User:Hrodulf/Benson; a retrospective

Forums: Index > BENSON > Hrodulf/Benson; a retrospective

BENSON'S GREATNESS IS SIMILAR TO SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S.

BENSON IS HERE! BENSON IS FAR SUPERIOR TO YOU! BENSON TYPES IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE BENSON SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS! ONE DAY BENSON WILL KILL YOU ALL, OR PERHAPS OWN YOU! BENSON JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT HE IS HERE. Benson 00:11, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

ALSO, SOMEONE NOMINATE BENSON FOR N00B OF THE MONTH. HE DESERVES IT. Benson 00:14, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

My arse he does. He's well on the way to earning a UGOTM nom, though. Or an extended ban. Let's see where my mood takes me today. -- Sir Codeine KUN VFP Bur. MDA NS UotM CM +S (Harangue) 11:53, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well, you've killed some VD fun. ;_; --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk ]] 15:44, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Hey guys, Benson is here. ---- Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer and HATE HATE HAT 00:22, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Ye gods, he truly is! Wow. STM, how do you know these things? --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk ]] 00:26, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

You're right! That's amazing how you knew that, STM. I think you deserve to be nominated n00b of the month for that. • Spang • CUN | talk • 00:34, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well, at least he doesn't want to be KING OF ALL ICE CREAM, as that position is now taken. --Splaka hates users! Whine! 01:22, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson is here, jolly good! I must ask Benson, do you like Ownage or Pwn4g3?--Witt E, 02:29, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

It's the Anti-Christ oh and welcome to Wikipedia! --OsirisX 02:32, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON THANKS YOU! BENSON IS GLAD PUNY RULERS OF THIS LAND APROVE OF HIS RAMPENT RANTING! HE LIKES THIS LAND BETTER THEN PUNY OTHER WEBSITE WIKIPEDIA! THEY DID NOT APROVE OF BENSON'S GLORY. Benson 00:11, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well I, for one, am glad — nay, overjoyed that BENSON is here. For months now, Uncyclopedia has been rudderless, adrift in a sea of directionless chaos and shattered dreams of glory. But now, finally, BENSON stands as a shining beacon of hope amongst the shallow dross, a veritable giant among giants, a lone bastion of honesty, integrity, and courage, boldly leading the downtrodden and oppressed out of their self-imposed darkness and into the glittering, hallowed halls of freedom and enlightenment. As long as BENSON is here, never again must we submit to the iniquities of the unfeeling evildoers who would suppress our creativity, silence our voices, and stamp out our yearning for truth. Yes, wherever decent, caring people are forced to suffer the stifling yoke of the humorless and emotionally bankrupt purveyors of mediocrity and disempowerment, wherever those seeking a better life for themselves and their children and their children's children and their children's children's nannies are made to give up their dreams in the face of bitterness and disillusionment, BENSON is there — to smash the forces of mediocrity, stupidity, and fear; to smash those who would callously take from us our rights, our purpose, our very existence; indeed, to smash the very darkness itself! Yes, BENSON is, finally, here — always and forever, an unfailing, ever-burning, eternal flame of retribution against injustice... May you never doubt the truth of these words, not even for a moment, and let nothing deter you or dissuade you from following the path of righteousness, the path of greatness: the path of BENSON! Vive la BENSON!  c • > • cun vfh ns pix yap 05:51, 6 June 2006 (UTC) By the way, it's spelled "rampant."

I can't believe I read the whole thing. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk ]] 11:47, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

OK, now is the gov'nor here? --Carlb 06:10, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

[1] --Splaka hates users! Whine! 06:15, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

O, great BENSON. I'm pretty confused. At the Holy shrine of BENSON where you predict us puny entities being Pwn3d by you and where that damb poop has gone you claim to dispise Santa's presents. Now are those the presents he gives you, or possibly the close proximity to your person ? -- Vosnul 06:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Stop this nonsense now, BENSON, and get back to sorting out the governer's sock drawer. --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy (Bleat) 07:40, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Great Attitude

I like this guy. He has fire. I like fire. It makes things interesting. I vote him SYSOP. ~CaputosistheHorrible14:25, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON THANKS YOU. BENSON ALSO ENJOYS FIRE. IT IS USEFUL FOR BURNING THINGS. BENSON WOULD BE GREAT SYSOP! BENSON ENJOYS FISH. BENSON DEMANDS FISH AND THINGS THAT RHYME WITH FISH... WISH...DISH... Benson 16:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

For --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk ]] 15:45, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• For Let him have total dictatorship just for some years to clean things up, what can go wrong ? -- Vosnul 16:55, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I vote COMMENT. --Clorox MUN Goatse Virgin ONS (talk/fortune cookie) 16:55, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• Hm...and with Tompkins out of commission there's an empty admin slot to fill... —Rc (Talk) 16:56, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well obviously he was a little to heavy handed with the ban button, and I'd know, two week ban for adding the lines "In bed" to about four sentances in the super bowl page ^_^ Rivselis 17:23, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• Against ZOMBIEBARON ZOMBIEBARON ZOMBIEBARON IS ALL CAPS. --Sir Captain Zombiebaron KUN, UotM UGotM, CM, NS (shout) 17:27, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• For making him bureaucrat if he makes me a sysop. Oh, and for things that rhyme with fish:

• Bish
• Dish
• Ish
• Pish
• Shish
• Squish
• Swish
• Trish
• Whish
• Wish

~ Ghelæ^talk_contribs 17:28, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• Change vote to same. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk ]] 18:51, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• For BENSON VOTES FOR HIMSELF. BENSON LIKES HIMSELF. HIMSELF IS BETTER THAN YOU. Benson 17:30, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BUT AT LEAST I CAN USE PROPER GRAMMAR. ~ GHELÆ^TALK_CONTRIBS 17:35, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

You can ?? . than i canneth two. --Vosnul 17:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• Only for if he votes for me, I do nothing over here, but I still deserve to be an admin. - Sir Real Hamster {talk} {contribs} 18:03, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

comment Vote for sysop is disabled Uncyclopedia:VFS, so I don't think this has standing. Unless it's of course a joke again and I'm missing the whole point as usual. --Hrodulf 18:38, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

You are missing the point: BENSON IS HERE.--Rataube 18:42, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Exactly. BENSON is the most powerful human being alive on theis planet, except perhaps Chronarion. Anybody more powerful cannot be human. ~ Ghelæ^talk_contribs 18:44, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

EXACTLY, PUNY THING. BENSON IS THE BEST. VOTE BENSON FOR SOMETHING. Benson 18:46, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

This has me rotflmao. You can't make this stuff up. --Hrodulf 18:48, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

ALL OF A SUDDEN MY CAPS LOCK GOT STUCK, IS THIS BECAUSE IT'S 6 6 6 OR BECAUSE BENSON IS HERE ???????? -- Vosnul 19:00, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I vote BENSON for improving my day immeasurably. Nom and for --Hrodulf 19:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

GOOD. EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN... KEEP UP THE VOTES FOR BENSON. BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU. Benson 19:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON OFFICIALLY DECLARES JUNE 6 TELL SOMEONE ABOUT HIS GREATNESS DAY. CONVERT MORE PUNY MONKEYS TO BENSONISM! Benson 19:57, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I Vote AGAINST BENSONISM, It's the opium for the mooses. Dispite that I vote BENSON for anything anytime soon. -- Vosnul 20:07, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

ANYONE WITH ANY MORE BENSON RELATED ARTWORK IS TO POST IT ON BENSON'S TALK PAGE. Benson 20:30, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I completely ignore BENSON and self nom myself, vote for me!--Witt E, 01:59, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

It Ends

It seems that BENSON has been stopped (finnally) with a one day ban from Famine. Good job Famine! --Sir Captain Zombiebaron KUN, UotM UGotM, CM, NS (shout) 02:01, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

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| colspan="2" style="padding-right: 4px; padding-left: 4px;" |

This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.

|}</nowiki>

BENSON may be banned for 24 hours, but he lives on in our hearts. --ENeGMA 02:24, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Or Does it?

The trip to the doughnut shop was a lot of fun, until someone with cheap digital camera saw us and called the cops. Luckily, we were able to shoot our way out of there using our hand-held death-ray guns, but not before the evidence made it into the July, 2006 issue of GQ, where we were both cited for "blatant evening-wear violations." The case is still pending in the 12th District Court, but our lawyers are telling us the situation is "not good."

BENSON may be banned for a day, a week, even a year - but the impact of what has occurred here clearly transcends the mundane reality of everyday bannage. What I think we have to do now is step back for a moment, and try to get some perspective on how these events have changed our lives - indeed, changed the world. Not since the invention of the glazed doughnut has such a completely revolutionary movement in the cultural landscape taken place, and the ramifications - political, economic, social, and psychological - could be more extensive than any of us are currently capable of imagining. One might easily envision a near-complete reversal of practically all modern trends in the development of worldwide class-structure hierarchies and the international exchange of ideas and commerce, as well as the rise of new quasi-religious movements and moral-ethical philosophies, almost like a new meta-reality, sweeping away the old reality like so much worthless dust. As Neitzche so aptly put it, "Who ever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity"... We must therefore simply accept that we cannot, no matter how hard we try, truly appreciate and understand the ineffable and monumental consequences of the arrival of a figure such as BENSON on the scene, any more than we can understand why the world exists or what our purpose within it truly is. Our role, then, is to merely be the audience, mute spectators to an event whose magnitude may not be fully appreciated for generations, if it is ever fully appreciated. At least that's what I'm gonna do, at least... I'm headed out for some doughnuts right now, actually. Anybody want to come with?  c • > • cun vfh ns pix yap 02:36, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Sure, what the heck. I'm all for doughnuts. —Sir Major Hinoa [TALK] [KUN] 02:42, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

I have enough money to get at least two custard-filled douhgnuts. I'll come.--Witt E, 04:12, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

6/6/6 + BENSON + Going for donuts with Some User I've never met before in real life = priceless.-->Bradley  05:05, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

• * *

Forums: Index > BENSON > Hrodulf/Benson; a retrospective

SOMEBODY NOMINATE BENSON. BENSON HAS MADE 2 ARTICLES AND COUNTLESS EDITS IN MERELY 2 DAYS. NOMINATE AND VOTE FOR BENSON, AND BASK IN HIS GLORY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. ARTICLE 1 ARTICLE 2. BENSON IS FUNNY AND BETTER THAN YOU, AND YOU KNOW IT. Benson 22:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Right. It takes a bit more than that to get noticed, i've done 8 articles or so and I haven't...really...Demonbob 22:28, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

YES, BUT YOU AREN'T FUNNY. Benson 22:55, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I don't really think we have an award that really matches you, honestly . . . maybe we could start an "entertaining but perhaps somewhat confused" noob of the month or something . . . . just thinking out loud. And I'm tolerant of the all caps thing, but sadly, lots of people here, for better or for worse, won't be.--Hrodulf 22:31, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Re:http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum:BENSON_NEEDS_SUPPORT_TO_BE_N00B_OF_THE_MONTH&oldid=828267: see what I mean about the tolerance thing? ? ?

Benson of the Month

ALTHOUGH BENSON ISN'T BLACK, HE ENJOYS THE AWARD WITH HIS NAME ON IT.

Uncyclopedia:Benson of the Month

Eligibility Requirements

To be nominated, you must:

• BE BENSON
• HAVE AN EXTREME HATRED FOR THOSE BENEATH YOU, SIMILAR BUT NEVER AS STRONG AS BENSON'S HATRED FOR THEM

Benson (Talk - Edits - Block (rem / list) - Logs)

Score: +5

Got it. Okay, I nominate BENSON for BENSON of the month. Nom and For --Hrodulf 22:35, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

THAT'S ALL THAT BENSON WAS ASKING FOR. FOR FOR BENSON FOR BENSON OF THE MONTH. Benson 22:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

For - Sir Real Hamster {talk} {contribs} 00:06, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

For. Now go away or I shall call you a nincompoop.--Witt E, 02:03, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Let's see, uhh... For. He IS the prototypical n00b, isn't he? --Insineratehymn 05:42, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson

Do you want this man to be your Benson of the Month?

Score: -2

• Nom and Against Kind of a jerk, really. —Rc (Talk) 23:33, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

• Against. This Benson is not worthy of our adoration.-->Bradley  01:05, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Legendary jazz guitarist George Benson

The smoothest Benson by far.

Score: +6

• Nom and For. Right on, baby. -- Sir Codeine KUN VFP Bur. MDA NS UotM CM +S (Harangue) 23:38, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
• For. Aw, yeah. --Algorithm 23:48, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
• For I'm sure he doesn't speak in all caps. --Sir Captain Zombiebaron KUN, UotM UGotM, CM, NS (shout) 23:56, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
• For Everybody loves the jazz! Except for those goths. Useless. Demonbob 00:32, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
• For. Smoooooooooooooooth. ~ T. (talk) 02:24, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
• For. Cooool. • Spang • CUN | talk • 12:24, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson, Illinois, pop. 408

A slightly biased US map drawn by a democrat.

Score: +1

• Nom and For. With a median household income of 40,500 and a population density of 926.6 per square kilometer, this Benson is way cooler than that fucking Benson in Oxfordshire, England. But does it have what it takes to be Benson of the Month? InfiniteMonkey 03:30, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson-Class Destroyer DD-421, USS Benson

The hate boat.

Score: +2

• Nom and For. Displacing a whopping 1620 tons (2200 when fully loaded), 348 feet long, powered by two turbines with twin screws allowing it to do 37 knots, and armed with four five-inch guns and torpedo tubes, this Benson spoke in ALL CAPS to enemy ships and submarines! During World War II, the USS Benson valiantly provided covering fire against Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Wake Island and took part in the Allied invasion of Sicily. Truly, the Benson of this or any other month. InfiniteMonkey 03:30, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
  • WICKED! I'M ALL FOR THIS ONE!!! -- Colonel Swordman 03:59, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Forums: Index > BENSON > Hrodulf/Benson; a retrospective

Benson is over here. Upon his infinite banninism, it is suggested that:

1. Remove notice from Template:Vdtop.
2. Remove benson from Forum:Index.
3. Delete Template:Forumheader/BENSON.
4. Delete Forum:BENSON.
5. Delete Category:BENSON if it gets created
6. Delete all posts from this forum and archive them into a Carlow Crab type page.

Thank you, and salut BENSON etc. --Splaka hates users! Whine! 03:47, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

So... when the time comes, can I be the one to ban him... please?   t o m p k i n s  blah. ﻙﻭﻥ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ Build Tompkins' Userpage 03:48, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

I'll fight you for it. –H. 04:38, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Keep forum for off topic shit

• Since it's already here, I think we should keep the BENSON Forum page for mundane and non-Uncyc-related discussion. To keep it out of the real Forum, you understand. Maybe we could also stick the Miniluv stuff in there because nobody cares about it. —Rc (Talk) 03:50, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
• For. There's always room for BENSON, even when BENSON is no longer with us.-->Bradley  05:07, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Delete when banned

• Kill it --Splaka hates users! Whine! 04:33, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
• Kill it with a chainsaw!!!!! -- Colonel Swordman 06:16, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Other

• Upon bannination, redirect to ED. (hides from shower of rotten produce)  >Major Sir Hinoa|Talk|KUN ▋  04:38, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
• Just infinitely ban him, and don't worry about all this other crap. ~Sir Famine, Vandal♣er 11:12, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Forums: Index > BENSON > Hrodulf/Benson; a retrospective

WHY IS BENSON BANNED?! WHY DID YOU DELTE THE ARTICLE ABOUT BENSON!?! WHERE IS BENSON NOW?! BENSON BENSON BENSON!   t o m p k i n s  blah. ﻙﻭﻥ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ Build Tompkins' Userpage 11:16, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

This is a Benson article (linked as Article 1 from his first post) Tragically, Article 2 (people staring at you) was huffed before I thought to save the code. Oh well. Onward and upwards.

“What the Whale!?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pond Whales

Pond Whales

Pond Whales are miniature whales that live in ponds. Discovered by Discovery Kids one fine Autumn (November for idiots) day. They found a Whale in the Ocean that had been beached on the sand and took it to their swimming pool. Only to find they had none. So they put it in a pond and it had many babbies. And one was ugly. And the other Pond Whales teased the ugly whale. But one day the ugly pond whale grew into a beautiful swan! Hurray!

A Pond Whale In its Un-natural Habitat

Chapter 1: The extremely short life span of a Pond Whale

Pond whales live for aproximately 15 minuites and are an endangered species. Also, every time you masturbate, a pond whale dies. This is probably because of your discharge, you unGodly Hell-mongerer!

Chapter 2: Uses

Pond Whales are a delicacy to squeegee kids and various other species of hobo. They also look funny when they die. Dying is funny. Pond Whales are known for having fine pelts that are worn by hands in puppet shows. Frog orgys sometimes take place in pond whale pelts. Also, elephants use the skins to keep their ears warm on chilly African nights. African nights... African Knights! Cool!

Chapter 3: Diet

Pond Whales don't live so long so they don't really need to eat. But they like Marshmallows and Visigoths. Pond whales also sometimes eat smaller pond whales if the smaller pond whales are small enough, or are covered in some kind of condiment, or if the other pond whales pressured one of them to do it.

Chapter 4: Pond Whales and the Nazis

In 1937 the Nazis banned all contact with the Pond Whales and began to make crazy laws like that you could not go to a Pond Whale store or hire one. Soon he made them wear badges so all would know they were Pond Whales. Hitler Von Killington claimed Pond Whales were the reason for the great depression.

Chapter 5: Pond Whales in the Media

Rosie O' Donnell looks like a Pond Whale. Ewwwwwwwwww. Pond whales will soon be featured in another spinoff of the Rugrats that nobody will watch.

Chapter 6: Pond Whales and the first man on the moon

It was not a man at all! Just a Pond Whale in disguise as a man calling himself Neil I-got-a-strong-arm. It's real name was Coco. Coco helped to make the first Lunar landing a success and also found no intelligent life there...just David Duke. Pond Whales were also important in many other historical happenins, like 9/11, and the eighties.

“Holy crap he's cool! I hope I can grow up to be just like him.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Benson

“NEVER! THERE IS ONLY ONE BENSON!”

– User:Benson on Benson

Benson has decided that Benson's pure greatness cannot be contained on a puny "userpage". Furthermore anyone who edits this page besides Benson himself shall be cursed with the curse of Benson... a fine curse indeed.

Bio

One day a woman was giving birth to a baby. A baby destined for greatness. That is when Benson came to Earth in a meteorite which crashed into the hospital where the baby was being born. Benson aimed for the hospital... HAHAHA! Let that teach you a lesson: nobody is born on the same day Benson is.

People Who Messed With Benson... And Lived To Regret It

• Godzilla
• Santa
• Lincoln
• Future Lincoln
• Lincson
• Harry Potter
• Dick Cheney
• Butch Rocket
• Chuck Norris
• David Duke

Bio Chapter 2

Benson was raised by himself. Baby Benson doesn't need help. Baby Benson was 8" tall at age 2, and was already superior to you! Interesting side note: Benson is part God. Also, Benson is the Hulk. When Benson was born, there were many bad omens. The Pope died. Also, the show Alf premiered. Speaking of Alf,

More People Who Messed With Benson... And Lived To Regret It

• Alf

That is all.

People Who Have Messed With Benson... And Benson Can't Do Anything About It

• Splaka

• Evil Benson

Conclusion

In conclusion, Benson will one day take over the Earth and kill many innocent people (hopefully all at once).

Nominated Useless Gobshite of the Month

This user has been nominated for Useless Gobshite of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your least favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Useless Gobshite of the Month.

“Holy crap he's cool! I hope I can grow up to be just like him.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Benson

“NEVER! THERE IS ONLY ONE BENSON!”

– User:Benson on Benson

Benson has decided that Benson's pure greatness can, in fact, be contained on a puny "userpage" (just barely). Furthermore anyone who edits this page besides Benson himself shall be cursed with the curse of Benson... a fine curse indeed.

Bio

One day a woman was giving birth to a baby. A baby destined for greatness. That is when Benson came to Earth in a meteorite which crashed into the hospital where the baby was being born. Benson aimed for the hospital... HAHAHA! Let that teach you a lesson: nobody is born on the same day Benson is.

People Who Messed With Benson... And Lived To Regret It

• Godzilla
• Santa
• Lincoln
• Future Lincoln
• Lincson
• Harry Potter
• Dick Cheney
• Butch Rocket
• Chuck Norris
• David Duke

Bio Chapter 2

Benson was raised by himself. Baby Benson doesn't need help. Baby Benson was 8" tall at age 2, and was already superior to you! Interesting side note: Benson is part God. Also, Benson is the Hulk. When Benson was born, there were many bad omens. The Pope died. Also, the show Alf premiered. Speaking of Alf,

More People Who Messed With Benson... And Lived To Regret It

• Alf

That is all.

Communism Ranting

Hail Communism! Glory to the New Canadian Order that is the CPC! Benson wants world Communism and good will towards men. Kinda like Santa. But with no presents! Benson HATES presents...

Pictures That Have Been Blessed With An Appearance By Benson

Speculation

People think Benson is Black just because he's so awesome, but this is untrue. Benson's real skin colour is invisible.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Benson will one day take over the Earth and kill many innocent people (hopefully all at once).

[[Category:Users who wish they were Admins]]