Big Sister
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This article is insane. The article submitter may need psychotherapy, and as such, this article should be taken as gospel. You can help Uncyclopedia by restraining the article in a rubber room. |
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+Hi$ U$eR $PE4Ks 1N 1337. |
“She's your older (IAM AWESOME!!!!) sibling.”
“Well, she kind of might be, or not be, something or someone at somewhere??/Anywhere??”
“I fucked her last night.”
From the day you were born, you always looked up to her. She's kind, gorgeous, friendly, and was always cheering you up when you were beaten up in school. Yeah, you remember, right? Those good ol' days...... Why, when it was your birthday, she even bought you a Power-Ranger play-set! AND she played with you with the play-set until it was past bed-time.....and when you woke up, you were in your bed, all sweetly tucked in. As you woke up, you said, "I love you, Sister...." With a smile.
FIVE YEARS LATER[edit | edit source]
You turned 10, graduated Elementary School, and you and your Big sister was given separate rooms. Although still in a good relationship with your big sister, you became a basement dweller/4channer/Uncyclopedian/noob/the school's biggest loser, and your sister became the school's most popular girl.
She's too intelligent......[edit | edit source]
You start to deeply want to be like her be better than her (EVEN THOUGH SHE'S YOUR FREAKIN' SISTER), because
1) She's NOT your only female contact (Besides Runescape and Second Life)
2) She's the ONLY human being that knows everything about everything (NO, 4CHAN DOES NOT COUNT, and it's not even a person)
3) She's FREAKIN' PSYCHIC /\/\04r /\/\0a4r /\/\04R!!!!!(NOT ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU BABY)
I can't resist........[edit | edit source]
While your sister is taking a shower, you grab a camera, SLOWLY open the shower curtain just a little bit, and SNAP........
You then upload pictures of your Big sister to 4chan in your gross basement, waiting for fellow 4channers to fap with you to your SISTER........
/s/ - Sexy Beautiful Women[edit | edit source]
(YOU) 07/30/10(Fri)05:23 No.1015N8673 SHIT SHIT SHIT STHT!!!11!!!!1!DUDES YOU R GONA LOVE THESE PICTUREES THERE SERIOUSLY HOWTTAKE A LOOK GUYSD ^_^ Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:25 No.10159632 HOLLY SHTHOLE THAT'S (your big sister's name here)!!!!!111!! TEH SCHOOL'S HOTTEST WHORE!!!!11! (YOU) 07/30/10(Fri)09:32 No.1015N8673 YOU FUKKKINGn00b she's my sistr!!11! Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:30 No.10159647 FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFPAPFAPPFAPFPAPFAPFAPPFAPFAPAP Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:30 No.101596234 fap fap Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:30 No.101595674 FAP Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:30 No.10259658 moar!!! moar!!! Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:31 No.10159649 DUDE YOUR SOLUCKY TO HAVE (Sister's name here) AS YOUR SISTER....... MOAR Anonymous 07/30/10(Fri)09:31 No.10159324 Hey, whthappend to her virginty
0|-| y34|-|, \/\/|-|/-\+ |-|4pp3n3d +0 |-|3r \/3rg1n1+y??[edit | edit source]
Your big sister, which was the school's most popular girl, eventually became the school's biggest slut by 10th grade. OF COURSE She started smoking weed, cigars, and popped her cherry before you lost your virginity, because YOU were too busy fappin' to deviantART. HA-HA
\/\/|-|@+???!1???? Y0U |-|/-\\/E T0 B3 K1DD1NG M3!!!11!!!1[edit | edit source]
NO. I ain't kidding you, you disgusting 4channer. She DID do it before you, and there's nothing you can do about it. HA-HA
\/\/|-|@+ |-|@pp3n3d +0 |-|3r r31@+10ns|-|1p?[edit | edit source]
Her first relationship was the only good one. She had some fun, yeah, but it only lasted her for a month. Falling in a deep depression from a broken heart, she started searching for a "Boyfriend" to ease and soothe her soul. But this was her WRONG move. She started liking boys that will hug her and kiss her easily. She thought this was love. BUT SHE WAS WRONG. It was only that the scumbag "boyfriends" wanted to bang her ASAP. And that's happening right now.... IN HER ROOM!!!
\/\/|-|@+ d0 y0u m34n???[edit | edit source]
SHE'S GETTING BANGED BY THAT SCUMBAG!!!! In her room!!! Now!! GO SAVE HER YOU DUMB NOOB!!!
0|-| $|-|1+ $|-|3'$ g3++1ng r4p3d!!!??/1/1/? Dude 1 |-|@\/3 +0 +4p3 +|-|4+ 4nd $|-|0\/\/ 1+ +0 /\/\y fr13nd$ 4+ 4c|-|4n!!!!11!!!11!!!1[edit | edit source]
You ARE hopeless..... Go die a virgin
Your big sister graduates High school[edit | edit source]
Your sister, after lots of bangign' and bangd' (and no studying), graduates high school with a G.P.A. of 0.00. She really just bribed the school's Principal with sexual intercourse to be a high school graduate. She was slowly becoming what people call a BITCH, because she can't do shit, she was slutty, and did anything to do nothing.
The Summer Bitch Festival and your big sister[edit | edit source]
After graduating High school, your big sister goes to the Summer Bitch Festival. Here's a list of why.
1) She was proud of being a bitch.
2) Her friends called her a bitch (not in a jokingly way).
3) She thought boys were into bitches (She read this on Facebook, Twitter and MySpace, so she thought this HAD TO BE TRUE.)
4) Because boys ARE into bitches who would instantly let them BANG!!
The Summer Bitch Festival and your big sister's husband[edit | edit source]
The Summer Bitch Festival is a festival where the bitches of all bitches fight bitchly with biches to see who's the bitchy bitch of all bitches. After the bitchy fight with the bitches, your big sister proudly became THE BITCH OF ALL BITCHES. There, she met her husband, who was a Noob just like you, but since he worked at Nintendo, he had lots of money, so your big sister married to the noob. And because the noob liked bitches.
Your sister's hella bad life after marriage in San Francisco[edit | edit source]
After the marriage of the noob and your big sister, they moved to San Francisco because they had hella weed there (Remember, your big sister was a Pothead.) Although her noob husband didn't smoke any weed, he hella liked to eat McDonalds on a regular basis. He became twice fatter, which was life threatening, but he didn't care because he looked hella cool on Second Life anyways. He hella hated sex, because he was too embarrassed to show his fatness to your big sister, even though more than half of his fat was coming out from his clothes. But since your big sister hella wanted kids hella badly, she gave her husband Second Life porn, Mario porn, Zelda porn and Furry porn to masturbate to, so she could collect his man juice to inject into her vagina.
Your sister gets pregnant[edit | edit source]
After injecting her husband's love juice into her woowoo, she get's pregnant, and has a cute little baby boy.
Ohh, this feels GOOD!!! ~ Your big sister[edit | edit source]
Okay, getting pregnant and being all happy is alright, but being addicted to injecting man milk to her va-jay-jay wasn't alright.
Hey....honey, .... um........ bad news....[edit | edit source]
And because your big sister got addicted to injecting love juice into her va-jay-jay, she had her second baby boy..... AND THIS TIME IT WAS UNPLANNED!!!!
SHIT SHIT SHIT ~ Your big sister and her noob husband[edit | edit source]
The noob husband had ENOUGH. With your big sister and her retarded ways of retardedness. He committed suicide, both in his life AND in Second Life. And your retarded big sister committed suicide jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. OH MY GAWD
CONCLUSION[edit | edit source]
Okay, so, as I just told you on this article, BIG SISTERS ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE AND VERY PSYCHIC. And good thing the "You" in this article really isn't you. Yet. But it CAN happen to you and your big sister, so I really suggest you CHANGE YOURSELF before your big sister becomes like this. SERIOUSLY. IT'S FOR YOUR (AND HER) OWN GOOD.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Immediate Family |
|  |
|---|---|---|
| Extended Family | ||
| Ohana | ||
| Mothers | ||
| Grandmothers | ||
| Related articles | ||