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John Marshall was a professional floor-is-lava player who lasted 34 years until he touched the floor and died. He played on the Supreme Court team and had the role of the fourth Chief Justice, which he served for three point four decades before dying. He arrogantly held the role and thought no one else was good enough to wear a robe and scream "constitutional law" at people. Marshall even copyrighted black bathrobes, so anyone who wanted the role would instantly have to pay Marshall $97.99 (plus shipping and tax). He was famous for vastly improving the Supreme Court team by inventing the established judicial review move. This allowed the Supreme Court team to respond  to any attacks by the Congress team, making them a worthy team. (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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Did you know...
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- ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)
- ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
- ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
- ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
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In the news
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Too bad you can't customize this in the original.
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On this day...
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February 10: International Bad Pun Day
- 1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland, panhandling leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short.
- 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor.
- 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since, you know what I'm drawing a blank.
- 1712 - Rebels in Chile have a riot against the Spanish. It ends up being en fuego.
- 1865 - A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- 1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
- 1985 - Das Boot, a German film about gender neutral enclosed footwear, is released.
- 2009 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot dead, police believe the killer was a golfer, because he made a hole in Juan.
- 2018 - French President Emmanuel Macron explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is un oeuf.
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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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