Bovril
 | This article may be Overly British |
“It's a beef-based paste which can be turned into a drink using the instructions found on the back.”
“No relation”
Bovril, also known as OXO and Marmite's bastard child, was the name of a brothel in the kingdom of Sussex, China. Named so because of the "meaty" tastes of its guests, Bovril catered to a middle-class, perverted audience.
In the beginning[edit | edit source]
The Bovril first opened its doors (and God knows what else) in 1845, and its publication the Meaty Monthly began publication January, circa nineteen-nobody cares. During this time, it covertly advertised in national newspapers under the pretence that Bovril was, in fact, a "meat extract"; this coy euphemism and double entendre being the height of British humour at the time (and today).
Known predominantly for being Marmite's "meatier brother", Bovril was said to be made by repeatedly distilling the sweat and crushed balls of bulls into a thick brown paste, known as "Thick Bovine Virile Produce".
Oh shit[edit | edit source]
“I did not have sexual relations with that meat extract. Nor did I inhale.”
Controversy arose when Bovril's publication, the Meaty Monthly, was seized by US customs following an investigation prompted by the famed vegan supremacist lesbian couple, Lady Mary Whitehouse and Dame Ann Widdecombe, after the two ladies' nudes were leaked by the Meaty Monthly. In this wildly erotic literature, the couple engaged in various hardcore pornographic acts, during which Mary Whitehouse was sacrificed on a Satanic altar by Dame Widdecombe as an offering to the Unholy Trinity: Satan, Mussolini and Stalin. Although Widdecombe allegedly announced to the Women's Weak Bladder magazine that she found the scene "wholly erotic", she did emphasise that her conduct was allegedly "not in accordance with Roman Catholic principles", adding "at least that poof Stephen Fry wasn't there!"
