User:Prettiestpretty/Bjesus

In late Medieval folktales, Bjesus is granted the title of Patron Saint of Honey Manufacturers

“B'jesus and B'gorrah were thoroughly nice chaps all round.
They always gave me a buzz.”

~ Noel Coward on B'jesus and B'gorrah

Bjesus (B'heesus), along with his brother Bgorrah (B'gorrrahhh), were two ancient giants found in the Irish Mythological Cycle, specifically within the Trebor Gabala Erenn - The Book of Chewy Mints. Thought by many to be the ancestors of the Brobdingnagians. The brothers may be cognate with the giants Gog and Magog from Brythonic tradition, later said to be the guardians of the City of London.

Hagiography

Considered by modern day Irish people to be the Father of the Milesians and therefore of the nation of Ireland, Bjesus is still held in high regard, and his feast day of May 21st is considered the most holy and venerable within the Irish Calendar.

As with a number of other famous Christian and Buddhist notable figures, they have their genesis in older pagan figures. These include St Peter (originally the heathen god Behemoth), St Denis (originally Hera, Queen of Heaven) and St Kentigern of Wigan (originally a small Welsh dragon from Monmouthshire). Likewise during the late Medieval period the folktales surrounding B'jesus began to evolve into the tales we see today.

Vernacular Tradition

By the late 1700s, Bjesus had taken on many of the myths and traditions that he now holds, including his link to bees and bee-keeping. In Ancient Celtic tradition a bee was seen as a representation for a departed soul, or as a message from an ancestor. Why someone would come back as a bee, and how they would communicate a message to an individual remains a mystery to this day.

The daily ritual intake of honey by the Celtic speaking peoples of the world, as well as the regular consuption of sweet, sweet mead, developed into the notion that people were partaking of the juices of Bjesus, and that he "resides within them" (though in liquid form). Thus developed the popular saying when an individual would meet the personification of all evil or the forces of chaos, that they had "had the Bjesus scared out of them".

† The Holy Family of the Jesii †

The Sacred Host of Major Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. Main Jesii Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself! Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother: Jebus Evil Jesus: Like the Antichrist, but worse. ¿Qué?: Jesús Jesus Christ Sponge: Purge sin and clean your dishes! Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus Placebo Jesus : Will never lift a finger for you, no matter what you believe! Your own: Personal Jesus Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere! Jesus' very own Homeland: Jesusland Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming! Not To Be Confused With Super-Gay Jesus: Gay Jesus MicroJesus: A teeny, tiny Jesus that forgives all of your teeny, tiny sins. Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware Jesus was Christian, NOT Jewish: Enough said. But what If Jesus had lived in America? The So-So Company of Other Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus. Monster Jesii Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard Save yourself from Werejesus! Raptor Jesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: New York, watch out! This Jesus loves your brains...: Zombie Jesus Munchie Jesii Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good. Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...IT'S GOT ELECTROLYTES! A stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick! The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii Pity them, and feed them table scraps. If you are still confused about which one you want... then you're fucking retarded, bitch! Bad Jesii Atheist Jesus: You won't believe his disbelief... French Jesus: Djesus Piss Christ: Ewww! You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus Communist Jesus: In Soviet Russia, Jesus dies for YOU! Pestering your grandpa's social media: AI Jesus Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus The Sacred Host of Minor Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want to know to know it is it is yes, babs, it's probably Original Jesus. Funny Jesii Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century. Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus Sweet smoking Jesus: What would Jesus smoke? Try our new McWine(TM)!: McJesus Musical Jesii Disco Jesus: Knows how to love you The Jewish Rap Sensation: MC Jesus Rockstar Jesus: Singer and Songwriter Sabbath Night Fever: The Bee-Jesus Twisted Jesii Jesus 1.5a: An alpha prototype Christ. Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: He drank too much wine at the last supper. Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification: Messiah Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone He's blonde, cultish, and "not" a Nazi: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Pseudo-Jesii Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin Kyle Broflovski: The Passion of the Jew He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! BILLY MAYS Jesus LaBrie: That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something. Exiled from Babylon: Rasta Jesus Accordion Jesus: Saves you from pop music. Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus If you are still unsatisfied with these Jesii, you can always check out even... More Jesii