Fluorine
Not to be confused with flour, which is white, or fluorene, which doesn't contain fluorine.
| Fluorine | |||||
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| Physical Properties | |||||
| Atomic symbol: | F | ||||
| Atomic number: | 9 | ||||
| Melting point: | 53.48 K | ||||
| Boiling point: | 85.04 K | ||||
| Isotopes: | |||||
| Electronegativity: | Over 4 | ||||
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| Atomic Properties | |||||
| Atomicness | Surprisingly not atomic | ||||
Fluorine is a medium-sized, semi-long-haired breed of domestic cat, known for their exceptional affinity to licorice candy. Because they are so soft and fluffy, when these cats float around on their short legs, it was as if they were flowing in midair. Thus, these cats were originally known as fluorice, from fluō, the Latin word for "flow", and "licorice".[1] In the 1980s, its name was changed to fluorine, because fluorice sounded like a type of bioengineered rice that would likely draw the wrath of ELF activists. The word fluorine was thought to evoke positive connotations of "floral notes" and "enshrine", so it replaced fluorice as the accepted name of the cat breed.[2]
Behavior[edit | edit source]
Fluorine cats have a fur color that is variously described as "gold nanoparticles", "fresh straw", and "first ray of sunshine". As cats are heavier than air,[citation needed] fluorine cats spread on the ground when lazy and undisturbed. When disturbed by metal or plastic thrown at them, like other cats, fluorine cats tend to behave explosively. On the other hand, they are fond of Teflon toys and objects. They can often be found scratching the Teflon layer of nonstick pans when idle.
Hydrofluoric acid[edit | edit source]
When a fluorine cat is forcifully lifted into a shower, they can grow agitated and try to escape. However, one can calm them down by playing Justin Bieber and allow them to marinate in the bathtub. The water in the bath then becomes corrosive, eating through PVC plumbing and the ground beneath it. But hey, the cat is clean.
Alchemists noticed this phenomenon and conjectured that, when soaked against their will, the cat's hate infuses into the water, turning the water corrosive. Modern chemists have determined the acidogenic process to be a reaction between water and fluorine cats, so they named the corrosive substance hydrofluoric acid.
It is possible to separate the solute in hydrofluoric acid, which chemists named hydrogen fluoride. Through a dangerous process requiring use of body armor, electrolysis can be conducted in liquid hydrogen fluoride with electrolytes added. This process is used to generate fluorine gas. There's also a chemical method involving SbF5, but come on, we all know it's not real.[3]
Fluorine (element)[edit | edit source]
Elemental fluorine is a corrosive greenish-yellow gas. After the trouble of filing endless registration documents, lowering the temperature enough to crack Pyrex, and sacrificing expensive electrodes to separate fluorine, there must be a big reward in the end, right? No. Just as predicted, fluorine reacts with everything, so there is absolutely no use for it, because no reaction vessel can hold it. O Science! The empty-headed endeavor that trades the pain of kittens for piffling peculiarities!
After almost is inserted to correct the conclusion (because chemistry), it is found that fluorine can be used to enrich uranium, make a gas to deepen your voice, and produce more chemical curiosities.
Although fluorine gas has many uses, it is bad for you. But humans, being not-so-sharp, can only detect fluorine after their lungs have turned liquid. Fluorine cats are more clever than fluorine chemists, sensory-wise: even at very low levels (estimated to be 84 ppb), fluorine gas would alarm these cats, who would evade the raw concentrated form of feline pain. Therefore, when a cat misbehaves, it may be a sign that fluorine gas has been leaked in the area.
Given the difficulty of separating this element, fluorine leaks are rare, though not unheard of. Although fluorice had been renamed to fluorine, the ELF attack eventually came in 2006. Two perpetrators identifying with the movement recognized the name fluorice as an "attempt to beautify ecocide", and took action against a factory in Pennsylvania. Security footage showed two people gluing up locks, burning documents, and destroying the control panel. They then went outside and broke a tankard, which contained fluorine gas. Fortuately, only a small amount of fluorine was leaked, though still enough to kill the trespassers. The facility had previously been stormed for alleged support of GMO rice. In response to the incident, the owner stated, "It gets old, it gets boring [...] The lesson is, don't meddle with things you don't understand."
See also[edit | edit source]
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Other possible sources for the name include a paragraph in Bond Villain. "You sit there breathing the Fluorine ... while I play with the cats."
- ↑ Fluorice is an unusual name; flour and ice don't typically go together.
- ↑ At least some textbooks say so.