Dr. Fredrick 'Colgate' Rabbit (born April 1st 1966) is an American doctor impersonator. The good doctor's method of posing as a doctor is an elaborate means of approaching children. His attitude of 'saving' the children from threats such as tooth decay are similar to other celebrities. He has on some occasions stood trial for accusations made against him, but has managed to evade imprisonment.
Origin[edit | edit source]
Some say that he was created by Dr. Robotnik, in the same way he created King Dedede, which is still known to be a topic of debate. Others think he was just born an anthropomorphic rabbit with desire for the taste of children flesh, others say his mother got raped by a giant purple rabbit, but one thing for sure is he is downright the nastiest of all rabbits out there. According to reports from Mama Luigi, he was shat out by Walrusguy's cousin during his kidnapping by Deepercutt, after eating an AIDS-infected Cornish Game Hen. This report is the most commonly beleived one, as Walrusguy's cousin had died of AIDS two weeks after escaping from Deepercutt. Also, various reports in the area claimed that a purple baby rabbit was raping their kids, pets, and Mexican lawn workers using a toothbrush.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Dr Rabbit was raised by Josef Stalin, RandomDCE, Gwonam, Wallace Breen, and Madonna in a Canadian research facility called "Colgate", after being captured by the National Guard during the so-called "Rabbit Incident". He enjoyed and in fact subsisted primarily on the consumption of toothpaste, often up to 26 tubes a day. The scientists also found that his semen could cure ovarian cancer, possibly an affect of his relation to Walrusguy, who is known to possess magical powers (such as making funny original content even though he's a Youtube Pooper). After his escape(which may never be discussed), he posed as a pediatrist, a cover which he used to create a sex tape called "Dr. Rabbit's World Tour." The content of said tape was so graphic and horrifying that viewers were known to suffer post-traumatic nightmares, AIDS, and visions of an extremely disturbing nature. Both Walrusguy and Deepercutt, however, recognized this as the rabbit that raped Deepercutt's neighbors and was shat out by Walrusguy's late cousin. They and many others decided to sit down in front of Sony Vegas and make poops from the video. Of course, then the poopers had to get their grandmas to clean it all up, leading to The Great Grandma War. Soon enough, the owners of "Colgate" declared war on the Poopers and the evolution of Dr. Rabbit as an emblem of the fight between Poopers and copyright began in earnest.
Failures[edit | edit source]
Dr. Rabbit's time posing as a peadiatric dentist was generally considered to be a high point in his life, despite his many failures to help or even not damage his young patients. Few children survived his vicious and brutal "dentistry," the exact nature of which is unknown (there are many theories as to what went on in that dentist's office; but hard evidence for any of them). All that is known about his tortures is the stories of a few children who were blasted into orbit; their tender, innocent young bodies rent to pieces by the merciless vacuum of space.
When posing as a doctor, he didn't save many lives. In fact, all of his patients died on contact. He was fired and then he became a children's pediatrist. During his time as a doctor, he began to hunger for children. Some think that he is a serial killer, but he says different. However, he failed at doing that as well even though he killed efficiently. He was fired because he did a messy job. That didn't stop him, though. Still posing as a dentist, he began to lure children to him, doing things to them like taking them on more world tours and blasting off into space (to get some martian ass, of course). Although he may have failed as a doctor in most places he did, however, successfully create a dentist's office in Iran for 1 1/2 years. In 2004, it was destroyed by Chris Chan, but rebuilt by Youchewpoop, but then sold to Moot. It is currently controlled and operated by 4chan.
Colgate, Communism, Copyright, and other Crap[edit | edit source]
These 4 C's were the motto of Colgate after the Youtube Poop situation. Colgate was ashamed after Dr. Rabbit's creation, and felt it was in their hands to destroy what they created. Colgate sent it's ninja robots to search for and kill every one of Dr. Rabbit's poops (clones shat out by youtube poopers), using the power of DMCA (Da Magical Copyright Armadillo). The armadillo alone destroyed over 9000 of Dr. Rabbit's poop-clones, wreaking minimal havoc along the way. The armadillo, however, was blind in one eye, had double vision, AIDS, Down Syndrome, schizophrenia, ebola, and AIDS(mentioned twice because of a rare condition known as double-AIDS), and so died relatively young. Soon, Dr. Rabbit and his poop army prospered once more. His army has been estimated to have over 9000 penises, and they're all raping children. However, Oprah is not a reliable source. For all we know, Dr. Rabbit may still be at large, although his location, current alias(es), and status are as of yet unknown. Dr. Rabbit's weaknesses are few yet varied and include the following:
Michael Jackson's glove
Huge fucking minigun
A really loud laser
Morshu's Lamp Oil, Rope, and Bombs
Dr. Arschebaum + Dr. Asclepius + Dr. Demento + Dr. Doom + Dr. Dre + Dr. Duke + Dr. Eggman + Dr. Eminent + Dr. Evil + Dr. Feelgood + Dr. Fox + Dr. Holliday + Dr. House + Dr. Kellogg + Dr. Koop + Dr. Lecter + Dr. Loo + Dr. Malcom + Dr. Manplayer + Dr. McCoy + Dr. No + Dr. Oz + Dr. Pepper + Dr. Phil + Dr. Rabbit + Dr. Ruth + Dr. Salk + Dr. Salvador + Dr. Sbaitso + Dr. Seuss + Dr. Stone + Dr. Strangelove + Dr. Shatterjaw + Dr. Who + Dr. Whoopass + Dr. Wily + Dr. Wussow + Dr. Worthington + Dr. X + Dr. Xing + Dr. Yamak + Dr. Zhivago + Dr. Zoidberg