From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Wilde:Main Page)
Jump to: navigation, search

Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.

Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 30,449 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.

Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual.


Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent
Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...

Another Oscar Wilde picture. From:


Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article

RIP you cat killing bastard

It's true! Why do people always laugh at me when I tell them? Stop laughing, dammit! I'm serious. Deadly serious. It was a tabby named Whiskers. I named it that because it had whiskers. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

Yes, the guy you're thinking of is the very same guy that I'm talking about. This isn't all that complicated. The genius guy. Yes, that's the one. I'm still shocked myself. Surprised even. My cat, needless to say, was flabbergasted at the time. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

My neighbour saw it. Ask him! He's in the house that's beside my house. No, the other one. He knows. Swear to God. Just ask him and he'll tell you what he saw.

What? My neighbour denies that he saw anything? Are you sure? Damnit, Stephen Friggin' Hawking must've got to him. It did happen, I tell ya'. Did! I don't care that my neighbour denies everything. (Full article...)

You can suggest articles for Oscar to read.

More of Oscar's picks

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

March 17: International Come Joke Day

  • ???? - The chicken came before the egg so the egg had to beat itself off.
  • 3090 BC - Onan told to come inside where it's nice and warm.
  • 29 AD - Jesus asks "all ye that labour and are heavy" to come unto him.
  • 1374 - First "Are you coming?" "No," "Shall I rub faster?" exchange recorded in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.
  • 1594 - Romeo watches as Juliet comes out on her balcony.
  • 1812 - Rapunzel lets her hair down and invites a prince to come up it.
  • 1923 - F. Scott Fitzgerald comes onto Gertrude Stein at a crazy New Year's Eve party.
  • 1946 - Incontinent Masturbators Association (IMA) formed for those who don't know if they are coming or going any more.
  • 1953 - Edmund Hillary becomes the first man to successfully come down Mount Everest.
  • 1967 - Norman Mailer comes across an interesting Playboy article.
  • 1969 - The Beatles advocate sensitive lovemaking with their single Come Together.
  • 1973 - Thanks to advances in medical technology, transexuals start coming into their own.
  • 1985 - Kyle Reese comes back in time and impregnates Sarah Connor.
  • 1994 - Jeff Buckley reflects on a missed opportunity in hit single Lover You Should've Come Over.
  • 2007 - You have a bukkake party but nobody comes.
  • 2012 - Usain Bolt comes first in just 9.63 seconds.

The history of the United Kingdom

The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.

UnNews remembers Stephen Hawking

Today in London

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?

Read on

This Month's Wit

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.

Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,449 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
Wikia 17766
Wikia 14423
Wikia 8936
Wikia 12400
Wikia 6330
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

Please help us feed our starving pets.

Uncyclopedia is made possible through contributions from readers like you.

All donations go toward the continuation of Uncyclopedia and its community of volunteer editors. If Uncyclopedia has ever made you laugh then we invite you to donate and help us pay for our expensive server(s). You can make all donations using your PayPal account or debit/credit card here. You can also support your local Uncyclopedia by purchasing merchandise from our merchandise store where 15% of all sales goes toward Uncyclopedia. If you cannot donate but still want to help Uncyclopedia monetarily, you can click some of the ads in our e-store to help us keep the rest of the site ad free.

For Oscar-related chatter, see this room to talk about Oscar.

Protected by Oscar's wit, and an elite clan of peasantry.