Doctor Yamak

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Doctor Aztayev Yamak
Doctor Aztayev Yamak
Personal info
Nationality Kazakh
Date of birth July 20, 1981
Place of birth Baikonur Cosmodrome
Date of death
Place of death
First Lady Anna Yamak, Jr.
Political career
Order 2nd Minister of Sciences and Prescription Narcotics
Vice President n/a
Prime Minister n/a
Term of office 1993 – 2005, 2007–2009
Preceded by Tyuratam the Horse
Succeeded by None, Incumbent
Political party Minority Oppression Party
Penis nickname n/a
People have accused him of being a despot, who oppresses liberties and punishes independence. Those who spread such rumors have been -and will continue to be- executed for their actions.

Kazakh Media Authority on Doctor Yamak

Doctor Aztayev Shentik Bihron Urazanov bin Mohamet Al-Baikonur Yamak, BA (Kazakh: Docтor Нұрсұлтан лтан зарбаі а Әбішұлы зарба а Назарбаев) has served as Kazakhstan's 2nd Minister of Sciences and Prescription Narcotics since 1993 (except for a small hiatus).

Personal life[edit | edit source]

Doctor Yamak was born in Baikonur, Kazakhstan on July 20, 1981- a date celebrated nationally as the Feast of Shurik. His father, Uraz Yamak, served thirty-three years as a member of the Hebrew Detection Council, and was awarded a medal in 1978 for his fiftieth capture. His mother, Anna Dzaizakovich, was bequeathed to Uraz shortly after he received the award. They raised their children, Aztayev and Anna, in Almaty. To give Aztayev the opportunity to improve his medical career, his parents enrolled him in school at the age of 11. It is a little-known fact that Doctor is not a title, but Aztayev Yamak's legal first name.

In 1994, Yamak married his sister Anna Yamak, Jr. in a large ceremony at the Temple of the Hawk in Almaty. After several years of attempting to conceive, Anna gave birth to triplets whom they named Nurlan, Nurtas (both conjoined) and Akezhan.

When the children were 4 years old, Nurtas was surgically removed from his brother and kidnapped by the Ker gypsy clan. Rather than negotiate, Yamak ordered an airstrike on their cart, killing Nurtas and his gypsy captors. In a later interview, Yamak said "I am not ashamed by my actions at the Battle of the Gypsy Cart, maybe this will teach them how to behave around respectable Kazakhs."

Career[edit | edit source]

Yamak's first act as Science Minister was to release a report detailing the extreme differences in brain size between men and women. According to his report, women have brains "almost equal in size to the droppings of a rabbit" while men "have a brain with a 73 centimetre diameter. The man's brain is large, strong, and able to drown small children if tied to their feet". Kazakh reporter Borat Sagdiyev erroneously quotes this report in his 2006 educational film.

Some of Yamak's lesser known accomplishments include:

  • Advocating the physical and psychological benefits of sexual harassment in the workplace.
  • Creating new laws preventing Jews from receiving vaccines in Kazakh clinics.
  • Disproving the existence of several diseases.
  • Legalizing the use of pesticides near schools and children's hospitals
  • Increasing funding for tooth-brain therapy in hospitals throughout Kazakhstan.
  • Proving the Jewish race's culpability in the extinction of dinosaurs

On April 2nd, 2009, Yamak was awarded an honorary BA in Music from Almaty University to showcase the release of his debut album: Смерть, насилие, убийство (Smert', nasiliye, mysyq), a collection of Kazakh folk songs performed on the recorder.

News of his Death and Return to Power[edit | edit source]

On January 14, 2005, at the age of 23, Aztayev Yamak was reported to have died. Upon hearing the news, President-for-life Nursultan Nazarbayev declared a state of emergency, ordering all Jews, Gypsies, and Uzbeks to be imprisoned, blaming them for Yamak's death. Yamak was temporarily replaced by Kamat Tazhin, an Uzbek Nurse kidnapped while on a foreign aid mission. Later that year, Yamak was found wandering aimlessly around Tokyo by a Kazakh tourist. After a trip to the local embassy, he and the tourist returned to Kazakhstan.

Celebration in honour of Yamak's reappointment

On March 5, 2007, Dr. Aztayev Yamak was reappointed as Minister of Sciences and Prescription Narcotics. Kamat Tazhin, his Uzbek substitute, was executed according to Kazakh tradition.

In June 2010, Yamak will have the choice to step down, or challenge other candidates to fight to the death. Yamak told a reporter that, "I know, being the age I am, that I am entering the final years of my life. The liquid mercury injections I approved during my time on the Council of Alchemy have undoubtedly played a part in allowing me to live so long. However, I want to embrace what else life has to offer, and will most likely step down when it is my time to leave." Political commentators noted that Yamak's exit from politics would be, with the exception of the 2003 Tulyakev Reforms, the largest step forward for the liberty of the Kazakh people.

Preceded by:
None, award created
Succeeded by:
None, Incumbent
Kazakh Science Annual Achievement Award