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This world is pretty messed up. You know that, right? We've got murderers walking the streets, paedophiles raping other paedophiles, kids stealing their friends' Pokémon cards to sell for drugs, then selling those drugs for even more Pokémon cards; it's a mess. If I had the supreme power, it would be different let me tell you. I'd sort things out. It would be a Utopia. Well I guess the first thing I'd do is nuke a few of the more suspect countries: Iraq, Afghanistan, that sort of thing. The beardy countries mostly. I know it would like, kill millions of innocent civilians, children and animals but I just really want to get rid of the Taliban. And Al Qaeda. The extinction of a few desert lizards and the mutilation of a couple of kids is a small price to pay for world peace. I suppose if the non-terrorists want to flee the country before I drop the bomb, then that would be allowed. Just so long as they don't come and live over here. We've got enough immigrants already, thanks. (Full article...) Recently featured: Gouverneur Morris China UnNews:NASA bamboozled as North Star disappears Mario Kart Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?	In the news YANKEES SUCK! The New York Yankees now fucking suck (Pictured) Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race US government shitdown ends after over 1000 flights inundated with shit Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • Mark Butt-fumble's TV career • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed On this day... November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day 1955 - The Soviet Union sets off a massive explosion in space, as part of an alleged plot to kill Capitalist Aliens. "They're green for a reason," says Khrushchev. 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie. 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the Moon landing, finds it easier to film on location. 1983 - Largest tinfoil hat maker in the U.S. is shut down, just as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA. 1987 - Mystery hacker in a Max Headroom mask hijacks television broadcast nationwide, only to reveal it was a guerilla marketing campaign for Ovaltine. 1990 - Margaret Thatcher steps down as Prime Minister, as part of a Thatcher-led initiative to remove useless jobs in government.
Featured picture The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. Image credit: Mosquitopsu View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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