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A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.

Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that silent radio (Pictured) existed before regular radio?
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  • ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
  • ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
  • ... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
  • ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
  • ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
  • ... that the butler did it?
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
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  • ... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (Pictured)
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  • ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
  • ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
  • ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
  • ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
  • ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
  • ... that I think you know what's happening today?
  • ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
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  • ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
  • ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
  • ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
  • ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
  • ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?

In the news

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1977-2026

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein FilesWinter Olympicsr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: LamontBrad ArnoldNFL season • Lindsay Vonn's legSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured)Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom Noonan

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?)

On this day...

Start with the Greeks they said...

February 18: Penis Day (Tonga)

Today's featured picture

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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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