User:Benson

(BENSON sucks.)

Nominated Benson of the Month

This user has been nominated for BENSON of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite BENSONS at Uncyclopedia:Benson of the Month.

User Nominated for Ban

This user has been nominated for banning —you can vote for them to be banned or nominate your least-favourite users at FFS.

“Holy crap he's cool! I hope I can grow up to be just like him.”
~ Oscar Wilde on BENSON

“NEVER! THERE IS ONLY ONE BENSON!”
– User:Benson on BENSON

BENSON has decided that BENSON's pure greatness can, in fact, be contained on a puny “userpage” (just barely). Furthermore anyone who edits this page besides BENSON himself shall be cursed with the curse of BENSON... a fine curse indeed.

Description

Name: BENSON (ALWAYS IN CAPS)

Age: Ageless

Height: 100' tall

Weight: 1 pound (BENSON works out)

Political Views: COMMUNISM!!!

Relations: Just his 28 wives and girlfriends... and Pa and Ma BENSON... and Nana BENSON

Pet: Pond Whale: Coco (may he rest in pieces)

Facial Hair: Two beards in one! What a discount!

Skin: Invisible Metal

Planet: From the vile land of Wikipedia

Views on Fawwaz: All negative

Claims on Creation: YOU ALL CAME FROM BENSON'S COUCH!

Bio

One day a woman was giving birth to a baby. A baby destined for greatness. That is when BENSON came to Earth in a meteorite which crashed into the hospital where the baby was being born. BENSON aimed for the hospital... HAHAHA! Let that teach you a lesson: nobody is born on the same day BENSON is.

People Who Messed With BENSON... And Lived To Regret It

Fake Benson

Another Fake Benson

Yet another fake Benson

Col. Swordman

D.G. Neree

LOLZORZ

Bio Chapter 2

BENSON was raised by himself. Baby BENSON didn't need help. Baby BENSON was 8' tall at age 2, and was already superior to you! Interesting side note: BENSON is part God. Also, BENSON is the Hulk. When BENSON was born, there were many bad omens. The Pope died. Also, the show Alf premiered. Speaking of Alf,

More People Who Messed With BENSON... And Lived To Regret It

Alf

That is all.

People Who have Messed With BENSON... And BENSON is plotting his revenge

Major Sir Zombiebaron

Rataube

Money Sign

Fawwaz

People Who Have Messed With BENSON... and BENSON can't do anything about it

AE

Splaka

Famine

Codeine

Demonica BENSON

Wiki BENSON

Meganew

Metalface

People Who Think They Have Messed With BENSON, So They Add Their Own Names To This Page (I know, isn't that pathetic?)

Trar

neftalem

Dawg (he did it twice!)

Capercorn

CrazyJay he figured if he were to put his name anywhere else, it'd just end up here, so he saved BENSON the trouble and put himself right here. (wasn't that nice of him?)

Hippie13 He has a friend named Benson, so he messes with him all the time...

Tayor (she just doesn't like the name Benson.)

Halsoft I just want to prtetend that I made fun of Benson... please don't kill me.

BieberAxeKiller I kinda wanted to do it...but then I chickened out at his almighty greatness.

Communist Ranting

Hail Communism! Glory to the New Canadian Order that is the CPC! BENSON wants world Communism and good will towards men. Kinda like Santa. But with no presents! BENSON HATES presents...

This user is Canadian
…and stands for truth, universal health care, and HOCKEY games!

Things that have been dedicated to BENSON

Pictures

BENSON'S THIRD GRADE PHOTO:

BENSON takes what he can gets:

BENSON's 2D House of Pancakes (with BENSON in the window)

an artist's interpretation of a fight between BENSON and Fawwaz

Templates

|B|E|N|S|O|N|

    my anti-drug

This article has been blessed by the great BENSON.

BENSON himself has edited the article, and thus feels that it is worthy of a place in Uncyclopedia.

BENSON IS BETTER THAN THIS USER.

BENSON is better than this user.

ZEROTROUSERS HAS AWARDED YOU THE BENSONIST NINJASTAR

AS A TOKEN OF APPRECIATION FOR BEING BENSON.

Awards

BENSON of the Month

FART HOLES (League of Benson)

This user is a member of the League of Benson, and therefore admits that Benson is better than themselves.

This is a League of puny weakling monkeys who understand that Benson is better than them, and wish to help him (although BENSON doesn't need help, per se). Here are the members:

People who got permabanned for sticking with the League

Nintendo Rulez

People alligned with BENSON but are too smart to join the League

People in the Minor League of Benson :)

The Minor League is mainly for children of League members. Once they're old enough, Minor Leaguers are promoted to the big boy League!

BENSON is WAAAAY better than you!

Ikke - Current Leader

TRAITORS TO THE LEAGUE OF BENSON

Rataube

Codeine

Sikon

Speculation

People think BENSON is Black just because he's so awesome, but this is untrue. BENSON's real skin colour is invisible.

Imposter Benson

After much hard work by BENSON, BENSON caught the imposter Benson. Pants MacKenzie fessed up to it. That goes to show: THERE IS ONLY ONE BENSON (not including George Benson).

News Article with BENSON!

The Internets -- The arrival of BENSON is one that has been welcomed by many members of Uncyclopedia. This mysterious entity only known as BENSON arrived at the Village Dump to let Uncyclopedians know of his arrival and wishes to be nominated for Noob of the Month.

First on the scene was Savethemooses who noted "Hey guys, BENSON is here." Nintendorulez was immensely amazed at Savethemooses amazing intuition. Most other members have reacted positively to BENSON'S arrival.

BENSON later posted his thanks on the warm reception that he received from Uncylopedians. He said "BENSON THANKS YOU! BENSON IS GLAD PUNY RULERS OF THIS LAND APPROVE OF HIS RAMPANT RANTING! HE LIKES THIS LAND BETTER THEN PUNY OTHER WEBSITE WIKIPEDIA! THEY DID NOT APPROVE OF BENSON'S GLORY." Uncyclopedians were truly grateful that Uncyclopedia's nemesis, Wikipedia, did not approve of BENSON'S glory. As now BENSON has joined their community.

BENSON has revealed not much about himself to us. All that has been revealed is that he "despises Santa and his presents, but has a soft spot for the Easter Bunny" and that he will one day take over the Earth and kill many innocent people (hopefully all at once). These facts have not angered many Uncyclopedians.

Sources:

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum:BENSON_IS_HERE&t=20060606062003

THIS ARTICLE WAS DELETED BUT IT LIVES ONWARDS IN HERE!

Conclusion

In conclusion, BENSON will one day take over the Earth and kill many innocent people (hopefully all at once).

LORD FLUFFY WHO RAINS FIRE FROM THE HEAVENS HATH GIVEN THIS USER THE GOLDEN FILM AWARD; THIS USER KNOWS ENTIRELY TOO MANY MOVIE QUOTES, AND IS IN NEED OF A LIFE.

Hi BENSON

'Sup. --The Acceptable Cainad (Fnord) 03:31, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey Cainad, nothing much. Look, I know it's not a big deal, but can you just talk to me on my talk page, not my userpage? Thanks man you're the best. Benson 23:25, 20 December 2008 (UTC)