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Hey, good morning, sleepyhead. Last night was pretty crazy, wasn't it? I can't believe how much we drank. Seriously, can you believe we killed that whole handle of Relska? What were we thinking? It's always a good time when I come by, isn't it? Well, here's the thing: I think I owe you an apology. See, last night, while you were passed out, I ate your Haagen-Dazs. I know, I know, it was kind of a dick move on my part. You shouldn't eat another man's ice cream. It's kind of the guy code. But I had a reason. Give me a chance to explain. So we were drinking, and you passed out. Man, are you ever a lightweight. Four PBRs and 10mg of Rohypnol and you're done for the night. I don't even know why you took that stuff. Well, I guess I do know why, since I ground it up and put it in your beer when you were in the bathroom. What I meant is that I don't know why I did that. Either I thought it would be a funny practical joke or else I was hoping some girls would come over spontaneously and start drinking your beer. (Full article...) Recently featured: Rob Gronkowski Kirkification Osu! Maxipad Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Mutant Mammoth of Mayhem, featured on 1 February 2025: Featured version Did you know... *... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?	In the news Too bad you can't customize this in the original. Uncyclopedia servers stop working for two whole days Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured) Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • Some big shot musical award • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota Recent deaths: 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont Not dead: Eleven Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window • Iran's government On this day... February 2: Upside Down Day 1461 - The War of the Roses: no one outside of some damp island has any idea what happened during the war, I don't know, poppies started eating people? 1652 - New Amsterdam (later renamed to New York City) is settled, declared the "Greatest City in the World" by people with low expectations. 1848 - The Mexican-American War ends in the treaty of "Gimme Half Your Shit", in which America gladly welcomes all the land Mexico was kind enough to lend. 1850 - Brigham Young slaughters hundreds of Native Americans, is cursed in the afterlife to live in the, uhh, terrestrial kingdom? Seriously? 1922 - James Joyce writes random scribbles and publishes it, scholars are still confounded after decades of study. 1943 - The Battle of Stalingrad ends after all the Nazis just froze to death, General Winter, just don't think about it, O Beautiful for Spacious Skies...
Featured picture Benjamin Franklin: founding father, inventor, politician, passionate kite-flier, and self-proclaimed King of Rhyme. In short, a true Renaissance man. Image credit: Modusoperandi View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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