Even the brothels had no beds to spare (Fun Fact: In those days, brothels were soup kitchens). Lacking a suitable place to give birth, Joseph and Mary started poking around in stables, desperately looking for a hay pile or something. At last, they found an innkeeper who offered use of the shed out back (It is now known that he actually had a room available; he was just a douche). After slipping on an excrement-covered floor and falling headfirst into a manger, Mary popped out the son of God, and the rest, as they say, is history.

The other side of the coin: Jesus the Playboy

As there are differing accounts of Jesus's sexual orientation, and for completeness, we offer the other side of the story, where Jesus was the first Playboy, later moving on to founding the first porno-mag in heaven; 'Heavenly Bosoms'. Often participating in huge orgies with his followers, Jesus showed that he could heal more than lame legs and blind eyes; He could heal STD's. Which was a good thing, because to raise money, he would send out his followers to work the streets. He later became known as the only pimp to get into heaven.

As with Jesus's alleged bisexuality, His sexual indiscretions were all but removed from all records of his life, a small piece of paper in the Popes lockbox, being the only evidence left. In fact, Jesus had a 13th disciple who's sole duty was to record his sex romps, but when Jesus was crucified, his 13th disciple was also killed, for fear that the truth would get out and ruin Jesus's reputation.

Jesus' Popularity

As he grew up, Jesus became much liked and admired. Everybody liked Him and wanted to hang out with Him. Even the Prophet, Zachieas 'little' Man had been known to hang out with Jesus whenever he went to Las Vegas. His popularity was attributable to His highly entertaining, and often useful, "miracles", not to mention He had the best wine this side of the river Jordan.

Jesus will give you lots of presents for Christmas. Just go to the Mall, sit on his lap, and tell him what you want.

Jesus' miracles were always interesting, and often had a little moral lesson that went along with them. He turned water into wine, and once when a bunch of people came to see Him and forgot to bring lunch, He whipped up an amazing Lobster Fra Diavolo con Linguine that had people talking for months. Jesus could do anything; if He wanted to, He could have turned a chariot into a Ferrari 250 Testarossa (though this would have been highly impractical, due to a shortage of petrol stations in the 1st century), a piece of wood into a Stickman Sandpiper surfboard (not so much impractical as inferior, since he had that "walking on water" trick) or 45 blind mice into the New York Yankees.

Jesus was most popular when he held his 42 year long Bar Mitzvah (Sweet 13), which started in the year 42 BC. He received at least one present from everyone in Rome, and God even got him a Ferrari convertible chariot. Some people say that God also gave Jesus the gist of how to make cracked corn. Jesus has never commented to anyone on this, and some people believe that this is all just a bunch of crap, but I wouldn't doubt it was true. I mean Jesus kicks enough ass to make cracked corn.

Jesus' superhero status is further reflected in his origin, the birth of a baby with a Mexican name to a woman in Judea, 1600 years before a Christian discovered Mexicans. (Editor's note: The Mormons use this as compelling proof that Jesus did, in fact, visit the Americas.)

If you were blind, crippled, sick or lame you could just go to Jesus, and He'd put His hands on you and heal you. That certainly made Him very popular. For this reason, Jesus' hands were in high demand back then.

The Jee man also enjoyed surfing in his custom-made surfboard, which also doubled as a small boat to preach his stuff.

According to contemporary reports, there was nothing Jesus couldn't do. He could have sung better than Freddie Mercury, He could surf pretty well, He could have driven better than Mario Andretti, He could have hit more home runs than Big Papi, and He could have baked the most incredible fudge brownies ever. If He had been an actor, He could have won an Oscar (Wilde) every time. However, former power hitter and voodoo houngan for the Chicago Cubs, Sammy Sosa, disagreed, and stated his opinion: "Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball."

But some people got jealous of how popular Jesus was, so they killed Him. (His infamous "I'm bigger than the Beatles" statement most likely was the straw that broke the camel's back.) Jesus, however, was just too amazing to let a little thing like death stop Him. Three days later He rose from the dead, danced around for a bit and then went back to heaven! Even though Jesus hasn't appeared to have appeared openly on Earth since his prize fight with Rocky Balboa, His popularity and approval ratings remain as high as ever. However, many modern historians (and other worshipers of science) are often baffled by the amount of attention is paid to this 2,000-year-old Jew. But there is a consensus that it has something to do with the average person’s love of frozen popsicle treats.

Jesus' Demise

Yeah, Jesus got pwned by the Roman governor Herpatitis. Died for your sins and all that fun stuff. His last words are commonly said to be, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." and "Hey, I can see my house from here..."

Jesus shortly before his death. Note his unexpected visitor.

A heretical sect believes that Jesus actually died by slipping in the tub. They are known as Baathists, and are frequently warred against by true Christians. They can be identified by the use of a small gold or silver shower head around their necks instead of a cross; and rather than crossing themselves, they wave their arms in circles as if losing their balance, while repeating "whoa whoa whoa".

Thank God for no more nails...

Mormons

According to Mormons, Jesus was a chicken. I know, Mormons are CRAZY!

Jesus' Many Names

As a figure appearing again and again in classical tales and historical scripts, the name of Jesus has frequently been changed to local dialects or to reflect different aspects of society.

For more on this, see Jesus (disambiguation)

Note that: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a completely unrelated entity and most Christians deny all association with this group of individuals.

Jesus never had a nice advertising mind so he asked for help

Jesus Saves

In the motion picture "Bend it like Bethlehem", Jesus aspires to become a goal keeper for the Beitar Jerusalem football club. However, his father believes that saving goals instead of souls is beneath his son's destiny. Jesus's father, in a bid to distract him from football, ultimately has him implicated in a coup attempt on the Roman Governor Pontius Pilot which leads to tragic and unforeseen consequences. Jesus is subsequently executed in the sequel The Passion of the Christ.

Jesus saves, shoots and scores!

Discography

Eat me in remembrance of this.

• For the Love of Jesus (1964)
• What in the name of Jesus (1967)
• The Transformed Messiah (spoken word, 1968)
• Bigger, Longer and Better Cut than the Beatles (1970)
• Never Mind The Bollocks Here's The Crucifixion (1977)
• Christmas With Jesus (1979)
• The Bright Side: My Life With Brian in Seven Sweet Songs (1981)
• Doubt (1991)
• Smells like White Spirit (with special guest Kurt Cobain, 2004)
• Don't Be Cross With Me (2006)

See also:

The Christio-Religio Ladderal Hiearchy
	Top Rung, the Holy Trinity: God, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit, opposed by Satan Middle Rung, the Holy Triforce: Mrs. God, Jesús, & The Holy Ghost, opposed by Stan Bottom Rung, the Holy Tripod: Gah, Jeez, & the Holy Rock, opposed by Santa Fell off the Ladder: Goo, Jazz, & Hollywood, opposed by Stalin After a few drinks: Daddyo, Laddyo, & The Spook, opposed by Bat-Fuck Satan

• Jesus RPG
• Jesus Christ Superstar
• Jesus and the Miracle 5
• Advertising
• Atonement Special
• jesii
• Jewish history
• UnNews:Police seek prophet in attempted herbicide
• Jesus stole my girlfriend

† The Holy Family of the Jesii †

The Sacred Host of Major Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. Main Jesii Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself! Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother: Jebus Evil Jesus: Like the Antichrist, but worse. ¿Qué?: Jesús Jesus Christ Sponge: Purge sin and clean your dishes! Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus Placebo Jesus : Will never lift a finger for you, no matter what you believe! Your own: Personal Jesus Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere! Jesus' very own Homeland: Jesusland Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming! Not To Be Confused With Super-Gay Jesus: Gay Jesus MicroJesus: A teeny, tiny Jesus that forgives all of your teeny, tiny sins. Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware Jesus was Christian, NOT Jewish: Enough said. But what If Jesus had lived in America? The So-So Company of Other Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus. Monster Jesii Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard Save yourself from Werejesus! Raptor Jesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: New York, watch out! This Jesus loves your brains...: Zombie Jesus Munchie Jesii Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good. Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...IT'S GOT ELECTROLYTES! A stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick! The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii Pity them, and feed them table scraps. If you are still confused about which one you want... then you're fucking retarded, bitch! Bad Jesii Atheist Jesus: You won't believe his disbelief... French Jesus: Djesus Piss Christ: Ewww! You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus Communist Jesus: In Soviet Russia, Jesus dies for YOU! Try our new McWine(TM)!: McJesus Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus The Sacred Host of Minor Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want to know to know it is it is yes, babs, it's probably Original Jesus. Funny Jesii Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century. Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus Sweet smoking Jesus: What would Jesus smoke? Bow to ye savior or walk the plank ye scurvy dogs: Captain Jesus Musical Jesii Disco Jesus: Knows how to love you The Jewish Rap Sensation: MC Jesus Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter Sabbath Night Fever: The Bee-Jesus Twisted Jesii Jesus 1.5a: An alpha prototype Christ. Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: He drank too much wine at the last supper. Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification: Messiah Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone He's blonde, cultish, and "not" a Nazi: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Pseudo-Jesii Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin Kyle Broflovski: The Passion of the Jew He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! BILLY MAYS Jesus LaBrie: That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something. Exiled from Babylon: Rasta Jesus Accordion Jesus: Saves you from pop music. Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus If you are still unsatisfied with these Jesii, you can always check out even... More Jesii

  Major Religion Founder Benchmark Test

Name:	Abraham	Lao-tse	Buddha	Jesus	Mohammed	Charles Darwin	Bobby Henderson	L. Ron Hubbard	Oscar Wilde
Co-founders, Pretenders, Prophets:	Moses			Peter, Paul, & Mary, Martin Luther	Ali, Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthmar	Richard Dawkins		Tom Cruise, John Travolta
Religion(s):	Judaism	Taoism	Buddhism	Christianity, Catholicism, Protestantism, approx. 1000 more sects and spin-offs	Islam, Sunni, Shia, Sufis, Alawis, Druze, assorted bizarre desert sects	Atheism, Theory of Evolution	Pastafarianism	Scientology	Uncyclopedia
Miracles (approx.):	20	1	7	200	0	0	1	0	1 (honest)
Covenants & Promises:	Milk, honey, and eternal life	Being one with the universe	Reincarnation, Nirvana	Eternal life	Eternal life, 72 virgins for bonus level	Freedom of thought	Pasta, stripper factory, and beer volcano	Deliverance from wealth, friends and sanity	You will kneel before Wilde.
Enlightenment (kW):	1.5	150	200	1.6	1.25	180	100	-10 000	∞
Wives (approx.):	2-3	0	1	0	9-30	1	unlimited	3 (so far)	Ha, ha, ha!
Followers:	30-40 mln. (approx.)	60 mln. (approx.)	375 mln.	2.1 bln.	1.3 bln.	500 mln.	120 bln.	42	Uncyclopedia admins
Violent followers:	2.0%	0.1%	0.1%	2.5%	2.6%	0.000001%	0.01%	60%	100%
Overall result:	GOOD	GOOD	GOOD	NOT BAD	COULD DO BETTER	POOR	EXCELLENT	COULD DO BETTER	POOR
Value for money:	FAIR	FAIR	FAIR	GOOD	COULD DO BETTER	EXCELLENT	EXCELLENT	EXCELLENT	COULD DO BETTER

When the Bible foretells that "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God", (Psa 9:17) and of His coming to "execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed", (Jude 1:15) and "who shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone;" which is the second death," (Rv. 21:8), be assured it includes the writers of your page, and the longer it remains the worse your judgment shall be, "For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required". (Lk. 12:48).

If you want a rather thorough refutation of the voluminous but species efforts to negate the Biblical condemnation of homosex (which what the Bible always does wherever it is explicitly dealt with), and to construe sanction for it, see http://peacebyjesus.witnesstoday.org/Homosex_versus_the_Bible.html Peacebyjesus 15:41, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Oooh look! A curse!

I never saw this before. I'd be the solitary writer who's eternal punishment accrues daily while this page is on Uncyclopedia. The weirdest thing about this page is how many people can't get past the words "gay Jesus". Doesn't matter if the story says it has nothing to do with the historical Jesus, etc etc. Others see it as an exploitation of Jesus. The real joke being sent here is the ludicrousness of people continually applying attributes to Jesus. WWJD? There's literally a million Jesii out there with a political axe to grind and it's really sad when people need to hide behind an icon to strengthen an argument. "It's not my racist, homophobic, xenophobic opinion, I'm just a servant of Jesus". It's BS. That's why the article has multiple Jesii with different agendas commenting on the article as it's written.--    16:06, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Your attempt to explain your article away is only less insolent as the page itself. Whatever disclaimer you see yourself making, the article is clearly a spoof of the historical Christ, and a most obscene one at that - the worse being that of portraying pederasty. Would you place a picture that portrayed your mother as a prostitute doing crack? Perhaps you would, but this is far far more evil. You have abused the talent and brain God gave you, and if the goodness of God does not bring you to repentance, may others means do so, and so know the reality of Christ.Peacebyjesus 20:34, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

That's not Jesus. That's someone's representation of him. Being obsessed with a fictitious icon being sacred is your problem. Obsession with regulating behavior is also mentioned by Christ in the parable of the good Samaritan. My ability to mock people's exploitation of Jesus shall not be hindered by your irrational reverence of myth versus the real man. Tough noogies. Do you really think you're showing reverence and keeping the faith by invoking the name of the lord against me? That's about you, not about faith. Matthew had it right. Go take your spiritual peacocking elsewhere.--    21:24, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Who the fuck are you to police the internet for alleged blasphemy?

"be assured it includes the writers of your page, and the longer it remains the worse your judgment shall be"

Seriously, what the fuck is that? Are you some post bible prophet that I'm unaware of? You must have been looking for gay Jesus and you found him. Since you're a homophobe, I can only assume that you have no idea who the fuck Jesus is and if you love the purity laws of Leviticus, why the fuck are you breaking all the other rules included therein? From a scientific point of view, it's simple. The people with the biggest axe to grind against gay people are closet homosexuals themselves who are desperately saying "stop turning me on" to the gay community.--    21:41, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Gay :P MrN 21:48, Feb 21

I think you have deeper issues behind your irreverence, and seem driven by an anger against the moral authority God represents, and your spurious doctrinal polemic and psychological tactics are a result. Peacebyjesus 01:07, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

You actually created an Uncyclopedia account for the sole purpose of witnessing a perverted version of Christianity to the author of Gay Jesus? Go do something constructive because all that is not faith is sin. Being a self-righteous piece of shit on a humor wiki is sin. --    01:19, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

If you have come here to complain about Uncyclopedia taking the piss out of your religion, go and read Atheism (religion).

We are proud of the fact that we insult everyone equally...

No. You are just trying to impose your values onto others. Many of our users are Christians and find this article very funny. The fact that you don't shows that you are insecure in your religious believes. The fact that you are particularly worried about him being called Gay suggests that you are insecure about your sexuality. Read some of our other articles. Like Gay for example, and check out those listed at Jesus (many of which are pro Christian). Learn what Uncyc is really all about and stop crying like a baby. Jesus would not act like you. He would laugh at this. Why don't you do that also. MrN 01:15, Feb 22

You have no real argument, and may be said to be "imposing" your values, or lack of them, onto others, while relying on a fantasy in ad hominem attacks. Such ranting as you display is all too typical of militant atheism, and which is necessary for those who at war with God, as its lack of any transcendent objective authority allows them to call good evil an evil good, which is the same moral reasoning atheists as Mao and Pol Pot operated out of. This does not mean an atheist cannot be a relatively good person, but atheism can offer no assurance it will not sanction what they did. The typical response of calling Hitler a Christian and invoking the Inquisition as evidence of following the Bible is also contrary to their self-ascribed title, "Brites". Peacebyjesus 02:05, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not an atheist. I believe in a God and a creator. I consider myself a Christian, in that I try to follow what I consider to be the ethics behind the words of Jesus Christ as written in the bible. You sir, act nothing like him. When did you last actually read the bible? I mean, really read it. The feeling behind the words of Christ I mean. Not the parts which were fabricated by evil men during the First Council of Nicaea, and various other times when Jesus' words were twisted, and not someone else's interpretation of it. Listen to the meaning behind the words which Jesus said. Don't listen to the values which others ascribe to him. Christianity has been forced onto millions thought the ages by evil men. We are not imposing our views on anyone. We never forced you to read this. I doubt you have read more than the first few lines of this article? Have you read it all the way through? Did you read any of our other articles about Jesus? Did you read Gay? I doubt it. You sir are far to closed of mind to do so. If you really knew Jesus you would know that he would have approved of this article.

In addition, Jesus was an Arab. He would have looked like Saddam Hussain. Do you see an Arab in these pictures? It's a joke. You are offended by this because you think that it's possible for such a thing to weaken your religious believes. Again I ask you... Are you sir homophobic? Apparently you are because you consider being called gay to be an insult. I'm not gay, but if someone jokingly said I was I would laugh. Just as Jesus Christ would if he were here now. I suggest you get your ethics and values in order. MrN 09:25, Feb 22

If you would listen to yourself then you might realize that your whole defense is based upon the subjective presupposition that your esoteric understanding of Jesus enables you to sanction which it most clearly condemns, and to condemn those who disagree! No matter what disclaimer the article provides (and i did read that attempt, while a cursory overview of the rest was enough), it is obviously a spoof of the Biblical Christ, even if He did not have blond hair and blue eyes, and is both profane, and an attempt to make Christi into an image of morally corruptible man, as your interpretive grid enables as well. The aforementioned analogy of disgracefully portraying a likeness of ones mother still fits. It is no surprise that you subscribe to conspiratorial Da Vince Code nonsense THE DA VINCI CODE: TRUE OR FALSE?, which i wrote (if Rome did so then they sure missed the opportunity, necessitating true forgeries later on!), and its favoring of gnostic interpretations certainly would be attractive to you.

Re. reading the Bible, i can assure you that I do seek its fuller meaning, and have read it for over 30 years, and God has showed me much, and i seek to test things by it, rather than just buying a denominational interpretation. And as i seek to die to self and yield to Him, as well thru my failures to do so, God has revealed much about myself to me, as one who has a long way to go to be like Jesus, the Jesus of the Bible however, not that which men contrive.

As for "gay", i assure you i have read - and refuted - homosexual polemics quite extensively, and yet the reason why is due to their attempt to manipulate the Bible, which is why i have also done extensive refutation of the Roman church and others which depend upon self exaltation of themselves as sole infallible interpreters, which you also convey, rather than having to substantiate their case by Scripture. Yet i am not "Romeophobic", and do not have any personal animosity toward Rome, and acknowledge positive aspects of her, and am more tempered in my criticism than Jack Chick type adherents. I can also honestly say that i do not fear homosexuals, and am very secure in my "sexual identity", which is most unmistakably toward the female species, and will seek to help homosexuals as well as towards straight people (including atheists), with my greatest desire being that they both come to salvation. My former next door neighbor was a lesbian, and we were friendly toward each other, and one day she asked Christ to save her, and is now singing in the choir in a straight church, as a straight and truly "gay" person. Praise the Lord.Peacebyjesus 15:07, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

I have never read or watched The Da Vinci Code. What has that got to do with anything? You simply ignored the obvious fact that Jesus would not be offended by this article, so why are you? Answer that, or admit you are wrong. MrN 18:05, Feb 22

So, in your studies I'm sure you've become familiar with argument by authority as a logical fallacy and using the Bible as a rulebook. You don't seem to differentiate between the law and the concept of Christ's fulfilling thereof. You also seem to not understand that the books of the Bible are not the infallible works of god's hand and were written and compiled by men. You actually think you can "prove" that it's somehow immoral and illegal to be gay. Again, the parable of the good Samaritan. You are a Pharisee whose obsessed with the facade of faith and not the substance. This entire exercise has not been faith on your part, it's been sin. Your sins of haughtiness and this self-righteous bragging about your relationship with god is positively sickening and offensive to the lord of the bible-by-committee but you haven't even figured that out yet. You aren't following god, you're some sick monkey who likes claiming the power and playing new age prophet.--    16:27, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

I ignored nothing MrN9000, including that invoking Bible as an authority, while rejecting certain parts of it as merely the works of men as a Dan Brown tactic, and it similar to what pro homosexual polemicists must resort to, that or relegating the Bible to be the work of homophobic editors when it fails to describe the homoeroticism they lust to see, and need to find. As for Jesus not being offended by someone making a parody of Him committing pederasty and sodomy, what kind of Bible have you wrote?! He condemned all fornication, and by His Spirit further so, and you would have to put the N.T. through a paper shredder to eliminate that!

By your interpretation of the bible Jesus condemned fornication. That's fine, and your opinion, and may well be true, I don't know. Reading the bible it appears confused on the matter to me. The point you miss is that although he may have condemned fornication, he still would not be offended by this article. Do you think that Jesus would have felt offended? Lol. He would have simply laughed at it. Is that not what Jesus would have done had he read this? Please answer YES or NO. MrN 09:52, Feb 23

DrStrange, the issue with authority is whether it is warranted. Rome effectively rests upon its own declaration that it is (conditionally) infallible (according to our interpretation, our interpretation is correct, because we say so, a form of "viscous" CR), and requires implicit trust in herself, while acting contrary to the Scriptures which it effectively holds to be a secondary authority, and disparaging human reasoning and "private interpretation" of the Scriptures as a mean of assuredly knowing truth. In contrast Jesus provided (and provides) evidence by which to make a step of faith, and with obedience leading to more evidence, and obedience to the Bible itself result in realization of its promises, which is abudantlty testified to. And the Scriptures clearly evidence that God appealed to human reasoning, and treated the prior established revelation as authoritative, with that additional revelation conflating with it (with 278 different Old Testament verses being cited in the New and multiple more allusions), much in contrast to Rome's traditions such as praying to Mary.

As for your charge that i do not differentiate between the law and the concept of Christ's fulfilling thereof, quite the contrary is the case, as it is antinomian types who fail to distinguish between the ceremonial law and the moral law as concerns literal obedience. The N.T. specifically reveals the type of laws that were typological, these being those of the liturgical calendar, dietary laws and temple ordinances (Gal. 4:10; Col. 2:14-17; Heb. 9:10), while moral laws are reiterated, include 9 out the 10 commandments. No where are moral laws includes in these. This is not a contradiction of Scripture, but a fulfillment of it, in which a New Covenant which was "not according" to the old was promised, (Jer. 31:31-34) yet the N.C. upholds and surpasses the morality it required.

While Christians are "not under the law" as regards salvation, as the righteousness it requires for acceptance before God is imputed under grace, (Rm. 3-5) nor is the law the end as regards the highest code of conduct, as Christ is, (Rm. 10:4) who fulfilled the requirements of the law, yet in calling believers to follow Him, the N.T. makes abundant appeals to the righteousness of law, that hey may live out practically the holiness which is imputed positionally. (1Cor. 10:8; Gal. 5:16,25) One does not escape Hell and find justification before God and gain eternal life on the basis of his "works of righteousness", (Titus 3:5) but by confessing his inability to merit such, and unworthiness of it, and instead trusting Christ as Lord and Savior to save Him by His blood and righteousness, with a faith that results in overall following Christ. (1Cor. 6:9-11; Titus 2:11-14; Heb. 5:9) And there is far more to morally following Christ than just being a good Samaritan, and which i seek to also be.

However, you basically reject the authority of the Bible, even while you upon it to make fallacious charge of sin, self righteousness and Pharisaical attitudes, which have no substance but are simply your ideologically driven mud slinging, while you defend profane parodies of Him. but with your autocratic interpretive grid you cannot be wrong. Peacebyjesus 02:52, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, numbnuts, you are trapped in a meme and couldn't punch your way out of it if Madonna (take your pick which one) was waiting on the other side to blow you. Jesus had two commandments, love God with all your heart and Love your neighbor as yourself. All the rest is "fuck them over and I'll be left standing" semantics. Smoke some grass and write something funny. Jesus Christ, lighten up, caphice? Meme boy? Peacebypussy a few minutes later

The "authority" of the Bible? It was written by men, not by god directly. What is there to not understand? Here you are, using all of these ancient rituals and what other people said thousands of years ago as if it's something other than what it is - People saying stuff. No, I don't recognize the authority of what some king in the first century wants me to believe. I don't recognize all of your vaunted Old Testament rules and regulations written by men. I have a conscience and that's all the god I need to tell you that you're full of shit and all of this legalese BS isn't religion. This is boys club crap. You love the law which is why you're a Pharisee. The fact that you actually expend energy looking to the law for your answer as to whether or not you have to treat homosexuals as equals is telling enough. You will always find the answer you want to find and, as a result, you worship nothing but the monsters from your id.

".....while you upon it to make fallacious charge of sin, self righteousness and Pharisaical attitudes, which have no substance but are simply your ideologically driven mud slinging, while you defend profane parodies of Him. but with your autocratic interpretive grid you cannot be wrong."

WTF is that? So, you're not a Pharisee because you say so...If you cannot understand the meaning of the parable of the Good Samaritan, you are indeed a Pharisee. You love law, not love. Are you going to tell me that your love of Jesus brought you here? Your god is so tiny that he needs you to come in here and threaten me with eternal damnation? It's all about you, isn't it? If you can find a reason to discriminate against gays in the Bible then you can basically justify anything. That's your "autocratic interpretive grid"--    10:18, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

When I look at this animated gif I don't say to myself "who was the sick bastard who made this", I wonder aloud as to who was the "serious" person who made the homoerotic drawing/painting that has been comically taken to its latent extreme. I bet that the guy who drew this child with his head buried in Jesus' crotch is probably just like you. Overtly against sexuality while secretly a pervert in denial.--    11:43, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Biblical love " Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth" (1 Corinthians 13:6) which contrasts love with lawlessness an unholiness, and it is those who change the truth of God into a lie end up justifying homosexuality, etc. (Rom 1:25) Nor is grace to work a lower standard of holiness, rather it is given so that "That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:4) The apostle of love states, "Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law." (1Jn 3:4) " For this ye know, that no fornicator, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God."(Ephesians 5:5) "Say I these things as a man? or saith not the law the same also?" "...as also saith the law". (1Co 9:8; 14:34)

If you actually read the Bible as it is written you would see that that it is Jesus and the apostles who appeal to the moral law, and only uphold it, and also interpret Scripture by Scripture, and it is they who condemn you. Meanwhile, your specious use of the Bible to justify yourself is hypocritical as you reject its Divine authorship thru men, which position is necessary for you to justify yourself. Peacebyjesus 21:11, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

I see, so I MUST never have read the bible nor researched where all those infallible books came from. Basically, your position is that sex outside of marriage/procreation is sinful and that homosexuality is the ultimate form of fornication. I'm telling you that what I do with my penis is irrelevant to my standing with god and none of your books change that reality. You think that even joking about a gay Jesus is somehow immoral and worthy of eternal damnation. No matter what anyone tells you here, you are going to learn absolutely nothing from this exchange because it's already predestined to have you walking away thinking that you showed those sinners a thing or two. Frankly, the grossest sinning here has been done by you. You are the man who casts the first stone and as such will not be recognized by Jesus and thrown out of the wedding party for using the Bible to condone the hatred of others. You fixate on sexual sin like a pervert and have completely lost the knowledge of your intellectual sins against others.--    22:44, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

I MUST never have read the bible nor researched where all those infallible books came from This is plain misconstruane. What you should not do is invoke the Bible as the authority for your superior ethos when you blithely proceed to rejects its authority.

Basically, your position is that sex outside of marriage/procreation is sinful. Yes, you do have that correct. From Genesis to Revelation that is what it consistently says, thus you reject it.

...none of your books change that That is the problem. The rest of your response is more angry self-righteous sophistry, as one that is "wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason." (Prov. 26:16) Sorry you insist upon it being so, as i have tried to reason with you out of the Scriptures as far greater men have. (Acts 17:2) Peacebyjesus 00:51, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Hea! Don't argue with him! Argue with me instead! I demand my moneys worth dammit! Look you did not reply to this. Please do. Also... We will know when you are starting to question your truth because you begin to attack the users, and not what they say. As you are starting to now. MrN 01:09, Feb 24

OK, now that we've established just how tiny of a minority you are in the various Christian communities that exist in the world, tell me this. Of all the possible things you could be offended by in this world (and there's an awful lot), you have chosen to vent your displeasure at a humor page that makes jokes about an alleged Gay Jesus. Considering the fact that there are legions of people who are seriously advocating and presenting a Jesus that doesn't match your interpretation of those well researched manuals for perfect living, don't you find it silly that you're wasting time on a humor wiki over an article that isn't serious and doesn't actually promote that Jesus was ever gay? It looks to me like you have an inability to focus on what's important, which explains your extremely unpopular interpretation of the Bible. Perhaps you've fallen for the most addictive of sins: Cheap faith with zero consequences --    09:48, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

It is no waste of time to reprove "works of darkness" (Eph. 5:11), but when the object simply treats the Word of God as an unholy thing, and rips as it a fleshly beast to mean contrary to true Godliness - as you consistently react every time you are reproved you for your vile parody of Christ and rendering of what holiness and Biblical love entails - then a certain warning applies. (Mt. 7:6). It is this you have chosen, and its punishment, (Rev. 22:15) but may God yet grant you, if possible, repentance unto life. Amen.Peacebyjesus 21:27, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

I see, so despite all of the intentional misrepresentations of Christ's message (like you) in the world, this fictional humor page is worthy of rebuking by the lord almighty (you) because you have ordained it so. Thank you for playing, sin again.--    21:57, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Man. You can't just pull a single quote out of the bible. That proves nothing. How about I toss Genesis 19:8 at you? Oh, that proves that fornication is OK then. Clearly you are doing what you accused me of doing (even though I had not). You are picking one part of the bible and suggesting it's the single voice of the bible. Clearly it's not. The bible is confused about many things. However, I think we can agree that there are some common values which do speak from the bible in enough places that they are undeniable. One of those is that Jesus consistently showed total humility. Because of that I think he would not have been offended by this article. This article IS NOT FORNICATION. It is a joke about fornication. Again you fail to answer my simple question. What would Jesus have thought of this article? Do you seriously think Jesus would have been offended? If you think it's possible to offend Jesus then you sir are no Christian. MrN 22:26, Feb 24

As the Lord said to Peter in Mat 16:23 (and Mar 8:33 and Luk 4:8), "Get thee behind me, Satan". I think that passage is clear enough. Your filthy mind probably turns it in to something filthy, though. I bet you think passages like Isa 16:11 are really funny, don't you? Can't you see the depths of your own depravity? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:31, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

What I want to know is WTF Genesis 6:1-4 is all about. The Nephilim? No really. That's some fucked up shit about there. Course the rest of Genesis is all fine... Except for that bald drummer. What a tosser he was... MrN 23:45, Feb 24

Have you asked your Reverend about those? And take off those "glasses of unbelief". All passages that appear incoherent or morally troublesome only do so because you aren't bringing in the Christian Worldview when you read scripture. And heed the words of John 3:3 ("Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."). If you don't understand the bible that's because you are not born again (G_d will choose, indeed has already chosen, your time to be washed clean in the blood of the lamb, if He predestinated you for the Good Book's good ending. If He did not, you can boil in torment for your eternity of firey burning knowing that, somehow, it's still your fault anyway). In short, to truly believe, you have to already truly believe, so you should probably stop believing the wrong things before it's too late. I hope that clears things up. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:14, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I asked him about Phil Collins as you suggested, and he said "You know the song by Phil Collins, 'In the Air of the Night' about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning, but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him? That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning, Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call, I hope you know I ripped ALL of your pictures off the wall, I love you Modus, we coulda been together, think about it, You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it, And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it, I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me" ... Dude listens to far to much Eminem if you ask me. I asked him about the Nephilim and he said it was about a load of aliens who came down from space (can't be angels cos they don't marry, and can't be humans cos the offspring were giants), shagged a load of women and were then all murdered by God in the great flood. Except for this one dude who survived. Personally I assume that's where Phil Collins comes from actually, although I am still confused because Phil Collins was a short arse. MrN 00:35, Feb 25

I bought a Genesis album once. When I found out, much to my dismay, that it wasn't about what it said it was about, I took it right back, post haste. As for the rest of your comment, you need help. More than I can, humbly, provide. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:19, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Are you disputing that Phil Collins is/was not a little bit stumpy? Here is a detailed discussion on the issue. OK, Frank Sinatra was 5'6" and I would not call him "stumpy" (well, not to his face anyway) but I still think the general consensus suggests that Phil Collins was/is shorter than Sting. MrN 01:31, Feb 25

You sound like a Pentecostal. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:29, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Your responses continue to depend upon or display ignorance of the Bible.

You can't just pull a single quote out of the bible. That proves nothing. How about I toss Genesis 19:8 at you? Oh, that proves that fornication is OK then

I assure you that what i have stated dos not rest upon one text, and if i supposed you would actually contend that such things as fornication are not consistently condemned i could have posted far more. Sound exegesis systematically establishes doctrine, taking in the whole of Scripture, and interpreting it in the light of context, literary genres, linguistical aspects, and coventantal distinctions, where pertinent.

In so doing it is evident that all sexual relations with others outside the bond of marriage are revealed to be fornication, which is prohibited and condemned. (Gn. 34:1-4,13,31; 38:15,18,24; Lv. 19:29; 21:9; Dt. 22:13-30; Num. 25:1; Jdg. 8:33; 2Chrn. 21:11; Prov. 7:10-12; Hos. 1:2; Ezek. 6:9; 16:17,36; 20:7,18; 23:7; Mat. 5:32; 15:19; 19:9; Jn. 8:41; Acts 15:20; 15:29; 21:25; Rom. 1:29; 1Cor. 5:1,11; 6:9,13,18; 7:2; 2Cor. 6:16; 12:21; Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; 1Thes. 4:3; Heb. 12:16; 13:4; 1Pet. 4:3; Rev. 9:21, etc.)

As for textual evidence that fornication is sanctioned, the only possible texts are a couple historical narratives, which, like news reports today, by themselves do not establish a moral standard. In the case of Gn. 19:8, the context is quite clear, that of house under siege by men seeking men, in which Lot seeks to pacify them with virgin daughters. In the parallel story in Jdg. 19, the Levite does likewise with his concubine wife, and which they leave for dead after abusing her all the night. Lot resorting to this action under such pressure is akin to giving into rape at gunpoint, and do justifying fornication any more than circumstances as such as that may, even if Lot's motive was the preservation of the stranger.

The bible is confused about many things.

No, it is not the Bible which is confused, but as today, those who misunderstand context, etc., with the problem not being transmission, but reception, or those who suppose that peripheral areas in which the Bible has not provided clear light on indicates confusion.

If you think it's possible to offend Jesus then you sir are no Christian.

Rather, if you suppose Jesus is not offended by sin then you have "another Jesus" than that of the Bible.

Offend: 1. Cause to feel resentment or indignation 2. Act in disregard of laws, rules, contracts, or promises 3. Strike with disgust or revulsion

Mat 16:23 But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men. [saving, rather than sacrificing oneself for good]

Mar 9:42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea. [proceeds to warn of sins caused by hands, eyes...]

from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man. (Mark 7:21-23)

Mat 13:41 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; [those who break God's laws]

And if you think Jesus is not offended by you making a parody of Him as a "gay Jesus" and indulging in pederasty, then you are most perverse, and shall indeed have your part in the Lake of Fire! Peacebyjesus 21:23, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Excuse me sir, but since there were multiple Jesii with different opinions on that particular graphic and absolutely no storyline about Jesus having sex with children, your summary is invalid and unwarranted. There are Jesii upset with the article and criticizing the "Gay Jesus" story all the way through and you continue to act like you're reading a different article than everyone else. I know why you're doing that. You saw the words "Gay Jesus" and figured this would be a cakewalk, especially since you're some kind of (latent) "expert" on gayness and Christianity. Guess what sunshine, god has a sense of humor and you don't. Since the article promotes absolutely nothing and has several Jesii with several opinions, the idea that this is a "work of darkness" is unwarranted. The Bible has not been intentionally altered in this article for the sole purpose of spreading disinformation about Christianity and therefore is not something anyone cares about except you - the guy with the gay fetish.--    23:05, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Well, Peacebyjesus has not actually read this article. Obviously... MrN 23:59, Feb 26

The thing that really gets me is the turning of my personal offense at him and his un-Christian actions & viewpoints into some kind of personal anger at authority and God. The guy thinks he represents both apparently. I should simply walk away from the argument but I have too much time on my hands and his flesh tastes like candy I guess.--    00:33, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Ok... You can't just pull a single quote out of the bible. That proves nothing. How about I toss Genesis 19:8 at you? Oh, that proves that fornication is OK then It makes no difference how many quotes you provide me which suggest one perspective. Shall I provide you with other material which directly contradicts those quotes you gave me? Did you watch this it was provided for your reference at the end of this page. If you don't watch this video we will be unable to continue this discussion.

The bible is confused about many things.

Um, clearly it is. based on the multitude of contradicting stories. Let's pick 1. Please tell me how it's possible for David to have 700 wifes and 300 concubines if "Though shalt not commit adultery". Let's not get confused by looking at other specific examples (there are thousands of direct contradictions) all I ask is that you explain to me this 1 issue with David and his concubines contradicting one of the ten commandments. I agree it's possible to miss-understand some parts of the bible. I don't see how it's possible to miss-understand or take out of context this part. If that's not confusion, I don't know what is. Please explain how I have miss-understood or taken out of context this part of the bible? I agree that the weight of the bible leans in the direction that fornication is not allowed, however it is clear (and you have agreed) that there are some places where the bible is confused. As there is confusion it then comes down to the reader to make a judgement. The judgements of men are sometimes wrong.

If you think it's possible to offend Jesus then you sir are no Christian.

I agree that Jesus does not like sin. I think offended is the wrong word as I think it's not possible for a man to offend Jesus. Maybe Satan can offend Jesus, but I don't think a man can. However, I see no sin here in this article. Please tell me what sin is committed by this article. I'm asking you for specifics here. Exactly which sin?

Resentment or Indignation? I don't think it's possible for Jesus to feel those things about something a man has done. Do you? MrN 22:02, Feb 26

Peacebyjesus is right

You people make me sick. I can't start to begin to describe my disgust at even the memory of the thought of the sight of this page. Where do you people get your ideas? The gutter? I could not even make it past the title and I had to read that in stages, just to get through it. I assume that the text and pictures that follow are as, if not more so, squishy and gross as the title, which is both squishy and gross. Shame on you for making this page. Shame! Words are not a weapon of Satan the Deceiver, unless you let Satan, the Deceiver, in to your heart, displacing the Holy Spirit who should be dwelling there, guiding you and leading you to Him for Him by His will, rather than writing this...this...this filth. The Lord (yes, the Lord!) invented language so that you (yes, you!) could be His tool on this fallen Earth, and praise Him and His boundlessly bountiful bounty, not so that you could embarrass both Him and yourself by going all crass and blue and potty-mouth, like late night television and other things that I do not watch on the television.
I have little doubt that you people all come from broken homes. Catholic and Atheist homes, probably. You people probably spend your days, unemployed and swilling the burning chill of the liquor and shooting the marihuana into your veins, surrounded by popery and rebellion against G_d. It's all about the here and now with you people isn't it?
Don't let temptation lead you to perdition!
What's next for you people, jokes about number two? Oh, won't that be so-called "funny"! Let me tell you something; comedy is supposed to be about about things that don't offend people. You've offended all the good people of this Christian Nation of these United States. This page is not comedy.
You should spend less time here and more time absorbed in scripture. Come, let the light of the Lord wash over you. Let your darkened soul, blackened by your willful defiance, reflect His might and His will and His love! There is no path to the Father, except through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is also Him, His Father, but a different part that's the same but also not and the part is a whole of the three parts of Him, all of which are each the whole. Stare at the whole of Him and try to deny it. You can't. His whole is all that you need. Repent! You have nothing to lose but your sins. Get yourself right with the Lord before it's too late. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:06, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for your stand for righteousness. Great image (is it really copyrighted or you can you share it freely?). Peacebyjesus 15:15, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

I did not add it. One of the people here did. I'm against smoking (you know, body - temple and all). Still, it's probably the least pornographic picture on the entire site. I touched the mouse on the "random" button, and think I saw a nipple. Is there no depth to which these people won't sink? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 15:26, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, and they just steal images and put them here. I asked about it and got some falderal about "fair use". Sounds more like communism to me. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 17:23, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

Joy and gladness, forgiveness too
Life everlasting and free
All that I've longed for and all I need
It's all in the name of Jesus --    15:30, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

The Sound Of His Coming

And I can hear a sound from heaven
As a rushing mighty wind
As God pours His spirit out upon all men

Gay Jesus is just another sign of his coming brother. Rejoice!--    15:48, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

Dammit! That proves it! I was wrong all along... Rejoice brother! MrN 18:07, Feb 22

You people are still at it? Show some respect! If the common man won't stand up and defend our omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent Lord against the defilers of goodness and light, who will? His infinite love, justice and mercy do have limits, you know. You will regret your mockery when you stand in judgment before Him, beside Himself at His own right hand. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:54, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

You are truly the keeper of God's children, Modus. BTW, are we still on for KKK next week?--Matfen 19:02, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

And God took a rib from Uncyclopedia. And he saw that it was good... Amen MrN 19:08, Feb 22

I am but a simple tool. Of His will. And, no, I'm not "on for KKK". The Southern Baptist Convention apologized for not fighting hard enough to end slavery (and by extension racism and civil rights for whatever the coloreds are calling themselves today) way, way back in 1995. That era, thankfully, has passed. I don't have a singe racist bone in my whole body. Some of my friends are negroes. Heck, my gardener is Mexican! Or Panamanian? Hindu? One of those filthy countries. In any event, I can't understand a word he says and his lunch smells really bad.

Now the SBC is fighting for everyone's civil right to marry only people of the opposite sex, and this time, with the Lord's blessing, we will be victorious. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 19:26, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

And it was evangelicals who did not go along with the status quo who were among the leaders of the abolitionist movement, though slavery in the Bible was not that which was typically seen in 18,000's. Peacebyjesus 03:20, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Didn't Saint Paul predict that Jesus would come back to earth in the 18,000's? Party Like It's 17,999 a few minutes later

Maybe the WP page on slavery had 18,000 page views? Warp 5 Mr. Zulu. Peacebyjesus 06:16, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Which goes to show just how powerful the Lord is, that His grace can shine on even a Yankee's heart, like the great Evangelical Lutheran, Charles Hodge, and his treatise laying out the case for abolution, "The Bible Argument on Slavery". I'm sure that the South had many, too, but their names escape me at the moment.

My son asked me once, "If God is the objective, absolute and unchanging standard and foundation for morality and in one Testament He decreed that Man should take and keep slaves, then isn't slavery good even today?". I told him that the Lord's plan is ineffable, and to thank Him and His wisdom every day for the infallible guidance of the Holy Spirit that dwells within him, so that he would not make the same mistakes that so-called "Christians" did these many years ago.

Shortly after that, we went on a family road trip to California in support of Prop 8. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:54, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, there is not contradiction, as the unlike basic moral laws, which are transcendent, and not culture dependent, the institution of slavery was not a moral imperative, but is part of the cultural applied laws, dealing with a universal practice in the ANE, that was an integral part of economy, and which the Bible ameliorated, while making it dispensable when the culture permitted. Good study o nthat here. [1] As it was, the O.T. forbade returning of escaped slaves, and foreigners could even own Hebrew slaves, while requiring kindness be shown to the poor and the stranger, and its laws can easily be seen to be saving more lives from being lost due to immorality than ours do, while preventing long term debt. War however, war also prevalent back then. Peacebyjesus 06:16, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

That sounds an awful lot like cultural relativism to me. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 06:41, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

While there certainly are culturally adapted laws (ox goring, roofs on fences, etc.), this is not like cultural relativism in which there are no moral absolutes, and as a more liberal criteria for divorce was allowed than under Christ, due to the recalcitrant nature of Israel, laws regulating slavery culturally implemented moral laws (as against murder), but which worked toward a higher standard which the fullness of revelation would revealed. The N.T. provides a greater degree of amelioration of slavery, while recommending slaves gain freedom, and with Paul requiring an escaped slave be taken back no longer as a slave, but a brother beloved in the Lord. Peacebyjesus 21:43, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

"Right for them. Wrong for us." or "Wrong for them. Right for us" are pretty much the definition of cultural relavitism. If slavery is absolutely wrong, then your tale has Him telling His Chosen to do wrong. Whether Israel was "recalcitrant" or not is moot, because Man isn't in charge. G_d is. Man follows the standard which the Lord has set by word, by deed, by His guidance in one's heart and by His very existence. Calvinism aside, men can choose to follow or not (whether, in the end, they are counted among the Elect or not is another matter entirely), but He is the CEO and His son, who is also Him, is the Chairman of Universe Inc. That's what my pastor said. Then we set out our covered dishes; casseroles, salads and the like. We normally bring coleslaw to the picnics. The wife makes the best coleslaw. Some disagree. They probably think that it is okay for there to be raisins in coleslaw. They probably believe that it is just fine to substitute coleslaw for, say, a jell-o dish with grapes and shredded carrots floating in it. I hope my point is clear. "Frankly," I replied, "I don't know what to believe anymore, except to put my faith in His infinite and just hands." 'Glass darkly' and all... Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:46, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Modusoperting or whomever you pretend to be today, you and peacebyjesus are like a tag team match, spouting sermons in the guise of "arguing" with each other. Modus has been a thorn in the side of uncyclopedia for a long time, blocking what he thinks are obscene pictures and articles, trying to stop Gay Jesus when it was created and ever since (you finally have a partner in censorship I see). Both of you are the kind who would stop the rest of us from putting roofs on fences. You are both gay, and I hope you are happy with each other's bedroom set and curtain selection, good day sirs. Peacebypussy 00:29 24 2 2MX

Is it my fault that this site, a coven of militant Atheists, Socialists, Moslem apologists and liberal so-called "Christians", requires the Righteous to rise up and fight the rising tide of garbage and filth that infests it, lest it rise too far and overflow, corrupting the very souls of our youth far and wide? "WWW" is not "the worldwideweb", it's "The Wordwideweb".

If this wrestling match teaches you nothing, at least let it teach you that you cannot win. The manager in our corner is stronger than the one in yours. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:30, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Will continue slavery discussion on your page later. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Peacebyjesus (talk • contribs)

I'd keep it here, if I were you. Talkpages are for conversations about ponies and sunshine. That's my experience, anyway. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:36, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Whoa!! How had I not come to kill this too serious arguement yet?! —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 00:44, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

Please, not here Modusoperandi. We all know Pelargonium is one of your many sockpuppets, the one that always tries to cause a flame war. The use of the word 'kill' and misspelling of the word "Whoaaaa!!" gave it away. We are all fine with your religious rantings, we are used to that, but please, not your sockpuppets too! Peacebypussy 11:27 25 2 2MX

Don't blame me. The internets are full of crazies, here especially. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:57, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Law vs Love

Look at how many times this man invokes the law! Look at how many times he uses the word "law". Where is the love? It's only through the attractive powers of our gay savior that this poor man has come to us - unknowingly seeking our help. God indeed works in mysterious ways. I think it's time for another song.

Let's all pray for brother peacebyjesus and hopes he finds love in the world instead of law. Let's us pray that he is finally touched by the gay savior and forever changed. Then may he be able to remove the yoke of the law and entertain himself without fear of retribution. Amen.--    10:52, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hang On!

Is there a game on Conservapedia called Uncycatroll? Do do hope so. Seriously. MrN 11:55, Feb 23

Peacebyjesus is correct

And his correctness is super hot. PM me if you're interested in allowing me to gently insert my erect penis into your gaping asshole. -OptyC Sucks! CUN01:02, 24 Feb

Meh. You're just saying that. It's a sad day when heterosexual men turn gay just cos they want to bum some ranting Christian fundamentalist. You see what you did Peacebyjesus! You turned a straight man homosexual with rage! MrN 01:17, Feb 24

150,000 People Will Die Today

150,000 People
Will Die Today

The counter to the side is ticking off the number of people who have died since you opened this webpage. The vast majority of those people are entering Hell. Christ commanded his followers to share the Gospel with those who are perishing... who have you shared with today?

From Peacebyjesus' web page. The difference between this guy and David Koresh is that Koresh had a ministry and this guy has a webpage. He actually does have a proper counter for tallying up the hellbound souls unlike my intentional joke submission.--    10:29, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Naturally, it didn't take long to find something that contradicted the above

"Conversely, in the true light of the Biblical Gospel of CHRIST, it would wrong for a true Bible-believing Christian to practice physical violence or coercion in bringing souls to yield to their Lord and Saviour, JESUS CHRIST, or to defend the faith." http://peacebyjesus.witnesstoday.org/JESUS.Vs.Muhammad.html

Kind of funny because his alleged adherence to the Bible is not unlike the Islamic extremist's attitude. --    10:39, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Ah come on. Everyone knows they copied both of em from the Egyptian book of the dead. Still, I note that no one is answering my question. If Phil Collins is from Genesis how come Peter Gabriel is only slightly taller than him? It's a God good dam question, you don't need to be devil evil to answer it. MrN 12:12, Feb 25

I think that Peter's swollen head made him bigger than Phil Collins. Then Phil turned around and became bigger that Pete but his head stayed the same size. Phil is currently looking to screw up another relationship so that he'll have source material for a new album.--    14:15, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

I have a complicated theological question

You don't believe in Jesus? Hellfire for you!

Being Jewish I completely reject that idea of Jesus and your whole bollocks religion. I mean, seriously, Catholicism? That sounds more like a medical condition than a religion. In that case, am I allowed to argue that Jesus is gay? ~ 12:23, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

There is certainly more evidence that proves Jesus was gay than there is evidence that proves Jesus ever existed. --EMC ^[TALK] 12:27 Feb 25 2010

That's not answering my question but you've opened an interesting can of worms - are you saying that Jesus was a gay non entity? ~ 12:55, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not sure that I'm understanding your post under this subheader. Are you asking if you can still argue that Jesus is gay if you completely reject Jesus and Christianity, or do you mean to say that Catholicism is a medical condition like homosexuality? On the latter, I'm not sure what bearing, if any, these two being medical conditions would have on one's ability to argue that Jesus is/was gay. On the former, if Jesus existed, he was clearly gay. The gayness of Jesus, whether he was simply a myth plagiarized from other mythologies, or whether he was a living figure whose biographers simply couldn't agree on anything, is indisputable, even by the infatuated disciples themselves. The gayness was there, but was the Jesus? --EMC ^[TALK] 14:23 Feb 25 2010

A potentially daft non-theological question

Is modus serious or not? parts of it were so insane i was convinced it was a joke, but other bits it seemed like he was actually upset by gay jesus. --DougalthePanda 13:23, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Modus, you forget easily. Last July the Sockpuppets Board Of Supervisors proved that DougalthePanda was your sockpuppet as well. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on Jesus I suppose? Peacebypussy 13:34 25 2 2MX

i resent that. i was just curious...--DougalthePanda 13:44, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

You resent and are curious? Curiousity is a sin, it is the sin of questioning faith and the hand that god has dealt you. As for the other, I call John 15:25. Yes, I call John 15:25 on you. All in. Peacedbyplussy 14:10 that day

Christians have better PR

How come nobody is freaking out like it's Y2K about Muhhamed(or however the fuck you spell that this week), Jehova, Buddha, etc etc etc? GOOD PR, that's what. Christians have all the best stories! We're going to be zapped up to a lawnchair in the sky and watch all you heathens take the mark of the beast and be stung eternally by giant mosquito with the face of Regis Philbin. Haw Haw!--    15:14, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Buddha never wrote anything which got close to being as entertaining as the book of revelations. MrN 16:16, Feb 25

Which Buddha? --EMC ^[TALK] 17:06 Feb 25 2010

Siddhārtha Gautama? You know... The one who based his teachings on the sensible parts of the Vedas. Same as Jesus did. Obviously. MrN 17:15, Feb 25

Oh My God! Betty Bowers makes videos now?

Now, here's an authority on traditional marriage.--    17:54, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Jesus Fucks Up, is Born Too Early

Peacethroughstrenth or whatever your name is, how do you explain this? Does me posting this blasphamy series of computer code and electronic bits qualify me to go to Hell or whatever curse-power you think you have? Don't you realize that by sticking so closely to doctrinal gobbalygook that you've become the same kind of person Jesus came to Earth to contest and defeat? And how about the video just above, about the bible's view of marriage, people have asked you to comment on the points that Betty Bowers makes and you haven't done so yet. Very telling. Peacebypussy 20:44 27 2 2MX

He thinks he is better than us so there is no need to comment about the things he does not want to. I would be interested to know if he considers Raptor Jesus (or our other articles about Jesus) to be offensive. Although he did not even read Gay Jesus so I doubt he will read this. Basically the situation is that our friend has created a website and UN:N about it, so he's come here to try and drum up some business for it. The interesting thing is that a good few users here have actually looked at his site, but he has still not even bothered to actually read the article he is making so much fuss about. The mind is like a parachute. It works better when open. Our friend would do well to realise that. MrN 21:23, Feb 27

We don't think we're better than you. It's you pointy-headed liberals who think you're better than us, the heartland of America's backbone. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:32, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

We submit to your superiority if you happen to be a properly BBQ'd plate of baby back ribs.--    22:37, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

BBQ?! That's the Devil's cooking! Meat should be boiled, to remove excess flavor and nutrients. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:48, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Look! A threat to traditional marriage! I suppose it's OK as long as two male dogs don't get married - that would be blasphemous.--    22:57, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Goddammit! Why do I always get to these things so late?!?

I'm vehemently against gay sex and to prove that point I shall now post this picture of two guys kissing.--    14:35, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Please, next time shit is going down, someone please contact me so I can jump right into the aforementioned shit. »» Back ² Tha Hood»» 14:04,3March,2010

You must have heard about the BBQ'd plate of baby back ribs. Well, you are tool late, they are all gone. MrN 14:08, Mar 3

If everyone had responded to my lapel button reading "Ask me about our lord Mr. Wobble, the furnisher of our universe!!", your heart will have sang to this very page of blasphemy. Everyone is wrong. --nldr 14:12, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

I guess I'll just leave this as my only comment on the subject.

And fuck you Nachalader for edit conflicting me. »» Back ² Tha Hood»» 14:18,3March,2010

np, chedderer. --nldr 14:23, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Holy fuck, do these perverts have to put a huge picture of two guys kissing on this "Christian" anti-gayness page? Fucking latent freaks!--    14:25, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Decency forces me to censor the vile tongues of these lesbians--    14:39, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

A good port of call, my brother. I am against the theory of the big bang, which is my opinion actually a big flop!!!!!! lol! Here is picture of proof, that I'm against it. --nldr 14:46, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Why doesn't any guy ever want to kiss me like that? Peacebyjesus, how about you. Come on, Pucker up.

I don't have a picture to post :'( »» Back ² Tha Hood»» 16:47,3March,2010

This page, if anything, makes me even sicker than I was before. When it made me sick. Here's a good, wholesome picture to cleanse your soul. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:12, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Found a great one. »» Back ² Tha Hood»» 19:14,3March,2010

And now for the real Jesus, who has returned to us, and forgives us for all the beef

gay and paedophile are different though, don't you think so?

It is not nice to twist there two subjects. One may want to creat paedophile Jesus page. And zoophile Jee and so on. Gay and child-molester are different, it is advisable to take that picture off of this particular page...

Being gay and being a pedophile are different, yes, but the idea to make MORE fucking Jesus spin offs is a terrible idea. We used to have way more Jesus articles, and they were all pretty much total dog shit. "Pedophile Jesus" may be the worst idea I've heard all week. Might as well remove the pedophilia references from this page, no? I'd do it but I'm the worst. You do it. Come on. It shouldn't take too much time out of your life. I can't imagine it doing so. --Roman Dog Bird 20:58, January 5, 2012 (UTC)