User:Frosty/Franklin D. Roosevelt (2)

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"FDR" and "Franklin Roosevelt" redirect here. If YOU don't know the difference, don't ask US!
Franklin Roosevelt was actually an African American as you can see from this color photo, he hid his ethnicity though camera tricks, this and polio (which crippled his black ass) were his biggest secrets.

Franklin Delano "Theodore" Roosevelt (born: Robber Baron Era - died: Firebomb the Japs Era) was the 32nd President of the United States (1933–1945) and number one clown face of the United Spades of America and the bass player/part time singer for ZZ Top. Born Arthur Linkletter in Cambridge, Massachusetts, "Delano" (as he was nicknamed for reasons too obscene to be explained here) developed a love of the motorcoach. While driving it to his Aunt Bertha's house, the young future president flipped his wheels and caught whooping cough before hitting the ground. He was killed instantly, making him the first president to die before being elected. However, he would be confined to a wheelchair for the remainder of his life, and would even be buried in it.

Resurrection and Aftermath[edit]

1943: Chiang Kai-Shek, Roosevelt, and Winston Churchill cover up their erections while studying a Betty Grable pin-up poster

Upon his election as Governor of New York, Roosevelt is rumored to have said, "Betty, if I knew where I had it last, it wouldn't be lost! Please help me find it!" It is not known to what he was referring.

In the election of 1932, Roosevelt was literally elected in a landslide when his brother and former room mate Teddy Roosevelt, his only opponent, was crushed to death by cascading rocks. He was elected four more times on his own, and once later as "Richard Nixon," an anagram of "Orchard Inn IX", his favorite slasher flick.

The romance of FDR has become a captivating story portrayed in biographies and numerous A&E specials. Faced with depression-hit America during the mid-30's, the President was faced with a need to pacify the growing anxiety amongst the populous. While the creation of labor groups and employment agencies were recommended, Roosevelt took an unexpected, completely irrational approach and left his wife of 24 years, saying in a famous defense, "There is nothing to fear except commitment... and spiders... and the dark." The words, albeit nonsensical, stuck with the public, later the motto amongst dead-beat dads everywhere.

"Real Men Fear Commitment" became one of the great slogans in the world. A solution to the current economic situation, responsibility the sick and elderly, and currently employed by the Moderate Republicans as a solution to illegal immigration. One example being when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in 1941, Roosevelt took bold action and reissued his infamous "commitment" speech, thus effectively sealing the fate of Western Europe and, unbeknownst at the time, the Jews.

Frankie D & the Roosevelt Experience goes on tour throughout Europe.

Quotes[edit]

“I'm not quite sure if it self lubricates.”

~ Oscar Wilde

“I'll show it to you, but you have to promise me you'll give me my hat back.”

“If I have polio, how do I take a piss?”

~ FDR on Upon getting polio

See also[edit]