User:TehJohn/Windows cement

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“Windows CeMeNt Has Dried, Please Contact Technical Support For More Information ”

~ System Error on Windows Cement

“As Hard As Rock, And as Dumb As a Brick ”

~ PC World on Windows Cement

“What Do You Mean it's Supposed To Look Like That!? .”

~ Bill Gates on Windows Cement Unveiling

“It's Worse Than Me! ”

~ Windows Cement on Windows BC

Windows Cement, aka Codename BigBlock, aka Pavement Software aka BB (BigBrick) 5.1.2670 is a stable Operating System, Comprised Of Award Winning Games Such As The Grey Screen of Death. And Minesweeper, And Even, To The Shock of The Nation, A Clock!

Production of Cement began in 1900, and was completed in 1995. However, Microsoft realized that the cement Had Not Properly Dried, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and, overall, a huge load of steaming shit in a Grey Block. It Even Has a Hand Print On The Side That Says above it 'Bow Down To Me' Many Internet Nerds say That the hand print is Of Bill Gates, and His Sick desire to Rule The World.

This radical change in software design came about when it was felt Microsoft needed a change of leadership, so they sacked Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates, then hired Tom DeLonge as The Head Designer, Now, Tom (Ever Since Going Crazy After Being Brought Back to Life By Jack Sparrow) Thought That He would make an Invention That could make Him fly, Everyone at Microsoft were surprised at this. and Even Helped Him Make it, The Result... Windows Cement.

With the lack of GUI in Microsoft's main product, this meant a lot of their existing software went under a radical redesign. For instance, GroundBreaker 1.0 Instead of Notepad. And Even a Complete Make over of the Desktop!


It is the only version of Windows known not to include the feature that has been a hallmark of Windows since 3.0, the blue screen Of Death. A New Radical Version Has Appeared That Makes even Bill Gates Gasp In Awe. The Grey Screen of Death.

Sales of Windows Cement Fell after Many Accidents of The Operating System Crumbling, And Causing Many Deaths..


Windows Cement Pricing[edit | edit source]

Here Are The Sales Prices For Windows Cement:

  • United Kingdom : Windows Cement Small (£599) Windows Cement Medium (£799) Windows Cement Large (£1000), Window Cement Building (£1000,000,000) AND, The N£W,D£=improved Wind`oh$ Cement 98 Upgrade Pack: £9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 In PURE GOLD!
  • United States : Windows Cement Small ($70) Windows Cement Medium ($80) Windows Cement Large (£90, Window Cement Building ($700)

And The WinD`oh$ cement 98 pacage Co$ts $9.999999999999999999999999bn cents wil do


  • Windows HP

This will be a variant named in memory of the leaked HP sauce incident. The price of this version will be higher than any other piece of software ever sold, but this version will be available under a hire-purchase agreement. [big fat lie]

  • Windows JE - Jihad Edition
  • Windows MANA
  • Windows DEX
  • Windows XP Fuck You
  • Windows AIDS
  • Windows HIV
  • Windows XD
  • Windows X(
  • Windows XPista
  • Windows 8)
  • Windows ROFL
  • Windows STFU
  • Windows LOL
  • Windows BS
  • Windows FU
  • Windows Bonghorn
  • Windows All UR BASE R BELONG 2 US
  • Windows (A LINUX EXTENSION - OPTIONAL ADD ON)
  • Windows SHUT
  • SMASHED Windows
  • Windows CRASH
  • WIN WTF
  • Windows virus
  • Ahmadou Ndoung M.
  • WinD`ohs Cement 98
  • Wind`ohs Cement 98 SE : No Bugs Edition (Scrapped Because It WasntGood Enough At Hoseing Systems)
  • Broken Windows 98
  • winblows 98
  • winblows XP

See Also[edit | edit source]

Windows logo The best technology of Zork. Only from Microsoft.


• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation


Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easier easy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




v • d • e


How to Secure Windows Cement[edit | edit source]

Drop it From a 6000 Story Building and Watch It Crumble.

References[edit | edit source]

External Links[edit | edit source]

Windows HIV
Windows AIDS
Windows Who... Who was joking? This damn fucking shit doesn't exist.

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