Oxygen
Oxygen. Some call it a gift, others a curse. The truth is many are unknowingly addicted to oxygen. In fact studies show that over 100% of living things are hooked on this terrible substance. You may find yourself asking, "How do I find out if I'm addicted?" Well you just try and go five minutes without it. Besides being highly addictive, oxygen has shown to be a major component of fire. And what does fire do? It burns things. So keep your eyes peeled and watch out for this dangerous "oxygen", and know that no matter where you go oxygen will follow (rules do not apply in space). Your mind kills itself without oxygen because it "thinks" it needs oxygen to live. A popular belief is that oxygen is in fact beneficial to your health – this is false. In fact, FrCN (Francium Cyanide) is more beneficial than oxygen.
History[edit | edit source]
Oxygen was discovered in 1771 by a French science man, and then in 1778 some other French science man gave oxygen its name. Shortly after the outbreak of World War I, it was discovered that setting measured amounts of the substance on fire resulted in some pretty kick-ass explosions. It wasn't long before its use in the American war effort was in full swing, and widely credited with the victory over Mexican forces in the street races in Moscow.
In March of 2002, however, after scientists world-wide finally conclusively proved that oxygen could also be used in explosive devices used against the United States of America, its sale and production were ceased completely. When intelligence came in that factories in Iraq were still secretly producing small quantities for private use, President Bush approved a plan for invasion.
Misinformation from Big Oxygen (Big O)[edit | edit source]
Warning: This information is false, and is designed to keep you hooked on oxygen. Just say no-no to no oxygen.
- Oxygen is essential for the life of all living creatures, except beluga whales. Regarded by scientists as "God's crack", humans just naturally "live and breathe" oxygen.
- Oxygen can be substituted for feelings of love in times of emergency; however, clinical trials of the generic substitute sexual frustration also look promising.
- Oxygen is an essential ingredient in TV cooking, and many believe that it alone keeps Martha Stewart alive.
- Old people of course have a built-up tolerance to oxygen, thus all those tanks.
- Oxygen is manufactured by the CIA and absolutely free to the public.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Preceded by: Fluorine |
Best Thing by Carl Wilhelm scheele 1771 - today |
Succeeded by: Nitrogen |
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | 126 Ad Adamantium | 127 Vb Vibranium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.