Cheeselen
- For the officially recognized U.S. state, see Wisconsin.
Cheeselen Cheese Cheese Cheeselene Cheese Ches'ln | |||||
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| Motto: "Bow to the Cheese!" | |||||
| Anthem: Bow to the Cheese | |||||
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| Capital & Largest City | Green Bay | ||||
| Official language(s) | English | ||||
| Government | Free Cheese Market | ||||
| Cmndr in Cheese | Brett Favre: 2006-2008 Mike McCarthy: 2008- | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Brett Favre All of the Green Bay Packers | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | 15th, June 2006 | ||||
| Currency | Cheese | ||||
| Religion | Packerism (84%) Christianity (11%) Satanism (5%) | ||||
| State Sandwich | Cheese | ||||
| State Flower | One made of cheese? | ||||
| State Cheese | All of them | ||||
Cheeselen is a sovereign state near The United States of America. It was formed during the Cold War when large parts of Wisconsin broke away to form a separate state. On June 15, the northern peninsula of Michigan was annexed into the country due to Mike McCarthy demanding unreasonable land seizures. As of 2013, it remains unrecognized by the U.S. government.
Politics and Climate[edit | edit source]
Political History[edit | edit source]
Initially, the capital of Wisconsin, Madison remained at the head of the government. However, 5 days later, fans/soldiers of the Cheeselen guerrilla army realized that their city should be the capital. They stormed Madison, burning down every building, and built a 255-foot tall statue of Brett Favre. In the following weeks, they built a new Capitol building in Green Bay. Upon the annexation of Northern Michigan, the newly elected Commander in Cheese, Mike McCarthy, formed the Judicial Capitol of Marquette. The decision was based on the facts that they hadn't formed a judicial branch yet, electing to just shoot any law breakers, and in order to show acceptance of the new regions.
Climate[edit | edit source]
Like most other godforsaken places in the Midwest, Wisconsin has four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Road Construction. The record low for the region is -45°, and record high is 69°.
- For more climate information, see Climate in Wisconsin.
Geography[edit | edit source]
All the maps of the area were lost when the Packerists burned down Madison in 2006. Due to the fact that the entire region is under a thick layer of snow from August through May, scientists have been unable to determine the exact geography of the area. They theorize that the landmass that sticks into the Great Lakes is in the shape of the profile of Brett Favre's head.
Government and Economy[edit | edit source]
The executive and legislative capital of Cheeselen is Green Bay and the judicial capital is located in Marquette. Its Governor-for-life(-at-least-until-the-Packers-get-a-new-head-coach) is currently Mike McCarthy. Everyone representing Cheeselen in congress are on the Green Bay Packers. Its economy is mostly capitalism, with the exception of the Brett Favre Statue and surrounding areas, which are under a communist dictatorship.
Primary exports include: cheese, beer, cheese, cows, cheese, flour, cheese, milk, cheese, reasons for normal (non-cheese headed) people to hate the Packers, cheese, cheesium, cheese, cheese, and cheese. What do you expect from a place that's so obsessed with cheese? Primary imports include: hatred, the stuff used to make cheese-hats, and supplies to mine the cheesium.
Major Cities[edit | edit source]
- Green Bay, pop. 306,240
- Milwaukee, pop. 594,833
- Eau Claire, pop. 61,000
- Area Surrounding Brett Farve Memorial (New Madison), pop. 51,000
- Marquette, pop. 32,000
- Brett Farve Memorial, pop. 0
Religion[edit | edit source]
The most common religion in Cheeselen is Packerism, worshiping the Packers as a god. At least 84% of Cheeselenites are Packerist.
Evolution of Packerism[edit | edit source]
In 1919, when the Packers were created, people were crazy about them. By 1924, Packerism had become very common, with 17% of Wisconsinites being Packerist. The first packerist church opened in 1930. It was so popular, that another one had to be built next door in 1931. When the Packers won the first Super Bowl, the Packerists went wild, resulting in 35 deaths in Wisconsin alone.
Packerism beliefs[edit | edit source]
The motto of Packerism is "Jesus was a Packerist, you should be too". Packerism, unlike Christianity, has three Satans: Ronday Motzzs, Dawntay Cowlpippor, and Aydree-unn Pederzohnn.
Sins and Corresponding Punishments[edit | edit source]
The greatest sin in Packerism is cheering for the Minnesota Vikings. The punishment for this sin is being slowly tortured to death. The second greatest sin is wearing the colors purple and gold at the same time. If you are found guilty of that, you will be tied up and a crowd of people will gather and throw green and gold footballs filled with lead at you until you die. Other sins include: not watching a Packers game, wearing the color purple, saying something bad about the Packers, and failure to bow towards Green Bay 5 times per day. Committing those sins result in instant death from an unknown source. Another sin is not wearing green or gold during a Packers game. The punishment for this is less severe. You just get a lifetime of prison.
Brett Farve Memorial[edit | edit source]
When Madison was burned down, construction on a monument to Brett Farve, who (according to Packerism) is the son of god, immediately began. The statue is exactly 255 feet, 4.4873928 inches tall, ( the Packerists are very precise about it). All Packerists must know everything about the statue, including the construction time down to the last second, which is 1 year, 268 days, 4 hours, 48 minutes, and 14 seconds. It is surrounded by an invisible force-field that disintegrates any thing that touches it and teleports the ashes to a random location over Cheeselen. Brett Favre plans to be buried in a tomb between the force-field and the statue. When he passes away, the force-field will be de-activated just long enough to position him and his tomb. The area around the statue (new Madison) is a dictatorship. Despite that, many people choose to live there anyway because being near the statue makes them feel closer to God.
Miscellaneous[edit | edit source]
- Cheeselen is the world’s largest supplier of Cheesium.
- Cheeselen is tied with France for most cheese consumed per capita.
- Cmdr. in Cheese Mike McCarthy suggested to annex most of Iowa, seizing their corn supply but may cause war. The plan was cancelled.