User:Zim ulator/templates

zim's Stupie-Poopie Templates

There is no Cabal!

The Rev wants you to know that you are an important part of UnNews, and that you are appreciated. Under the authority placed in me by Zim Buddhism and all the other Uncyclopedian religions, I do hereby invite you to be a full member of the UnNews Cabal, which does not exist. This would grant you all rights and privileges of a Cabal member including the privileges of Hyena blazing, butter substitution, Krankenschwester syndrome, ruling the world, sinister footware, perpetual motion and swimming in the deep end of the pool, if indeed the Cabal were to exist. If the Cabal did exist, I would advise you to wield this power responsibly. Signed {{{1}}}

Happy Sasquatch Appreciation Day!

	Happy Sasquatch Appreciation Day! A traditional Sasquatch blessing
	March 24 is Sasquatch Appreciation Day, as decreed by Reverend zim_ulator. Please join me in celebration of the noble Sasquatch and his innumerable contributions to Uncyclopedia.

Hozed

{{User:Zim ulator/hozed}}

	YOU'VE BEEN HOZED!!! Listen to your doom!
	Rev_zim has performed a Hozing on your soul; apparently you've done wrong in the eyes of doG. Take off, eh?!.

Welcome to UnNews template

{{user:zim ulator/welcome to UnNews}} ~~~~

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Zim ulator, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

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If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:51, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

Rev zim's Blessing

Below is a blessing to be given in lieu of a spoken blessing. Were this as spoken blessing, it would be done in a fashion peculiar to zimizm, i.e. a Nondenomenational Glossalalic Esparanto Benediction.

{{User:Zim_ulator/blessing}}

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

SAMPLE

{{Ninjastar|Loudhorn.jpg|UnNews Audio Ninjastar|For a fine job on your audio. Your character, wit and smarm have lulled the masses into a false sense of security. Nice job!|[[User:Zim_ulator|'''Rev_zim''']]}}

SAMPLE

{{Ninjastar|Aom wheat main.gif|In Recognition Of Nothing In Particular|Meh, you're just another warm body, taking up space.|[[User:Zim_ulator|'''Rev_zim''']]}}

The UnCanninator

Originally developed as a tool for interviewing the dead, zim has since modified it to peer into the future, and to extract pertinent UnFacts with which to further the cause of Dissemination of Misinformation

Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:24, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

Rev Zim drives the UnCanninator.

This article is part of a series of interviews with the dead, using our patent-pending UnCanninator. The Cabal is planning to infiltrate society with UnCanninator Tech and compete directly with psychics like John Edward and with Scientology, on another front altogether. Profit projections are through the ceiling!

CAUTION Do not stare directly into this audio, nor should you expose yourself to it for more than 10 minutes at a go. This is some dangerous super-secrety-sciency stuff, so be careful and don't feed it to children unless child has a USB port.

If you don't believe any of this, you can bugger off!

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{{User:Zim_ulator/UnNews_UnCanninator}}

UnNews don't know don't care

This template is a disclaimer for an article for which I do audio, and I don't understand or care about the content.

WARNING!!! This article contains Misinformation, about which the audio reader knows nothing. Neither does the audio reader care. The audio reader is just here to do his/her fucking job, for the love of Mother Mary and Joseph! The audio reader does not understand this article, and therefore, does not care what the hell this article is about. Can the audio reader possibly make it any more clear? If so, kindly leave off.

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{{User:Zim ulator/UnNews don't know don't care}}

zims UnNewsAudio award

{{User:Zim ulator/evil UnNewsAudio blessing}}

On your knees! Rev. Zim_ulator bestows this evil blessing upon you! In recognition of your awesome job of doing an UnNewsAudio, I hereby confer upon thee a great, stinking, festering heap of evil. Thanks for sharing the work of producing audios with SPIKE and the rest of the team. You rock!'

zim's Unchristianity Project

After creating this template, zim got so excited he was going to add it to all 99 (at the time) pages under the Category Christianity. Then he thought better of it. The Unchristianity Project is his way of checking Christianity articles for "quality" (and he uses the word pugilisticly), and "fixing" stuff he finds lacking, and slapping this template where he thinks it might "add value".

{{Unchristianity}}

You have amused zim

{{User:Zim ulator/amused zim}}

Cheers! Rev. zim_ulator is amused! You have succeeded in both a- and b-musing zim, and are therefore worthy of three bottles of cheap absinthe. Do not drink them too quickly, lest your mind become like unto that of zimz.

Satans Template

Satii are competing with Jesii for Uncylopedia coverage, here's a template you can use to keep your Satan aligned with the rest.

{{Satans}}

   The Host of Satans   

Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Satan.
Original Satan: The one who fell first.	The Scourge of Europe: EuroSatan
Satan Claus: Ensnaring dyslexics looking for Santa.	Satan's apprentice: Prince of Darkness
Satan Bunny: Beware his cuddliness.	The scariest Satan: Antichrist
Crankypants Satan: Invented toddlers and Disco	The most incomprehensible Satan: Anti-Christ
Space Satan: aka Bat Fuck Satan	Satan of gaming: Sega
Hellmo: Satan of Sesame Street	Satan in command of enemy forces in War on Terra: Bambi
Satin: Is his name a typo?	Satan's younger brother: Stan
Dick Cheney: Republican Satan.	Satan's socialist alter ego: The Devil
GLaDOS: Futuristic Satan of portal	Satan of video gaming: EA