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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.
Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.
Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured)
- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
 - ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that you actually didn't know?
- ... that you've just lost the game?
- ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
- ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
- ... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
- ... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
- ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
- ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
- ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
- ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
 - ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
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In the news
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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On this day...
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March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
- 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
- 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
- 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
- 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
- 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
- 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.
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