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Dead Dicks, besides being the enduring legacy of mythomaniacal former U.S. Presidents, Lyndon Baines Johnson and "Tricky Dick" Nixon, are also a numerical unit of one in Vietnam War "grunt-speak." The term was first used to describe a war stiff reported by the Vietnamese and American governments during the "body count" game. "Body-count" was a ghastly, albeit highly rated televised sport notorious for being imposed on the citizens of Vietnam and America by the captains of both teams. Essentially a dead dick is the complete opposite of a live dick, also known in Vietnam as a "Swinging Dick." From the onset both sides of the conflict agreed via negotiations that "the only good dick is a dead one." Accordingly the scoring system came into play and the game was once again a-foot. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
- ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
 - ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
- ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
- ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
 - ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
- ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
 - ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
- ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
- ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
- ... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that you've just lost the game?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 7: Talk Like Caveman Day
- 11,000 BC - Grog think very hard and make up number coming after two, called like "tree" but dumb: Grog pummeled with many rock for wasting everybody's time.
- 9800 BC - All the mammoths are burned to death by Grog, his friends pelt him with poop since they have no food, but now there is no poop to eat either.
- 2580 BC - Grog's best friend Enkidu seduced by city-slicker propaganda, play dress up as civilized instead of sucking on rocks and eating bugs like good old days.
- 2500 BC - Grog sandboards down the slope of the Pyramids, is detained and put on cave arrest.
- 1309 AD - Grog is happy and healthy in cave, while stupid civilized people die of Cholera and Plague, at least until Grog eat juicy rat.
- 1995 - Unabomber say modern gizmos bad for soul of humanity, but Grog have smelly green leg and must punch antelope to death everyday for breakfast so what does he know.
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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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